Are we expanding to fit in stopping religious types in their tracks, then?
In that case, have this:

Whilst walking home from w*rk one evening a couple of Mormons pulled up alongside me on bicycles. One of them proceeded to ask me all the usual stuff about whether I'd devoted my life to Jesus, etc etc etc.

I was tired, hungry, cold and a bit grumpy so I said "Look, will this take long? Only my boyfriend's just texted me to say that dinner's ready, and I'm starving!"

They cycled away, one of them looking back over his shoulder at me occasionally*



*I'm not sure why; it looked like he was doing it in fear, but I wasn't being menacing...
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 14:12, 17 replies)

So your story is
Your boyfriend made your dinner for you?
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 14:28, closed)

Well, you're nearly there...
...except I don't actually have a boyfriend; I was just pretending to be gay so that the nice Christian man would offer me a blowjob leave me alone
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 14:33, closed)

not guaranteed to work

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 14:35, closed)

No, I guess not
I suppose he might want to convert me...
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 15:17, closed)

was just pretending to be

^ am
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 14:37, closed)

gay so that the nice Christian man would offer me a blowjob leave me alone what I am! I don't want praise! I don't want pity!
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 15:01, closed)

Prof Kenny's so gay he pretends he's gay.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 15:17, closed)

Ha! Hahaheeurgh...
...errm...

Eh?
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 15:18, closed)

Hahahaha
Min? Min?

Ahem - HEUUURGH!

Min?
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 15:27, closed)

One time I asked them
if these people in the book of Mormon are descended from Jews who left Israel in the 7th Century B.C. before the exile in Babylon, how come Nephi gave his son Timothy a Greek name?

"I don't know," was all he could reply.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 14:32, closed)

See, that's FAR too knowledgeable for me...
I sometimes feel like I want to know more about the Holly Bimble so that I can properly dissect arguments, but truth is I just can't be bothered O_o
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 14:34, closed)

There are loads of fairly glaring anachronisms in the Book of Mormon,
but they don't seem fazed by any of them, because they "feel" the Holy Spirit acting in them you see, so they "know". You can't have a discussion with them like you can with the JWs, they want you to get baptised first and find out what they believe later.

They told me I should pray to God and ask Him if it's true, so I did, and He told me that it wasn't. They stopped coming round after that.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 14:40, closed)

I won't roast this pea too dark
but I have mentioned a friend from school who grew up in a very church-y house (his dad was a lay minister and my friend was a rare and unusual thing, a genuinely good Christian). It didn't matter which flavour of God-botherer knocked on the door at his flat, he'd invite them in, and let them say their piece. Then he'd have a nice long pull on his tin of beer, polish his glasses on his Slayer T-shirt, and pick his much-loved and well-thumbed Bible up from the shelf beside his chair. "Now, let's just have a wee chat about that, then", he'd begin, and then systematically take everything they'd said to pieces and explain exactly where they'd got it wrong.

I'm not especially religious but if he ran a church I'd definitely go.
(gordonjcp, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 15:38, closed)

He probably thought you were going to eat him.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 15:00, closed)

Haha, I hadn't thought of that :)

(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 15:16, closed)

He probably thought you were going to eat him in a GAY way.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 1 Dec 2011, 0:03, closed)

I hadn't thought of that either...

(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Thu 1 Dec 2011, 12:35, closed)