whisky girl
my ex girlfriend was dubbed 'whisky girl' by the Chemical Brothers following a party at our house where she was lighting tablespoons of whisky and necking them. Class act, that girl.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 May 2006, 13:43, Reply)

A woman I know was called 'Mum'

because she gave birth to me.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Mon 22 May 2006, 13:41, Reply)

Bananaman
Guy at school went to Tenerife with his mates and got pissed- as you do.

On way home decided to take his kit off- the whole schabang- and was henceforth known as Bananaman
(Keyser Soze, Mon 22 May 2006, 13:33, Reply)

Muff
Every person in our family has a nickname, mine is Squid (rhymes with my name, work that one out)

my sister is jud the spud as she shaved off her eye brows a few years ago and er head looked like a giant potato

my other sister is peach as she has fuzzy cheeks and my dad is coconut head as he had his hair cut short and looked like a cocnut... but the best is my mums.......

Mrs weasleton-gutmuff keith kenney

very long story, involves shouting the name keith randomly, the gorrila from haven hoidays and laughing like A weasle
( squiddylyd Once you pop you can't stop!, Mon 22 May 2006, 13:31, Reply)

Who?
I've been known as Steve (because apparently I looked like a Steve) and Bob (because apparently I looked like a Bob).

Mind you with a first name like Richard (which I don't use) I'd rather be Steve or Bob than.. Dick, Richie Rich, Itchie Ritchie, Prick, Ricky-Boy.. etc etc etc. Kids at school can be so cruel when they find out about your unused Christian names... sigh.
(yesyesyes, Mon 22 May 2006, 13:28, Reply)

Cheers lads...
After returning to Uni a month after getting my face in the way of a nasty gas explosion accident at work, my sympathetic housemates instantly bestowed on me the nickname of...Nikki Lauder.




BTW - The scars have all disappeared now. Apart from the mental ones...
( RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 22 May 2006, 13:23, Reply)

Oh yes...
I worked with a bloke who had a massive appetite. Whenever someone brought in cakes or sweets, he'd be first there, even if it was on a different floor, same with a buffet - he'd shamelessly be queueing up for his second plateful before some had got their first.

Anyway...I was mucking about on Googl3, as you do, when someone commented that Mike was a real truffle hound when it came to cakes. So I set about searching for a nice picture of a truffle hound or pig to pin on his desk. Instead, I found this:

members.aol.com/webloid/15trufle.htm

I put a print-out on his desk, but almost felt sorry for him when he found it, especially as he knew that everyone else had read it first. Anyway, Truffle Bear is now his name.

Bloke at college was known as Chutters because we thought he was a mongy/mango/chutney...

One of my best mates at school had the enviable nick-name 'Wonder-willy', he later changed it to Jigsaw - [hi Stredz if you're there]

Che
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Mon 22 May 2006, 13:10, Reply)

me?
Rev Lovejoy, or Rev for short, coming from my last name (Lovie) being twisted around into lovejoy, and the wonderful character from the simpsons

More recently expanded to Rev Neil Lovejoy, after a guy spent a weekend calling me Neil as he misheard my name or something (my name being David)
Actually a fairly nice nickname, however much it pissed me off being called loveable lovie for years when I was younger

One friend usually just refers to me as lovely, which is always nice

David
(442, Mon 22 May 2006, 13:10, Reply)

Geography
My Geography Teacher we called Mr Baa low Barlow as he was rumoured to be ver fond of Sheep
(GWhizz, Mon 22 May 2006, 13:03, Reply)

Monkey's genitals
Not me I might add - but an erstwhile colleague enjoyed the moniker 'Monkey Scrotum Face' due to his uncanny resemblance to said item of ape anatomy.
(Gaj, Mon 22 May 2006, 13:01, Reply)

Orange
For sharing the useless fact that oranges taste the same coming up as they do going down.
( ogwen69 has returned from Reddit, Mon 22 May 2006, 12:55, Reply)

Teachers
There were many hilariously boring nicknames in my highschool, the best being for the teachers.

Mrs Winton the home economics teacher who'd had a stroke that left one side of her face paralysed was known affectionately as "squintin' Wintin"

Then there was the alcoholic Geography teacher "Baldy heed Reid"

and finally our unfortunately named maths teacher Winnifred Wood or "Winnie the Pooh" we all got in shit the day she found out that one.
(kitnel it's probaby infectious, Mon 22 May 2006, 12:49, Reply)

Elvis Lives
At school, kids don't have much imagination, so I was nicknamed "Coleslaw" which rhymed with my (real) name. Later in the Scouts I got the nickname "Bouncer" for bouncing on a chair in time to some music. Once. And it stuck for years.

I once turned up to a pub quiz wearing a thick black jacket, with a scarf round my neck, due to the fact it was cold and windy outside. Combine this with the effect on my hair, and the quizmaster decided to call me "Dr. Who" from that point on.

Working nights in a petrol station I grew my hair longer but rather than growing down it grew outwards. The other staff luckily didn't call me "Liberace" despite most of them being gay. Instead I got "Bouffant Bob" or just "Bouff".

I then added to the hair with some nice sideburns and when I started a new job in a theatre I became "Elvis". It could have been worse, my mate was "Chipmunk" due to his teeth.

When I started my next job on the Railways there was another bloke whose real name was "Elvis" so they couldn't call me that any more. Moving to a new depot the chargehand shunter named me "Amos" after Amos Brearley from Emmerdale Farm, whilst a big lanky train driver called me "Wolf-Boy" or "Wolf-Man". The two got joined together hence my username (see below).


P.S. The E stands for Elvis, but don't tell anybody, OK?
( Amos E Wolfe makes vinyl signs and things like that, Mon 22 May 2006, 12:48, Reply)

the Meechalin tyre man
due to combination of surname (Meecham) and a certain rotundness i enjoyed as a youth. (as in the advertising icon for the mitchilin tyre company)
Kids are all twunts if you ask me.

More recently Dave (due to a particularly jazz fag heavy glasto and not reckognising my own name until after someone shouted Dave ala Trigger) and Bear (due to biggness)
( I could eat the scabs off a dead dog That was a brand new hat, Mon 22 May 2006, 12:45, Reply)

MegaDeath and Probo Cop
Both were before my time to be honest, but part of my schools folklore anyway. The first was a geography/humanities teacher called Mrs Meradeth who was universally disliked and refered to as Mrs MegaDeath. She was disliked to such an extent that pupils used to come up with stories of how they imagine her dieing. Gareth Edwards’ older brother once declared to all of his friends that she was going to die I a horrible car crash. Within months the poor old girl was left in a coma after a fairly horrific car crash. She later died and the boy Edwards was convinced he was somehow responsible.

The 2nd was Mrs Probert, a home economics teacher. Probo Cop was a mentalist by all accounts who’d throw pots and pans at students who took the piss. Rumour has it that she once locked Stewart Askey in a cupboard because he called her Probo Cop to her face.

And my nickname at school? Snow; because of my then incredibly bright blond hair (and probably ‘smelly twatty twat face’ behind my back).
(a_pair_of_shitty_pants thats The Kinks you prick!, Mon 22 May 2006, 12:19, Reply)

Donkey Hanson Head
A man who desperatly wanted to look like kurt cobain. although he had the features of a love child between a equine and the middle child in the band hanson hence his nickname. Donkey-Hanson-Head
(barronshark, Mon 22 May 2006, 12:14, Reply)

At least I was high ranking...
When I was growing up in the 80's, there was a prominent Libyan leader called colonel Gadaffi. I was unfortunate enough to have big black, bushy, curly hair.

The result?

Colonel Kidafro.
(Georgie Porgie, Mon 22 May 2006, 12:01, Reply)

Jabba
Annoying as hell. Yes I was rather...erm...chubby.

I got given this nickname before Return Of The Jedi for something entirely unrelated. Once the film was released, did anyone believe that I wasn't nicknamed after Jabba the Hutt? Did they fuck.
( Afinkawan Yes I can hear you Clem Fandango, Mon 22 May 2006, 11:44, Reply)

Davros
I managed to get this nickname not due to a Dr Who fetish, but thanks to those bright sparks at Essex police.

Coming back from a club in London 7am Sunday morning, me driving in my boxer shorts(clothes all sweaty from errr dancing all night officer), 2 mates in car. Get pulled in Bethnal Green, searched, arrested for having clubbing medication. I give my mums address cos they want to prove who I am? Even though the car reg'd to me, had licence, credit cards etc.

When I eventually go round to see my mum later that morning. She asks what I've been upto, I tell her a short version of events. She then explains that she had 2 narks go round about 8:30am that morning asking if a Davros ********* lived there, she said no, "I have a son David but no Davros". They kept asking her if she was sure, after 15 mins of this in her nighty she told them to sod off & shut the door on them.

And yes, the piggy twats made me walk back to Mile end Road to my car in my boxers from the pig station. Just as well they didn't find all my stash, boy did I need that spliff.
(Humungus Fungus, Mon 22 May 2006, 11:33, Reply)

wednesday
the first years used to call me wednesday
i asked them why and they said its because
i had long black hair and i creeped them
out so i reminded them of wednesday addams

they now call me tiger girl instead
because i have black hair with
copper/orange streaks.

they have also nicknamed my friend axe murderer because they saw her in town
wearing a long black trench coat.
doesn't make sense to me either
(torture bunny lives under the kitchen sink, Mon 22 May 2006, 10:58, Reply)

The most unusual nickname
I ever encountered was a guy at school called Loaf, on account of his centre-parting and curtains, which gave his head the general shape and form of a loaf of bread.

Also, the director of the company I work at is affectionately known as Pog by his friends. NOONE CAN TELL ME WHY.
(noir, Mon 22 May 2006, 10:41, Reply)

Hoogie Boogie
My nickname is hoogie. One day we were playing football and my mate shouted "Pass the Ball Hoogie Wilson" (Wilson being my surname) from that day on it stuck.

Good job he didnt shout "Pass the ball you greedy fucking cunt"

Length? - Who cares Ill take you up the shitter instead.
(hoogie Original Cunt Horse Author, Mon 22 May 2006, 10:38, Reply)

My old school nickname
Back in the day, when I was in year 5 at school, I farted, rather loudly, whilst the class was being read a story. I was made to stand by a window for the lesson and was known as Tooting Tom for the rest of my school days!

Aptly, the story being read was Wind In The Willows!
(tom_hoyle, Mon 22 May 2006, 10:35, Reply)

The mother in law
Quick thinking on my part led to Mrs YC thinking I called her mother Obi Wan. She saw I had her number stored under OB on my mobile.

It was the best I could think of as I didn't want to tell her it was short for Old Bat.
(Yellow Car is now red, Mon 22 May 2006, 10:31, Reply)

my own nickname...
... it's actually blades. and it sounds ace - it sounds like i'm some kind of knife-obsessed nutcase (yeah, okay, i like shiny, pointy things - i'll admit it).

but the true reason behind it is bad.

see, when i was about 16, i bought myself a pair of rollerblades (and yes, i've heard the joke - what's the hardest thing about rollerblading? telling your parents that you're gay...). i used to go skating at a local club back then with some friends, and i always liked the look of rollerblades, so i bought some.

anyways, back to the point. while i'm skating aimlessly around in circles, there's a couple of girls at the side of the rink yelling out boys' names. any name - dave, brian, adam, peter, mark, matthew... going on and on for ages and ages and ages. eventually, they give up on names, and start yelling out 'blades, blades, blades' at which point i realised that they were trying to get my attention - me being the only person out there on rollerblades.

so i go over to talk to these two girls thinking hey, i might be in here. and i was.

the downside, though, was the fact that they were, quite literally, half my age: 8.

and my wonderful, supportive, caring friends who were there with me that night thought that it was the funniest thing ever - and taunted me for ages by calling me blades, until it stuck. the bastards.

so next time you meet someone with a cool nickname, remember that there's probably still a really embarassing story behind it.

unless it's just me, which is highly likely.
(blades is looking for a brain, any brain, at, Mon 22 May 2006, 10:04, Reply)

Families say the funniest thing
My sister (27) is universally referred to as Grizzle-arse.

My mother (55) has christened herself Ma-mite.

Dad (56) is referred to as Rocket Pants.

And I'm (29) referred to as the Golden Child. It's not that I'm any good at anything; it just annoys my sister even more. Good good.
( Grouch would quite like his clients to stop being numptys, Mon 22 May 2006, 9:56, Reply)

Weird head related nicknames...
at school we had "longhead" a northern idiot with a head like a banana. There was also "pinhead" - pretty obvious...

however king of the weird headed ones was "rugby ball head".

And later in life some armani suited wanker at work (sales) we affectionatley referred to as "alien head" as he seriously had a geiger alien shaped head.
(funkenstein Be pure! Be vigilant! Behave!, Mon 22 May 2006, 9:45, Reply)

Married Flaps
Bloke i used to work with was having it away with a married woman (the hound!) and she was known as MF - Married Flaps!
( Blackdogmanguitar is out with Fat Larry's Jazz Band on, Mon 22 May 2006, 9:21, Reply)

The legend of Assbones, stolen without shame from http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=3702
During 3rd grade our teacher was a Broadway reject who insisted on teaching us useless stuff like performing arts and ballet poses and pretty much everything in the world a 9-year-old male would think is stupid. One day she told us she was going to teach us something new and we should all move our desks up against the wall. This kid Hector's desk was right next to the teacher's desk and when he moved it we could see the word "ASSBONES" written on the side of the teacher's desk in permanent marker. Nobody knew what it meant but she completely flipped out at Hector and suspended him even though he denied doing it, and as far as I know Hector's nickname remains "ASSBONES" to this day.
(Jackie Treehorn, Mon 22 May 2006, 9:16, Reply)