Evening
what are tuesdays for?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 19:25, 154 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

wanking
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 19:27, Reply)

that'll explain why it's quiet
I usually reserve that for mondays
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 19:37, Reply)

Modelling.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 19:39, Reply)

Spreadsheets in the evening? Sad wanker.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 19:51, Reply)

Drinking.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 19:47, Reply)

Good idea.
*pours glass of red*
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 4 Sep 2012, 19:51, Reply)

Orchard cider FTW.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 19:51, Reply)

Tuesdays are there to stop Mondays from lasting 48 hours.
DUH!
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 4 Sep 2012, 19:51, Reply)

Tomorrow will be worse. I am due to have lunch with Stunned. I do not forecast food being part of the agenda.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 19:52, Reply)

I feel your pain.
Say hello to the big lanky cunt from me.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 4 Sep 2012, 19:56, Reply)

Certainly.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:02, Reply)

Oh well, while you're about it,
give him a big squishy hug from me.

I dare you.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:10, Reply)

I will do this. As a married man I am comfortable with my sexuality

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:30, Reply)

Oh well while you're about it
Touch the tips of your cocks together from me.

I dare you.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:43, Reply)

Be careful.
He has been known to drink lager top. The nonce.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:06, Reply)

Clearly the behaviour of a predatory homosexual paedophile.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:07, Reply)

I have banned him from doing so on previous occasions and we ended up drinking gin.
Either way I expect I won't be entirely comprehensible.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:08, Reply)

I wish I was going to Septemberbash.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:11, Reply)

Can you not squeeze it in to your
Busy schedule?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:12, Reply)

And who would mod this place then, eh?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:14, Reply)

Oi, cuntbucket!
If I wasn't here, you'd only have REAL mods ruining everybody's fun.
so shush.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:18, Reply)

You are definitely my favourite mod.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:21, Reply)

I'm certainly the only one who doesn't touch kids.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:22, Reply)

It's more a problem of fitting it into my busy bank balance.
Where busy=meagre
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:17, Reply)

ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!
Say it again! Tuesdays! HUH what are they good for, absolutely nothing
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 4 Sep 2012, 19:54, Reply)

Cat rape.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 19:55, Reply)

It's not rape if you stuff a load of coins down their throat first then chuck 'em through a window.
Or something.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 4 Sep 2012, 19:57, Reply)

They LOVE it.
The filthy fecund felis fuckers.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:01, Reply)

I have a spare cat if anyone is interested.
I have no problem with vivisection BTW.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:03, Reply)

Sack + bricks + canal = problem solved.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:05, Reply)

I like the badger's previous idea of flinging the bastard animal over the Thames using a trebuchet.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:09, Reply)

a catapult if you will.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 22:12, Reply)

Alrizzle?
I am listening to some vintage Wevvers.

youtu.be/mR7uMAbEITs
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:26, Reply)

I know what you are getting at here
and I am not 'sword fighting' with you.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:31, Reply)

He's one of my heroes.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:32, Reply)

Glass of wine when I get in
Just finished what should be my last long day for a while, thank Fuck.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 19:57, Reply)

Euro Lottery?
I dunno. What are Tuesdays for?
All the kids round our way go back to school tomorrow. God help anyone who has to drive anywhere during the schoolrun.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 4 Sep 2012, 19:58, Reply)

Is it
Tuesday already?

I'd better buy milk.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:22, Reply)

Man milk?
You filthy benderous pervert.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:24, Reply)

I can produce my own if suitably stimulated.

I remember it well.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:27, Reply)

Did Harters go on holiday to the Norfolk Broads?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:24, Reply)

Don't be stupid, plummers. I doubt if he'd know a broad if he bumped into one in Tesco.

Mind you, no posts from Darth.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:30, Reply)

I believe this evening will end with me being really quite drunk.
Excellent.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:32, Reply)

Are you still in the pub?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:33, Reply)

Nah.
He's in his shed. With Thunderbird, no shame and a terrible sense of entitlement.

Good luck to him, the grandiosed phuck.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:39, Reply)

Nah. At home and very contented.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:41, Reply)

OMG ME TOO!
It's like we're twins or something. Averagely sized twins, at that.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:44, Reply)

It feels like some time since I was properly spackered.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:41, Reply)

Me and you both, my man
Started several hours ago and keeping the flame burning.

I have a sneaky feeling that severe sleep deprivation will kick in before too long though.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:41, Reply)

That Mock turtle chappy...
...what's that all about?

I can't help but think that some kind of Bert-esque revelation and subsequent breakdown is imminent.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:41, Reply)

His sig says it all about his sense of self importance and personal frustration about his life

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:42, Reply)

What's he done now?

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:43, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/blazingignorance/post1718540

this is just plain bizarre.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:46, Reply)

Seems like just another day in paradise to me.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:48, Reply)

He's the biggest troll on here.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:50, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1719672
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:52, Reply)

He's a troll.
In the actual sense, not in the sense of "someone who disagrees with me and MUST BE SILENCED".
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:47, Reply)

Isn't the point of trolling to make other people look thick and upset though?

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:49, Reply)

I thought it was to eat goats crossing over bridges?

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:50, Reply)

Only if they knock their hooves 3 times or something.

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:52, Reply)

A pyrrhic victory.
The best way to deal with him is not to respond, or delete and repost if he replies.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:50, Reply)

Can't I just try and induce online breakdown?
It can't be far off.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:52, Reply)

I'M JUST TENSE, OKAY?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:54, Reply)

This bottom one's gotta get me at least a snog, right?
www.b3ta.com/questions/blazingignorance/post1719569#answers-post-1719675
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 21:06, Reply)

Is he a troll, even?
He's out there expressing his opinions.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:51, Reply)

Apparently, jokes and irreverent comments on b3ta are not allowed.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:53, Reply)

Is that any different to all the repressed left-leggers sulking about the geezer with his OKcupid account?

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:55, Reply)

Sulking? I think it's fucking hilarious that one of QFTW's moral guardians was outed as a fat adulterer.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:57, Reply)

I missed his moral guardian stance and may therefore have missed the point - as usual.

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 21:06, Reply)

But insensitive comments of the kind that got some bugger jailed under the Malicious Communications Act are OK.
www.b3ta.com/questions/wankbank/post1713663
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 21:04, Reply)

I missed that too.
I might retract my uber-liberal view.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 21:09, Reply)

I'm having for the third night in the row the same dinner, i've come a bit obsessed with combining tomarto choriszo and bread.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:42, Reply)

Pizza.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 20:55, Reply)

Marginally better than cooking chips on a Sunday but I suppose needs must.

Not home delivery, I hope.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 21:05, Reply)

Drinking in my case
also Happy candle day for tangledupinblue
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 21:07, Reply)

I'm spending far too much time in your development.
Which can only mean it's going to seed.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 21:15, Reply)

seed.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 21:20, Reply)

Sputnik
(Look, I'm trying, right?)
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 21:21, Reply)

Alright TD?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 21:23, Reply)

Day off tomorrow Jeff.
First real day off for about three weeks.

So yes. I'm Ok - you?

BTW - I got in touch with that former poster we talked about.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 21:25, Reply)

I'm good thanks.
Once this week is over, I've got a week off.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 21:27, Reply)

Plans?

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 21:28, Reply)

Not sure yet.
Might try and get away for a night or two, might not. It is shaping up to be an expensive month.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 21:33, Reply)

Get up here then!
I can't put you up because my only other suitable room contains the lodger I can't talk about, but the former poster might have space.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 21:37, Reply)

I was the former poster.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 21:38, Reply)

The other one
You weren't the one I was thinking of.

Might be easier by gaz.

EDIT - I'm going for a tab.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 21:41, Reply)

Enjoy!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 21:45, Reply)

One of the best tabs I've ever had.
My point was - why don't you see if you can stay with BGB for a night and I can come and meet you.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 21:55, Reply)

If I head north, then I'll be sure to make it known!
I'm off to a wedding in that there London at the end of the week though, so I'm not sure if I'll venture that far.

Did you get in touch with the awesome Blouse master?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 22:04, Reply)

I did indeed
A prescence sorely missed.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 22:07, Reply)

It is.
All being well she'll be back amongst us soon.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 22:09, Reply)

Yes - see below
If you've got a whole week off and no commitments take the initiative and get up here. I've got a fairly quiet week next week.

Are you going to sit and watch Jeremy Kyle all week?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 22:15, Reply)

I won't be watching Kyle.
I'll probably do a lot of sleeping, a bit of drinking, a bit of job hunting and some shopping.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 22:17, Reply)

I'm rather dictating what you ought to do with your time off.
Which is wrong and I apologise.

Enjoy what you do.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 22:21, Reply)

Thanks TD!
Not sure what I'll be doing, but I'm sure as hell going to enjoy it.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 22:26, Reply)

The option is there if you get bored
Lodger-who-can't-be-named could be shifted if needed.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 22:33, Reply)

You ought to gaz me the lodger name.
You've got me on the hook now.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 22:34, Reply)

I've got a wee cough as well.
The fucker's gone onto my chest and won't bastarding well shift; I sound like a beagle with a 40 a day habit.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 4 Sep 2012, 21:45, Reply)

You should try smurkin' murr tabs, man.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 21:46, Reply)

Whey aye man pet how like cannybagotudorclimbamoontainlike.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 4 Sep 2012, 21:47, Reply)

You've beaten me.
I divven' understand bonny lad.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 21:52, Reply)

Ee's dooin reet mixin up accents so he 'is
Times as this aah reet miss than ol' Blaireua cos me an im weres marras an spek saam.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 21:58, Reply)

Aw shucks
Fanks Willo.
I'm drinking too.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 21:57, Reply)

I hope you've had Vienetta as well.
If you can't have Vienetta on candle day, when can you?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 22:01, Reply)

I'm going to say something controversial here...
I don't really care for Vienetta.
There. I've said it.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 22:02, Reply)

You massive troll.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 22:06, Reply)

Cheers
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 22:07, Reply)

WINSTON CHURCHILL RAPAGE & CUMSHOTS
Now, I quite like putting things up my arse in the name of getting off.

But there’s a limit. There really fucking is...

A few years back I was out in the salubrious confines of Coombe Abbey, Coventry, with my then girlfriend, Scouse Emma. It was a hot day, a very hot day. We had the customary 99 with added strawberry sauce (its great being an adult – you get to bat kids out the way in the queue and make out you’re the hardest fucker in the entire fucking world). Emma fed the ducks. I did a spot of duck bating (take a whole slice of bread and lob it at the feet of the smallest preplexed-looking semi-aquatic fucker, then watch with glee as the others waddle over like fat Travis Bickles’ and kick the shit out of it). After a few parents of the smaller kids shouted at me for being a cunt and having made a little girl cry when she witnessed firtshand some hardcore, 18 cert, duck-related gang violence, Emma and I decided to go for a leisurly stroll further into the lovely woods that line the duckpond. The smell of bark and leaves and the sweet kiss of the sun made us feel relaxed and at peace...

...and incredibly fucking horny.

Emma was wearing a whispy summer dress, quite short, and as she walked infront I became mezmerized by the hypnotic sway of her lovely come-hither buttocks as they danced under the slight fabric. I focused in on her arse crack, which had developed a little sweat what with the heat and the walking and then suddenly something occured to me:

“Emma,” I say, still staring at her glorious arse. “Are you wearing any knickers?”

She stops, turns round: “Too hot for knickers,” she says with an evil grin. “And look at this.” Emma glances round, making sure nobody else is about and hitches down the straps of her dress. The flimsy fabric falls away and her magnificent puppies bound out, bouncing and swaying and almost yelping for some sweet Spanky attention. She jiggles a bit and giggles at me.

I struggle to get my phone out so I can take a photo of this happy scene, to record it for posterity - something to show the grandchildren; but Emma quickly pulls her dress back up and flashes me a sly i-wanna-fuck smile. And I realise with rising excitement that she is completely, utterly, absolutley naked under those clothes...

“Do you fancy finding somewhere... a bit more... secluded?” Emma asks.

I stride up to her, grab her hand, and march her further into the wood like a man on a fucking mission.

Eventually we find a spot off the beaten track. Emma lays down in the soft, warm moss and lifts up her dress and starts tickling her growler. She spreads her legs and even as I’m wrestling to remove my jeans and pants I can hear the unmistakable, sexy sloppy sound of her fingers playing over her sopping wet lady bits.

I dive on top and we start doing some incredibly romantic, touching, memorable, poignant fucking.

“Oooh, you like that don’t you, you dirty bastard,” Emma breathes as she scrapes her fingernails over my arse. “Fuck, yeah! “ Then she looks deep into my eyes and says: “Do me doggy style, Spanky.”

I slide out of her, she gets on all fours and sticks her peach of an arse in the air, I thank the Lord for the bounty I am about to receive and then I guide my spam dagger up her gooey twat.

It’s great doing it this way – it means I can scan the woods for any approaching people, like a sexy merekat, as I’m grabbing Emma’s hips and very lovingly pummelling away. Soon I get a bit tired, my knees are on some twigs or fuck knows what, so I lay ontop of her, still pumping away, and splay my arms either side of her shoulders, my hands palm down on the earth for support.

And we remain like this for a couple of minutes, happily fucking away, blowing flies off my face, licking sweat off Emma’s back like a guddun, feeling my cock fill with baby batter with each and every stroke.

I could feel I was about to cum and it was fucking marvellous.

Now, the next part happened in The Matrix style super-slow-motion. It probably only lasted about five seconds, but in my mindseye it seemed to last a couple of fucking years.
As I’m busy enjoying the fresh air, the sun spotting through the trees and casting weird shadows in the foliage, with this incredibly hot and horny Scouse girl under me, sex-swearing like a docker, acting like some kind of fuck-table for my amusement, I suddenly feel an incredible dead weight slam onto my back from behind. With so much force that my cock rammed further inside Emma’s valley of a thousand pleasures and I thought I might be stuck up there forever – we’d end up on the circus freakshow circuit as a pair of weird sexy conjoined twins.

Then I heard the slobbering and I felt something hard and wet slam against my arse cheeks, rimming my chocolate starfish, hammering away like a Black & Decker. I felt something hot and rough go a little way inside me and I leapt backwards and away from my girlfriend with a wet plop.

And in doing so - what with the sudden excitement or shock, or the fact that something warm and hard had just knocked on the door of my backdoor love tunnel - not sure which – but I ejaculated a great slow-motion arch of glistening gonad goo all over Emma’s arse and back and layed a nice load of cock conditioner over her lovely new hairdo. – Under any other circumstances I would’ve thought: Hmmm, impressive cumshot there, matey – well done, have a gold star.

But instead I screamed like a girl.

And Emma screamed, well, like a girl too.

And I looked round sharply and saw Winston fucking Churchill hanging onto my shoulders, slobbering and panting with the kind of rancid breath that could kill a German at a hundred paces...

Only it wasn’t Winston Churchill.

It was a fucking HUGE bulldog that resembled the esteemed former wartime PM, its great big paws wrapped round my neck, its wet lolling tongue dripping drool between my shoulder blades. My God, it was an ugly fucker...

The force of the semi succssessful canine rape had left me reeling and senseless. I shrugged the fucker off my back and he – oh it was very definately a HE – padded happily over to Emma as she lay with her arse in the air trying to right herself. The bulldog then proceeded to greedily lick my hot sticky load from where it was pooling in a sticky cum lake between Emma’s delectible arse valley.

“Arggg! Gettitoff!!!” She screamed.

And I hate to admit it, but I was ever-so-slightly turned on by the sight.

I could see the fucker was thinking about having a go on my girlfriend, it was sort of positioning itself for a rear mounting. Instictively I legged over and booted it up the arse.

It yelped and went running off into the wood back the way it had come.

And there was no other fucker there... the owner had obviously allowed this mut to roam free, to rape, pillage and shit on the paths, no doubt.

Emma and I struggled quickly into our clothes and walked in silence back towards the car. I looked at every dog on the way back and shuddered inside. We got a few weird looks too in return. We were a little dishevelled, and one time when I saw a bloke paying far too much attention to Emma as we walked past, I turned to her, noticed something, and said helpfully:

“You’ve got cum in your hair.”

“Shuttup!” she spat back through clenched teeth.

Eventually, when we got back to the Cleo, the metal and glass protecting us from random acts of wanton unwarrented beastiality, Emma said: “Let’s never mention this again, ok?”

I nod, “Sounds good to me,” and as we drive off I try and lighten the mood a little. “Now, if it was a good looking dog like Lassie it might’ve been a very different situation...”

Emma was not amused. She simply gave me a curt and clipped: “Cunt,” under her breath and kept her eyes firmly on the road. There was something bothering her, something on her mind. When we were closer to my parents house she turns to me and says: “Why did you cum when that dog mounted you?”

And, in all honesty, I didn’t have an answer...
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 22:09, Reply)

tl;dr
Probably something about quending.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 22:10, Reply)

It's a spanky post, isn't it?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 22:17, Reply)

Dunno.
I haven't read it.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 22:18, Reply)

Of course it is you fucken prickname
A/C
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 22:18, Reply)

You heading down for the bash this month?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 22:18, Reply)

Too skint.
Ridiculously so in fact.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 22:19, Reply)

Bad times.
How is the DJ-ing going?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 22:23, Reply)

next gig end of October

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 22:23, Reply)

Do you have one of those wakki DJ names?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 22:26, Reply)

When I play techy breakbeat I do.
I'll be playing vintage hip hop this time round and I should really sort out a nom de plume.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 22:30, Reply)

DJ Quend Face

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 22:32, Reply)

I think not.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 22:32, Reply)

DJ Chicks Dig It?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 22:35, Reply)

DJ Brittas?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 22:36, Reply)

DJ Empire.
*Live, from the leisure centre*
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 22:40, Reply)

DJ Windowcleaner?

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 22:40, Reply)

DJ Anus?

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 22:41, Reply)

DJ Nus?

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 23:40, Reply)

DJ Egg?

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 22:41, Reply)

DJ Crow?
davidguy.brinkster.net/goaste/djcrow001.html
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 22:42, Reply)

DJ Dozer*
*But spell 'Dozer' - 'Massive bum bandit with the bad aids and a wrist like John Inman'.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 22:44, Reply)

Nom de disque, surely.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 22:36, Reply)

Nom de Plumed'zer?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 22:38, Reply)

Prune qui Dort

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 22:42, Reply)

Shouldn't this be in QOTW?

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 22:17, Reply)

The mint one is well nice.
I'd have taken one to the bash for you. But I won't now.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 22:10, Reply)

playing with fire

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 21:48, Reply)

I'm not going to post any of my DJ aliases on here by the way.
Privacy and that.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 22:46, Reply)

Since all your DJ activity is in your bedroom
Does it really matter?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 22:48, Reply)

Dude, that burns.
I play out.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 22:49, Reply)

Where?
Don't forget that I CAN verify this...
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 22:54, Reply)

hahaha

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 22:58, Reply)

Here and there.
York soon.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 22:59, Reply)

Venue?

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 23:04, Reply)

Like I'm going to announce that on here.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 23:07, Reply)

Bedroom
Why not? You tell us you're a top DJ - why can't we enjoy you?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 23:08, Reply)

No, there's a regular night in York, me and some other DJs are playing in the front bar all night.
Four of us for five hours. So the first one on gets two hours.

Plus, why would I make this up?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 23:09, Reply)

Do you know Swansong?
He's staying in my spare room at the moment.

I've described you. He's never heard of you.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 23:14, Reply)

I don't DJ in Leeds.
Just in York so far.

And no, I haven't heard of him either.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 23:25, Reply)

Is b3ta still open?
Anything good going on?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 4 Sep 2012, 23:00, Reply)

No and no.
HTH xx
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 23:01, Reply)

Oh, right.
I'll cock off then, shall I?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 4 Sep 2012, 23:05, Reply)

b3th
I saw a job in your neck of the woods with the agency Pamela Neave. Can't link it, but you might want to investigate.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 23:05, Reply)

Can you remember what sort of job?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 4 Sep 2012, 23:08, Reply)

Hand
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Wed 5 Sep 2012, 0:11, Reply)

Evenin' all
Tuesdays are a 'meh' kind of a day - not as bad as wednesdays which are doubleplusungood - but 'meh' all the same.
Anyone got any recommendations for a good DECT phone?
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 4 Sep 2012, 23:04, Reply)