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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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That's quite enough of that, I'd say. Time for a FOOD THREAD. Everyone likes those.
If Billy Ocean came round yours for supper, what would you feed him?

Alt: I've just nommed down on my own special tarka dal recipe* with a couple of poppadoms: what're you having for lunch?

Alt alt: Where was your last restaurant meal and was it any good?

*I'm happy to pass it on if anyone's interested. Anyone referring to otters will be SHOT BY ZE ESS ESS.
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:02, Reply)
I'm having a ham cheese and cornichon baguette
that I made last night and left at home in the fridge this morning.
I will be eating lunch about 6pm.
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:05, Reply)
Go on then what's the recipe?
p.s. is it vegan?
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:05, Reply)
Yes.
For 3-4 large portions:

Bung 250g of those little red lentils into a pan with some turmeric, a couple of pinches of salt and maybe a 1.5 pints of water. Cook until sludgy, break it up with the back of a spoon towards the end add more water if required. You can also add in a can of chick peas Id recommend the little dark ones if you can get them, and/or a handful of spinach.

Halve and thinly slice an onion and 2-3 cloves of garlic: dont chop the garlic, you want slices. In a frying pan heat maybe 3-4 tablespoons of oil. When hot bung in a couple of teaspoonsful of cumin seeds, then add the onions/garlic and fry until darkish brown, this is critical dont burn it black but it needs to be way darker than youd usually do it. Add half a tsp of onion seeds and a couple of chopped green chillies (to taste), then bung the whole lot into the dal along with a pile of fresh coriander, saving a few leaves for garnish.

Bish bash bosh one of the nicest home Indian dishes I know, and costs fuck all.

THE END.
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:13, Reply)
I may make a bunch tonight in that case.
Serve with rice?
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:14, Reply)
I'd serve it with some chapatis

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:22, Reply)
Thats what I was thinking.

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 14:12, Reply)
I used to do a similar
recipe but with butter beans added along with a big spoon of marmite.

served with french bread
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:25, Reply)
Or bread. Or poppadoms

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:29, Reply)
I'll nick that and serve at my next 'do'
Thanks for the recipe.
Now, what's this about otters?

*runs*
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:17, Reply)
Fuck you, that's my joke!

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:17, Reply)
It is unlike you to recommend little darkies.

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:20, Reply)
Oh I dont know. They make excellent shoe-shine boys.

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:30, Reply)
That sounds alright actually, sounds really alright. How many servings do you get out of that?

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 14:05, Reply)
I would feed him some Anthrax probably
altalt: Nottinghill Brasserie and it was excellent
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:05, Reply)
My lasagne
Incredibly unhealthy, but oh so tasty.

Alt Alt: Home cooked lazy curry. 2 onions, 3 peppers, about 16 chicken drumsticks all chucked into the slow cooker with two pots of Madras sauce. 6 hours later, a gorgeous curry, with nice moist chicken.

Alt Alt: Gusto, in Alderley Edge. The food was absolutely excellent, but I unfortunately had an upset stomach at the time, which led to the food making another appearance not long after. I had tenderised steak with black pepper and chilli, served with some brandy and peppercorn sauce.

Also, speaking of recipes, WHERE THE FUCK IS YOUR CHIMICHURRI RECIPE YOU CHUTNEY FERRET BASTARD?
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:09, Reply)
SOZ.

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:14, Reply)
i love gusto
isn't that where rooney got into trouble for asking for ketchup with his fine italian dining?!
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:16, Reply)
Not sure, tbh
I do like the food there, it's excellent. One of my colleagues had duck from there, and offered me a little. Rare as hell, but absolutely beautiful.
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:19, Reply)
"If the ducks were unsatisfied in their surroundings, I'm not sure building them an island is the path I'd take
"I do know there's a food called 'duck' and I don't think that's entirely a coincidence".

-David Mitchell on the MP's expenses row.
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:26, Reply)
The good thing about being bleimic is that you don't have to bother shitting as so much, which is always a hassle. And you get to try the food twice.

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:55, Reply)
Twice the taste, half the calories!

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 14:05, Reply)
Alt alt: Tapinyaki in Cambridge, it was good cheap noodle place with very good wontons.

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:11, Reply)
I really wanna go to a tapinyaki resturant, they look so cool.

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:17, Reply)
They're pretty good, often a bit overpriced but this one wasn't.
We sat at the side though not around the cookers.
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:22, Reply)
Whats the food like there?

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:55, Reply)
Billy Ocean would be given my excellent jerk chicken
Alt. Slow roasted pork loin cooked in cider & cinnamon left over from last night on a baguette with salad
Alt alt. Queans in Leamington and it was truly excellent.
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:14, Reply)
I once attempted to make a carribean curry using reggae reggae
It turns out there IS such a thing as shitty jerk.
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:16, Reply)
I get my spice mix from a Jamaican-run shop in Cov
Best to use chicken thighs - they stay moist and have better flavour.
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:23, Reply)
Yep, that's what I used
Hmm, might have to see if they do a mail order service...
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:26, Reply)
i don't known, ive been picking up a chicken caesar wrap and salt and pepper CRISPS that are phenomenal
Last restaurant meal was parmesan crusted chicken with tortellini and a tomato mozzarella salad
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:16, Reply)
I donno who he is or what he likes.
I'm not sure what I'm gonna have for lunch, I've spent the whole day cleaning my flat, it's fucking imaculate now, proper good, even wiped down the telly unit and the underside of my coffee table. Tonight I'm gonna introduce Ma' to Game Of Thrones and make her some dinner, it's just some spagetti and tomarto sauce and kieves, its more of an assembly and heating job really.

I've seen some information about this year's new Macbook Pros, REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT ONE. I'm going to have to get saving, I think it'll be about 2250, but it would be totally kick-ass, and I'd get over a grand for my current one.
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:17, Reply)
I think I'd serve billy ocean a "When the Going Gets Tough, the Tough get (beef) goreng

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:18, Reply)
i have some mini m&s sushi rice balls
and a pasta salad. i did not think my choices through. but they are very tasty.
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:18, Reply)
I've never even heard of mini M&S sushi rice balls.
I like their honey mustard chicken pasta but it's like a billion calories.
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:54, Reply)
Last meal out was here:
oneblenheimterrace.co.uk/

I recommend the beef carpaccio to start. The Lebanese red wine is excellent.
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:18, Reply)
Goan Curry, but I'd make absolutely certain the meat was tender.
Alt: ham and cheese sandwich from Boots
Every night I think, "I'll take 5 minutes before I leave tomorrow morning to make a sandwich" and every morning I can't be arsed.

Alt Alt: I had shammi kebabs and Karahi Methi Gosht in Mirch Masala - because it's just over the road from my new flat and was apparently in the Top 50 Restaurants in Britain in 2009. I believe my starter dated from that year. Main was alright though.
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:19, Reply)
Or if he preferred vegetarian, some Caribbean Quorn

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:21, Reply)
^ WINS

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:42, Reply)
Did Mrs Doyle give you that recipe?

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:27, Reply)
oh v good

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:43, Reply)
haha

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:53, Reply)
The Red Cross haev just emailed me offering me a free first aid guide, exhorting me to help save lives.
Well, what if I don't *want* to save lives? What if I feel that the Earth is overburdened by population and needs a cull of the weaker members of the race in order to support the rest of us?

N.B. Opinion liable to change on receipt of alterations to own personal health.
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:20, Reply)
You should lead by example
and take your own life.
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:21, Reply)
Remember the prime directive!!!!

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:21, Reply)
I don't think it applies to your own race.
Although it does clearly apply to pre-warp civilisations. I'M SO CONFUSED.

This is my kobayashi-maru.
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:23, Reply)
I 100% agree with you
I feel guilty for adding to the global population, but make myself feel better by telling myself that the world needs some good people to deal with all the flids.
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:42, Reply)
last restaurant meal out was the covent garden hawksmoor
even as a veggie, i fucking love that place. cocktails in the most stunning bar (iced raspberry absinthe fizz? yes please), and then what i am told by everyone else is the best steak in london, although as it is a steak restaurant, that's what you'd expect. even the puddings, which i never normally order, are to die for - warm crumbly peanut shortbread with salty caramel ice cream and chocolate drizzle, i think we had.

sadly it is on the 80-100 a head side, though. but still. fucking NOM.
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:29, Reply)
I am taking my team of 12 direct reports there in three weeks time. Cannot wait.

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:36, Reply)
it's fucking AWESOME
make sure you get the mac'n'cheese as a side dish. fucking nom.
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 14:03, Reply)
I am looking forward to the wine list. I reckon with 13 of us and their menu pricing we can hit £2000. on expenses for the night covering food and booze.

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 14:07, Reply)
easily done
we spent 500 between 4 of us!
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 14:18, Reply)
I'm working my way through Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall's Veg book at the moment
So probably something from that. Otherwise my signature dish of Muttar Paneer.

Alt: As it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be - a sandwich and a pile of fruit.

Alt alt: I rarely eat in restaurants of any note these days, on account of kids ruining everything. Whenever I get a takeaway curry though, I always have some South Indian snack to eat in the shop whilst it is being cooked - Dosa, Medu Vadai, Idli.
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:29, Reply)
cheesy peas!

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 14:10, Reply)

Fried chicken, grits, peach cobbler and grape soda. That's what his lot like isn't it?

AlT: a dooby and a practice maths paper.

alt alt: Ronnies in Clifton Village. Bit poncy for me tbh.
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:33, Reply)
What you need, my lad, is a 'practice English' paper.

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:34, Reply)

English killing yourself
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:37, Reply)

Just about to start one biattch! I'll report back.
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:52, Reply)

Ronnies Kebab Shack
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:41, Reply)

poor people eat kebabs.
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:55, Reply)
I wish.

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:56, Reply)

Aaaaah run out of rizla! hate it when that happens.
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 14:00, Reply)
Fucking Hail a week before my birthday!!!
It's usually sunny and shit.
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:41, Reply)
I blame you and your birthday

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:41, Reply)
Hailstorm's just finished here.

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:48, Reply)

sunny and

Stop asking for 'Star Trek' box sets then you FUCKING NERD.
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:56, Reply)
I've already got them all you spaz
I'm going to get a Diablo 3 special edition.
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 14:11, Reply)
i had some angel cake, sue brough it in for her birthday
it was alright, i think sue might be the best looking in the office now, tracey's trying too hard to impress malcolm and it just does nothing for me

sue's 45/46, she's got brown hair and olive skin, really nice bum but literally no boobs whatsoever. nobody's perfect i guess
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:49, Reply)
i like sue's attitude as well
she's feisty and she don't take no crap. there's a rumour she and joe are having an affair but i don't believe that, joe pays eastern european hookers to touch him, i don't think sue would
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:51, Reply)
Sue would never pay eastern european hookers to touch him,
you are so right.
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:53, Reply)
she really wouldn't, and she's told me off for being too nice to people before
i think she likes tough guys, i'm a tough guy
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:56, Reply)
Ask him if he's a site-reporter for punter dot net.

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 14:02, Reply)
i dunno, i have seen him on london escort website though
it's pretty grim
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 14:14, Reply)
Ooooh Levison is going to make a statement at 2pm about Jeremy Hunt
dunnn dunnn duhhhhhhhhhhhhh
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:52, Reply)
Ha! Jeremy CUNT more like!!!
/ac
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:54, Reply)
Ooh, very Naughtie!

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:54, Reply)
Nockty, nockty, very nockty.

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:55, Reply)
Brooks is being charged. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:54, Reply)
Driving whilst RANGA?

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:55, Reply)
Perverting the course of justice.
And being a ranga.
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:56, Reply)
yeah but she'll get off

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:56, Reply)
and in to your car?

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 14:00, Reply)
no thanks, i just cleaned the seats

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 14:02, Reply)
She could Pervert the course of MY PANTS, if you get what I mean. It's very subtal, so you might not.

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 14:00, Reply)
she would also punch you in the face

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 14:01, Reply)
she's a married woman, gonz
show a little respect
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 14:01, Reply)
Alright Jimmy Summerville?

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 14:02, Reply)
i'm so in love with you

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 14:04, Reply)
Shit man, didn't realise. I was just thinking the shaddows that the candle light would create.
If we can use some kind of herosima style nuclear candle, we could get something put in the Tate.
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 14:25, Reply)
I think I've got it. Only just though.

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 14:01, Reply)
I bet they're going to say something really SHOCKING
like 'we're a bit miffed, if we're honest'
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:55, Reply)
The statement will be "of some significance"
apparently, I'm guessing it'll be a rap.
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:57, Reply)
JUSTICE, HIP-HOP STYLE

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:59, Reply)
yo yo yo yo
Hackin' on the phones
Brought lots of moans
Brooksie is a bitch
and she look like a witch
Jeremy Hunt, what a cunning stunt
Dowler's voicemail?
An epic fail
Russell fuckin' Brand
should have been banned
Those two Murdochs
What a pair of cocks
etc....
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 14:25, Reply)
he might lose his job and immediately have to get a different job

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 14:00, Reply)
longwinded as it has been, as toothless as the reults will probably be
I have very much enjoyed watching the gutter press have their dirty laundry aired in public
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:58, Reply)
I think Robert Jay is awesome.

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 14:00, Reply)
I wanted more "You can't handle the truth" moments
but alas
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 14:02, Reply)
Levenson actually said something about that.
He said, we're not trying to trick people and we wont mislead witnesses if you want a courtroom drama watch TV.
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 14:05, Reply)
Fucks sake live blog
8 minutes late on news.
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 14:08, Reply)
He's just saying he's impartial.
What the fuck, he didn't even rap.
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 14:13, Reply)
There's not even a half rhyme in what he said.
What an anti-climax.
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 14:15, Reply)
oh dear god
derek acorah confirms maddie is dead. best quote of the article:

... "Mr Acorah, who made his comments to the Sun while promoting his latest tour" ...
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 14:07, Reply)
i saw some headline on another paper saying 'psychic maddie claims "sick"'
thanks for the info
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 14:15, Reply)
That's not even English

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 14:17, Reply)
that was the headline
and i was thanking swipe for filling in some of the details IS THAT OK WITH YOU???
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 14:18, Reply)
Wasn't having a go at you touchy

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 14:23, Reply)
STOP PICKING ON QUINTEN I'M ALRIGHT ONCE YOU GET TO KNOW ME
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 14:25, Reply)
He seems to have denied speaking to The Sun, which amuses me
His twitter
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 14:20, Reply)
I bet he was lolling to himself when he typed "cash in on some peoples misery"

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 14:26, Reply)
My Morisette Meter is off the fucking scale

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 14:26, Reply)
hahahaha!
i thought that was all he does?
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 14:26, Reply)
I just came up with a great idea.
Two electrical circles going around the rim of a men's toilet, or some kind of wet detector. When it detects a cirtain level of wetness, a light comes up outside the cubical with a buzzer, and even worst, a light comes on in the main area of the pub. This is used to shame anyone who pisses and misses the bowl. Of course they could get around this by simply not pissing anywhere near the toilet, like in the corner of the room. It would have a break in it around the front because of withdrawl-dribbles.
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 14:16, Reply)
Or sit on it with a sweaty arse.

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 14:20, Reply)
Could get around that by it deactivating with 5k worth of weight.

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 14:21, Reply)
so you put your legs up on the bowl, piss all over the seat and get away with it?

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 14:29, Reply)
I don't know why Gonz is trying to solve this apparent problem with technology
Or why people are trying to find ways to circumvent his system.
What is going on?
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 14:33, Reply)
someone's pissed on a seat, gonz in a last minute rush to the bogs has sat in it
in a fit of fury he's now talking about electricuting those whose wee he is forced to sit in
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 14:34, Reply)
Gonz and his "roundhead" bretheran are fed up of the cavalier way those chaps with their foreskins still attached spray wildly when urinating

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 14:35, Reply)
This uy tried to get into the Breivik trial whilest on fire...
www.vg.no/nyheter/innenriks/artikkel.php?artid=10053586

You'd have thought h would have got on with it a bit more
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 14:48, Reply)
Bad news gonz!
www.guardian.co.uk/tv-and-radio/tvandradioblog/2012/may/15/channel-4-axe-hollyoaks
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 14:51, Reply)
Yes, yes it should be.

(, Tue 15 May 2012, 14:53, Reply)
agreeing with AA
its past its best, redmond doesn't do anything that lasts
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 14:56, Reply)
I have pea, rocket and goats cheese soup
although I have to go out in the pouring rain/hail to get to the kitchen to warm it up, so I think I'm going to sit at my desk for a little while yet.
I'm not sure Noodle Nation counts as a restaurant, but the time before that was back in January, I think. I don't think I've ever had a meal at an italian restaurant that was bad, but this was really quite good.

I do particularly want to go to Hawksmoor and L'Art Du Fromage when I have the time and money.
(, Tue 15 May 2012, 14:57, Reply)

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