My brother the tramp
My brother has a condition called cluster ‘b’, its basically a mental condition that means he isn’t able to control his emotions. He has very, very dark thoughts and these manifest in the form of violence towards others. I grew up in a household where it was a regular event to receive a tremedous beating from this person. One time he collected together my three pet rabbits and made me watch as he repeatedly hit them with a shovel – I can still hear the squeals as they died in agony. My parents tried to get him to go and seek medical help, but he point blank refused and on the few occasions he actually got as far as a doctors waiting room he’d cause a scene and leave. Then at the age of eighteen he left my life. Turns out he was living on the continent. I did a google search for his name a couple of years ago and discovered he’d made quite a name for himself as a web designer; he was officially a success. I checked out his personal website. He had a wife and four kids; I was an uncle and I didn’t even know it.

Then, a year ago, while I was checking out his website out of curiosity, I discovered he’s been officially diagonosed with cluster ‘b’. The statement on his website goes onto explain that this diagnosis came about as a result of him beating his wife to a pulp and getting arrested. She’s now his ex-wife. He’s now a derelict living somewhere in a Scandinavian country (where his wife and kids were born). I found out he was living on the streets from a family member, an aunt, who says he’s not that bad now he’s getting treatment.

Strange thing is I don’t know what to think or feel about this. And to make matters stranger, he contacted me recently via email. He wants to make amends for the shit he caused in the family over the years. He wants to asuage his guilt, I think. He basically wants to give me £100,000 as a ‘sorry’. Not sure what to make of this. It would seem he doesn’t need to live on the streets if he’s got this sort of cash (and he has – he was VERY successful). I just don’t know what to do about it.
(The Keeper of Maps, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:25, 9 replies)

Take the money.
You will be helping him.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:27, closed)

..
It is important to help him with his guilt, he shouldn't be kept a prisoner by it.
But it doesn't really make sense for you to keep what is "blood money" in a very literal sense.

I honestly think that the best thing to do would be to accept the money, but then transfer it into an anonymous paypal account
[email protected].
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 10:44, closed)

Take the money and humour him.
If you would feel guilty about taking the money, I can assist in lessening your burden.
(dxg, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:00, closed)

On a more serious note
assuming that this is a true story...

It sounds as if his recent contact and the making of the offer has already caused the memories to reemerge in your mind. In that regard, the damage is done. If you don't want to be reminded of the past, take the money anyway but don't spend it on anything.

Stick the money in an account and give it to your kids when they will most need it - University, Wedding, that sort of thing. They wouldn't have to know its origins, and the money would actually be able to do some good.
(dxg, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:03, closed)

I would say the odds of him
having £100,000, let alone actually giving it to you, are slight to the say the least. It's also, like all round numbers, a suspicious sum. Why not £67,765 ? People who quote such sums have plucked numbers out of the air, and the numbers have little basis with reality.

It's more likely a carrot to get you to resume contact. Whether you want to or not is up to you, however the money shouldn't be part of the issue. Either you forgive him and genuinely want to make contact, or you don't and you "move on".

If the money did exist and you took it, you'd be letting him back into your life as he'd have a hold over you for having given it. Consider carefully if you want him to have that leverage over you for the rest of your / his life...
( I_Was_Mordred, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:13, closed)

take the money...
Think of all the pet rabbits you could buy with £100,000!
(Eggstrovert isnt patronising you...honest..., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:44, closed)

Do you still have the spade?
For £100,000 clone the fluffy rabbits, and you will hear their squeals no more, unless you invite your brother for tea or a family BBQ. But that would be down to you as once clubbed twice shy.
(wobbler, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:55, closed)

Ignore the money
Would you like to have your brother back in your life? Or would you like to sit down and speak to him, see if there is anything there worth saving. If yes then increase contact, although make your intentions clear, who knows you could get your brother back. You have nothing to loose.

As for the money, depending on the above you will know what the right thing will be. At worst you can take it and put it in an account for a rainy day of you kids.

StyX
(StyX is staring at you, yes YOU!!!, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:57, closed)

Don't take the cash....
...it may become another 'spade' to beat you with.
(EffinDoubt is breaking glass on, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:21, closed)