Could someone gaz me why battered was brutually excluded from the camping trip and now he's drowned himself, his wife and kid in a madmans rage at centreparks
fanks xxx
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 18:51, 18 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

height restrictions.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 18:59, Reply)

Training for olympic limbo dancing

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 19:01, Reply)

My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why, but I don't care at all.
The morning raincloud is out my window, but I can't see at all.
Even if I could, it would all be gray, put your picture on my wall.
It reminds me it's not so bad, not so bad at all.

*beat and base*

My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why, but I don't care at all.
The morning raincloud is out my window, but I can't see at all.
Even if I could, it would all be gray, put your picture on my wall.
It reminds me it's not so bad, not so bad at all.

Dear monts, I gaz'd you but you still ain't callin',
I left my MSN, my skype and my home phone at the bottom,
I sent two gaz's back in auturn, you must not have got 'em,
There probably was a problem with internet exploroer or somethin',
Sometimes I type to incomprehensible when I waffle,
But anyway man, fuck it, what's up, how's your daughter?
My wife just had a baby too, I'm a brand new father,
Guess what I called her, I called her [monty's duaghters name].
I read about your brother too, I'm sorry.
I had a friend who chopped off a dealer's head for not payin' him.
I know you probably hear this every day, but I'm your biggest fan.
I got your posts printed out on the wall, even the deleted shit about your fam(ily).
Anyways,
I hope you hear this and are flattered, your sycophant, this is Battered.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 19:05, Reply)

Dear Stunned, I didn't really mean what I said to Monty,
It's not like I don't like him, but your'e my favorite honky.
I know I said he was my favorite but you're the one I wanted.
To hang around in the pub snorting drugs in the loo,
And like hell man, I excomunicated Barry and dissed him 'cus of you.
You see, you've both got a really good personal life,
but out of you two's misses, I'd rather fuck your wife.
it's not that I wouldn't give lusty a bit of a go,
and to tell you the truth I knocked one out over her a week ago.
But you're then one with the money and the cars,
so if I hang with you this sycophant can go far.
Anyway Stunned, I'm coming up to the end of this verse,
So there Mr Stunned and we can get ratted, your _true_ sycophant, this is battered.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 19:12, Reply)

* Scene of Battered's wife walking down the basement to see pictures of monty and stunned all over the wall with printed b3ta posts everywhere with bits circled in red pen*

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 19:15, Reply)

This final verse is that final angry one where he drives off a bridge,
Slim finished it off with a baby in a trunk and a the car in a ditch,
My BMW is on lease and I'm too much of a cunt to ever ruin it.
So instead I'm going to go down in passive aggresive flames,
I'm gonna delete ya' all off my facebook page.
Gonna block you all on twitter too,
That's 50% of my followers I'm gonna lose.
You'll never laugh again how I can never reach the porn shelf [at the news agents]
So all thats left now is to delete my account and kill myself.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 19:25, Reply)

Gonz, you are a fucking genius
a stone cold bona fide genius.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 20:32, Reply)

=D
You alright Al? Watching the opening?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 20:48, Reply)

Yeah, a friend of mine is playing a drum in it, I'm hoping to see her.
How are your guts today?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 20:56, Reply)

Better than they've been all week, but I'm keeping my diet really simple. Turns out I got gastroenteritus, which is worst for me 'cus I can't fight it like normal people.
Plus I'm under proper stress at work, to the point where I think I'm gonna get sacked. I have a client who managers some huge HUGE brands, all fasion type stuff... if you named 5 major perfume companies at random, I bet half of them are managed by these people. Their boss is a proper "Devil wears prada" type.

I did a huge update for them, did everything we signed up for in the 'scope'/'quote' and then-some, plugged in loads of holes. But the scope didn't cover everything we discused, as we discussed about 200 emails between everyone involved, and that was just what I was included in. I've explained to them countless times and in many ways that I can't do any minor-updates while this is going on, 'cus the updates would be over-written... but I'll do them as I'm doing the main one.

They've also changed their terminology around a lot and threw in new things, such as one moment 'customers' are stores they manage, another moment they're employees for this store, the next its both, the next just 'area managers'. So I've done stuff thinking a employee needs a feature, but when really it was a shop. Then even today at the end of the project they've used totally brand new ones that haven't been mentioned once at any point, such as 'retail manager'.

I've seen emails from them saying things like "We expect you to be competitant to..." and "If you can't do one simple thing....".

I've worked 'till 10ish most nights this week to do it, for the last 3 weeks I was in the office 'till 8. I was 10 hours infront of schedual for the quoted work.

It was only wensday when we finally agreed what further stuff has to be done, and they expected it done today. And you know what? I did it, but it just needs to be tested properly as there are 50k employees and it needs to be done right.

IF they said the quote/scope didn't furfill their requirements to begin with, then I would have been able to adjust for it and do it in time, but its like they never read it. And they're quoting me back on things that are entirely out of context, and when I asked cirtain questions, the reply has been "You should know this already" - when I've only been onboard for a month or soo.

And the boss gave me a warning for telling that at 10:30 yesterday that I'll have to work from home, I didn't know if I could have worked from home until then 'cus, I thought I finished throwing up for the day. Like, a proper written warning.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 21:11, Reply)

Soz for too long, needed to rant.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 21:15, Reply)

This olympics cermony is pretty special though.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 21:19, Reply)

That sounds really shit.
Sadly it's par for the course with clients, they're all cunts and you have to properly make it very clear from the start of any contract what you will and won't be providing and what the timescales are.

And even then they won't pay attention. Sadly, you still need them to pay you money so you can't tell them they're all cunts.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 22:06, Reply)

A week late, but this is awesome.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 18:37, Reply)

Do you *have* to keep posting your sick fantasies online?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 19:18, Reply)

oh gonz you weirdo savant

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 19:30, Reply)

Rory I'm sure you're making this up.
Nobody is dead. Not even me, although I was confused with a dead person the other night.

EDIT - yes, some people ARE dead. I accept that.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 19:54, Reply)

Erhmegerd, serch erh wert! Whert werd we der widdert yer?

( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 27 Jul 2012, 21:13, Reply)