Things getting boring in the sack, ladies?
Alternate between folding his penis into an origami owl, and trying to drown it like a mangy kitten in a bowl full of melted chocolate. Once the penis is sufficiently owl-shaped and/or conditioned to be terrified of chocolate, play loud Sousa marching music at it while slapping it rhythmically with a fly swatter. If these ministrations haven't brought your man to the highest heights of pleasure, finish off the sexy fun by super-gluing Fruit Loops to his shaft and mailing photos of your art project to Aunt Edna.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 25 Jun 2012, 18:53, 7 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Whatever it is you're currently smoking/injecting/taking
I want some!
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 22:13, Reply)

You should try it!
I love the penis origami thing. I'm always shouting to my wife, Turn my penis into an owl! Turn my penis into an owl!, or perching on the back of the couch and making hooting sounds at her.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 26 Jun 2012, 0:03, Reply)

Ah, someone else who's read the top 40 weirdest sex-tips from Cosmo.

(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 10:27, Reply)

*hands Empress a cookie*
Well spotted. That was my favorite quote from the article.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 26 Jun 2012, 20:42, Reply)

"As you're eating dinner together, say something X-rated like, 'See how I'm devouring this piece of meat? That's how I'm going to devour you.'"
Then, later, during oral sex, pause and say, "OM NOM NOM NOM."
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 20:45, Reply)

Keep a spray bottle filled with ice water next to the bed, and give each other a strategic spritz to extend the encounter... Aim for the nerve-packed, thin-skinned areas on each other's body, such as the nipples.
Truth be known, ending up in an icy cold bed drenched not with sweat sounds distinctly unappealing.

Really want to surprise your partner? A half-melted ice cube inserted into an orifice in the nether regions will certainly do it, regardless of gender. And it's a lot less obvious than a spray bottle.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 26 Jun 2012, 21:48, Reply)

knob shaped ice logs any one?

( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Mon 2 Jul 2012, 22:17, Reply)