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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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my sister-in-law just texted and asked me for some book recommendations for summer reading
i have bombarded her with a list. what would you recommend? a victorian san francisco murder mystery with strippers and prostitutes is next on my list: www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/books/bookreviews/10777949/Frog-Music-by-Emma-Donoghue-review.html

alt: it's HOT. what's the best ice cream ever?

altalt: i just had a phone call from a vihjaya lickey. seriously. how do you stop yourself from laughing when it's impossible not to laugh but you really can't laugh?
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:14, 172 replies, latest was 10 years ago)
Alt: mint choc chip.

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:16, Reply)
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:18, Reply)
i hate mint stuff
but mint choc chip ice cream is fucking excellent. hmmmm. perhaps you are not all bad.
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:30, Reply)
My missus also hates mint
Which is why I brush my genitals with toothpaste
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:53, Reply)
Alt: Vanilla

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:23, Reply)

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B00L3J9U1C/ref=s9_simh_gw_p351_d0_i1?pf_rd_m=A3P5ROKL5A1OLE&pf_rd_s=center-2&pf_rd_r=1ZJZTSN956X5VMR67RDZ&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=455344027&pf_rd_i=468294

alt: Coconut.

altalt: I'm a po faced humourless cunt. It's quite easy really.
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:23, Reply)

po faced humourless
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:31, Reply)
Also accurate.

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:31, Reply)
i don't mind you being a cunt. in fact, i quite like it.
but coconut ice cream????????????? COCONUT?
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:32, Reply)
Coconut ice cream and yoghurt are pure 100% win

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:35, Reply)
Especially with lime sorbet.

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:39, Reply)
nononononononono
coconuts are good for precisely one thing. launching onto people's heads when they are annoying on the beach. not for eating.
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:42, Reply)
Coconuts are for curry.
The end.
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:44, Reply)
why would you put something sweet in a curry?
gay korma
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:45, Reply)
Korma? Fack off.
Coconut is a pretty staple ingredient in south Indian and Tamil food.
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:47, Reply)
And a million fictional horses fell silent, as special effects departments up and down the land lost one of their most commonly used tools.

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:49, Reply)
i liked this
i mean, not enough to click it or anything, but i liked it.
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:57, Reply)
Any opinion you have regarding food is invalid.
You should know this by now.
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:38, Reply)
dear god why did i click on that amazon link?
i hope a lime fists you and a coconut falls on your head
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:40, Reply)
Lightning never strikes twice.

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:44, Reply)
I've a tub of banoffee that I'm going to shovel into, I've handed in resignation and am using up holidays, Ice cream is excellent.

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:26, Reply)
you're doing the pub thing??

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:30, Reply)
So you're definitely buying the pub then?

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:30, Reply)
Yes to both of you. I may operate an abortion clinic in the function room. And se. dodgy prescriptions.

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:39, Reply)
I mean this nicely, but I really hope you're in a secure realtionship.

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:41, Reply)
Yhanks for the concern, but yes, we are.

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:44, Reply)
Well, good luck.
I really hope you know what you're getting you and your wife in to.
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:48, Reply)
you're doing this wrong
you're supposed to ask if he's single and then hit him up with cock gazzes. don't you know ANYTHING?!

also HIIIIIIIII
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:44, Reply)
I'm trying to be nice.
I've seen so many relationships where one person is in hospitality break down.
Also, hiiiiii back!
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:47, Reply)
From hospital to hospitality

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:49, Reply)
I'd stick with the hospital.

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:51, Reply)
It's gp practice, not meat clinic.

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:53, Reply)
So you're leaving a secure job as a gp with god pay to run a pub?
Oh mate, you naive little sausage.
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:57, Reply)
Its ok he was a danger to the public anyway

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 11:05, Reply)
How so? I gather you're in the pub trade, what are your concerns?

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 11:07, Reply)
It's a shit business
And a young man's game, at best.
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 11:10, Reply)
I'd never go back to it unless I had a partner to Co run it,
Or enough money coming in to pay a manager.
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 11:38, Reply)
Are you going in as a GM or have you got someone else to run it?

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 11:10, Reply)
He's going to be tenant as far as I can tell.

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 11:37, Reply)
Yes, right.

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 11:39, Reply)
We've chatted about this, I'm not sure it's a great idea, but I wish you all the luck in the world with it.

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 11:41, Reply)
It will be fine as long as he gets in with one of the big Pubcos
As they are fair and treat their tenanted landlords with respect and in no way rip them off on the beer prices
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 11:44, Reply)
I got stung by delivery costs the first time I was working for Marston.
I could order anything, but if I didn't order a certain amount from their floor hold stock (basically shirt date shit no one wants) I paid through the nose for delivery. They're fucking ruthless
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 11:47, Reply)
And they are one of the better ones

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 11:51, Reply)
Ty for the cock gaz,

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:49, Reply)
I mean this nicely, but I really hope you lose everything you hold dear.

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:42, Reply)
such bullying.

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:47, Reply)
I'm just toughening him up so he's ready for the real world.

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:48, Reply)
Thank you.

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:52, Reply)
I mean this nicely, but I really hope you have a break down and kill yourself.

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:43, Reply)
Good luck with it man, it's not an easy industry, but it can be really rewarding.
Like I said, any questions you got that I might be able to help with let me know.
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 11:35, Reply)
Thanks for that mate, I'm sure we'll pick your brains a few times the coming months.

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 11:41, Reply)
Anything by Stephen King
He is possibly the bestest writer out there.

I often recommend Great Apes,

alt: Mint choc or pistachio

altalt... by being well paid to do a job and act like a professional*




Not really of course
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:30, Reply)
wait a minute
how are you judging "greatness"? can you do that without dozer?
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:31, Reply)
+ IT

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:33, Reply)
hello?

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:42, Reply)
Yeah I've forgotten my password again

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:43, Reply)
Its "fucknugget"

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:47, Reply)
Thanks, you're a much better IT guy than Kroney

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:49, Reply)
Who isnt...

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:50, Reply)
Monty, Stunned, Swipe, Stephen fucking Hawking
I'm amazing.
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:51, Reply)
You'd pay good money to witness Monty spending a day fielding the calls you deal with on an average day though

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:53, Reply)
Everything floats down here

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:49, Reply)
stephen King? Best? Reaaallly?
If you want horror, Clive Barker is much better (except a couple of the later ones, but they still kick King's ass)
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:45, Reply)
Was mocking a thread from yesterday

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:49, Reply)
oh OK
that makes more sense. I'm sure he's a fine author but he's not even best in his genre, I think he's just good at marketing
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:50, Reply)
I'm reading Lemmy's autobiography at the moment
The warty one, not the feathery one

Alt:
Malteser and Horlicks from Beckleberry

AltAlt:
Pretend to cough
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:35, Reply)
Saw them at Hyde Park last week,
He is looking old now. Got the old man big ears and long teeth and grey face. He can still rock, and I'm convinced he's just going to keel over on stage one day.
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:54, Reply)
the feathery one was being super cute last night
after a morning of being all peevish and bitey teenager
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:56, Reply)
Birds are not cute
they are the shit pet of the elderly
HTHs
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:57, Reply)
Have you got one then?

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 11:06, Reply)
I have a proper persons pet
a dog for men, and not a gay one either
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 11:09, Reply)
^ can't pull the birds ^

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 11:15, Reply)
*Been married that long that I can barely pull myself *

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 12:07, Reply)
Banana ice cream FTW!!!

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:35, Reply)
Salted caramel ice cream.
Next thread.
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:37, Reply)
you say this, and it's a fair answer
but how about jaffa orange ice cream enclosed in a shell of chocolate? or lemon curd ice cream studded with jammy dodger? or turkish delight ice cream with chunks of rose and lemon turkish delight?

i don't think you thought this through.
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:41, Reply)
do these things exist in real life?
or just London?
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:49, Reply)
i had them in halifax!
jaffa cake sounds great with a reet yorkshire accent.
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:55, Reply)
i didn't know banks did ice cream!

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:55, Reply)
it's a building society!

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:56, Reply)
Oh
that makes more sense
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:56, Reply)
No it's fucking not.
HBOS - Halifax Bank Of Scotland.
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 11:34, Reply)
^Howard

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 11:35, Reply)
How do you think they freeze assets!

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 11:01, Reply)
and cream off the profits

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 11:06, Reply)
not cream off the prophets
though, that was something to do with mary magdelene
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 11:06, Reply)

ary magdelene EGALOLZ!!
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 11:09, Reply)
Pralines and Dick
For all three.
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:39, Reply)
Im in!

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 11:59, Reply)
Alt: I think I'll just skip straight to the cheese course

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:40, Reply)
mung bean and lentil ice cream was never going to be top of the hit list

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:41, Reply)
MONG bean and BENTil more like!!!

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:41, Reply)
Debate: What's the best way to eat ice cream?
Spoon, cone, fork or other?
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:43, Reply)
A FORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
fuck cones. fuck them right in their papery wafery wispy ice cream ruining little asses.
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:43, Reply)
Trough.

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:44, Reply)
Out of a pretty girl's bellybutton.

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:45, Reply)
This guy speaks for me on all things ice cream eating related

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:48, Reply)

out

+f

pretty girl's sailor's
belly button cock
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:49, Reply)
Just leave the tub to melt and drink it while crying about how fat you are.

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:47, Reply)
currently Stanislaw Lem
How did I not find him before? Other than that you can't beat a bit of Bizarro or Kurt Vonnegut. I admit that this is probably not what she's after

alt: ben and jerry's phish food. Not had any in AAAAGES. Or ice cream
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:44, Reply)
oh that's a good choice
i like the frozen yoghurt version. it's still filthy, but slightly less filth.
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:45, Reply)
not had that
is frozen yoghurt just a kind of nod towards social pressures about calorific content?
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:46, Reply)
basically
it means you can eat twice as much
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:53, Reply)
Alt: decent vanilla.
But really the solution is mango sorbet.
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:46, Reply)
Scratch that, Kiwi Sorbet

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:46, Reply)
I don't see how that's going to get me nice and fat whilst I blame it on my social issues.

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:53, Reply)

You could sprinkle sugar on it I guess.
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 11:01, Reply)
Alright Def Leopard.

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 11:02, Reply)
i like sorbet
but it has to be lemon
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:54, Reply)
Only fat cunts with no self control eat ice cream.

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:49, Reply)
so what's your favourite?

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:53, Reply)
Pasty.
Obviously.
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:53, Reply)
with carrots
AND he puts his cream on the scones first.
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:54, Reply)
Clotted cream ice cream is pretty fucking nyom.

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:57, Reply)
always nice to see a Puritanical rival

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:53, Reply)
I don't suppose there is much money for ice cream down your way
not while you are saving up to get running water and a crapper INSIDE the house.
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 11:00, Reply)
Ewwww what kind of fucking rank bastard would shit inside the house.

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 11:03, Reply)
But what will the children do if they arent sent to fetch a pale of water
also toilets indoors, think of the germs
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 11:04, Reply)
Homophones really are your Achilles 'heal', aren't they Bonz?

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 11:08, Reply)
WOT U CALL ME CUNT
I WILL FUCKING STRIPE YOU...


and yes they are when I am typing while doing something else at the same time
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 11:10, Reply)
he tried to get off with a homophone
but he was engaged
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 11:10, Reply)
Very good

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 11:11, Reply)
I wonder if Iced Butter is A Thing (tm)

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 11:41, Reply)

https://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20121110195329AAncsZX
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 12:08, Reply)
alt: Nobbly Bobbly.
I speak with one of our offshore contractors who goes by the name Hamsadham.

I don't even think he eats ham.
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:58, Reply)
I deal with a chap at an Indian service centre
who has given himself the English name of Vernon Lewis.

"Yiz plz, Wernon Loowus here".
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 11:02, Reply)
ham ice cream
c'est bon? Oui, c'est jambon
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 11:02, Reply)
Brown bread ice cream is excellent.

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 11:03, Reply)
Cockerknee slang lols

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 11:05, Reply)
I like Bubble Gum, Millions, Skittles, Haribo and all those flavours.
Or if I'm going ice lolly, then it's mojito.
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 11:15, Reply)
Going Postal & Making Money are two easy to read ones, both enjoyable
Alt: For a cone at home - Mint Choc Chip
From an ice cream van - 99 with a flake
Best lolly - Feast
Best ice cream to eat straight from the tub if you're a fat cunt like myself - Ben & Jerry's Half Baked.

AltAlt: Fake a cough, put the customer on hold and just let the laughter out.
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 11:26, Reply)
Strawberry Cornetto or FTFO.
Alt: best way is just to laugh and claim it was something else that made you laugh. You get more points for making it absolutely fucking obvious it was their stupid name/face/glasses/wobbly tits that made you laugh.
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 11:29, Reply)
You've got the whole world of ice cream types and flavours to choose from
and you go for a Strawberry fucking Cornetto?

Oh dear oh dear oh dear.
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 11:42, Reply)
I bet he gets the off-brand cornetto from pound land as a treat.

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 11:45, Reply)
fish flavoured pornetto

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 11:53, Reply)
Pornetto sounds good

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 11:57, Reply)
GIIIIVE IIIIIT TOOOOO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 11:58, Reply)
12 inches of solid goodness

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 12:08, Reply)
this is lol
that browser is hilarious

www.b3ta.com/questions/anythingformoney/post2326358
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 11:54, Reply)
I prefer scouring second hand shops looking for more obscure ones.
My lad got me Spiceworld: The Movie for 20p.
alt. Cookie dought coconut, bubblegum.
altalt. I really can't I just have to let it out. If I stifle it my face goes all scrunched up. Like a loofer.

I bought some tops online from a website called reem clothing. I hate myself. I was scouring the web an Im too old for all fashion these days.
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 11:56, Reply)
You're not too old for fashion.
You're too fat and bald.
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 11:58, Reply)
'Jacamo' do up to 5XL!!!

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 11:59, Reply)
All the latest fashions.

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 12:01, Reply)
Waist up to 54"!!!

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 12:02, Reply)
You know a little too much about jacamo

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 12:04, Reply)
I looked at their website after typing their name into popular search engine 'Google'
I do that for many things.
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 12:07, Reply)
when you look up sarcasm, is there a link to your posts?

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 12:08, Reply)
I don't know, I already understand sarcasm. Did you not see when you typed 'sarcasm' into popular search engine 'Google' to check you had spelled it correctly?

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 12:11, Reply)
snap

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 12:13, Reply)
Then I reproduce the information I have uncovered in my own words on here and pass it off as if I knew it already.

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 12:09, Reply)
hahahaha

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 12:00, Reply)
Oh you bitch!
I bet you look like a hobo clown in your work overalls and ginger barnet.
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 12:01, Reply)
How can you be so cruel on Winders' birthday? You utter bastard.

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 12:03, Reply)
See, it's true that gays aren't human

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 12:03, Reply)
we can't whistle either.

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 12:04, Reply)
Or look up

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 12:06, Reply)
They can walk upstairs, but not downstairs.

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 12:08, Reply)
It's more fun to slide down the bannister

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 12:08, Reply)

nn rr
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 12:10, Reply)
hahaha!

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 12:11, Reply)
GUILTYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 12:12, Reply)
lol

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 12:27, Reply)
you can take them to water
but you cant make them drink
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 12:10, Reply)
He should be burnt at the stake, surrounded by bundles of sticks bound together as fuel, or 'faggots' to use their proper name.

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 12:05, Reply)
then once cooked he could be made into small meat balls

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 12:12, Reply)
His brain is already the right size.

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 12:12, Reply)
This is a reference to 'Brains Faggots'

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 12:12, Reply)
so he's also the entertaintment?

(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 12:04, Reply)

l w + t
(, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 12:09, Reply)

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