Not really a gaffe - just odd.
Completely safe for work........but possibly not something you want in your viewing history. I was wondering a while back if there were any other websites similar to Facebook, but more interesting. So I typed in www.twatbook.com - which seemed like it could have lots of interesting possibilities. Up came the website for a very dull Industrial Gas Flow Measuring company. Very strange and very disappointing.
(Juan - King of Donkeys shut the fuck up on, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 7:41, 5 replies)

Not me
because I have more sense than to sign up for the horror of facebook. But this happened to my nice colleague (MNC) and her dumb-fuck Belgian boyfriend (HDFBB).

MNC's facebook profile says she is "in a relationship" with HDFBB.

HDFBB emails her. "How dare you reveal this to the world? This is an invasion of my privacy. Blah Belgian blah."

MNC changes her profile. Facebook now reads: "MNC is no longer in a relationship with HDFBB."

Cue immediate email from HDFBB: "How dare you dump me on facebook, you bitch?"

They are no longer together. So perhaps facebook is good after all.
(mzungu, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 6:57, 1 reply)

The Annapolis Harbor
It was a regular Friday night on the Annapolis waterfront (it's in Maryland, which happens to be in the United States for those of you that don't know it) and I met this REALLY good looking girl after having spent the last half an hour mirroring a guy and his wife who were literally too drunk to figure out how to get back to their sailboat.

Why 'mirroring' you may ask (and no, it had nothing to do with 'miming' them)? The guy kept threatening to hit his wife. Which made the, ahem, 'Gentleman' in me bristle. So we followed them back and forth along the harbor to make sure that didnt happen.

So, this girl starts following my mate and I. She's gorgeous, her name is Samantha and hilarious. So she invites me to a party at her Mother and Father's house. Erm..."the Folks?! are having a shindig and I am invited?"

So my mate and I head down there the next night for the party. Turns out she lives with her folks on an ENORMOUS piece of property (southern Maryland is thoroughbred country) and they raise champion horses. OLD house (over here any house whose birth year starts with a '17..' is old).

So my buddy and I are walking through the house and he spots a collection of cameras. He begins to secret same down his pants. 7 cameras. SEVEN.

We return to the fireside where I had been embroiled in a discussion of how I 'see myself' as an Officer of Marines, representing the US and after a bit, we bid our adieus.

As I am driving home, absolutely STARK raving hammered, my buddy takes one camera after the other out and, flash flashing away, starts snapping my photos as I am doing my best to concentrate on the road.

I subsequently pulled over and made HIM drive my car home!

I NEVER went to another party with that idiot again! Though, in hindsight, I should comment: he was a MUCH better 'drunk driver' than when he was sober.
( Citadel Because the world needs less morons, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 6:49, 1 reply)

I do believe
that would be on here
when for some ungodly reason I thought it would be a good idea to use MS Paint to make a seam-tastic picture of GW Bush as a woman being eaten out by a dog with that "Conservative: are you thinking what we're thinking?" slogan.
That had to be my second or third post...bad idea.
( Arsonade is saving up for a new box of hummus, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 6:06, 1 reply)

ham wallets
in one of my usual impulsive silly bugger moods, i decided to sign up to a carpet snufflers' social networking site with the intention of having a laugh with some girls and maybe getting a little snog out of them and nothing more. i even set my 'looking for' status to 'friendship' and made sure they knew i wasn't 100% gay, because while it's nice to have a kiss and cuddle with the same gender, i'm not into dining on lady lettuce.

for some reason, my inbox got flooded with ladies in various states of undress exposing their ham wallets for all to see.

i ignored them. however, one girl messaged me a few days later saying 'why did you ignore my message?'.

argh. now what do i say to that?
'put your flaps away and make the effort to chat me up first, for christ's sake?'

i felt like a right numpty, saw the error of my ways and promptly deleted the profile.
( gypsy turnips, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 5:14, 1 reply)

I joined Facebook
and then immediately regretted it. Loads of "friends" some of whom were actually friends, bombarded me with apps and quizzes and the usual shite. All i wanted was to be a virtual person based on the real me. Not a bad ask. I also told the truth about a/s/l. That's the worst mistake ever. You get dropped like Superman's kryptonite hot potato when you reveal you're not 18/male/London. I was 2 out of three of them once, but a long time ago. Actually I'm still 2/3 of them.

I'm now on LinkedIn where all anybody can say about me is how good I am at my job. Not a social thing, but it gets me loads of work. 40 recommendations and counting.
(Dr Teeth Who asked you, you fuckin' hobbit?, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 2:03, 1 reply)

Early 90s
After my girlfriend (now wife) became pregnant, we managed to cajole the council into letting us use one of the houses for accommodation on some estate. As I was in-between jobs at the time, the government paid the rent.

That house was my social/not-working gaff.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 2:02, 3 replies)

on the other hand
many girls that go out now take their cameras with the explicit intention of taking about 50 photographs to prove what a good time they had and how many friends they really have.

there is one thing i do not need when i am hungover and that is photographs of me drunken and startled by an ambush of camera flashes.

i have taken the measure of removing everything from my facebook page except the actual wall where you talk to people. thats the whole point of the website anyway, right?
(ladyintheradiator, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 1:48, 1 reply)

and why is everyone bemoaning facebook?
my friend in her last year at university advised me before i stepped to get facebook.

this was a smart move.

i started talking to my next door neighbour through emails by joining groups for the university accomodation and freshers. we are now good friends. though i wont say facebook was the reason we are good friends (we would have met anyway) it certainly helped to break the ice.
(ladyintheradiator, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 1:45, Reply)

im young enough to be guardianed
so i dont particularly want my parents knowing and being able to put a stop to some of my activities such as smoking and drinking too much

they have facebook.

this is a problem when many other people do not have this problem so do not see the problem in tagging a photo of you rolling up. if my dear father knew i had the occasional cigarette, i would be flayed alive and that reader, is the simple truth of the matter. one night, i signed on and had to wake up my silly friend to make them take the photographs off before my father stumbled in from the pub and checked his emails / facebook.

curses schmurses.

itd be funnier im sure if id been caught but between having a better response for the qotw and keeping my limbs attached... well, its limbs all the way folks.
(ladyintheradiator, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 1:40, Reply)

My fiance dumped me on Facebook
Changed his status and removed the engagement.

Oh well, at least I never married him :s
(missc, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 0:48, 3 replies)

An honest mistake but it seems really spiteful
I have a dog called Sophie. Last night I was idly tagging some of the photos I have of her on my Facebook profile. I clicked on her furry snout and typed in 'Sophie'.
Repeat about 6 times.

For some reason that I haven't been able to figure out, Facebook decided it would autofill for me, and selected the other Sophie it could find, a girl I used to work with.

Cue this morning a bunch of messages from mutual acquaintances of us both accusing me of being pretty spiteful and petty.

In fairness my Sophie is a very cute dog. But still a dog.
(Thomas_The_Spankengine, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 0:35, 1 reply)

I don't find anything wrong with facebook...
it's useful for when you want to check up on people you used to hate in school and see how fat/ poor/ ugly/ uninterseting they are now.
( Mellicious is made of candy, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 23:47, 3 replies)

The Obligatory Facebook Rant
My biggest mistake was signing up to that festering mound of shight. Urgh, where to begin...
1) I don't want to know when someone's mood has changed from moderately happy to quite happy;
2) Just because I don't go on facebook everyday to check every freakin event that's going on doesn't mean that my lack of attendance symbolises an undying hatred;
3) I don't want some creepy company in Nigeria knowing where I live in exchange for allowing me to play Pac-man;
4) Good point Freddy Woo, a message to those bullys out there: you were a cunt in highschool, odds are you still are. No, I don't want to be your mate. Remember that time you took all my books out of my bag and threw them into a great stonking puddle? God that was so inspired! We're not fucking "bezzie mates" you fucking personification of AIDS;
5) Don't contact me if your sole aim is to insult my choice of favourite films, music, whatever. A "Hi, how are you?" wouldn't go amiss;
6) Joining 50 million groups or having an equally ridiculous amount of added "friends" is not an achievement, and you should not brag about it as such;
7) That time I poured my heart and soul out to you... don't freakin write about it for all to see or worse upload a secret recording of it. Not cricket;
To be honest, peer pressure, the old 'If you can't beat them, join them', got me onto it in the first place. Bad mistake. Curse you proverbs *shakes fist*
( Uncle Phallus Strong like fly, fast like elephant, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 23:30, Reply)

A (serious) warning.
So, I’m a journalist. While my beat’s fairly specialized, infrequently I have to cover a scandal, or even a horrible tragedy.

I am very bad at this aspect of the job. I’m all too aware how intrusive it is to call relatives and ask them “how do you feel”. A hearty f-off is the usual response, and quite understandably so.

But nowadays, it often doesn’t matter what response you get. The internet provides all.

Today, the first thing a reporter does with a tragedy is to search for the affected person online. It’s not hard to find any social networking site profiles, giving you their interests, activities, and sometimes an address or phone number. The names of all their friends and probably family will be there too. They’ll be found and called for comments.

And all those photos? They’re public domain. The paper will take the one with the most pathos for its front page. (Died in a tragic boating accident? There’s a photo of you sailing with your sister? Perfect.)

I’ve written entire stories about the lives of people solely from their social network profiles, whether they’re Facebook, Myspace, Bebo or whatever. In general, people have no idea how much of their life is out there for people to see.

Seriously - use the privacy settings. Don’t let everyone access your profile, and don’t put the details of your life out there for all to see unless you’re truly unconcerned about the consequences. It’s just not worth it.
(silencer, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 23:29, 9 replies)

Oh Jesus
This girl I fancy...
How many stories start with that phrase, I wonder?
She was never interested in me. But I used to let my imagination run wild just because I had talked to her on FaceBook...
She messages me every now and again, I love it when she does; but I wish I didn't reply, or let my hopes hang on it.

If it wasn't for the fact that my love life is a barren path spiralling upwards around a mountain of fail which I walk alone, I wouldn't care.
(Snake (on a) Crane FKA thwack, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 23:08, 8 replies)

I knew nothing, honest
This unfortunate piece of bad luck happened to a mate of mine, in the aftermath of his house party.

The party was in full swing, and an one of the more worse for wear people needed to relieve himself. Upon asking for a toilets location, he was sent to the closest one, the en-suite for one of the bedrooms (belonging to F). Time passed, and he still hadn't returned from the bedroom. When we eventually found him, he was passed out and had succeeded in pissing on himself, on the floor and on the bed, everywhere except the toilet. Obviously a scene like this absolutely had to be documented, and one of the guests rushed in to photo the embarassment. A number of pictures were taken, that gave a fairly good idea of what had happened. The mess was cleaned up, and as the resident of the room wasn't around for the party, all was good for a cover up.

Given the unpopularity of F, the story spread quite well and eventually got back to her. Now she wasn't best pleased, and upon quizzing the other house residents, they swore blind that they knew nothing of it.

That is until the photo's popped up on facebook, showing all the carnage and in particular showing my mate, standing over the drunken guest, giving two thumbs up to the camera.
(ShiftyBastard won the World Cup on World Soccer Champs 2010!, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 23:06, Reply)

Hmmm....
I try to maintain a low profile on the Interweb - I'm always slightly scared that something I say or do online will have unintended consequences in real life. I try therefore not to ever say anything that would reveal my real identity, and I don't go plastering pictures of myself over the place.

However, one unintended side-effect of this is that I only appear on other people's photos. As such, the only photo I know of me that exists on the Interweb isn't exactly one I'd use to introduce myself to people. It's from a charity calendar, and as is the fine tradition of these things I'm wearing a little less than would normally be acceptable...

Maybe I ought to do something about that one day.
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 23:03, 2 replies)

I had this Emo thing going on recently on Facebook...
...and I was a bit down and my mates all felt the same. So we decided to play a game to cheer ourselves up called 'Last one to top themselves loses'.

I am losing at the moment. How I envy my friends.


Signed,

Party Boy,

Bridgend.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 22:54, 1 reply)

Not my faux-pas, but...
I've been rather fastidiously avoiding adding anyone from my high school as they were, to be blunt, a bunch of utter twunts. I was a very unhappy teenager there. Very rich private school girls + me (not so rich & a fan of squat parties), need I say more?

One girl in particular, who was a 'friend', over the years took advantage of what I shall call my then rather passive nature to royally screw me over to benefit herself. Her crowning glory was, after I had been off school for a while & was in counselling, one night drunkenly calling me and yelling that she wished I'd kill myself. Charming, n'est ce-pas?

It's now 7 years later, funnily enough we've not spoken for around that amount of time. To my shock and great amusement, she tried to add me on Facebook a month or so ago, along with a message that said something along the lines of "we should totally catch up, it's been ages! why did we lose contact anyway?"

Utter, utter T-WAT!
(ibbleflib, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 22:45, 3 replies)

erm...
see my sig.

Now why exactly would you tell everyone you know that???
( Damien's Hearse, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 22:45, Reply)

A former classmate on facebook
wrote these immortal words under a picture of her second baby:

'hmm, Darren's or Wayne's?'

Three paternity tests later, we understand it to be the latter, currently in prison.

This classmate is the same girl we called 'the tampon' at school, since she wore a white coat and had red hair.
( Peapod Has returned to the fold on, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 22:40, 2 replies)

My actual worst mistake
is one I hesitate to dredge up from the part of my mind I have it locked away in, marked "do not open under any circumstances or you will want to die of shame, embarrassment and loss of self respect". In fact, no, it doesn't even have a warning on it because that would imply that I am not still trying to convince myself it wasn't me.

So why am I dredging it up here... good question... maybe some part of me thinks that bringing it out into the light for others to mock will make me feel better about myself, in some kind of perverse healing process.

OK. I was in a bad relationship. I still don't know how I managed to get out of it alive and sane. He was an abusive control freak. I was very young when we met. I became trapped for 13 years. Eventually I had to escape. I knew I couldn't physically escape so when the internet was invented it provided the perfect opportunity to virtually escape.

*cringe*

I can say no more without going into spasms of denial... except that it resulted in my being forced to announce publically on a forum where I had made some very good friends that my flirtatious comments directed towards another member had been because I liked being spanked, not because I actually fancied the member in question... And similarly having to explain to my family and friends that cybersex on a Scrabble site was the reason for my being thrown out of my home, and definitely not anything that would make my ex out to be in any way at fault or a bad person or lose face in any way at all.

Thankfully all of the people involved in this sorry sordid saga are still in my life, still my friends and, presumably, don't judge me... except my ex...
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 22:29, 8 replies)

Celebrity Stalking
I'm not on Facebook, MySpace or any other "friend me, friend me!" website for the simple reason that I have far too many acquaintances as it is and not enough time to spend with my real friends. However, as I work in IT, this is incomprehensible to a number of people, many of whom seem convinced I must have them on ignore or block or something.

I also feel bad for all the minor celebrities who have profiles on the sites to plug whatever movie/CD/reality TV show that they're doing at the moment. They all have 25,000 friends within a day of joining and there are people out there who will boast about being Nathan Fillion's friend on Facebook. You're not his friend, you're on his mailing list.

What really bugs me about Facebook and the like is that you don't even have to be on them to be stalked. An old friend from Preparatory School (yes, I know) who has become a hotshot lawyer and increasingly successful in his media career has responded to my disinterest in getting back in touch via conventional methods by adding the various members of my family to his Facebook profile. My mother's Facebook friends list consists of him, my sister and my brother whereas he has several hundred "fans" and them. It's just weird.

I know he probably just wants a buddy who isn't some bastard lawyer or luvvie showbiz type but surely two decades is long enough for the "best friends forever" thing to be invalidated?
(johnson, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 22:16, 1 reply)

I'm too nice.
Not a gaff as such, but I bet it's the most common social networking mistake.

Recently I've been spending time on one or two dating apps on facebook, in order to get over my broken heart. (It isn't working).

I find it depressing and amusing in equal measure. Depressing because there are some really sad people out there... and amusing for the same reason. You would not believe what people put out there for all of womankind to see in the hope that one of us will somehow be attracted to it. (See my list of rules for dating profile pics). (Or go and spend an afternoon looking yourself. It's an entertaining psychological study).

I view the "winks" I receive with trepidation. Frequently my response to them is "Oh. Good. God." or "WTF?!" Some are actually from perfectly acceptable looking people with well written profiles. Occasionally one strikes me as being a decent enough person to want to actually get to know better.

This is the lesson I have learned: No matter how good a first impression is, it is false. As soon as you allow a stranger from a dating site to become your facebook friend they will stalk you, assume you are BFF, plaster your wall with overly familiar comments which will draw attention from your real friends, who will want to know what the fuck you are hiding from them, bombard you with instant messages instantly every time you log into chat, no matter what time of day or night, and occasionally act the manipulative martyr when they deem that you're not giving them enough attention.

I know I should just defriend them. But I can't. I feel too guilty. Instead I try to ignore and avoid them as much as possible, throwing them a morsel when the guilt gets the better of me, hide the timeline on my newsfeed and never, ever log into chat so they can't see when I'm online.

I know. It's pathetic.
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 22:00, 6 replies)

We havn't spoken since
Back when I was a younger, more fickle lad, I was seeing a nice lady. She had her flaws, mainly being fugly with a brain the size of a gnat. Actually she wasn't a nice lady and I decided she had to go. But being the younger, more fickle lad I was, I'd not yet experienced much in the art of breaking up with people.

So initially I'd planned to, you know, go to the park, possibly phone her, something along those lines which is fairly respectable, I think you'll agree.
Unfortunately, the annoying nature of the girl travelled particularly gratingly over MSN. So one night I'd decided I couldn't take it no more, so just as she had said she should go (but hadn't signed off) I declared that we should no longer see one another for her various faults.
Little to my knowledge she'd popped off for a walk.
I received no reply to my declaration of repulse. No matter, thought I, why should she reply to the evil git I was appearing to be?
Ah. No. She'd left MSN open, and in walked her dad to read my message. Sporting chap he was he went to go tell everyone else in the family.

What happened next is relayed back to me by friends, but I think we all have the amusing mental image of a cheery girl returning from a walk for her entire family to know she's been dumped before she knew herself.

Kept me giggling for a while.
She was not amused.
Damn you MSN!

Pop goes the cherry.
(Beeblebrox what a palaver, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 21:55, Reply)

*sigh*
this just reminds me of how many friends i do not have,
I have 4 contacts and one of them is my sister :(
( SkUG >_O i got a couple of stitches in my eyeball... ow, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 21:53, 4 replies)

biggest mistake on a social networking site?
signing up.
(Fuckpig "That's not even a pound a midget.", Thu 11 Sep 2008, 21:51, Reply)

In retrospect he should have known better.
After a certain amount of persuasion I finally gave in and agreed to my brother's suggestion that joining Facebook would be a good idea.
(Clearly he had forgotten that I'm a socially awkward misanthrope with a Luddite streak and a tendency towards own goals.)
Anyway, I set up an account and a page and emailled him the linky. He took a look and promptly rang me back.
"Firstly, your profile pretty much says "I don't want to be here. Piss off and leave me alone, mutant internet people." Telling people your big ambition is to be God-Emperor isn't helping either"

Then he took a deep breath.

"And secondly, I asked you to join Facebook. You joined Faceparty. You know, the one aimed at 16 year old girls. Pillock."
(Big D, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 21:31, Reply)

Somewhat closer to a real one
There's some application on facebook, I forget what it's called but basically you anonymously say what you think of your friends. I have a friend, who really is a great guy, funny, witty and passionate about life in general. Did I write that? Did I badger.

Another thing about this guy is he's got a bit of a temper and isn't always in control of his emotions. So I wrote that he was 'unstable', as I thought he'd take it, as intended, as a joke. Instead his status was promptly changed to 'whoever said I'm unstable is going to get fucking battered. You're not perfect yourself, you know.'

Well... even though it sort of proved my point, I felt pretty bad about this.

Never told him it was me though. Almost certain he'll never visit b3ta :-/
(Stu Moo winner of five nobble piece prizes, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 21:21, 2 replies)