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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Carrying on from willenium's excellent idea of a projects board where B3TANs can collaborate...
...Which B3TANs would you choose for a collaborative project, based on their online persona?
I'd choose Enzyme as the spokesman for the first UK euthanasia clinic.

Alt: Doing anything exciting today? I'm being dragged to a trade show at the NEC that has the most tenuous of connections to anything I might be interested in but lunch will be free. Ah well.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 8:15, 160 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
I'd collaborate with Monty to beat your fucking head in for starting shit threads

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 8:27, Reply)
YEAH BOYEE.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 8:33, Reply)
I have no idea.
It was rather bizarre seeing Enzyme being used as an expert recently on BBC, knowing that this is the man I've seen absolutely off his face.

Alt: Work, then go home, collect laptop, go to another house, more work, depending on what time I get out of there, go to another house, more work.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 8:28, Reply)
what programme was he on?
And what subject was he an expert on?
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 8:29, Reply)
Byker grove
Paintball safety
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 8:30, Reply)
North West Tonight
Something to do with ethics, I wasn't paying a huge amount of attention.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 8:31, Reply)
I'd collaborate with AA to roll bella down a hill in Gloucestershire

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 8:33, Reply)
The micropenis weirdo show.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 8:34, Reply)
you ain't my fuckin' homeboy

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 8:35, Reply)
IS THERE SOMETHING THAT YOU NEED TO TELL THE CLASS

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 8:38, Reply)
I can only remember him whining on offtopic about him not being able to spray his custard over crackhouse

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 8:40, Reply)
He's a nullo. That's all I'm saying.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 8:41, Reply)
I heard he has an 'inny'

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 8:42, Reply)
I heard he has a 'minge'

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 8:45, Reply)
i had to look that up, Enzyme needs to be chased from the internet and beaten with sticks

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 8:44, Reply)
Penis-shaped sticks?

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 8:48, Reply)
EGGAXTACLY

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 8:49, Reply)
What's he done? Link a brother up

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 8:55, Reply)
Cut off his own penis.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 8:56, Reply)
XTREME BODY MOD

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 8:57, Reply)
still listening to Gang Starr.
I'd collaborate with Monty on a club night based entirely on 85 to 2005 hip hop and 76 to 86 post punk.

Next level ill shit yo.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 8:28, Reply)
Would you wear matching turquoise shirts?

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 8:31, Reply)
no.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 8:34, Reply)
I can answer this one!


No.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 8:34, Reply)
I might collaborate with chompy to do some gang rape

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 8:32, Reply)
I wouldn't collaborate with any of you.
As you're all a bunch of complete losers.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 8:34, Reply)
You could collaborate with dozer and stand on each others shoulders inside a rain coat to fool Cinema staff into letting you watch 12a rated movies

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 8:36, Reply)

fool Cinema staff into letting you watch 12a rated movies get on the 'teacup' ride at Thorpe Park
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 8:38, Reply)
You could collaborate with 6 other people of a similar stature to run a successful mining business
Whilst simultaneously hiding a prIncess from an evil witch.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 8:41, Reply)
I'd collaborate with Jeff and Stunned to host a lolb4sh.
Oh hang on.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 8:34, Reply)
will you be Dj-Ing this year? What poptastic tunes from the hit parade will you play?

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 8:38, Reply)
Nah not playing this year.
I barely got a chance to talk to anyone last time (which was excellent) so this year it's just 'drinking in the pub' - I might have a few bods back afterwards at which point I will unleash the TOM SAWYER CUT-UP of myth and legend.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 8:39, Reply)
You should do us all a favour
And DJ.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 8:45, Reply)
I've bought a megaphone so everyone can hear my EXPERT OPINIONS more clearly.
I'm so thoughtful.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 8:51, Reply)
Sounds shit

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 8:39, Reply)
Thank fuck I'm not going.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 8:40, Reply)
Glad to hear that.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 8:41, Reply)
I wouldn't collaborate with anyone here sorry
online persona, offline persona it doesn't really matter.



No offence or anything
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 8:38, Reply)
Oh well thanks Rory.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 8:42, Reply)
i wouldn't want to be emotionally vulnerable... not again
I'd also have to brush up on the Insolvency Act again due to the inevitable disaster that would follow
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 8:48, Reply)
No need! I'm a fucken expert on it.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 8:50, Reply)
you should thank allah that you got to keep Chateau Boyce

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 8:54, Reply)
In'sh'allah I can hang on a bit longer.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 8:57, Reply)

on a bit longer my ex by the neck until dead, in accordance with the traditional sentences passed at the old bailey for crimes against humanity
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:06, Reply)
Meeting between my dear pal and his legal contact at 11am today.
In related news I am getting access for 7hrs on the 29th when my mum's up. I'm going to be in top form for the lolb4sh.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:08, Reply)
excellent news all round!
is there a dress code at this place? i have some of those new shorts that look like a mini skirt and some new heels that i want to wear, but i don't want to turn up looking like a tart at a funeral or something equally Wrong...
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:12, Reply)
Putting the fun into funeral

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:12, Reply)
i've just reminded myself of nellie boswell yelling "she is a tart"
that programme was shit
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:16, Reply)
Our Aveline was from Sunderland, fact fans

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:17, Reply)
Which one?
There were two.
Actually I don't care.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:19, Reply)
"the game's getting hard"

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:20, Reply)
Ooo-weeee-oooh
Yeah thanks for that.
I'm going to be singing that shit for the rest of the day now.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:22, Reply)
i felt the need to share

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:22, Reply)
"so's my cock"

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:22, Reply)
'dress like a Shoreditch prick' is the code, I fear.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:13, Reply)
so a pair of "suit shorts" and heels will probably be perfect prick-attire then
nice
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:14, Reply)
Works for me!
I should try it.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:18, Reply)
if we get smashed enough
we can swap outfits later on.

you're so much taller than i am, your legs will go on for MILES. oooh.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:19, Reply)
"if", yeah?

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:23, Reply)
there's a camera ban, right

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:25, Reply)
Except for the pictures I request, right?

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:28, Reply)
i suppose i did promise you a cockgaz
it might as well be monty's, as he strains to keep it inside my shorts (after we've swapped outfits, i mean!)
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:41, Reply)
Fuck yeah

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:28, Reply)
ironic scarf, tight jeans and a fixie, then?
hoxton chic, braa.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:26, Reply)
Leggings, a vest, some flouro sneakers and lensless glasses.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:28, Reply)
really?
Jesus, London gets cuntier by the week

No offence, like.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:29, Reply)
*Tight shorts.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:30, Reply)
are they really shorts, or is it still tight jeans rolled half-way up the shin?

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:35, Reply)
hello stranger

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:42, Reply)
70s roadie 'chic'

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:14, Reply)
shall i let the grey streak in my hair take over?

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:15, Reply)
Ideally.
If you could also pre-load on drink and drugs before you arrive, that would also help.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:16, Reply)
It works for me! You should try it.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:17, Reply)
a teetotal virgin like me?

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:19, Reply)
Isn't that the point of 'lunch'?

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:20, Reply)
It works for me! You should try it.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:21, Reply)
I'd buy that for a dollar.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:21, Reply)
Can you fly, Bobby?

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:26, Reply)
It works for me! You should try it.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:17, Reply)
Fat slapper.
You'll fit right in.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:15, Reply)
don't make me threaten you with MOAR violence
otherwise my fist will fit right up your japs eye
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:15, Reply)
It works for me! You should try it.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:18, Reply)
Very wise.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 8:45, Reply)
Kroney can collaborate with any occupying forces.
Nakers can be used as an example of why euthanasia is a good thing.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 8:42, Reply)
Your face needs euthanising

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 8:43, Reply)
I like this

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:11, Reply)
I don't mind the easy and pain-free death for my face,
but I do object to this American made-up word.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:13, Reply)
Ape, for the lols
Alt:
Nope. I need to further berate the estate agent for telling us the viewings were Tuesday, then texting and changing to Wednesday 15 mins beforehand, only to find the people turned up at our house anyway. Stupid fucking bitch
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:02, Reply)
estate agents being idiots?
whatever next, sporters? Pontiff cathlolcism conundrum?
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:31, Reply)
Indeed

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:36, Reply)
well given my background in lettings and then being a property lawyer
and rory's property interests, i'd have said rory, and we could have made MILLIONS.

but having seen that he is not ^ keen ^ to work with b3tans i will go into some kind of venture making kitten shaped cakes with lusty and selling them to b3tans. we'll be RICH and rory will be SORRY.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:05, Reply)
every day is full of regrets
some days there aren't enough tissues in the world for my tears
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:53, Reply)
hilarious strikethrough involving spunk and your granny's fish brisket juice

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:54, Reply)
uhhh why the fuck would I want to work with these losers?!
they're on the other fucking side of the planet.

I nominated to be a student rep on campus next year. FREE FOOD WOO!
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:21, Reply)
Because I'm an evil scientist?

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:38, Reply)
But do you have a lair situated inside a volcano?

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:40, Reply)
I'm a trainee
I'm allowed to stroke a white cat occasionally. and one trapdoor into the shark tank per ten years service.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 10:00, Reply)
Always with the fucking sharks!
Give it a rest, old boy.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 10:02, Reply)
I'll collaborate with anyone who can fund my plan to rid the world of fucktards.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:27, Reply)
oh, pick me, I'm a scientist.
I'll help.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:30, Reply)
I'll be needing some top biologists. You're IN.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:35, Reply)
at the moment, I'm more a biochemist, but hey! it all works!

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:38, Reply)
If you can do PCR and DNA knock out/in I don't care.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:38, Reply)
Yeah I can do PCR, gel electrophoresis, recombination of dna.
I've only done the recombination in bacteria though. We used viral genes and stuck them into the bacterial genome. Was cool.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:41, Reply)
Similar with human cells.
Just different viruses.

You did recombination into the genome, not as a plasmid then? good stuff.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:47, Reply)
*gazzes bank account and sort code number*

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:30, Reply)
Oh AA will you never learn?

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:32, Reply)
Pot - Kettle - Grimy arse

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:35, Reply)
Sounds interesting
What is the plan, and how much funding is required?
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:30, Reply)
It involves eugenics and genetic manipulation
So, a fair bit, but not as much as you'd think. I've got most of the kit already. Ethical approval is the problem, so I'd need, say, Rory, DZR and Swipe to engineer a regieme change to a benign dictatorship to ensure our plans are passed. Probably fronted by a coalition of Monty and Two Hats.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:34, Reply)
My PCR machines are a bit out of date though.
Need a bit for some new ones.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:37, Reply)
So you've identified the DNA responsible for fuckwittery?
A Nobel prize surely awaits.

Or is it something similar to shooting anyone with neck tattoos or who has a hood up when it's neither cold nor raining, etc?
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:38, Reply)
that's not really fair about the hood thing though.
What if their body temperature is naturally a little low and they feel the cold more than you? Then you're just shooting someone suffering from mild hypothermia, and that's a tad extreme surely.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:40, Reply)
If your body temperature was unusually low
wouldn't you feel the heat more acutely?
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:41, Reply)
I mean, I don't know
Not a doctor...if that wasn't already clear
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:42, Reply)
Maybe.
I dunno. My body temperature is a little low and I feel cold all the time. Maybe I just have bad circulation.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:43, Reply)
I'd like someone in the know to clear this up
When I've had a high body temperature in the past I've felt very cold. So logically the opposite should be true. I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS RIGHT!!!
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:44, Reply)
wiki it you loser.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:46, Reply)
I DON'T HAVE TIME

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:47, Reply)
I'm far too busy with my new business venture
www.thrhorses.com/
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:51, Reply)
Your body temperature, as in core, is exactly the same as anyone else
or you'd be dead. You've got, as you say, poor circulation in your extremities. and that makes you feel cold. IT's pretty common in women because of tissue make-up differences. You can rectify it by a fuckload of exercise, though.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:46, Reply)
If they're feeling hypothermic when it's 20+ degrees C
then there's something very wrong with them!
I meant wannabe gangstas rather than those who are merely a "bit cold".
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:42, Reply)
No, I'll just knock out some intron repetitive sequences and knock in a reporter sequence
That expresses something like GFP or Cherry when the nerve cells in the optical nerve are exposed to something like Britain must be stopped, X factor or Big Brother.

Then, once a week, everyone has to go and stand under a fluorescent light source. If you glow green or red, double-tap to the head and into an unmarked grave.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:43, Reply)
This makes sense
The bullets are expensive though, aren't they?
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:46, Reply)
We'll just put a tax on purchases at Iceland and KFC to cover it.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:48, Reply)
And McDonald's

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:56, Reply)


(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 10:05, Reply)
I'd double-tap that.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 10:19, Reply)
*v signs*
*chews cigar*
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:39, Reply)
We are the DREAM TEAM

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:44, Reply)
We could get some really nice suits made Monce
You know, like REALLY nice.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:45, Reply)
Wi-cked!!!

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:47, Reply)
Imma get a shiny green one with a red lining

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:48, Reply)
Like it! Military-style.
I was thinking more 'salmon pink zoot suit with cape and shorts' for me. Like Rufus Thomas wears in 'Wattstax'.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:51, Reply)
Man, that'll suit you
We're going to be the sexies boys in the whole UN!
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:53, Reply)
NO CHANGE THERE, THEN!!!!

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:55, Reply)
*sexies*

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:58, Reply)
*removes shiny green suit with red lining from Amazon wishlist*
No, I mean, I'm sure it will look great on you Tee Aitch.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:51, Reply)
When I get it I'll let you try it on
I can take some pictures of you on my iPhone. Also, I'm going to need an iPhone.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:53, Reply)
I'm not sure how my skill set fits with this role.
What are the day to day demands of the job?
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:42, Reply)
sartorial elegance, Dozer.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:44, Reply)
LEISURE CENTRE MANAGEMENT mainly.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:45, Reply)
Hey Monty
Is there a dress code for lolbash? Only I have these shorts that look like miniskirts that I wanted to wear. I think I might pair them with some slutty heels. Oh man, I hope somebody else doesn't turn up in the same outfit. Is there going to be somewhere for me to lock up my fixie?

So Enzyme doesn't have a penis, eh? That explains a few things. If I didn't have a penis, I'd probably be tedious, too. I mean, I've barely got one as it is and I'm already pretty fucking boring.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:41, Reply)
well, be fair Kroney, you're a pretty fucking boring person anyway.
The size of your penis won't change that fact.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:42, Reply)
there is no way he'd risk competing with my legs, it's all good
his cankles are nothing like as rounded and chunky
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:43, Reply)
Mine are depressingly elegant :(

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:44, Reply)
I'm glad you live in a country that's lethal to humans

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:43, Reply)
It's only lethal if you're a weakling.
I have survived nearly 21 years here, and I'm doing just fine.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:47, Reply)
You should go for a nice walk in the countryside

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:49, Reply)
Hahahah morning K-Dogg

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:47, Reply)
Mine'll be a laaaarge cognac, Boycie
NOBODY has made this joke before
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:50, Reply)
I have read and re-read this but no. I do not get it.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:56, Reply)
It may - MAY - be a reference to some sort of television programme

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:57, Reply)
That could explain why I've no idea what he's on about.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 10:03, Reply)
I don't even OWN an television

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 10:08, Reply)
Anyone see Neil Oliver's superb programme on Vikings last night?
It was brilliant but it did mean I missed a Peter Sutcliffe one on 5. My brother texted me updates from it though.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 10:05, Reply)
So often I go through the tv guide
and go "ooh, a documentary on sutcliffe/manson family/fred west/etc" then glance across "oh....it's on five"
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 10:08, Reply)
Not the greatest are they?

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 10:11, Reply)
No, there's just something about docu's on Five
that aren't quite right.
(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 10:11, Reply)
They tend to be low-rent US ones they've done a UK voiceover on.

(, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 10:15, Reply)

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