Good Times With Weapons
Tell us your stories relating to arms, keeping, bearing, and usage of.

Did the rozzers nick you because of your pocket knife?
Did your parents get angry when you brought home a toy revolver?
Did Al Quaeda mortar the hell out of your FOB?
(Did you mortar the hell out of some infidel's FOB?)
(GermanGuy invaded on, Sat 25 May 2013, 6:47, Reply)

Se7en
Wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy, gluttony.

Sounds like a good night out to me, but let's hear your tales of sinning against one (or more!) of these.

Or, you could suggest some new ones...
(moon monkey better than a dance with a wet ferret in a fusebox, Thu 23 May 2013, 15:23, Reply)

What's the most laboured, godawful pun you can think of?

(Drimble 0891 50 50 50, Thu 23 May 2013, 11:58, 5 replies, latest was 2 days ago)

Cheer us up
Everything's shit - the weather, politics, people, society - and everyone's really fucking glum.

Tell us some nice things to cheer us all the fuck up.
( A Vagabond lol commie povvo, Thu 23 May 2013, 10:42, Reply)

Misery.
When were you at your most miserable?
(ringofyre, Wed 22 May 2013, 20:34, Reply)

Kidspeak
Have your kids - or anyone else's- come out with something that provoked extreme laughter, embarrassment or any one of any number of emotions? Tell us your little darlings' memorable words.
(Smudge the Demon, Wed 22 May 2013, 17:12, Reply)

Things from B3ta that have appeared in real life
At a wedding last week a guest eating her starter commented "My soup doesn't look too happy..." to which I immediately shouted "SAD SOUP!" much to the confusion of everyone else present. What things from B3ta have you seen in or brought to the real world?
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Wed 22 May 2013, 17:12, Reply)

Star Wars
That little film that George made in 1977 has become the most significant thing ever to happen in human civilization, and 36 years later we still can't get enough of it. So tell us your Star Wars stories!
( The Hedgehog From Hell it's funny because STAR WARS, Fri 17 May 2013, 18:04, 3 replies, latest was 6 days ago)

What's the capital of Holland?

( cumquat may because you're mine, I walk the lino, Thu 16 May 2013, 22:06, 3 replies, latest was 1 week ago)

your most boring story.
what's your favourite anecdote - peppered with people nobody else knows or cares about, replete with wonky narrative, unnecessary exposition and unwarranted self-importance?

then the mods can simply ban everyone from qotw except for ringofyre, have a bottle of scotch fed-exed to his house and we can all get on with our lives.
( janet aylia living la vida loony, Wed 15 May 2013, 17:38, 8 replies, latest was 2 days ago)

SuperMatt
Ever met SuperMatt? asks Monty Boyce. Tell us about your SuperMatt experiences.
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Tue 14 May 2013, 10:15, 1 reply, 2 days ago)

Lie Amnesty
Admit to all the unconvincing sex lies you've told in previous weeks. We'll all pretend it didn't happen and you can scrape back a little of that dignity you've been bleeding onto the internet for the last few years.
( Dr. Shambolic Minister for Sport for Papua New Guinea, Mon 13 May 2013, 19:44, Reply)

Getting someone else fired
A recent incident when I forgot to NSFW a link on twitter that Rob Manuel clicked at work (I would have though "double fisting to glory" would be enough of a warning) got me thinking, have you ever gotten someone else fired and not yourself? Saying "you're fired" to someone else does not count, it has to be from something you did.
(TimChuma, Thu 9 May 2013, 22:34, Reply)

WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME?!

( A Vagabond lol commie povvo, Thu 9 May 2013, 12:29, 1 reply, 2 weeks ago)

Why didn't you stop? Oh god, there's so much blood. What have you done?

( BraynDedd CHEER THE FUCK UP YOU MOANING TWATS, Fri 3 May 2013, 13:09, Reply)

Does your mother know?

(Drimble 0891 50 50 50, Fri 3 May 2013, 12:23, Reply)

Exactly why are you so hateful?

( A Vagabond lol commie povvo, Fri 3 May 2013, 12:13, Reply)

Your left ear.
Tell us about your left ear.
( A Vagabond lol commie povvo, Thu 2 May 2013, 13:41, Reply)

When the penny dropped.
Tell us a story about a moment of realisation (crushing or otherwise).
( Pig Bodine., Thu 2 May 2013, 11:28, Reply)

What's in his pocketses?
Bilbo Baggins wants you to guess what's in his pocket.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 13:29, 5 replies, latest was 3 weeks ago)

Crap Cars
Tell us tales of mirth about old sheds that you've owned, and the fun you got up to in them. Road trips, accidents, love trysts, tangles with the Old Bill and nightmare journeys. Remember, the Car's the Star!
( The Lone Groover has mal des nuts., Tue 30 Apr 2013, 13:27, 1 reply, 4 weeks ago)

Mugs.
I've got an Avengers mug, and two heat-sensitive Tetris/Pac-man mugs.
The Avengers one is mine, nobody else is allowed to use it, ever. The other two are given to guests based on how much I like them. Pac-man means I like you more than if you got Tetris. If you have neither, then stay about from my house.

What sperglordery do you indulge in, even though you're obviously perfectly normal and not a creepy internet weirdo?
( BraynDedd CHEER THE FUCK UP YOU MOANING TWATS, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 13:15, 4 replies, latest was 1 week ago)

You win the lottery and need to advise work.
How do you do it. What format will it take.
Email? Text? Something more personal?
( p4c_m4n There, I said it!, Mon 29 Apr 2013, 15:12, 1 reply, 4 weeks ago)

Spastic shitcuntery
Basically just controversial beliefs again, but this time with the acknowledgement that you're a despicable racist/sexist/fascist cunt who shouldn't be allowed to interact with society.
( BraynDedd CHEER THE FUCK UP YOU MOANING TWATS, Mon 29 Apr 2013, 9:48, 1 reply, 3 weeks ago)

Controversial beliefs
I would like to start by saying that I haven't considered all the outcomes, and there are probably many downsides that I haven't considered. As an open minded person I would welcome any arguments for or against this.

But it is my opinion that breeding should be licensed, and people should not be allowed to reproduce without proving that they are financially and emotionally capable of raising a child properly.

Consider the oxfam adverts showing thousands of starving children in under developed countries. I think the parents knew what fate their progeny would be subject to long before conception.

I don't think it should be specific to 3rd world countries either. How many people in the UK are firing out babies just so they can abuse the benefit system?

Does this make me racist toward the human race? Is that genocide? I don't know.

I reserve the right to change my opinion in light of new facts I haven't considered being brought forward by your lovely selves
(Frample Tromwibbler climbs an obstacle like old people fuck, Wed 24 Apr 2013, 19:45, Reply)

What did you get BraynDedd for his birthday, and why didn't you get him something better, you useless cunt?

( BraynDedd CHEER THE FUCK UP YOU MOANING TWATS, Wed 24 Apr 2013, 15:27, Reply)

Class war
Tell us how real and working class you are and how your favourite song is Common People by Pulp and you can really relate to The Royle Family because that's just like how it was growing up in your house.

Alt: tell us how shamefully middle-class you are and how your parents gave you the best upbringing and bought you the best education they could, only for you to piss it right up against the wall.
( A Vagabond lol commie povvo, Wed 24 Apr 2013, 12:55, Reply)

my parents bought me a house in Kensington
did your parents ever buy you a house in Kensington? no? well maybe they don't like you then
(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Wed 24 Apr 2013, 2:15, Reply)

A bro 'ad.
Tell us about things a male sibling possessed at one time or another.
( BraynDedd CHEER THE FUCK UP YOU MOANING TWATS, Tue 23 Apr 2013, 22:07, Reply)

Abro ad
tell us about your marketing campaigns for a company called Abro.
(username failed moderation, Mon 22 Apr 2013, 14:22, Reply)