There is a police helicopter circling and hovering overhead, it's annoying and noisy but I sure hope they catch the terrorists/illegal immigrants/paedos they're looking for.
Tell us about the crimes you have witnessed, committed or are planning.....

Alt: How's it going?
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 12:20, 215 replies, latest was 10 years ago)

I used to shoplift when I was younger.
Nothing major. Boots even gave you a bag to put stuff in. walk in one side, get a meal deal bag, fill it with stuff and walk out another door.

DON'T JUDGE ME. I WAS YOUNG AND POOR.

alt. Yer, good ta.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 12:22, Reply)

I was young and poor, but I never stole anything because that's wrong. Stealing is wrong.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 12:25, Reply)

I know and I sought penance but they refused because of my penchant for sodomy.
You can't win with these people.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 12:27, Reply)

Give or take?

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 12:31, Reply)

bit personal

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 12:39, Reply)

I committed a string of sex offences against children in the Aberdeen area in the mid 1990s and remain at large.
Alt: alright
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 12:27, Reply)

Meh, it was different back then

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 12:28, Reply)

those kids were fucking sexy

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 12:29, Reply)

n re...

Too poor for paper
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 12:29, Reply)

Large? Really?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 12:36, Reply)

I'm going to serve underages alcohol.And sell out of date crisps.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 12:30, Reply)

Anything to keep the place going a bit longer before the inevitable

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 12:31, Reply)

It'll be like that poor bastard restaurateur in Goodfellas.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 12:33, Reply)

I have a feeling he's more like Peter Kay in Phoenix Nights

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 12:34, Reply)

He's a pyskick?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 12:36, Reply)

He's a fat unfunny northerner

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 12:37, Reply)

MODS!!!

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 12:40, Reply)

but enough about bent jase

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 12:42, Reply)

We may sell garlic bread too.And for the gastro touch, scampi in the basket.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 12:40, Reply)

Oi. Pub boy.
Why does the best before date on crisps always fall on a Saturday?

This is the sort of shit customers will need answering.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 12:37, Reply)

Is it because one egg is un oeuf?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 12:38, Reply)

I didn't know it did.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 12:41, Reply)

Go and check.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 12:42, Reply)

I witnessed a rape.
Then it was my go, and I committed rape.
( Muns, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 12:47, Reply)

I cut the head of a drug dealer but it was OK coz the po po weren't bothered.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 12:48, Reply)

I heard it's ok though because your family have been killing people in cold blood for generations

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 12:54, Reply)

If you mean dying in droves then you are correct.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 12:55, Reply)

Oh, man. I just had a belting lunch.
Cheese and Onion quiche with a Smoked Mackerel roll. then two pate and salad rolls. And a massive slice of water melon.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:02, Reply)

Speaking as a close personal friend of Billy Bragg and a committed member of the kilburn and cricklewood alliance against both facism and racism you are a fucking watermelonjewnigger

(Mr Udagawa, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:04, Reply)

I'm going to have the Tesco £3 meal deal. I think we can see who the winner is here.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:04, Reply)

I've got Pastrami, mustard, gherkin, and rocket warm baked roll.
It's a bit good.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:10, Reply)

I might bring back 'Field Marshall Dozington-Smythe (Ret.)'.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:04, Reply)

No one cares

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:05, Reply)

alright Frogular D

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:07, Reply)

Change it to 'jumped up dictionary bashing mid-life skater prick'

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:08, Reply)

delete this please

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:10, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2339832
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:10, Reply)

What Snakey said.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:05, Reply)

alright Mullered

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:07, Reply)

Never stole anything, never damaged any property, but we used to get in trouble with the police a bit,
As we used to go up on the college roofs in Oxford and smoke naughty cigarettes.
Also, once spent a night in a cell after a fight. I wouldn't say I was a criminal though.

I am planning to steal your heart.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:08, Reply)

You already have.
Alright?
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:09, Reply)

Yerr. I'm in Taunton. It's miles and miles from home and raining.
You?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:11, Reply)

That sounds shit. I am 'fine', 'thanks'

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:12, Reply)

Oh, I also get my van back tomorrow.
So I might have to go do donuts on the car park in my hire van.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:14, Reply)

Kick it in it's automotive fanny.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:16, Reply)

I've got way more fuel in it than when I picked it up,
And they don't refund the difference, so I might just drive all the way home in 3rd gear.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:19, Reply)

change gear without using the clutch.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:22, Reply)

I wish I had a van.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:17, Reply)

You can have a go in mine.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:20, Reply)

I used to have a van, well it was an Astra estate work vehicle, but it was like a van.
Back when I was *somebody*
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:22, Reply)

I thought it smelt bad on the outside

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:21, Reply)

Yes, I missed this but I have clicked and smirked accordingly

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:24, Reply)

Geek joke alert
I liked this
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:25, Reply)

Also, I'm super excited because one of my Internet hero's is coming for a few pints.
I mean, he's no MEATSNAKE, but he is pretty wizard.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:12, Reply)

Who? NO REAL NAMES

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:12, Reply)

Beefy.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:13, Reply)

BOR-RING!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:13, Reply)

He'll need a pint after seeing his infected relatives.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:16, Reply)

Do you think he'll prefer "hipster posing bar" or "smelly Irish tramp pub"?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:17, Reply)

Is it BloodNinja*
* I may be a bit of a geek
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:15, Reply)

Mola Ram ^

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:11, Reply)

We managed to break into the car park they were building in Sunderland
Ended up on the roof of a few shops on the High St smoking a joint or ten. Next night we tried the same thing to find the bridge across the road had been closed off so ended up running across the top of it into the car park, got seen by a security guard and had to fucking leg it.

Mate got caught by the Police and banged up for the night.

MEGALOLZ
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:18, Reply)

I have spent one night in a police cell, it wasn't very nice.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:19, Reply)

They ent got nuffin on me

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:19, Reply)

I've done about 5 nights in the klink.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:26, Reply)

racist

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:27, Reply)

Very thin mattress, stunk of piss, I gave it a bad review on Trip Advisor

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:27, Reply)

+ping

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:28, Reply)

Not before I got it wasn't.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:28, Reply)

But now you have an inch of lemonade in your lager which takes care of the fighty urges
And you've not been near the cells since?
(berk, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:42, Reply)

Correct.
Keeps me civil.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:44, Reply)

alt: :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
that is all.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:29, Reply)

?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:29, Reply)

*checks email*

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:30, Reply)

^ upset at amount of chins

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:30, Reply)

I BORROWED YM'S

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:33, Reply)

^ Like a Chinese phone directory

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:34, Reply)

No thanks, I've got one

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:40, Reply)

Thats Mexican

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:41, Reply)

No, he's a Londoner
/ac
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:59, Reply)

has the comedy show finally been picked up by TLC?

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:38, Reply)

There will be Waterfalls if it has

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:40, Reply)

I wouldn't go chasing it, to be honest

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:40, Reply)

Creep

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:41, Reply)

There was a helicopter in Heartbeat today frog.
Amazing or what?
(DBT became a fruitarian on, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:51, Reply)

My mate looks like Nick Berry
hence his nickname is Heartbeat
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:53, Reply)

My Mam had 'Every Loser Wins'... on vinyl... :(

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:55, Reply)

That is amazing
My mum once said she thought I looked like Nick Berry, she has very very bad eyesight.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:53, Reply)

www.independent.co.uk/news/science/archaeology/lavish-tomb-buried-for-2100-years-with-gold-and-treasure-discovered-in-china-9648755.html

That's it. Im taking up Tomb Raiding again.
Yer yer, raiding mens tombs, taking it up the tomb etc.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:54, Reply)

I always had you down as more of a cradle snatcher than a grave robber.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:56, Reply)

Nah. Don't like young un's
You're thinking of dozer. He likes twinks.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 14:03, Reply)

ALL GAYZ R NONSIS

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 14:04, Reply)

My mate Vlad said so

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 14:06, Reply)

yeah, we also want to fuck every straight man we meet.
Usually the most repulsive ones are the ones that hate this the most.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 14:10, Reply)

My uncle, who holds some very archaic views on modern life, believes this.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 14:11, Reply)

I mean sure, we will check you out, much the same as you'd check out a woman.
Doesn't mean we want to bump uglies.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 14:12, Reply)

You don't need to tell me m8, I don't really think all homosexual men are aids ridden paedophiles conducting unnatural deviant perverse lifestyles.
You do all like shit music though.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 14:14, Reply)

I will definitely admit to that.
we just like a party
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 14:19, Reply)

A Jolie good joke

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 5 Aug 2014, 13:57, Reply)