Shaving.
I'm an expert at the long lost art of cutting yourself while shaving.

Despite the best, most valiant efforts of Mr Wilkinson-Bic-Gillette-Swords with their near infinity of blades each designed to gracefully round every curve and crag of your face while leaving it smoother than atomically flat silicon all while floating on a layer of lubricants and unguents guaranteed to offer less friction than a chipolata thrown down a universe, I end up looking like a lucky escapee from a slasher film with half a toilet roll stuck to what's left of my face.
( speedyballbangpots, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 13:17, 20 replies)

You have sensitive skin
Grow a beard. It's the only way.
(nordelius, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 13:22, closed)

Grow a beard, you nancy-faced nancy.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 13:29, closed)

Have you tried being less of a Fat-handed idiot?
Or grow a beard you naked-faced poncy poncington.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 6 Jul 2011, 13:32, closed)

unguents
is a great word
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 6 Jul 2011, 14:50, closed)

grow a beard, you nob.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:10, closed)

Have you considered growing a beard?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:38, closed)

You look better with the mutton chops Doc.

( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:34, closed)

What is this peculiar obsession with me having mutton chops?
Are you confusing me with somebody else?
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:47, closed)

No, just imagining you with them helps me shoot my load.

( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:53, closed)

Have this one on me.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 17:06, closed)

Phhhhooooaaar
But you have been warned before about whoring your photos on b3ta.
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 18:40, closed)

Try an electric shaver
Or...





Grow a beard.
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:47, closed)

Along similar lines to the above.
Either:
Buy a proper razor such as a cut-throat or "safety razor" and take your time. This should help you get a proper shave carefully, rather than relying on technology.
Or:
If your skin is particularly sensitive and you don't want to look like Bill Oddy or Charles Manson then get a beard trimmer and use it on a very low level -- I've never been accused of looking scruffy when I've used mine on the closest setting, and I know some fussy people.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 17:39, closed)

Just grow a fucking beard.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 18:10, closed)

Shaving oil is your friend.*
As is growing a beard.

*King of Shaves is excellent, and they do a nice razor, too. Seriously, though, just be a man and grow a beard.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 20:44, closed)

I can't believe the cheek of the bloke for not just growing a beard.
It's a fucking liberty, MM. A disgrace and a fucking liberty. If my nan were alive today she'd rub salt into the cunt's face until the hairs came out for a drink and then scowl at them until they sat there properly like a real man's fucking beard on a real man's fucking face. What a cunt.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 22:24, closed)

Yeah
and my nan would make us all tea and cake. So there.
( speedyballbangpots, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 9:27, closed)

my nan had a better beard than brian blessed

( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 10:23, closed)

Try ye this:
1. Have a shower. Apply facial wash (or occasionally facial scrub) to stubble; rinse.
2. Dry off and put on everything except shirt. Re-wet face and apply shaving gel for sensitive skin to stubble.
3. Go and do something else for a couple of minutes. Go downstairs and put the kettle on. Read your e-mail.
4. Run razor under hot water then splash blade with rubbing alcohol to disinfect it.
5. Shave. SLOWLY. Try to follow the direction of hair growth on your face but shave upwards under your chin, as the razor will follow the contours of your face better this way.
6. Rinse and apply a properly rich and hydrating skin lotion.
7. General tip: if your blade is too new or too old you are more likely to cut yourself. I still cut myself half the time the first time I shave with a new blade. After that it's fine.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 11:07, closed)

ME TOO!!!
Our bathroom ends up looking like a fucking slaughterhouse.

And you can all fuck off with your beardy advice.
( His Popiness the Hole Invaded Poland on, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 11:07, closed)