A short Tale of the Unexplained
By Kaol, age 22 and a half.

Story in reply, as seems to be the Done Thing.
( Cawl, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 3:48, 12 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

The Twenty-Nineth Night
He glanced at the scratches on the wall.
Twenty-nine.
Nearly a month he'd been here, trapped with his own thoughts.

His eyes flicked back to the window. Still no sign of It.

He sighed, letting his mind wander back to the last night of his freedom.
Blood had flowed freely, people had screamed, flesh had torn at his touch. Warmth flooded his body, causing a delicious shudder to run the length of his spine as he smiled in recollection.

It was quiet tonight, the Voice no longer screamed into his brain, telling him what to do.

He leaned back against the cold, white-washed wall, breathing deeply.

~Tonight~

He heard It hiss in his brain, sending icy waves through his skull.
He hadn't been abandoned here after all.
He knew exactly what to do.

Reaching into the folds of the loose green gown that they given him, he smiled as his fingers closed around the jagged shard of wood that he'd broken from the window sill.
It wasn't ideal, but it only had one job to do.

~Soon~

It was more urgent this time, hissing like a snake, he could feel It twisting inside his head, icy coils raising the hairs on the back of his neck.

He clenched his teeth and nodded, more for his own conformation than anything else.
“Soon.” He whispered, grinning to himself.

He leaned back against the wall, glanced quickly at the door to make sure he was out of sight, and then shut his eyes, letting his mind drift back to those sweet, bloodstained days of freedom.

He remembered the last one, looking deeply into her eyes as the final flickers of light died in them.
The were blue. Pretty eyes, full of fear.

~Now. Wake up. It's time~

His eyes snapped open, his skin crawled and he felt himself shudder in terror as he saw the looming, shadowy Shape on the far side of the room.
It was pointing at the door.

~Now. One more. You'll be free~

He turned, just as the footsteps stopped outside the door.
Tensing every muscle in his body, he waited.
He heard the viewing hatch slide open, then close.
A key grated slowly in the lock.
The door slowly opened.


He gazed deeply into her eyes.
They were blue. Pretty eyes, fading fast.
He smiled, twisting the wood free from her chest and letting her crumple to the floor.

He looked back into the room, but the Shape had vanished.

~Go. NOW~

The urgency in the Voice was like a cold knife in his stomach.

He strode quickly down the corridor, a smile on his lips and blood staining his face and hands.
( Cawl, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 3:51, Reply)

I like it.

( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Sun 6 Jul 2008, 6:39, Reply)

@Kaol.
You have a wicked mind. But then we already knew that.
( girlinthehole, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 8:13, Reply)

Eeeeeeeeek
you are a scary man. I may feel compelled to hire a bodyguard for the Edinburgh bash....
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Sun 6 Jul 2008, 9:24, Reply)

I read this as Gollum
escaping from a locked room. Not sure why though.

Liking it a lot
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 10:48, Reply)

Hmmmmm.
Thank you for posting that, Kaol.

(Quick, while he's distracted- get rid of anything sharp in his vicinity.)

(Nicely done though...)
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Sun 6 Jul 2008, 12:30, Reply)

Admit it
That's just a page from your diary.

I liked it.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:08, Reply)

Yay, thanks everyone!
*grins*

It was fun to write!
( Cawl, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 16:06, Reply)

Another one with legs!
This story throws up many questions and that's always a good thing with a story as it provides something to keep the reader interested. I want to know why he started killing, what were those days of freedom like? At the moment he's a totally unsympathetic character - he's a murderer - but he could become sympathetic once we find out why he's killing. What is it that drives him on?

I do like the way the writing is very spare and direct and were you to write more for this particular piece I would suggest that you consider altering the tone once he's 'outside' or for when (if) we see his past. That way the impact of this section is kept up and it remains chilling.

Keep writing! And like all the others - if you don't feel it's got any potential for you right now, put it away and come back to it in a week or a month's time.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 23:26, Reply)

I like it a lot
It's wonderfully written!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 10:58, Reply)

I fucking love this
Nuff said.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 10 Feb 2009, 11:16, Reply)