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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Right that thread is dead.
I've been reading a lot of news about the recession recently mainly because that's the only thing that's being reported.

We need growth apparently, how would you encourage growth?

I think giving everyone above the age of 16 £200 on the diamond jubilee would be the simplest answer.
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 12:28, Reply)
try rubbing it and thinking of her sister

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 12:29, Reply)
You seem to be thinking about penises, again. I wasn't talking about penises.

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 12:30, Reply)
try thinking about penises

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 12:31, Reply)
I just see your name and penis is the first thing that pops up
/Howerd
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 12:33, Reply)
This would be a great idea!
I'll have £200 worth of red wine and curry please
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 12:32, Reply)
It would cost over £1 billion, but that's an awful lot less than quantitive easing.
which is currently about £75 billion.
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 12:34, Reply)
It is probably more likely to encourage spending
But on its own would not be enough of a stimulus.
How about a cut in the VAT rate too?
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 12:44, Reply)
Cutting VAT wouldn't work - prices wouldn't fall - retailers etc. would use it as an opportunity to increase their margins.

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 12:47, Reply)
Increasing margins of retailers would promote growth.

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:25, Reply)
The same way they did post WW2 - build houses. Generates jobs and the houses are needed apparently.
Also more housing would reduce the demand for existing properties, thereby influencing property values. A property price correction also help build economic growth.
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 12:33, Reply)
They have been building houses like mad round our way for about 10 years
They have doubled the size of the place where I live
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 12:35, Reply)
Can anyone afford any of the houses they have built though?

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 12:37, Reply)
They do seem to be selling

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 12:54, Reply)
That is desperatly needed.
As is forced purchase of long term empty houses.
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 12:35, Reply)
I'm no economist, that's for sure,
but isn't the almost universally accepted* best method to invest as much money as possible into public services?

*Except by our beloved government
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 12:35, Reply)
Testify Hippy!

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 12:38, Reply)
Infrastructure is often the go to answer
after that public sector is useful but it becomes a "burden" in the growth years.
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 12:39, Reply)
Cancel the Olympics
Divide the resultant saving between the populus.

General rejoicing follows.
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 12:36, Reply)
I like this idea very much.

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 12:39, Reply)
I cannot believe I agree with something you've said about lolitics.
I hate myself.
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 12:54, Reply)
DYAAKY

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 12:55, Reply)
I fear internet hara-kiri is the only honourable way to proceed.
I must be stopped before I grow a Phileas Fogg 'tache and fall off a bike.
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 12:58, Reply)
God this is straight from the pages of the LBC late night phone in
Fattest country in Europe or whatever the fuck it is and all it is moaning about an Olympic Park open to all in the most populous part of the country. Whatever will they think of next, it's madness !!!!!!!!!!
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:04, Reply)
Abandon the welfare state, turn hospitals into poor houses, remove the minimum wage and age restrictions on work

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 12:41, Reply)
Oh Ebenezer...

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 12:42, Reply)
Industry would come flooding back, and beautiful Coventry could be covered in blackened smog once more

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 12:45, Reply)
Sigh, what a beautiful picture you paint, Rory.

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 12:51, Reply)
The world was a far pleasanter place with back street distilled gin to jolly everything along

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:01, Reply)
+ bring back hanging, get rid of decimalised currency, remove the vote from women, stop all day opening in pubs to improve productivity etc.

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 12:48, Reply)
You forgot:
SEND 'EM BACK TO WHERE VEY ALL COME FROM!!!
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 12:52, Reply)
Did you see that programme on BBC2 yesterday
about a man who owns a cushion factory and is trying to get work back in the UK?

I don't really know how it's related to your question but I thought it was very internesting and quite sad that loads of scummers screwed him over by leaving without telling him.
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 12:43, Reply)
I'm so glad to hear you found a television programme interesting.
Do please pop back in at any time in the future: like when, say, you see some trousers you like in a shop, or something.

x
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 12:56, Reply)
I missed that programme last night about hoarders
but the trailers made it look like they visited my house.
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:01, Reply)
Lusty LOLariously kept on pointing at the screen and then at me.
OUTRAGEOUS.

I'm not mentally ill, trying to document my entire life. I'm mentally ill, and trying to document 1965-1978. Tsk.
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:07, Reply)
What happened in 1978 to stop you at that point?

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:08, Reply)
It all went shit except for the emerging hip hop scene.
Luckily I have already documented that in its entirety up to the late 90s so that's all done.
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:12, Reply)
This explains why you dress like an emaciated Motley Crue roadie circa 1977.

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:14, Reply)
It does, rather.
Apart from the fact that work for me would have been rather thin on the ground until 1981, when Motley Crue formed.
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:16, Reply)
With nothing to do for another four years.

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:17, Reply)
Hahahah

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:18, Reply)
Not if you consider Suite 19 to be the original version of Motley Crue.
Personally I couldn't give a shit either way.
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:19, Reply)
I consider both to be, at best, really fucking shit.

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:22, Reply)
Yes. They are shit. Which is why I thought you dressed like one of their entourage.

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:29, Reply)
I generally don't consider Motley Crue at all
I had to google to find out when they formed, but I was pretty sure they were an 80s band.
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:23, Reply)
Same here.
Thanks, Wikipedia.
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:25, Reply)
Indeed. I had never heard of Suite 19.

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:29, Reply)
And yet we all managed to live a full and happy life all the same.
How strange.
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:35, Reply)
Not everyone. Northerners live in miserable poverty.

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:36, Reply)
Oh they love it.
What else would they talk about - except of course how they're 'not stook oop' and their marvellous 'sense o'yewmour'.
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:38, Reply)
You make a fair point.

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:40, Reply)
I blame my itinerant upbringing.
Moving house every two or three years meant all my stuff got 'pruned' on a regular basis. Added to that a boarding school life where I had a very limited amount of space to myself, and I had to throw a lot of junk away.

Consequently, now I'm settled, I find myself unable to let go of anything, and I'm surrounded by piles and piles of shit I'll never need.
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:13, Reply)
I blame The Jews.

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:21, Reply)
+ muslims.

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:29, Reply)
+ gyppers, chutneys, flids and Nakers.

Cher'szzzzzzzzz
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:36, Reply)
You forgot the sambos.

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:37, Reply)
It's easy to do.

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:38, Reply)
Piles of shit you say?
Kroney's your man, I believe.
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:26, Reply)
+ waterproof

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:03, Reply)
hahah innit

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:08, Reply)
If anyone knows the answer, please gaz it to Battered. He desperately needs to know.

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 12:57, Reply)
CUNT.

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 12:59, Reply)
Didn't they try that in America?
Rather than just giving us the cash, they should maybe give us high street vouchers, or book tokens or something. That way the money would have to be spent on the high street, and not just spunked over the internet on cheap stuff from play.com
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:02, Reply)
I'm in favour of giving money to poor people as they spend it locally and rich people generally don't
Sadly poor people don't donate large sums to political parties so this won't happen.
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:04, Reply)
^Fantastic internet made up facts right here folks

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:08, Reply)
Fucking right.
I'm WELL poor and give LOADS to the BNP.
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:11, Reply)
More political leaders in this country need to have bonk eyes

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:16, Reply)
Russell Howard for PM

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:18, Reply)
The dream team:
Russ, Gordon Brown and 'The Griff-meister'.
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:21, Reply)
It's a well-known indicator of competence.

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:19, Reply)
To be fair
Money spent by poor people is far more likely to trickle upwards than money spent by the rich is to trickle downwards.
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:18, Reply)
To be even fairer
Money spent by poor people is far more likely to trickle down the inside leg of their fake 'Juicy Couture' 'joggers'.
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:20, Reply)
I don't really know what they are.

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:25, Reply)
They're like normal people only really thick, and poor.

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:26, Reply)
Sounds ghastly

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:32, Reply)
There are rather a few in my area.
They are quite, quite repulsive.
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:33, Reply)
'Paul's Boutique' seems to be the chav suit of choice these days
I put it to you that paul is a filthy prole and an utter cunt
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:45, Reply)
I see.
Well if you feel like that, why not simply tell him firmly to stop selling clothes to your wife?
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:46, Reply)
no point giving money to poor people. ...
they just waste it on drink, drugs and squeezing out more children.
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:11, Reply)
And counterfeit trackwear.

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:12, Reply)
Who are you? Hello new person*



unless you're Bert, but then you'll know what to do if you are.
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:13, Reply)
you say waste
I say stimulating the local economy
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:15, Reply)
Belgium is a different country

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:17, Reply)
let them drink mild.

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:18, Reply)
good idea
not so much wife-beater as wife borer-to-death
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:22, Reply)
But Carling is the poor peoples drink.
And thats AS BRITISH AS IT GETS!
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:18, Reply)
Just give out free sunglasses.
I just got some, it's made me want to go out and spend even more money on even more sunglasses now. The system works.
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:25, Reply)
I know it's stupid of me
but I really hope the Euro completely collapses. I am aware of the damage that would do to the UK economy but I always hated the idea of it, and would be immensely pleased if the whole thing goes to shit.

Plus European holidays would go back to being cheap.
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:33, Reply)
"DOS BEER-OS POR FA-VOR MATE"

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:34, Reply)
'LISTEN STAVROS, JUST GIVE ME SOME FACKIN CHIPS ALRIGHT?'

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:37, Reply)
Quinten is used to hearing this in his shop every night.
Along with 'give me more chilli sauce you cant'
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:38, Reply)
He works with ex-'Playaway' presenter Brian?
Who knew?
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:41, Reply)
U GOT ANY POTATAS LEFT DAVE?

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:41, Reply)
All my life, except for since I've moved, I've had access to a kabab. Cheap kababs, Proper Kababs, Greek Kababs, Turkish Kababs.
I've never really lusted over one 'cus it's always been there for me, but now I can't easily get to one, I would fucking murder a kabab now. In fact, I'm getting a delivery kabab tonight for dinner.
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:48, Reply)
I'd imagine that they really don't travel well.
Annoyingly this is true of Tayyabs too.

btw we ate Vietnamese on Monday and throught of you: we'll set up a Gookstock micro-bash v soon.
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:50, Reply)
I think some places should sell takeaways uncooked.
If the shishes don't travel well just sell them raw and get people to stick them in the oven when they're home.
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 14:04, Reply)
I'd buy that. That's a great idea.

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 14:06, Reply)
Do you have a charcoal pit at home?

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 14:10, Reply)
No, I also don't have waiters or chefs to cook it for me.
The cutlery will be different and I wouldn't be surounded by strangers eating at the same time.
It wouldn't be exactly the same you bent spastic.
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 14:13, Reply)
^^this
the only reason for the euro was as a first step to a United States Of Europe, more power to buerocrats.
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:39, Reply)
Excellent idea, hurry it along that's what I say.
Then combine europe to russia, then africa then china and the US. Then have a nice fucking federal world with simplified laws justice and equality and every single human being has the same chances as every other not determined by where they happened to be born.
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 14:00, Reply)
Is that a kind of Kinder chocolate bar?

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 14:03, Reply)
Does anyone know how to add voting buttons to an email?
Google says it's in options, but I don't have options!

I would encourage growth through large scale national events such as the olympics and Jubilee
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:38, Reply)
I vote that you're a wanker.

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:39, Reply)
I thought you might suggest that i have the option of DMAAKM

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:39, Reply)
No point. It's suggested all the time but you never listen.

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:40, Reply)
Copy and paste this into your gazbox:
'Hi cr3, it's me here NakedApe yeah you know the bent spastic one? Listen I need to delete my account immediately. Also, do you know where I can buy paracetamol in bulk, and some strong rope? Thanks'
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:40, Reply)
I'll print it in an oversized piece of "rock"
and put in your mum's gazbox
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:42, Reply)
No point, she'll only smoke it.

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:45, Reply)
What email program are you using?

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:45, Reply)
bentspazmail - I think it's v3.

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:47, Reply)
outlook 2003

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:47, Reply)
Does it not have the hidden menus?
Hold your mouse over the top of the email
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:55, Reply)
as in hidden tool bars?
EDIT: DUN IT!
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:57, Reply)
Is that where you go drinking?

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 14:00, Reply)
Give me £2b, I'll give monty £1m, in exchange of me being able to ask three favours throughout our lives that he can not refuse.
This is a better deal than before, because before I was paying £250k/favour. There are rules like I can't ask to take his daughter's hand in maridge without her concent, and I couldn't do anything with Lusty... but pretty much everything else is game.
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:45, Reply)
still fishing for that toothless blow job eh?

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:47, Reply)
That would be my second one.
My first one would be something like, nip to the shops for me and get me some fags. He'll think "That's not too bad", my second one would be something horrific like he has to get all his teeth removed and give me a blowjob, then his third one..... well, nobody knows what. Nobody knows when.
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:49, Reply)
His crack addiction will help with the tooth issue

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:49, Reply)
This all sounds perfectly reasonable. I'm in.

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:50, Reply)
You won't be able to have a good trip again, you'll be so paranoid. You would be like an anti-genie; forced to give wishes. Or something like that.
This actually raises a question, you know how if you take an 'e' and it makes you really happy. And then if you take some 'shrooms it enhances whatever mood you're in. Would it not be best to always take an E about 30 minutes before taking 'shrooms.

Naturally I know fuck all about what I'm talking about, but that's never stopped me before. Free free to swap 'shrooms and Es with other drugs.
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:54, Reply)
I suggest gin, Barbituates and Ketamin

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:56, Reply)
This is precisely what people would do when E's hit the market.
Acid/mushrooms have the potential for a bad time, so the addition of something which pretty much guarantees a good time was welcomed.

Unfortunately for me, by the time E's were widely available I had burnt out on hallucinogens almost entirely and didn't touch them between about 1990 and 2005, so I missed that one.

Luckily the 90s cocaine boom was just around the corner, ready for me when I burnt myself out on E's. Phew, eh readers?
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:58, Reply)
Hence the Northern trend
(may have been southern too but I was up North at the time) of the ETG (e, trip, gramme)
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 14:19, Reply)
For some reason I've eaten a large bar of chocolate.
Now I feel really fucking sick.

The end.
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:52, Reply)
I hope you vomit up your spleen

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 13:53, Reply)
Now I want chocolate
Also, being as you and Batté agreed with my up there I think I can safely say I win this thread.
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 14:04, Reply)
To celebrate, you are no doubt going to do a victory lap of the world,
taking somewhere in the region of 70-90 days.
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 14:05, Reply)
Nah, but I might go to France for the weekend.

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 14:08, Reply)
The Socialists aren't even officially in power yet
you'll have to wait for the guillotinings
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 14:12, Reply)
Maybe I'll start them early.

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 14:28, Reply)
hahahaha!

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 14:12, Reply)
Tee hee

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 14:15, Reply)
"I'm the laughing gnome and you can't catch me"
I always knew you were a secret Bowie fan.
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 15:01, Reply)
Qualified to talk shit in Welsh for another year.

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 14:08, Reply)
There's lovely for you

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 14:09, Reply)

Di iawn.
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 14:10, Reply)
What has Quint's girlfriend got to do with this?

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 14:14, Reply)

I thought she had di iawn syndrome not called di iawn?
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 14:17, Reply)
hahaha

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 14:17, Reply)
I'd fucking love to learn Welsh. More to read and write than to speak, but I really would.
cf Old Norse. I wish I could read that shit.
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 14:14, Reply)

The hardest bit is the pronunciation. Most of the content and patterns are pretty easy but then I am learning Welsh to teach it to young children so it should be easy.
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 14:16, Reply)
My problem is that I am shit at languages.

(, Wed 9 May 2012, 14:17, Reply)

Welsh isn't a language, it's a very sophisticated chest infection.
(, Wed 9 May 2012, 14:20, Reply)

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