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I'm Sorry I've Written A Joke

Challenge: write a joke. As simple joke with a setup and a punchline.

RULES OF ENGAGEMENT - IGNORING THIS COULD RESULT IN BAN

* Don't steal jokes - write them
* Don't flood post
* Just don't be a dick ok?

So join in and write a bad joke and apologise for it.

Read Latest | Highest Voted

(

rob, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 9:00)

Pages: Latest, 44, 43, 42, 41, 40, ... 1

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Which recently deceased chat show host is the notice I carved out of ice asking people not to leave their vehicles in front of my driveway?
My cool parking sign!
(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 17 Aug 2023, 22:30, Reply)

Which recently deceased chat show host fucked a bitch and fathered a pup?
Michael Barkin' son!
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Writtern By the Winners, Thu 17 Aug 2023, 18:30, Reply)

Did you hear about the religious guy who was into footwear?
He’s a Bootist Monk.
(

atomic A-bomb-a-nation, Thu 17 Aug 2023, 12:06, 7 replies, latest was 9 months ago)

I'm launching a new website, AirTNT
It's for those wanting selfcratering accommodation
(

cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Wed 16 Aug 2023, 5:01, Reply)

For my birthday, my wife gave me a list of websites selling police restraints
I told her I wanted a new set of cufflinks
(

cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Mon 14 Aug 2023, 0:53, Reply)

arseboon dilbaro

(arseboon dilbaro arseboon dilbaro, Sun 13 Aug 2023, 23:18, 4 replies, latest was 9 months ago)

I'm more of a practical joker
I once posted a "Question of the week" to my moribund flebsite but I let it run for 5 (five) years!

What a lark eh?
(Rob Manual, Tue 8 Aug 2023, 11:11, 1 reply, 9 months ago)

arseboon dilbaro

(arseboon dilbaro arseboon dilbaro, Mon 7 Aug 2023, 15:49, 4 replies, latest was 9 months ago)

What do Amber Heard and Elon Musk have in common?
Both shit on their ex's
(

cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Mon 7 Aug 2023, 3:46, Reply)

Which singer has a deliciously meaty flavour?
Umami Sandé.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Writtern By the Winners, Sun 6 Aug 2023, 11:26, Reply)

What did the Munster call his penis?
Pee Wee Herman
(

atomic A-bomb-a-nation, Sat 5 Aug 2023, 18:27, Reply)

Which singer was eaten by a puffin?
Emeli Sand-eel.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Writtern By the Winners, Thu 3 Aug 2023, 14:18, 1 reply, 9 months ago)

Did you hear about the Dragnet spin-off, set in Zürich?
The gnomes were changed to protect the innocent
(

Turtle Power & Knuckles, Wed 2 Aug 2023, 11:58, Reply)

What did the egg say after it was laid by a chicken off its tits on methylphenidate?
I'm sorry, I've Ritalin yolk.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Writtern By the Winners, Tue 1 Aug 2023, 21:05, Reply)

What did the lesbian cheating with a man say when she apologized to her partner?
I'm sorry, I've ridden a bloke.
(

Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Tue 1 Aug 2023, 21:03, Reply)

For which German singer, songwriter and sex pest is every day a schoolday?
TIL Lindemann
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Writtern By the Winners, Fri 28 Jul 2023, 11:35, 6 replies, latest was 10 months ago)

I asked a friend where I should go to get a replica of the brunette Strictly Come Dancing hostess.
He said "not Tesco".
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Writtern By the Winners, Tue 25 Jul 2023, 13:18, Reply)

I asked a friend where I should go to buy some whips and chains and a gimp mask and a butt plug.
He said "Not M. & S."
(Covid69 Boris variant., Thu 20 Jul 2023, 0:15, 1 reply, 10 months ago)

I asked my friend where I should go to buy a guinea pig.
He said "Not Poundland."
(Covid69 Boris variant., Wed 19 Jul 2023, 10:03, 10 replies, latest was 10 months ago)

Did you hear about the dinosaur who temporarily played football for a different club than the one he was contracted to?
He got loaned!
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Writtern By the Winners, Mon 17 Jul 2023, 13:51, 4 replies, latest was 10 months ago)

Claustrophobia: Fear of being stuck in a small space with Santa.

(

atomic A-bomb-a-nation, Fri 14 Jul 2023, 5:27, Reply)

How did the nazi justify shooting someone during the main course?
He was only following hors d'oeuvres
(

cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Thu 13 Jul 2023, 22:39, Reply)

Did you hear about the dinosaur who went to the gym to improve his physique but ended up falling into the photocopier which was at the gym for some reason?
He got toned!
(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Thu 13 Jul 2023, 22:05, Reply)

Did you hear about the dinosaur who tried a tar/cannabis blend?
He got stoned! i.e. he got stuck in the tar and his bones eventually turned into fossils
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Writtern By the Winners, Thu 13 Jul 2023, 12:41, 8 replies, latest was 10 months ago)

I wanted to try a cannabis/ acrophobia blend…
But was afraid of getting too high.
(

atomic A-bomb-a-nation, Thu 13 Jul 2023, 0:27, Reply)

Which Radio 1 DJ has a large oval body, narrow cylindrical neck and two handles that rise almost to the level of her mouth?
Clara Amfora!
(sticklebricks it's you daddy!, Tue 11 Jul 2023, 21:15, Reply)

Which Radio 1 DJ is is an antifungal medication used for serious fungal infections and leishmaniasis?
Clara Amphotericin!
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Writtern By the Winners, Tue 11 Jul 2023, 13:56, Reply)

How do you camouflage an egg?
Paint it brown and green like everything else.
(

ogwen69 has returned from Reddit, Sun 9 Jul 2023, 18:52, 4 replies, latest was 10 months ago)

You can get a Manx cat fixed at any high street retailer.

(Max Harvey, Sun 9 Jul 2023, 8:17, 1 reply, 9 months ago)

If there are 26 tankers waiting to dock, each identified by a different letter of the alphabet, which tanker contains all the gin?

Tanker A.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Writtern By the Winners, Sun 9 Jul 2023, 8:10, Reply)

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