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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
Pages: Latest, 836, 835, 834, 833, 832, ... 1

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morning, dickholes
who fancies a greasy spoon until the pubs open?
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 8:00, 171 replies, latest was 10 years ago)
up yours, dickface

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 8:08, Reply)
shit on it, moser

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 8:13, Reply)
It's covered in biscuit crumbs

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 8:21, Reply)
I'm in

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 8:10, Reply)
bosh

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 8:14, Reply)
No beans on mine - I'll have extra mushrooms

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 8:29, Reply)
controversial

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 8:38, Reply)
Beans are awful
I'd like black pudding too* - cooked crisp on the outside.

*strikethroughs in 3, 2, 1......
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:00, Reply)
Captain Placid likes puddings, to have crispy?

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:04, Reply)
*golf clap*

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:08, Reply)
fucking hell m8

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:56, Reply)

3, 2, 1 my botty
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:08, Reply)
nah mate

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 8:14, Reply)
thank fuck

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 8:14, Reply)
fuck off dozers

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 8:21, Reply)
No. Stick something up your own bum. I've got a headache

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 8:31, Reply)
Black pudding with mine

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 8:31, Reply)
*offal breakfast fistbumps*

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 8:38, Reply)
What's the vegetarian breakfast like?

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 8:51, Reply)
it's a boiled egg and a look of absolute contempt

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 8:56, Reply)
The vegan option is a good kicking

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:21, Reply)
they'd enjoy that
anything would be a blessed relief from bean sprouts and quinoa
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:32, Reply)
mine's a blueberry muffin with decaffeinated green tea

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 8:57, Reply)
You disgust me

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 8:58, Reply)
fucking hell

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 8:59, Reply)
maybe a nice pomegranate half as well

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:09, Reply)
I like pomegranates.
But still ... fucking hell
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:20, Reply)
might even have a small portion of all bran

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:22, Reply)
no wonder swipe fancies you
you'd make a lovely co-dependent anorexic couple
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:33, Reply)
on Sunday I had organic poached eggs with steamed asparagus

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:48, Reply)
I hope you fucking die, slowly, horribly and painfully
I hope that in the unlikely event that anyone exists who cares for you, that they find you and are forced to clean up the mess left by your gruesome death.
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:09, Reply)
I like this.

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:18, Reply)
Enjoy the bash?

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:22, Reply)
Yes. Was a good laugh.

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:21, Reply)
I don't like baked beans. A friend made me beans on toast for breakfast after I'd stayed over.
I felt it would have been rude to refuse and so I ate it. That I have manners is scant comfort in the face of the extreme and long lasting PTSD they have inflicted.
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:17, Reply)
^^^ Beanwrong

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:21, Reply)
WHY DOES NOBODY CARE ABOUT MY LIVING NIGHTMARE?

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:21, Reply)
I care Kroney. Baked beans on toast is for Povvos, Kids and Cunts.

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:23, Reply)
This weekend I had leek and mustard sausages with red onions in a nice ciabatta.

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:34, Reply)
you know what they say about people who put vegetables in sausages, right?

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:36, Reply)
I do not.

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:39, Reply)
Neither do I.
I want to know who "they" are too.
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:42, Reply)
Ill be honest PJ, I reckon he's got nothing.

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:43, Reply)
they say that they're pork-dodging cunts
that's what THEY say
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:46, Reply)
The sausage also had pork in it.
I didn't think that needed to be spelled out. I'm a proper man, not some sallow skinny armed Tangles-a-like.
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:49, Reply)
Its better and more socially acceptable than putting your sausage in a vegtable?

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:43, Reply)
*applause*

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:02, Reply)
I didn't like Coffee but in Japan I was given a cup of coffee and thought I would drink it to be polite and found I loved it
When I got back to Blighty I went out and bought a jar of coffee and discovered it was just as fucking shit as I remembered. What I actually discovered is I had been given shit coffee my whole life. Freshly ground or fuck off.
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:22, Reply)
Buy beans, grin them yourself and you'll never want ready ground again.
It's madness that this stuff appears to make a difference, but it does seem to.
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:24, Reply)
I do sir. I have a grinder at home and at work.
The difference is in the oil. You don't get that little slick on the top of ready ground.
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:25, Reply)
Much like wine, I don't understand any of the science or whatever behind it
I just know that good stuff tastes better.
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:27, Reply)
You have to grind your own grapes

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:32, Reply)
[convoluted anal gaping strike through here]

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:36, Reply)
(_0_)

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:43, Reply)
upside down choirboy? sexy as fuck

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:58, Reply)
'upside down choirboy'?
Never tried that position
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:30, Reply)
It's a variant on the "wheelbarrow"
but involving a rosary, incense, far too much kneeling and lots of candles.
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:41, Reply)
POIDH

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:45, Reply)

a e
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:28, Reply)

have use a e
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:28, Reply)

everything hahahaha gay dating sites at work lolz!
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:33, Reply)
Oh, come on.
It's Monday morning.
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:34, Reply)
I'm reporting your shitness to that mod we have in here.

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:36, Reply)
hahayeah ... like this place had Mods any more since the Admins ran away to write sub-buzzfeed quizzes

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:37, Reply)
b3th is the mod
She's the shittest mod ever but shes the only one we have.
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:41, Reply)
Ah, you love me really.

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:42, Reply)
yerr I know ... but they're all powerless since the Admins abandoned ship

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:47, Reply)
I still got stepped for "Tosser Go Away"
Mod Cunts!
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:55, Reply)
fascist bastards

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:56, Reply)
WAIT A MINUTE I SENSE A JOKE HERE POSSIBLY ABOUT A WELL-KNOWN SITE FOR BENDERS
...but I just can't work it out...
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:33, Reply)
lemon party

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:35, Reply)
Do you also push pineapples?

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:44, Reply)
You keep your disgusting sexual perversions to yourself.
Morning.
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:27, Reply)
there's no point having disgusting sexual perversions of you keep them to yourself

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:48, Reply)
ALL THE CHILDREN SAY

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:52, Reply)
meatsnake poster had a "mega breakfast" yesterday, although it was more of a west london yummy mummy deli than a greasy spoon, if we're being accurate here
2 sausages, 4 rashers of bacon, black pudding, 3 hash browns, 2 pieces of toast, a mountain of fried mushrooms, 2 fried eggs and baked beans.

i had a diet coke and retched silently at pretty much everything on his plate. then went to my friend's house and had quiche and houmous like a real person.
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:51, Reply)
The late 80s was missing a middle class cliche that night
I hope you remembered to play a game of Boggle afterwards.
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:55, Reply)
night? it was sunday lunch
and no, she has 2 small people, so i spent most of it playing with the slo-mo video feature on the iphone and rainy day "don't wake the sleeping baby" games like "show me 'thinking face', show me 'surprised face', show me 'tasty dinner' face."
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:57, Reply)
yeah ... nobody is interested in your eating disorder
edit: except dozer
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:56, Reply)
piss off and make another horribly garish cake
for your science/french gimp crotchfruit
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:57, Reply)
don't be upset, love
maybe if you work through your insecurity and anorexia you won't die a lonely spinster
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:59, Reply)
you know they are supposed to be yellow and pink, not half blackened, right?

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:01, Reply)
wtfayboa, granny busfarts?

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:49, Reply)

real person foodwrong
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:56, Reply)
it was fucking tasty quiche
roasted red pepper, spinach and feta.

mmmm.
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:58, Reply)
Where's my present then?

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:04, Reply)
Round the back, by the bins.

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:06, Reply)
She doesn't mind eating meat back there I can tell you.

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:11, Reply)
you have to come to london to get it

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:18, Reply)
I did too
Jumbo sausage, 2 bacon, 2 black pudding, bubble, fried egg, fried slice, mushrooms, beans, big mug of tea (and technically 2 toast but I never got it as they were hella busy).

Mine was £5.80. Just out of interest, how much was Snake's?
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:06, Reply)
Judging by one of yesterday's threads, it looks like everybody was on top form.

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:09, Reply)
I miss the good old days of people posting from the omgbash on someones phone, and then barry being beat up by a smelly jew the next morning

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:12, Reply)
I miss Barryoaks in general. They were fun.
Sadly it's difficult to post from underneath a Lewisham patio.
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:13, Reply)
Sunglasses, some bird, jackets on e-bay, unprovoked fights with other geezers, that kid brought everything to the bash table and more besides

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:15, Reply)
He was an excellent pub companion
I met him a few times for a pint or 4
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:29, Reply)
If only Wolf had stuck around
He would have made Barry tough enough to fight back.
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:16, Reply)
Not being off his face on creatively acquired substances probably would have helped too, to be honest.

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:20, Reply)
It was £7.99, only 2 bacon though not 4 as previously reported.
It was a new venue, if I go there again I now know the £4.95 non-mega breakfast would be perfectly adequate.
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:12, Reply)
Sounds pretty good.
I usually go for the cheaper ones myself but yesterday needed emergency grease and stodge top-ups.
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:22, Reply)
Four main food groups for men
Sugar
Starch
Grease
Burnt crunchy bits

Trufax
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:27, Reply)
Meaters breakfast sounds excellent, yours sounds shit.
Although his requires the addition of Lorne sausage.
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:07, Reply)
Square sausage is shit.
So are haggis, scotch pie, irn bru, and whisky.

/worst Scot ever
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:09, Reply)
^ worse than swipe

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:11, Reply)
I agree with you on whisky, but you're wrong on everything else
Although I'm not a fan of soft drinks anyway.
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:13, Reply)
I like whisky and haggis is alright. Irn Bru is...ok.
I don't know what Scotch pie is, but last time I was there I had a meat pie of some sort that had a pure fat lining. That was fucking vile.
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:15, Reply)
The thing about Scotch pies is that quality varies a hell of a lot.
A decent pie and a bovril on a freezing cold day at a football match is the business.
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:20, Reply)
Some of them still have toenail and hoof in them.
Up here you can get lasagne pies. They're great.
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:26, Reply)
I've had one of those
They are NOM. I found a pie/pastie shop in Edinburgh once that had about 200 different flavours, though it might have been Guinness "issues"
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:28, Reply)
this^
I do remember finding a mate at the counter during a reserves match, casually stirring in 15 spoonfuls of tomato sauce and sugar into his mate's Bovil
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:26, Reply)
Local team here won the best pies award, and very nice they were too

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:29, Reply)
My mate Jim managed to get 2nd degree burns on his hand
by being extremely pissed and attempting to eat a chicken balti pie at the match
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:32, Reply)
My ex-father in law used to put loads of pepper in his bov. Fuck knows why. Think his tastbuds were shot.

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:30, Reply)
Fucking Bovril.
Why anybody would want to drink a Cup-A-Gravy is absolutely beyond the limits of my understanding.
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:30, Reply)
Northerners innit

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:32, Reply)
My ex-girlfriend's little sister was annoying us once in her house so I made her a cup of coffee using bovril
Milk, two sugars
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:33, Reply)
Lol, christ.
I once absent-mindedly made a cup of tea using coffee from the machine by mistake. I ran with it anyway. Don't do that.
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:37, Reply)
We also manage to freeze a half-eaten dog biscuit into her cola lollipops she was making

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:40, Reply)
Haha.
I was once bitching about being hungry out on a walk and my nan chucked me a bag and said eat these.

I think I was about half-way through before I said they were a bit tasteless and she told me they were for the dog.
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:41, Reply)
On the plus side your hair has never been shinier since?

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:44, Reply)
The best description I've heard is 'liquid beef and brown confusion'

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:49, Reply)
Love it

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:51, Reply)
I prefer two

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:10, Reply)
Just go for a grim wetherspoons breakfast whilst someone on their fourth pint of cider moans about 'the wankers eating their breakfasts'.
Breakfast by Ken Loach feat toast by Mike Leigh.
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:08, Reply)
Walked past a Wetherspoons in some innocuous town the other week.
Ten minutes before morning opening. There was a queue.
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:10, Reply)
this is the top of Aberdeen high street.


Just to the right, out of shot, there is a pub called The Portals; it opens at 7am. If it's raining people stand under that round concrete thing.

I was in there once after an afterparty in a warehouse finished and got chatting to some alkies casually having a pint while they waited for the offie to open.
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:19, Reply)
Even in bright sunshine, Scotland still manages to look miserable.

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:21, Reply)
It looks like someone's tried to use 'selective colour' in photoshop.

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:23, Reply)
It looks like somebody's tried to personify depression in city form.

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:29, Reply)
Yeah, but.
www.eveningexpress.co.uk/news/local/aberdeen-hailed-as-happiest-city-in-uk-1.632832
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:30, Reply)
Happiness is easy to achieve when you don't know what you're missing.

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:32, Reply)
Everyone feels happy when they're high on smack

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:33, Reply)
..like a room without a roof

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:34, Reply)
Ahh, the granite city
Named after the women there...
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:25, Reply)
I'm fooking starving so yes please
The whole shebang please mate
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:24, Reply)
Double pork for the smelly jew, please.

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:30, Reply)
Alright Stunned?

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:33, Reply)
Top Heebing

(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:36, Reply)
Speaking of breakfast
https://twitter.com/honestburgers/status/534270808160763904

Might try that on my way in tomorrow
(, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:38, Reply)

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