For christmas my family gave me a recording they'd put together of all my whining and pleading for presents, plus a bit where I had a rant about christmas music
It was everything I'd asked for and more
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 6 Jan 2026, 21:00, Reply)

For Christmas the lead singer of the Police gave me a plastic container for watering plants. It was so good I was able to use it for refilling my car’s washer fluid too
Turns out, Sting’s can only got better
( Cheers Cheers, Tue 6 Jan 2026, 17:40, Reply)

For Christmas, Sean Connery got a stack of books about gaslighting by a z-list comedian, but he left his collection scattered on top of local garden boundaries made of bricks.
It wash on wallsh.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Tue 6 Jan 2026, 13:16, 1 reply, 14 hours ago)

For Christmas I got a new torch, but I misplaced it
Took me 6 days but eventually I saw the light
( Cheers Cheers, Tue 6 Jan 2026, 11:20, Reply)

I tried looking up "Eve teasing", a euphemism for sexual harassment of women but couldn't find it in the Oxford English Dictionary.
It was just in Collins!
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 6 Jan 2026, 9:27, 1 reply, 17 hours ago)

For Christmas I got a book on anger management
I lost it
(inflation vore mpreg yaoi yuri bara, Tue 6 Jan 2026, 8:30, Reply)

For Christmas I got a new keyboard for my computer, but I dropped it during the unboxing
I almost lost Control
( Cheers Cheers, Tue 6 Jan 2026, 8:03, 1 reply, 16 hours ago)

For Christmas this year my friends organised a blind date for me with a guy with a massive penis
it got me all choked up, I can tell you
(inflation vore mpreg yaoi yuri bara, Tue 6 Jan 2026, 7:10, Reply)

For Christmas I got a voucher to go to an event, but none of the accompanying expenses such as travel and accommodation.
It was just the ticket.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Tue 6 Jan 2026, 6:19, Reply)

For Christmas I got a very small part of the John Carpenter filmography collection.
It was just The Thing.
(Covid69 Boris variant., Mon 5 Jan 2026, 22:27, 1 reply, 20 hours ago)

For Christmas this year my family clubbed together and bought me a massive fan
it really blew me away
(inflation vore mpreg yaoi yuri bara, Mon 5 Jan 2026, 21:48, Reply)

For Christmas I got a book on how to fix toilet issues using electrical current
It was a real shock to the cistern
( Cheers Cheers, Mon 5 Jan 2026, 20:43, 1 reply, 1 day ago)

For christmas i got a selection of reference books which contained only factual information.
You couldn't make it up.
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 5 Jan 2026, 19:31, Reply)

During Christmas I tried and failed to carry out computer fraud against my bank
I just couldn’t hack it
( Cheers Cheers, Mon 5 Jan 2026, 15:54, Reply)

For Christmas I got a woman with Trisomy 21, and I tried and failed to defæcate on her breast.
I couldn't poo tit Down
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Mon 5 Jan 2026, 15:10, Reply)

For Christmas I got a counterfeit cruise ticket making kit
but I couldn't get onboard with it
(inflation vore mpreg yaoi yuri bara, Mon 5 Jan 2026, 8:17, Reply)

For Christmas I got a Stephen King novel which I read in one sitting
I couldn’t put IT down
( Cheers Cheers, Sat 3 Jan 2026, 15:24, Reply)

For Christmas I got a copy of Enjoy The Silence by Depeche Mode.
It was all I ever wanted, all I ever needed.
(Covid69 Boris variant., Sat 3 Jan 2026, 14:06, Reply)

For christmas I got a 5ft tall track hurdle
I couldn't get over it
(inflation vore mpreg yaoi yuri bara, Sat 3 Jan 2026, 9:35, Reply)

What did The Mongdaddy have for christmas dinner?
Sputnik, Cauliflower, Wibble Jib-Jib!
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 2 Jan 2026, 22:52, 3 replies, latest was 2 days ago)

For christmas I got a combination trepanation and cranial fan mounting set
It blew my mind
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 2 Jan 2026, 22:45, Reply)

Lars Ulrich decides it’s time to make amends with Dave Mustaine.
‘I’ll cook him some nice spaghetti’ he thinks.
But Lars doesn’t know how to make pasta so he does a quick internet search and finds a video of a Swedish chef which looks good.
‘That chef looks a bit weird - like he’s made of felt’ he thinks, ‘but what the hell.’
Lars invites a slightly suspicious Dave over and starts to make the spaghetti.
Dave arrives, feeling hopeful of reconciliation, but still a little wary.
‘What have you got for me, Lars-y boy?’
Lars puts the plate down infront of Dave with a flourish.
‘Spaghetti!’ He says, with a questionable Italian accent.
Dave looks down at the dish. It doesn’t look great, but Lars is trying his best so he picks up his fork and scoops up a mouthful.
The moment it enters his mouth he is overwhelmed by a disgusting flavour, and the spaghetti tries to strangle him!
‘What the hell is this, Lars!’ Dave gurgles around the spaghetti.
‘I thought you’d like it, Dave. It’s the Pasta Of Muppets!’
(Bocboy, Tue 30 Dec 2025, 11:42, 1 reply, 1 week ago)

What kind of camera works well in the arctic?
A polaroid
( Octo I ruin everything., Mon 29 Dec 2025, 9:37, Reply)

Which rock singer just can't be arsed?
Billy Idle.
(Covid69 Boris variant., Sat 27 Dec 2025, 11:30, 2 replies, latest was 1 week ago)

Who are an Italian familes favourite neighbours at Christmas?
Pam and Tony.
( Octo I ruin everything., Fri 26 Dec 2025, 15:01, Reply)

What sort of poo is both in a box and not in a box?
Schrödinger's scat
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Mon 22 Dec 2025, 22:28, Reply)

Which theoretical physicist enjoys a warm Polish soup?
nils borscht
( Octo I ruin everything., Mon 22 Dec 2025, 20:04, Reply)

Which massive Saudi building project exhibits the Doppler effect?
nnneeeeeEEEEEOOOOoooommmmm
(Mehitabel_Itrang, Sun 21 Dec 2025, 0:46, Reply)

How did Sarah Connor know the Gladiators Live show was coming to town?
There's a Storm coming
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Wed 17 Dec 2025, 6:44, Reply)

Why was Sarah Connor disappointed with John Connor's external school activity?
Because there was no fete but what they make.
( Octo I ruin everything., Tue 16 Dec 2025, 9:39, Reply)