Learworms
Tell us about the time you stowed away one of the gardener's friends on your private jet.
(Drimble Show me, don't tell me, Tue 18 Jun 2013, 21:50, Reply)

Tearworms
Tell us about the time you really upset the creatures in your garden.
(Drimble Show me, don't tell me, Tue 18 Jun 2013, 20:14, Reply)

Beerworms
Tell us about the last time you took invertebrates out on the piss.
(Drimble Show me, don't tell me, Tue 18 Jun 2013, 16:55, Reply)

Alien Abductions
Ever been abducted by aliens? KNOW anyone who has? Of course not...but it won't stop you telling us about it, will it!
( Two Hats 9/11 still freaks my nut out to this day, Tue 18 Jun 2013, 10:33, Reply)

Suicide.
Ever killed yourself? Did it hurt? What would you have done differently?

Perhaps you failed in your attempt? Amuse us all with tales of how you are such a failure that you couldn't even manage to top yourself properly.

Are you teetering on the brink right now? Share your woes and let a bunch of strangers laugh at your misfortune and offer creative methods by which you could ease that pain.
( tangledupinblue Your beat kicks back like death, Mon 17 Jun 2013, 8:51, 1 reply, 1 day ago)

Earworms
Tell us the songs that are really hard to get out of your head.

I'm suggesting this while rubbing my hands together and chortling with evil glee.
( The Light in Chains spank me like a disobedient avocado, Sun 16 Jun 2013, 23:10, Reply)

best friend/friends
It's simple enough. What have they done to earn the title? What crazy misadventures did they help you hide the body on etc etc...
( dazbrilliantwhites has been meaning to change this..., Sun 16 Jun 2013, 22:53, Reply)

Good policies for UKIP
They need some, so lets help.

We need to put the "Great" back into Great England.

Everyone likes a steam train, so let's replace those awful European electrical abominations with real trains - don't forget that Robert Louis Stephenson invented them right here.

Commuters will be smiling all the way to work and as a result all productivity might increase by as much as some percent.

I reckon we can help Nigel Garage no end here...
(The Disappointed The Greatest Motherfucker you're ever gonna meet, Sun 16 Jun 2013, 18:34, 3 replies, latest was 6 hours ago)

Boston and New York are approximately 280 miles apart.
One Train leaves Boston traveling towards New York at an average speed of 80mph. Another train leaves New York at the same time traveling toward Boston at an average speed of 60 mph. (a) How long will it take them to meet? (b) How far has each train traveled when they meet?
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 16 Jun 2013, 16:24, 5 replies, latest was 2 days ago)

puddings

( mictoboy page 4, Sat 15 Jun 2013, 23:39, 1 reply, 3 days ago)

Crime and punishment.
Do miscreants get their just desserts? If not what sentence would you give, appropriate to specific crimes?
And are there acts that aren't crimes but should be? Here's your chance to be legislate, judge and punish.
( edjogs Vampire sex aids...fangs for the mammaries, Sat 15 Jun 2013, 21:03, 2 replies, latest was 18 hours ago)

Social Media Meltdowns
Ever been mightily in your cups after a night out at the local discotheque, returned home and shunned sleep in favour of baring your arse to the world on facebook/twitter/mumsnet with an ill-judged comment or rant?

Even better, have you witnessed someone else doing it?
(Benny Blanco From The Bronx Naw, you stay here, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 11:50, Reply)

North Versus South
Everyone knows that beer in the south isn't right. In the north we apparently haven't even got electricity. When were you mystified by the ways of the other (North/South) ?
( Locus213 Slightly to the left of Bakunin, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 8:47, 2 replies, latest was 6 days ago)

Your life is ridiculous, futile and pathetic.
What fantasies of success do you harbour?
( A Vagabond lol commie povvo, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 12:27, Reply)

David from across the road cheated you out of your best marble
by persuading you to play with it, and then he won it because he's better at marbles than you. Even though your mum made you promise not to play with that marble. Then your mum had to go across the road and make David give her your marble back.

How do you fuck David up, the marble-stealing cunt?
( The Hedgehog From Hell MASSIVE SARCASM ALERT!, Sun 9 Jun 2013, 0:02, 3 replies, latest was 1 week ago)

You get evicted. How do you get revenge?
Your landlord evicted you because you have fun in your apartment and all the other cunts that live here like using their voices.

How do you get revenge when you leave?
( fucksocks I THINK I BROKE /TALK. (If it b0rks it wasn't me), Sat 8 Jun 2013, 0:08, Reply)

Who would you let piss on you.
It's simple.

Who?

When?

Wearing what?

Why?

And would you drink it or just tell your mum like a spaz?
( fucksocks I THINK I BROKE /TALK. (If it b0rks it wasn't me), Fri 7 Jun 2013, 23:37, Reply)

'idea for a series....'
Alan Partridge's desperate attempts to come up with TV show ideas were hilarious. But can you do better? Do you have an idea superior to 'monkey tennis'?

To give you a starter, mine is 'Game of Crohn's', where all the characters die after shitting their entire intestines into Pringles tubes.
( Monty Boyce Dignity is having the stones to dress in lycra, Thu 6 Jun 2013, 17:37, 1 reply, 6 days ago)

B3tan consumer advice
What is your best/worst purchase?
(SnowyTheRabbit occasionally Fearless Egbert, Thu 6 Jun 2013, 10:01, Reply)

What's the biggest thing you've ever shoved up your arse?

( Amorous Badger : One of our most popular models., Thu 6 Jun 2013, 7:26, 1 reply, 2 weeks ago)

Questions in films and songs
Do you know any quotes from films, or from popular songs, that have questions in them?
(Drimble Show me, don't tell me, Wed 5 Jun 2013, 23:34, 1 reply, 1 week ago)

When b3ta has crossed over into real life.
Has there ever been a time that being a member and reading the fucktard spazwittery on this here site has ever landed you in trouble? Ever called the wrong person at work a hamtoucher? Ever responded with an off the cuff witty pun infused response to a manager only to then struggle to explain why it was hilarious and you demand respect for if?

Just an idea.

Now fuck off.
( fucksocks I THINK I BROKE /TALK. (If it b0rks it wasn't me), Mon 3 Jun 2013, 20:20, Reply)

Spoilers
I shared a house in England with a couple of Germans in 1999. I was watching Star Trek: Deep Space 9 on BBC2. Antje came into the room and saw Jadzia Dax on the screen and said "oh! Is she still alive? You're really far behind in this country."

What's been ruined for you, and how? Apart from QOTW, obviously.
( The Hedgehog From Hell MASSIVE SARCASM ALERT!, Fri 31 May 2013, 19:47, 3 replies, latest was 1 week ago)

what are you doing with your life?

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 31 May 2013, 11:00, Reply)

Wrongly Accused.
Have you been accused of doing something you didn't do?

Did you then go on to escape from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground?

Are you still wanted by the government and survive as a soldier of fortune? Do you and your comrades help people with problems, if no one else can help, and if they can find you?
( Munsta, Thu 30 May 2013, 13:30, Reply)

Change
We had mid-life crisis the other week, but what about big life changes in general.

Has your life been turned upside-down by marrying a man with three teenage kids? Have you just been made redundant after 15 years' hard service? Did you lose a leg and an arm in Afghanistan?

Stories about money found down the back of the sofa are allowed, but for fuck's sake, make them amusing.

As for me...OK, I'M GOING THROUGH THE CHANGE. OK????????

K
(K.W.A. Knickers With Attitude, Thu 30 May 2013, 11:49, Reply)

Fruit woes
Tell us your fruit woes
( Monty Boyce Dignity is having the stones to dress in lycra, Thu 30 May 2013, 11:46, Reply)

why don't you love me any more?

( mictoboy page 4, Wed 29 May 2013, 22:42, 2 replies, latest was 2 weeks ago)

Please banhammer Rory, tell us how YOU want Rory banhammered
I don't want Rory banhammered, because he's LOVELY.
But Misery McUglywife wants him banhammered, so it might be worth asking this question here just to find out how many accounts Ringo has. Then we can pull off his rubber mask to find out that he was baldmonkey all along.
( stuj BRING BACK BALDMONKEY YOU BALLBAGS!, Wed 29 May 2013, 15:25, 1 reply, 3 weeks ago)

Ask B3ta
This week B3ta takes on the role of an agony aunt - B3ta users must supply questions and also supply the perfect answers - for example -
Dear B3ta. after a rather random and unexpected chain of errors (no milk or bread) I somehow ended up having grapefruit for breakfast this morning.. Am I Gay?
Ask B3ta for the advice you diddn't need to know.
(bangthedrum, Tue 28 May 2013, 21:38, Reply)