I killed a tramp once.
It sounds a lot worse when I say it like that I suppose. I'm not a killer, he died, and I helped him to die.

Winter. Icy paving. The river Ouse. This tramp, this fucking human piece of trash, approaches me and asks for a cigarette. I tell him to fuck off, to get a goddamn job- get off the meths and get a fucking job.

He had a dog with him. A little yappy mongrel on a filthy fucking lead. If you can't look after and feed yourself, then why the fuck would you inflict a vagrant's virus-riddled life on an innocent animal? So I kicked his fucking dog in the fucking face.

He came at me then, growling something incoherently, off his homeless face on some kind of cheap alcohol (the tramp, not the dog, you understand?). I had to take action before his greasy hands could touch me. I warned him not to touch me, the coat's very expensive and dry clean only.

Being stone cold sober and in very sound mind, I sidestepped him and he fell as he lunged. He slid down the steep edges of the walkway and went under.

I watched him go under. In between gasping for breath as I laughed, I shouted to him to enjoy his bath, the fucking filthy tramp.

I kicked his dog again.

A couple of weeks later I was reading the local rag and there was a story about someone being pulled from the river. I saw the picture. I read the pathetic history of drug abuse, homelessness, and street drinking. It was him.

He was better off dead. I did him a favour.

And his fucking dog too.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 15 Sep 2011, 22:02, 18 replies)

Nice one.
Horrible stinking vagrants
(Bazongaloid, Thu 15 Sep 2011, 22:53, closed)

Not really
It sounds pretty bad either way to say it.
( Moonraker isn't the droid you were looking for, Fri 16 Sep 2011, 0:11, closed)

Hello my brothers...
One thing I could never stand was to see a filthy dirty old drunky howling away at the filthy songs of his fathers and going blurp blurp in between as it might be a filthy old orchestra in his stinking rotten guts;I could never stand to see anyone like that. whatever his age might be, but more especially when he was real old like this one was...
( rjmrjm, Fri 16 Sep 2011, 1:36, closed)

Patrick Bateman
AICMFP
( jakedamusss I understand, and dont care., Fri 16 Sep 2011, 4:50, closed)

Naw!
He never lived in York diddee?
(Chickenwire social lubricator extraordinaire, Fri 16 Sep 2011, 5:57, closed)

Well spotted. IOUFP.

(judgetheobscure used to sweep in butchers' shops., Sat 17 Sep 2011, 0:44, closed)

Hooray!

( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Fri 16 Sep 2011, 6:08, closed)

Good times
Trampy types deserve all they get, you should have fucked his dog for good measure.
(badgermonkey007, Fri 16 Sep 2011, 7:08, closed)

Yes.
I have no doubt that this happened.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 16 Sep 2011, 8:56, closed)

THAT'S THE JOWK!

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sat 17 Sep 2011, 2:21, closed)

And then a cash machine told you to feed it a stray cat?
( awayfromthenumbers, Fri 16 Sep 2011, 9:50, closed)

Tramp and dog story time!
www.b3ta.com/questions/nativityplays/post396644
( Wet-chinned bag shanker Cannot parse Wogan, Fri 16 Sep 2011, 12:33, closed)

So what you're saying is, you're a massive cunt.
Who thinks you're better than someone unfortunate to find themselves homeless.
( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sat 17 Sep 2011, 0:39, closed)

Well, it seems I've been taken for a ride.
Well played.
( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sat 17 Sep 2011, 1:18, closed)

I wish I could spell 'Psycho'.
so I could put an end to the ignorant misery here. I can spell 'American', so that's half the battle.
(judgetheobscure used to sweep in butchers' shops., Sat 17 Sep 2011, 0:43, closed)

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sat 17 Sep 2011, 0:44, closed)

fuck off

(Mortal Wombat - he's just an excitable boy, Sat 17 Sep 2011, 0:53, closed)

Wait? have i been re-deirected to /b?
by mistake?
( mikemystery blames the parents, Sun 18 Sep 2011, 7:52, closed)