Dear childhood best friend's sister...
Emma, I have a confession to make. Your childhood hampster fluffy (or some other equally predictable name) didn't just die. The fucker bit me when I was trying to feed it and you were out.

He just did not want to let go, it hurt and I panicked. So I tried shaking him off, and eventually he came off and hit your wardrobe before scuttling off. After an hour of looking, blood still pissing from my finger I found him and returned him to his cage. My guess is that he died from shock.

My remorse is for the loss of the furry creature. But I smirked at your crying a couple of days later. You should never have been such a vicious, fickle and back stabbing bitch. I feel bad for that hampster but take comfort in knowing you've married someone twice your ace who looks like that yellow guy from Sin City with a shiny bowling ball head.
(vampyre_gem has been dead since, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 9:22, 9 replies)

It's good to see that you're not bearing a grudge here.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 9:38, closed)

Taking your anger out on animals rather than dealing with the people who cause it.
Is GAY
(PsychoChomp, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 9:48, closed)

I thought that gay was men bumming other men?
But this sheds a whole new light on all those playground insults. Turns out that my school was full of animal torturers, and not repressed homosexuals.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 10:08, closed)

Was it a picnic hampster?

(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 10:16, closed)

*hamster

( WormuIus, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 10:19, closed)

Yes, this.
(vampyre_gem has been dead since, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 11:58, closed)

you're quite the prize. are you self-harming as i type, or are you saving it as a treat for later?

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 10:34, closed)

No, and nor will you oh-so big-balled public forum bashing give me the inclination to do so.
(vampyre_gem has been dead since, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 11:58, closed)

Ah
Janet Aylia.... Or shall I call you by your colloquial name, Cunt?

Still on b3ta I see. Still not actually contributing the tales of your own life, but sitting back, stroking your hairy chest, and feeling the need to comment, or insult, everyone who actually does post something.

Back under your bridge, Cunt.
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 12:15, closed)