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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Fuck this
Best TV comedy show/character/line ever, British and American. Go.

Alt: GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

AltAlt: /OT Battle Royale, who'd win?
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:09, 181 replies, latest was 10 years ago)
he's back, but they've taken his empty coffee mug...so no tapping, just staring

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:11, Reply)
Wink at him

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:12, Reply)
is he staring at you?

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:12, Reply)
yes :(
now he's tapping his cigarette lighter
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:13, Reply)
he's gone \o/

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:14, Reply)
no wait, he's standing outside smoking
and staring
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:14, Reply)
Ask him if he's ever played the 2048 game.

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:16, Reply)
he's gone...at least I can't see him anymore
that was fucking weird
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:18, Reply)
He's out there somewhere
Waiting, watching...
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:19, Reply)
wanking

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:30, Reply)
Phil from Modern Family

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:12, Reply)
altalt: Bobby, becasue he is full of rage and could simply crush everyone to death with his enormous bulk

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:12, Reply)
I think Bobby would burn out pretty quickly
but in the process absolutely destroy everyone who's ever pissed him off.

So the upshot of this scenario is, only those who haven't mocked Bobby would be left standing.

I WIN
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:14, Reply)
Me too!

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:16, Reply)


(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:17, Reply)
HAHAHAHAAHAHAAA!

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:18, Reply)
Who you gonna call?
Spunkbusters
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:35, Reply)
Right, who'd win a fight out of you and me?
We need a decent incentive or we'd just call it a draw and go to the pub. Winner gets... a go on Swipey. Backdoor access guaranteed.
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:21, Reply)
Sporters would win
Purely because the sight of all the fighting would bring on an attack of the bloo bloo's and you would sit in the corner self harming
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:24, Reply)
This is an excellent point
except for the last bit, why would I go to the effort of SELF harming when I could wade in and have someone else do it? Never underestimate my congenital laziness
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:29, Reply)
Ah but you forget as by your statement everyone else is out of the fight
so its only you and sporters left... so wading in would be less energy efficient than self hamring
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:30, Reply)
Are we thinking about this too much?
Fuck it, nowt else on is there. I suppose it depends if I'd come tooled up. If I didn't have something to self-harm with I'd have to go to the shops which is more effort again.
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:35, Reply)
HAR HAR LAZY WILLY LAZY WILLY

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:33, Reply)
Antidepressants and antipsychotics will do that to a man

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:34, Reply)
Fuck me you've got a good memory
Or you work for the NSA

Or I'm forgetting that not everyone is as thick and drugged-up as me
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:35, Reply)
I think you only mentioned it two days ago

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:37, Reply)
Well yeah but
a) Look at the standard of brains around you

b) Those are some mighty long words right there

c) I don't have a third point, I'm just filling so I can do this

d) ?????

e) Etc
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:45, Reply)
f) PROFIT!!!

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:55, Reply)
I'm a lover not a fighter

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:31, Reply)
Which is exactly why I lobbed in that incentive

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:33, Reply)
I think it would be a close fight, actually
As you'd be all nimble with dancing but I'd only have to hit you once and your piercings would cause you massive blood loss
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:35, Reply)
Ah but I could remove them and use the spiky ones as weapons
Frankly Bonzo is right, if you hit me once it would cause massive fluid loss via crying and you'd be able to kick me to death
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:37, Reply)
Anything involving Armando Iannucci and/or Chris Morris
No other comedy shows have been funny for ages.

Alt: Go baby

Altalt: In France they're called a Battle Royale with cheese
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:15, Reply)
*smothers it in that shit*

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:16, Reply)
Rachel is a human being not an 'it'

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:17, Reply)
My pick for best British comedy show and character would be The Thick Of It and Malcolm Tucker
and it's impossible to pick just one of his lines, although "You were like a sweaty octopus trying to unhook a bra" is a classic.

So yeah, you're right, Tangles.

I mean Mrs Brown's Boys. What the FUCK
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:19, Reply)
My mum and dad like Mrs Brown's Boys.
That tells me enough that I don't ever need to watch it.
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:21, Reply)
I can see why you were attracted to your thick wife

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:22, Reply)
You've seen her tits and all?

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:23, Reply)
Yep

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:25, Reply)
everyone has

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:25, Reply)
And another thing
'Member when tv sketch shows used to consist of new sketches each week, instead of a limited number of characters, in a limited number of scenarios, repeated ad nauseum?
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:20, Reply)
which was nice

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:21, Reply)
I guess it did start with the Fast Show
But wasn't that also kind of the point of the show?
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:22, Reply)
I think the difference between The Fast Show and the likes of Little Britain
is that the former had a wide and very talented cast and even though you knew what the pay-off would be, the set-up was fairly consistently excellent
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:23, Reply)
Indeed, often the 'punchline' wasn't particularly funny, but it was the getting there that could amuse.

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:25, Reply)
Much like sex with YM

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:29, Reply)
It could be hit and miss but the dialogue was excellent
All the same I think Whitehouse (and to a lesser extent Enfield) have to carry the can for making young comedians believe that interesting, clever humour is too much effort compared to coining a catchphrase and repeating it forever.
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:30, Reply)
When Enfield started doing it (Loadsamoney, etc.) most people missed the point of the characters and just focused on the catchphrases.
But then he actually made loads of money out of it, so I guess he was prepared to go with it.
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:33, Reply)
He was meta before meta was meta

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:38, Reply)
Hi. I'm Stunned Winchester.

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:23, Reply)
Oh god, don't start
Anything David Walliams is vaguely involved with becomes the worst kind of dross the second his association is announced
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:22, Reply)
Oh God I am sick of that man at the moment
Little tangle has got a load of audio books written by him to listen to in the car and they are incredibly shit and repetitive.
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:24, Reply)
With all due respect
you have failed your progeny.

A child is never too young to be shown how much better, in every conceivable aspect including honesty concerning one's sexuality, Stephen Fry is than David Walliams.
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:25, Reply)
Now that I think about it
If we were devising a scale to represent the pinnacle and nadir of capability and accomplishment, "The Fry-Walliams Scale" would be a pretty good name for it.

I might get on Kickstarter.
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:27, Reply)
Fry is massively overrated and over exposed

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:28, Reply)
He's overexposed because he's comfortably the best thing on TV and has been for years

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:32, Reply)
He is exposed to a wide variety of 'culture', some good, some bad
He is aware of the obvious flaws in Walliams' writing, but being only eight, still likes a stupid shit joke.
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:30, Reply)
I can hardly point fingers, I still laugh when I fart

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:33, Reply)
mini ape can fart on demand and find's it hilarious

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:34, Reply)
Baby tangles also has this ability
It must be a girl thing
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:35, Reply)
But I'm a boy....
oh I see what you did there
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:38, Reply)
Super Hans

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:17, Reply)
what fuck is wrong with this costa
now there is a teenage boy with obviously shaped eyebrows wearing actual leggings...
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:20, Reply)
Where the fuck are you?

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:22, Reply)
Winchester high street
I may have made a terrible mistake
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:23, Reply)
Winchester
Home of the Jeggings.
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:25, Reply)
turns out they are "drop crotch" leggings ffs

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:27, Reply)
"drop crotch" leggings.
FFS indeed.
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:31, Reply)
Run
Run for your life!
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:26, Reply)
No worse than the one your parents made

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:32, Reply)
Just because they are dressed suggestively doesn't give you the right to touch them on the cunt

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:22, Reply)
You're not in the Royston Vasey branch, are you?

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:23, Reply)
Alles klar

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:25, Reply)
I think the trick is one of the following
a) Don't go cruising in Soho

or

b) Don't tell the internet about it when you do
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:24, Reply)
That chap off that programme.
Altalt: We've got lots of Northerners on here, they're brought up bare knuckle boxing to get their parents through their gin habits. They sleep in cold, damp six-in-a-room tenements and start smoking at six.

One of them will win.
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:22, Reply)
Look if I'm awake at 6am I deserve a fucking smoke

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:24, Reply)
Get out, you're soft as shite, son.

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:25, Reply)
I am now you've turned up
*destiffens*
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:26, Reply)
If I had a penny...

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:27, Reply)
+ farthing I could join CQ's cycling club

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:28, Reply)
You could buy most of Newcastle

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:28, Reply)
Hahaha
First click of the day
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:31, Reply)
Not that you'd want to

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:33, Reply)
i'll just leave this here
www.youtube.com/watch?v=XWb5Qx1X3as
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:35, Reply)
Bit boring after 3 mins of the same joke

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:59, Reply)
People from the Northeast are famously rough as fuck.

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:25, Reply)
Skin like leather from a lifetime working the docks.

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:26, Reply)
I heard Ant and Dec beat 'Barry the Bapitist' into a bloody pulp then bummed him

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:26, Reply)
They haven't, due to at least one of them being fictional.
But they *could*
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:27, Reply)
tggi

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:33, Reply)
No offence.

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:34, Reply)
Nowt tekken

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:37, Reply)
Sorry, mate. Calm down. I didn't mean nothing by it.
NOT MY BEAUTIFUL FACE!
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:38, Reply)
NAY TRUBBLE
MARE LEEK A BASTAD
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:38, Reply)
\o/
www.bananamanmovie.com/
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:31, Reply)
No one thought that a Dangermouse film would be better?

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:34, Reply)
Dangermouse was excellent.

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:37, Reply)
It's the only good thing David Jason has ever been in

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:38, Reply)
Except for Myfanwy Talog.

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:38, Reply)
Don't go giving away casting secrets about the third Hobbit film you bastard

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:39, Reply)
David Jason has been in your fanny?

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:42, Reply)
We've all been in Stunned's fanny

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:44, Reply)
It is actually a bridlepath and I am not allowed to deny anyone access.

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:45, Reply)
Brown Beauty

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:46, Reply)
Champion, the Wonder Arse.

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:46, Reply)
Its not that good

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 11:03, Reply)
Not without Terry Scott

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:38, Reply)
It wouldn't be the same.
Perhaps we might get Walliams to voice Penfold?
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:39, Reply)
Or - and this is just a thought - someone good?

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:40, Reply)
think i've persuaded berk to come on sat. woooooo and indeed yaaaaaaaay

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:41, Reply)
Poor berk

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:41, Reply)
*opens trapdoor*

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:42, Reply)
just because nobody wants you to come
except your wife, who can't wait to see the (inordinately hairy) back of ye
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:43, Reply)
I did wonder what happened to my invitation

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:43, Reply)
I told her to invite you months ago.

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:47, Reply)
Thanks pal, I know you are a true friend

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:48, Reply)
his exact words were, "if that mung bean eating yurt prick shows his hairy face, everyone else will leave"

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 11:00, Reply)
Good news.

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:46, Reply)
Dads' Army was good, as was Steptoe

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:40, Reply)

And I would rain down on you so hard, you would have to be reassembled by fucking air crash investigators. [Phil tries to protest] DO NOT FUCKING interrupt me, son, ever! Now get this into the noggin, right. You breathe a word of this, to anyone, you mincing fucking CUNT, and I will tear your fucking skin off, I will wear it to your mother's birthday party, and rub your nuts up and down her leg whilst whistling Bohemian fucking Rhapsody, right!?

altalt: me. i do it every day.
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:42, Reply)
Oh well played
Sadly you're not in the Battle Royale, you're the prize for the victor
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:46, Reply)
*punches*
*bums*
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:47, Reply)

+booby
victor loser
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:48, Reply)
HOW DARE YOU BRING UP SWIPEY'S TITS
SHE NEVER DOES THAT
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:50, Reply)
+ON

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:51, Reply)
i rely on my over the shoulder boulder holders to do that

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:59, Reply)
That does make you sound a BIT like a Mordor Troll
Sorry
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 11:02, Reply)
it's what nature gave me :(

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 11:06, Reply)
So you say
But where is the evidence!?
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 11:13, Reply)
facebook

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 11:14, Reply)
*scrambles across internet*

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 11:17, Reply)
what??

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:59, Reply)
Bend over
This wont hurt a bit
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 11:00, Reply)
this just sounds like you have a max clifford thing going on down there

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 11:01, Reply)
haha!
I did like his team's defence of "Its not that small, honest"
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 11:02, Reply)
nobody wants a big dick anyway
ooooh yeah, gimme that cystitis baby. no thanks.
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 11:07, Reply)
This is exactly why we have so much cranberry juice in our house

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 11:08, Reply)
something strap on something butthole

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 11:14, Reply)
This is basically saying that Froggles is hung like an ant
Poor Froggles
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 11:34, Reply)
I make no secret of it

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 11:35, Reply)
fair enough old bean

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 11:36, Reply)
What's all this shit about a new 12 sided (dodecagon) pound coin?
WTF? I've only just got used to not having £1 notes.
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:53, Reply)
It's not coming out until 2017, we'll all be dead by then

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:54, Reply)
What of?

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:57, Reply)
old age

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:58, Reply)
Phew!
I haven't got time to learn a new pound coin.
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:57, Reply)
every cloud mate

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:58, Reply)
Sunset, sunrise.

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:58, Reply)
everything is dust in the wind

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:59, Reply)
dude

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:59, Reply)
It looks like a token you get in arcades to play Skeeball

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:58, Reply)
You hang out in arcades and empty young lads balls?

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:59, Reply)
Yes
Of spunk

With my hands, mouth and anus
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 11:01, Reply)
NEEDS MOAR GAPING

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 11:01, Reply)
i got a £20 coin for christmas

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:59, Reply)
Cool.
What was it commemorating?
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 10:59, Reply)
Christmas

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 11:00, Reply)
RIP Jeebus.

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 11:01, Reply)
no idea, i haven't taken it out of the box
i got a £5 limited edition once as a student, and spent it on beers. i won't do that again.
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 11:01, Reply)
I have taken it out of the box

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 11:02, Reply)
i make you sleep on the balcony, like the dog that you are
don't pretend you get access to stuff
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 11:12, Reply)
you dont have a balcony, thats in the other half of the flat you didnt get

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 11:13, Reply)
i have twin balconies
you are allowed on one of them
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 11:13, Reply)
i go on both when youre not there

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 11:14, Reply)
this is why you're not allowed to be there by yourself
that and the fact that you tuck your wiener between your legs and wear my pants in front of the mirror
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 11:15, Reply)
i do that when youre there too

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 11:16, Reply)
Photos, or it didn't happen.

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 11:20, Reply)
look for chris doing it on "family guy"
the resemblance is startling
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 11:21, Reply)
I've spent loads of £5 coins
I assume they're worth about a fiver.
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 11:03, Reply)
More or less.
There or thereabouts.
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 11:09, Reply)
pure cash, aye, it's not an appreciating asset investment
but sentimentally mine was a gift from my grandad, and he died shortly afterwards, so i felt bad about that.
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 11:12, Reply)
The buyer's inability to find a decent Christmas present

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 11:01, Reply)
feck orf, i was most excited!

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 11:13, Reply)
Old one's too easy to forge, apparently.
Makes sense, seems that only one out every three will actually work in a parking meter.
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 11:10, Reply)
Daddy Pig is the best Character on Television

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 11:03, Reply)
Grampy Rabbit or GTF

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 11:05, Reply)
He's shit at flipping pancakes though

(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 11:06, Reply)
"We must catch this man, he really is a shit."
"There's no cure for being a cunt"

Current favourite TV character is probably Tyrion.

Alt: Nooooooooo

AltAlt: Society
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 11:28, Reply)
I've always found that if ever one feels like one is surrounded by too much female company
Quoting Monty Python does the trick.
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 11:28, Reply)
I've always found that if ever one feels like one is surrounded by too much female company
I produce a picture of Vagabond that clears the room
(, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 11:35, Reply)

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