At my previous place of work
there is a large container parked just outside. It just looms there in all its green glory, patiently awaiting to be fed another weeks worth of garbage. Now this container has two openings. One large at the front, wich would be the one everybody uses, and one small hatch at the back that is rather difficult to access. However, every time the task of bringing out the smelly offerings to this waste-disposal deity I chose to use the hatch at the back.
Now some of you might ask why I would go through all that extra trouble just to get rid of a smelly old bag of crap.

Since all bags end up with the oldest ones the farthest in and the newer ones at the top, by choosing to use the hatch at the back I could fuck up the chronology of it all. Sometimes with an evil laugh (though not too loudly, didn't want to make my co-workers think I was crazy or anything).
(Rebooted Frazer Smoothly scrolling since, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 12:37, 2 replies)

Blasphemy
My fellow pupils at my convent school did a lovely line in modifying the many, many holy statues scattered throughout the place. The most regularly "improved" was a wooden statue of Mary with her hands held out in supplication to heaven. The gap between her thumb and fingers was ideal for making her "hold" things. She did the lot; a cigarette and a lighter, two condoms, chalk and a duster, a compass and a ruler... You get the idea. The one that still makes me giggle, however, was the memory of walking up the stairs one day to see the mother of Jesus brandishing two Shredded Wheat at passers-by.

Another school tradition was to hide behind the giant pieta in the entrance to the chapel and groan in a spooky fashion as first years walked by.

Obviously I did none of these things as I was too holy.
(Innogen, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 12:23, Reply)

Totally out of character Telephone Box Vandalism.
As a young teen living in the middle of nowhere I was more interested in my ZX spectrum than any teenage tomfoolery.

That was until I got myself a Black Widow catapult and my dad gave me a big sack of ballbearings. I busied myself with smashing milk bottles and whatnot in a nearby quarry until the day that one of my more uncouth schoolfriends came up to my house to play.

Not normally being one to submit to peer pressure (In my 40 years I've never smoked or done drugs, for example) on this occasion my normal sensibilities lapsed and was persuaded to set to the local Traditional red telephone box with my Powerful catapult.

By the time we'd finished the toughened glass 'Telephone' sign merely read 'elpon' Our work was done.

The next day my mother observed that those 'bloody deviant kids from the local pub' had smashed up the Telephone box. Knowing that the local kids were indeed deviants I was happy for them to take the fall.

It never occurred to me that our mothers actually spoke to eachother and that we'd been witnessed carrying out our foul deed by one of the pub scrote kids as their living room directly overlooked said telephone box. Never occurred to me that we would get dobbed in, despite seeing said scrotey kid watching our reign of destruction. Or that we may have also been potentially watched by my mother as the kitchen sink window looked directly out over the telephone box too.

A few days later I got a royal bollocking and my catapult was confiscated.

Fortunately due to my otherwise faultless behaviour it was put down to the influence of my townie friend and I got off lightly.
( Airman Gabber Living life like a 70's BBC presenter, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 12:18, 1 reply)

Positive vandalism?
Our village has the A1 running alongside it with a speed camera mounted in the central reservation, for it is a 50 mph zone. The camera turns round, so sometimes it watches for naughty motorists on the north bound lanes, sometimes on the south bound.

Some years ago, someone drew another lens on the back of the camera, with the result that only the very observant could tell if the camera or the fake lens was watching them hurtle past.

This was lauded in the local papers and in the pubs: This unknown genius had a positive effect on traffic as everyone slowed down.

Then the local council fuckwits learned of this and cleaned the camera.
(GingerIrishTosser isn't dead yet., Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:59, Reply)

What?
On the road into Durham, there's a park and ride service with dedicated bus lanes. These are clearly marked with signs indicating that the left hand lane is a bus lane 'Mon-Sat 7am-7pm'.
Someone has painted an 'S' on one of these, so now it says 'Smon-Sat'.

In all the multitude of times I've sped past that sign at 6.59 trying to make the 7.12 train to London, I haven't got it yet.

Am I missing something? Is it a joke too clever for me to get? Is it a joke at all? WHAT DOES IT MEAN? AND WHY?
(and now for someone completely different, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:59, 5 replies)

Fairly sure this is a Pea, but have it anyway:
Me and a few mates got asked to be quiet by the local bowls team for making too much noise in the adjacent pub beer garden, so we finished up and went to the local garden centre and then went to a different pub for the afternoon.

We crept back to the first pub under the cover of darkness and left them a present.

I'd have loved to have seen the look on the old buggers faces when they rocked up on the Sunday morning to find a 6' Leylandii slap bang in the middle of the green.

Wish we'd taken a photo now, but it made the local rag so I'll have a dig and see if it's in the archives, unlikely though as it was about 18ys ago.
(Kip, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:58, Reply)

For years
the sign in Dingwall for Ullapool had a letter removed for hilarious purposes. I went up there again for the first time in three years this summer, and someone had 'corrected' it. It's like a part of my childhood died.
( Pretender, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:55, Reply)

Parmesan
1 - wait for one of your 'friends' to bugger off a couple of days early for the easter break at uni (even better if you dont' actually share the building with him).
2 - gather all the grated ready-to-go parmesan you can by raiding every kitchen you have access to.
3 - with a piece of paper, blow all the cheesy goodness under their door.
4 - allow to mature over the aforementioned holiday, and the extra couple of weeks he took off to earn some cash as a ski instructor.
5 - try not to gag when the room is opened.
6- drink all his duty free grappa in a big making friends session when the cheesy stench is finally removed.

Maybe it's just a jape and not vandalism, but what the hell, I can pea later
(MonkeyToes is thinking about a back sac and crack on, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:55, Reply)

Fertiliser is wonderful stuff
At the time I lived next door to a neanderthal Chelsea supporter. When they went away on holiday, I decided to write on their lawn in fertilizer.
So on their return from two weeks in the sun, their lawn had sprouted lovely, lush, green grass spelling out 'LFC'.

Length? About six foot.
(GingerIrishTosser isn't dead yet., Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:52, 4 replies)

Suppose I'd better pull out this pearoast
While I live in the arse end of Cheshire now, I'm actually from a shithole town called Skelmersdale, no doubt some of you will have heard of it. It's a very easy place to get round, as long as you're looking for a landmark, as it's all very well signposted. Signs point to Asda, the Concourse, the Swimming Pool, etc etc. It's the final one that this story refers to.

When we were younger, the sign saying "Swimming Pool -" was often changed a little, so it would say "Swim in Poo -", which is quite clearly genius. The sign would be fixed every month or so, and would usually last around 3-4 months before being changed again. Sadly, this stopped occuring after a while, maybe the vandals decided there was more fun activities, such as drinking on street corners, or fighting.

Earlier this year, a pretty pissed Agnostic is travelling on the bus back to his friends house, when he discovers he'll have to walk the final mile home. Unimpressed, and unable to call for a lift (due to dead phone), I started to walk. I had barely gone 5 minutes from the bus, when I noticed the old sign standing proud at the side of the road. I was rather disappointed to discover it was also still spelt correctly, just not funny!

So what did I do? Keys out of pocket, start scratching away the letters. Cars pass by, undaunted I continue.

Barely 5 minutes went by before I stood back to proudly observe my creation, and laugh at the sign, inviting you to "Swim in Po -".

Fuck, went too far.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:52, Reply)

Remember the children...
If we went into Uni from one of my friend's flats, we'd pass a little development of new homes. One of the homes that faced onto the main road had a small child's climbing frame and slide thingy in the front garden. Walking past that house would usually start the discussion about "How 'larious would it be to move that to another garden one night?" Well after a year or so, we finally found out that when really quite drunk, it was (even though one of our number almost chickened out when the thing started to topple over) but crashing avoided, the jape was completed.

Unfortunately, It was like breaking the beer seal on a night out. Wheely bins got stacked 3 or 4 high (still not sure how the hell we managed that) and I seem to remember gnomes moving gradens etc. Nothing really malicious, just pant-wettingly funny.

The coup de gras came when we scaled some huge stone wall into a set of private flats with the sole intention of taking as much graden furniture as we could from the lowest balconies and arranging it on the grass. All going well, until our SAS-like tittering woke someone up and they came out with powerful torch shouting like there had been a murder. We legged it and all giggled muchly at the time and for the next few years as well.

That said, if I found someone doing that to me today, I'd probably shoot them (if I had a gun)....
(MonkeyToes is thinking about a back sac and crack on, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:49, Reply)

Pea from my four year old.
Stepping out my back door, this is the graffiti I was confronted with. It's his first proper attempt at defacing my property.
This was his image of the cleaning robot from Wall-e. As I said before- "I saw this and I thought of you!"


( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:32, 1 reply)

Antisocial but funny
Last week I was watching a traditional Chinese Dragon Dance, performed at a local community centre. Standing on the wall behind me was a little scrote of a lad, an ASBO in training, probably about 8 or 9. After a few minutes of watching the dragons doing their ritual dance, he suddenly shouted "I'm freezing and you're shit!"

For some reason it struck me as pretty articulate. And bloody funny.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:09, 1 reply)

Whodunnit!??
Not exactly vandalism but...a few years ago in Manchester there were some really strong gale force winds that managed to knock down trees, buildings and (strangely enough)... a small Chinese woman. Large parts of our roof came loose as well and at the time I was living in an old Victorian house with about 6 other people, the landlady got into a complete panic that one of the tiles might come loose and clonk one of us on the head whilst walking up the drive, so until she could get the builders round she borrowed some "crime scene" tape from one of her friends on the force in an attempt to stop unsuspecting visitors from walking up the drive and meeting an untimely death. Strange enough in itself, but the cherry on the cake was walking out of the house one morning on my way to work to find someone had drawn this…



I love Manchester for so many reasons but the biggest and bestest part of it for me is the people and the brilliant sense of humor; I never wanted the rain to wash that off!
(misshotlips, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 10:58, Reply)

Well, I
painted everything black and then installed a load of coffins and shit.

Oh, wait. I think I got the wrong tribe.
(haberman is singing in the changes, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 10:43, 1 reply)

Is
M.Kahn actually bent?

Why when I go to Liverpool am I reminded about Pies?

My favourite was on a fence visible from the southbound M40, heading toward London, near High Wycombe reading "Good morning lemmings".
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 10:27, 4 replies)

Toilets in Newcastle bars.
Out with friends after work, I entered a dive bar, desperate for a shit. In the cubicle I found a collection of racism graffitti. Mostly stuff like 'BNP are mint' or 'EDL is best'.

It's not funny, just sad:(
(Mong goose, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 10:26, Reply)

Forgive me b3ta for I have sinned
Three incidents come to mind:

1) Playing "lightsabers" with broom handles at school. This was after the first (as in fourth) Star Wars film came out (and yes, I am that old). Smashed a fluorescent light tube. Seeing as how the school I went to was extremely keen on physical punishment, I was expecting nothing less than a damn good thrashing in consequence; luckily however it was the last day of term, and so we just removed all the evidence and somehow got away with it.

2) On a summer camp, again as this was "back in the day" a small group of us were sent out "orienteering" (i.e. a nice long walk) without adult supervision. Came across an old hut, for whatever reason we decided to spend ten minutes smashing it up, and then carried on as if nothing had happened. Kids, eh ?

3) This last one I am so not proud of. At Uni, smashed out of my mind with a friend, in the days of bin bags rather than wheelie bins, hoyed a bin bag over a garden wall. The sound of shattering glass indicated it had just hit some poor sod's greenhouse. Laughed so much I could hardly run away afterwards.

I will try and remember what a little shit I was if any of my stuff gets damaged by randoms; human nature says I will fail and demand that hanging is brought back for such anti-social behaviour.

What a drag it is, getting old...
(TheImmortalJenkins, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 10:24, 2 replies)