Hey there my nizzle dizzles
I'm surprised nobody has started a new thread yet. I went for a long walk in the rain today.

When did you last do something in the rain?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 7:15, 93 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I swore loudly as it was fucking heaving it down.
MORNING BRAINFARTERS.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 7:39, Reply)

Morning all
I did fuck-diddley-all in the rain yesterday and, as my home town is currently experiencing sunshine, I fear I'll do nothing in the rain again today.
In other news, I'm hungry and fancy a bacon sandwich but I'm out of bread. First-world problem right there!
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 7:44, Reply)

Sunshine on a rainy day
Makes my soul, makes my soul. Slip slip, away.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 7:49, Reply)

I think you should slip, slip away from the internet.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 8:17, Reply)

Oh man
Zoe was hot!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 9:34, Reply)

make half the bacon and let it cool down then cook the rest.
use the cold bacon as the "bread" and place the warm bacon in the middle of two slices. Job done.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 7:51, Reply)

You sir, are a genius!
A bacon/bacon sandwich. This could revolutionise the sandwich industry overnight - I salute you.

*rushes off to kitchen*
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 8:08, Reply)

as a scot I know my heart attack foods.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 8:10, Reply)

Yesterday I walked to the pub in the rain, pretty exciting
Im on a train, it smells
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 8:13, Reply)

It's your fault.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 8:15, Reply)

The smell will go as as soon as he disembarks.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 8:20, Reply)

the one day he forgets to wear his adult nappy.
sadtimes :'(
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 8:22, Reply)

Sometimes he forgets that they're a medical necessity for him, not just for 'fun'.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 8:25, Reply)

mind you, could be the basis for a samual l jackson film.
shits on a train.

Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfuckin squits on this motherfuckin train!
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 8:31, Reply)

Errr, I went round the shop in the rain yesterday.
More brilliant answers as they come to me.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 8:18, Reply)

OMG!! I TOTALLY WENT SHOPPING IN THE RAIN YESTERDAY TOO!!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 8:59, Reply)

You should totally touch your penises together.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 9:00, Reply)

Never again.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 9:01, Reply)

It was foolish of Mrs Thegeordie to think she could fit both in her mouth at the same time.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 9:07, Reply)

Don't be so disgusting.
It was my mother.

And it was her rectum.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 9:10, Reply)

I used "Mrs Thegeordie" to leave it open-ended* as to whether it was your wife or your mother.
*Like your mum LOL
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 9:18, Reply)

Walked home from a b3tan's house, that wasn't much fun

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 8:26, Reply)

Better than walking to one.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 8:29, Reply)

The weather was rather nice whilst I was walking there, that was rather a surprise

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 8:30, Reply)

The good weather distracted you
from the fact that you were clearly going to spend time with a fat shut in with poor personal hygiene.

Sadly, so was the person you went to see.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 8:41, Reply)

That's odd, I didn't see you there.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 8:47, Reply)

Oooooo, sick burn dude.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 8:49, Reply)

I'll do my crying in the rain

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 8:58, Reply)

You are totally a wonderful amalgamation of Morten Harket and David Coverdale/Gillian Taylforth

(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 9:02, Reply)

I was thinking more Carole King via the Everly Brothers

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 9:06, Reply)

I'm 21 today.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 9:09, Reply)

Have you stolen a cake to celebrate.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 9:10, Reply)

I don't do cake.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 9:12, Reply)

So what have you stolen?
Happy birthday, by the way.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 9:17, Reply)

grow up!

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 9:25, Reply)

+stone

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 9:28, Reply)

I think the only way Baz would be 21 stone is if he was cloned
...twice
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 9:42, Reply)

we say this
but we've never actually seen a pic. so we only have his word that he is slim.

he could be 543 stone, for all we know.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 9:46, Reply)

Then I am 10000 stone as "The Baz" and I have had pints

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 9:50, Reply)

haha have you?
this gossip is new to me! did he put out?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 9:51, Reply)

went to the utd game at spurs yesterday
it was a good game but why is it mostly the wankers that travel down from manchester to go to the away games? why?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 9:30, Reply)

United Fan = Wanker
Glad to have cleared that up for you.

Also, in fairness, most of them are only travelling from North London.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 9:31, Reply)

This could be broadened a little to make things easier to understand:
United Football
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 9:34, Reply)

Not all of us
But many, yes.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 9:41, Reply)

i get really irritated that EVERYONE has to stand at away games
just because some cunts want to stand. i mean, what about those of us who want to totter to tottenham in high heels, ffs? honestly.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 9:35, Reply)

People who don't stand/don't want to stand at away games shouldn't go to be honest.
It's the done thing for every team I can think of.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 9:44, Reply)

BUT if you go with a hot boy
you should be able to wear heels. it's the LAW.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 9:45, Reply)

Fucking hell, that's the stupidest thing anyone has said in quite a long time.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 9:51, Reply)

it's flippant, as you know full well!
in fact, i have special sparkly red trainers that i wear for united games.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 9:52, Reply)

Haha, oh god, that's even worse!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 9:53, Reply)

Oh yes of course, totally.
I wouldn't go out with a girl without wearing my finest footwear, although it depends where we're going as no girl is worth me ruining some of my nicer suede shoes.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 9:52, Reply)

based on that last bit...
... girl boy
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 9:56, Reply)

United's away support is the best in the country by about eight million miles.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 9:34, Reply)

i LOL'd at "harry harry pay your tax"
which as you can imagine was a popular chant yesterday
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 9:35, Reply)

united have supporters from manchester?
wow, you learn something new every day.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 9:37, Reply)

I'M from (near) manchester
don't be so horrifically judgmental and prejudiced
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 9:42, Reply)

why not? it's fun!

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 9:46, Reply)

oh ok
carry on racism.

the less successful blah blah
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 9:47, Reply)

besides, you live in London.
You were probably the most northern united supporter there.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 9:49, Reply)

wish this were true
they made me quite ashamed to be a northerner. the guy in front of me was such a wanker - and he really was a racist cunt - that i was soooo tempted to push him over the barrier. in the end he somehow got his leg stuck in the seat in front of him when celebrating utd's third goal, broke the chair, landed on his arse, spent the rest of the game holding his broken butt. so i was happy.

AND one of them "honked" my right tit as he squeezed past me. AND he was older than my dad. i was nearly sick.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 9:53, Reply)

there we are! wouldn't be a swipe post without tits.
fuck that noise, we have the old firm up here. that lot sound like a bunch of angels compared to the fucking idiots at sellic vs rrrrrrangers matches.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 9:56, Reply)

there were about 5,000 tits in that post, i excelled myself
only one of them was mine though.

poor old rangers, not got much to sing about at the moment.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 9:59, Reply)

they deserve everything they get at the death star.
I find it amusing that they both think they would be welcomed with open arms into the english leagues.

gee what does english football need most? I know! how about the most poisonous derby in world football!
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 10:02, Reply)

I'm not sure whether I agree with you on that one or not, Olympiacos and Panathinaikos always seems rather nasty too.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 10:07, Reply)

the turks have some bad ones too as is the river boca games.
the old firm is the worst, it really is.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 10:11, Reply)

It's the only religion based one that springs to mind atm, but I'm sure there are others too...

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 10:13, Reply)

none based on pretend religion that I can think of.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 10:14, Reply)

i guess they care a LOT more about the money than anything else

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 10:12, Reply)

I don't think the old firm would give them that much extra.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 10:13, Reply)

i was thinking more that they might get more exposure on tv ?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 10:26, Reply)

Oh Rachelswipe.
You've gone down in my estimation. I mean, you're a professional, you're articulate and witty yet you like football.
I am disappointed.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 9:44, Reply)

very occasionally i like to go to the london united games
and i like to watch england.

but that's it. i wouldn't say i "like football".

your other comments are all very accurate, however.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 9:45, Reply)

hello Swipe.

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 5 Mar 2012, 9:47, Reply)

Out of interest, assuming you were in the away end.
How the hell do you get tickets?
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 9:53, Reply)

she clicks her red sparkly shoes together three times.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 9:54, Reply)

gayest football shoes ever

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 9:55, Reply)

my dad and bro have exec season tickets at old trafford
so get priority in the ballots. it's not guaranteed, but we get tickets 99% of the time.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 9:55, Reply)

You jammy git.
That's the good thing about supporting Fulham, we're shit so tickets are always available. Even when they're not and they sell out straight away (which they are quite regularly these days cos we're less shit) I'm well in the loop so someone always sorts me out. Case in point last weekend.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 9:59, Reply)

i know, v spoiled
i swear we only moved to cheshire so my dad could stalk and befriend fergie. i like the fulham ground, like chelsea i can walk from mine. i think all united london matches should be played at one of those two grounds. tottenham was a pain in the ARSE to get to/from.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 10:01, Reply)

It's the worst ground in London to get to.
Actually West Ham might run them close, but either way they're both in beyond disgusting areas. At least for Arsenal you can drink on Caledonian Road and then walk to the ground, Spurs is a proper "get in and then get the fuck out" job.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 10:04, Reply)

we thought we'd have a cup of tea and a diet coke after the game
could we find one place we wanted to stop at?

also, how can there be soooo many hairdressers on one stretch of road? do people in tottenham have more hair than the rest of the world?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 10:11, Reply)

I moved house on the weekend in the rain.
My stuff got wet. Disaster. Are you still in Ausland?
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 5 Mar 2012, 9:41, Reply)

It rained all the way home from Edinburgh.
Except when it was snowing. Driving in the rain is fun.
( Kroney, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 9:45, Reply)

Why on earth would you spend time posting on here whilst you're on holiday?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 9:48, Reply)

He misses you

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 10:05, Reply)

i've been reduced to that because of jetlag
it takes me so fucking long to get used to it, and i find myself wide awake at 3am for at least the first 5 days.

even if i've only gone to blackpool.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 10:11, Reply)

To be fair anyone staying in Blackpool has sleepless nights.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 10:17, Reply)

australia's shit, innit

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 10:20, Reply)

Full of criminals.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 10:21, Reply)

and sand, and things what are venomis

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 10:27, Reply)

I moved house
it's even more of a tedious, miserable process in the rain, it turns out.
(berk, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 10:03, Reply)

this I thoroughly agree with.

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 5 Mar 2012, 10:07, Reply)

I went for a little walkie in the rain yesterday
today I'm going to the shopps. My shoulder seems to be getting better lots quicker, for some reason this does not fill me with joy. maybe because I feel like something is bound to go wrong.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 5 Mar 2012, 10:46, Reply)