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Profile for Black Moon:
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Hello. Well I am honoured that you feel the need to look in my profile. I don't have any pictures of me in here any more

because I have a funny shaped head.

I live in Leicester, which is about as far away from anything else in England as you can possibly get.

You can tell a lot about a person by what they have on their iPod. Perhaps you would like to see what's on mine? Have

a look here then.

You can add me to your MSN buddy list with blackmoon37@hotmail.com (Don't send email here, it all goes in the byte

recycler.)


I am a creative person, always have to be making something, or making something that makes something. I dabble in

ambient music. Here's a couple of free downloads.

Analogue Daydreams One of my better

ones.
Jarre-esque It's supposed to sound

like the great Jean-Michel Jarre.
Stuck Inside Monday Boards of

Canada?






A couple of years ago I went to the Derby bash organised by the lovely Jessie. I have made a page containing the

photos I taken on the night. If you want to see it, click

here.




Click here to visit My website.

Click here to visit My General YouTube page.
Click here to visit My Music-oriented YouTube

page.


So far, my work has appeared 25 times in the b3ta newsletter. Here they are:

DOGS CAN FUCK OFF
Dogs are shit, it's a well know fact. Even the RSPCA think they are whiney, stuck up cunts that deserve to be killed.

Here is the proof, in dogumentary form. Eat that, Lassie and Shnorbitz.
http://www.markta.co.uk/flash/dogs.swf


EXPRESSIONLESS GIRL
"Last week we linked to a series of photos of a young lady whose expression never changed. Many of you were

disappointed as the site went down shortly afterwards. Thanks to B3ta reader markta who grabbed the pics and stuck

them into a video loop which really makes the point
about how bloody odd these images really are"
http://snipurl.com/expressionlessgirl
If you want to see the original thread when I posted the gif on the message board, you can click here.


CRAP DJ SKILLZ
"Bad is the new good, that's what we're hearing. Black Moon has been trawling the DJ booths of the nation and was

lucky enough to catch footage this fellow - the toast of UK clubland.
http://www.markta.co.uk/wankr/vid/dj_wankr.mpg
I posted this on the board too. It got an odd

reception from most people.
Here it is on YouTube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikMC2UVpj3A


TEH TOMORROW PEOPLE AND PROFESSOR PORNO
**At last, it makes it to the newsletter! One year and three months after I sent Rob a link.**
"The Tomorrow People was a classic 70s TV show about telepathic teenagers, but Blackmoon got hold of some

episodes recently and "All my childhood memories were shattered in an instant. It's not the brilliantly ground-breaking,

stunning and enthralling program I used to enjoy, It's embarrassingly awful." So as a tribute he redubbed it with a new

plot about hardcore porn. Nice. This is a 30MB download, but well worth it."
http://www.markta.co.uk/ttp
This is on YouTube too (Cut down by about 4 minutes)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTsrumKCemg


BAD PIANO PLAYER
Props to Black Moon for this short and amusing gag. Dunno what else to write so here's three facts about pianos pulled

from our arse: 1. Cats love walking on them, especially when they're hungry, 2. ALL blind people are brilliant at tuning

them, and 3. Oh gawd, there is no three. How about a joke pulled from Sickipedia instead? A horse walks into a bar and

the barman asks 'Why the long face?' To which the horse replies, 'I have AIDS'. Yes, it's THAT type of newsletter this

week.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=98V8w0w4WtY
Yes, That's the link Rob and the gang at b3ta HQ put in the newsletter, but is should have been this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zo5YmK4zlN0


DOCTOR WHO NASTIES
Thanks to Black Moon who's glued together some clips of Doctor Who, with David Tennant starring in another drama to

create something that would make Russell T Davies spluff.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Doctor_Rude


VADER HAS SOME FREE TIME
The Dark Lord of the Sith kills some time in his little techno-pod. Circa 1982. Black Moon wins 50 points for extended

amusing geekery.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Vader_has_some_free_time


MENTOS AND COCA-COLA EXPERIMENT
"Quite dangerous, isn't it?" asks Black Moon, as he posts this documentary proof.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Mentos_and_Coca_Cola_experiment


I USED DIET COKE THIS TIME
"Black Moon, whose excellent Coke & Mentos vid we featured last week, writes, "I had too many comments about the

last one being normal Coke and not Diet, so I felt compelled to do another variation on the theme." Oh Black Moon,

Black Moon, pandering to internet pedantry is truly the way to insanity.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/I_used_Diet_Coke_with_Mentos_this_time


WHAT'S IN SPOCK'S SCANNER? - PART 1
If you've ever wondered what Spock looks at when he stares into that tiny screen on the Enterprise bridge, wonder no

more! "This is part one in a series," predicts Black Moon, "(if this one does well)."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Whats_in_Spocks_scanner


WHAT'S IN SPOCK'S SCANNER? - PART 2
"I said you guys would be the first to know when part two was ready," rasps Black Moon. "I've literally just uploaded it

to YT." An ambitious, sprawling sequel, this is a literal bonanza for the Trekkies. Okay, not a literal bonanza, that would

be a western.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Whats_in_Spocks_scanner_Part_2


HOW TO AVOID GETTING HIT BY A TRAIN
"Parked your car on the tracks by mistake and you haven't got time to move it?" asks Black Moon. Here's how you

resolve the situation.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/How_to_avoid_getting_hit_by_a_train


THROUGH THE VIEWFINDER
"If you don't like the scenery... change it," explains Black Moon.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Through_the_viewfinder


SIGNS 2
"Road signs come to life, in this charming little film from Black Moon. "It took much longer than I expected it to," he

says. "But when you've started..."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Signs_2


TYLER'S POWER KICK
"Like every proud dad says, 'He'll be playing for England when he's a big boy!'" coos Black Moon, with another pithy little special

effects clip.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Tylers_power_kick


INFINITYLER
"This is my little boy," explains Black Moon. "Playing football in the garden playing football in the garden playing foot..." Like

Cyriak, except his head doesn't split open and a thousand goats pour out.

http://www.b3ta.com/links/InfiniTyler


BLACK MOON'S CHRISTMAS 2011
"This is how my Christmas went," writes Black Moon. Remind us to avoid him around his birthday.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Black_Moons_Christmas_2011


HOW TO REMOVE ADS VFROM VIDEOS
"I could teach you, but I'd have to charge," chants Black Moon, gleefully. More mind-melting SFX trickery.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/How_to_remove_ads_from_videos


WHAT'S IN SPOCK'S SCANNER PART III
"The third and final part of my Star Trek editing endeavours," explains Black Moon, who clearly doesn't believe in describing things as a

trilogy. A sublime 10 minutes of dialogue-free gags from the Original Series.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Whats_in_Spocks_scanner_Part_3


ALIEN THE TEXT ADVENTURE GAME
"Ripley passes some off-duty time with Mother," informs Black Moon. Retro sci-fi keyboard fans rejoice.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Alien_frustration_II


CAT vs LAWNMOWER
"A close shave for stunt cat," sweats Black Moon. Don't worry, readers - eleven cats were harmed in the making of this video.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Cat_v_Lawnmower


THE FLATULENCE SYNDROME
Star Trek fartfoolery from Black Moon. You love it. Heaven help us, you absolutely love this stuff. (We like it too.)
http://www.b3ta.com/links/The_Flatulence_Syndrome


PLANE SPOTTING WITH BLACK MOON
Internet titan Black Moon can easily identify any sort of plane - observe.
http://b3ta.com/links/Plane_spotting_with_Black_Moon


PROMETHEUS COCA COLA PRODUCT PLACEMENT
"I got the rough idea from another user on YouTube," confesses Black Moon. "But I thought I could do a better job of it." Ah, the great, transformative taste of Coca Cola. Pepsi only rots your teeth, gums, stomach-lining and will to live.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Prometheus_Coca_Cola_advert







Below is a list of "b3ta boarders" who I like / Admire / Fancy / Would like to have bumsex with / want to hug

These are not in any particular order, I love them all dearly.


View profile Jessie : 5000. Need I say more?

Yes, I will, Her English is impeccable too. RIP Nina, love always.
View profile Prodigy : Awesome shopping

skills, some great animal "modifications".
View profile Comma : For her colourful

additions to the English language.
View profile Strawberry Dragon : Lovely

artwork, Wish I could draw like that.
View profile Sunshine Elephant : Lovely

artwork again, I still wish I could draw like that.
View profile Rev. Jesse Custer : The sheer

"GAH!" value of the zombies. Lovely shopping skills.
View profile Mystery Bob : Some of the best,

and funniest animations ever. Also, he's very helpful with website stuff.
View profile Felix : Very helpful on the night of

the crane fly. Nice animations too.
View profile The Neville : Two words; Diverse

originality. The Ikea instructions were great.
View profile Syncubus : A good lad, always

fluffy. Oh, he has nice feet too (aparrently). Arse rent cricket.
View profile Zoot : I won't say anything bad

about him, he's got 42 guns.
View profile M3 Essential : Great shopping

and animations.
View profile Eclectech : Wonderful Shopping,

Animamtions, Flash, ohh, everything!
View profile Reckless Rik : Great shoppping

with some bizarre ideas.
View profile Chicago Dave : His b3ta

screensaver got me here in the first place. Do I thank him or blame him?
View profile Leningrad : The "rhyming

animations" were very original.
View profile Stick Figure Ninja : He's nuts!

But in a good way.
View profile Derek Acorah's Spirit Guide Sam : This lady's work oozes cuteness from

every direction.
View profile mutated monty : Teh master of animation, say no more.
View profile workboresme : Norks.
View profile Flowerpot : Because she's lovely.

I will be adding to this list as I think of people.*

*Probably. If I can be arsed.






Recent front page messages:


This one?

Original size
(Sun 14th Jul 2013, 15:20, More)

Shirley I'm not the first
to think of this.
Embiggerate
(Wed 26th Dec 2012, 11:40, More)




Inspired by this post. Thanks Yamon.
(Sun 18th Dec 2005, 12:29, More)

Bang!

Random sillyness.
(Wed 14th Sep 2005, 14:25, More)

Don't try this at home young jedi.

528K mpg
(Thu 9th Dec 2004, 21:20, More)

Just a thought

clicky for Biggy

Resized for FP. Woo!
(Thu 28th Aug 2003, 6:15, More)

Neil thought some of the tests were a bit silly..... but fun.

Biggy Clicky Thingy
Woo, 14th FP. Blackmoon=Happy Chappy
(Tue 26th Aug 2003, 14:02, More)

Excuse me?

The professor suspects you are ridiculing him.
A bit more than twice the size
(Sat 16th Aug 2003, 1:58, More)

Training for the Apollo missions was a long and gruelling process

(Wed 13th Aug 2003, 3:05, More)

Oh, that's what Maximise and Minimise does!

(Thu 7th Aug 2003, 1:01, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Mums

The last thing I said to my mum
was "See ya tomorrow" and I closed the front door, got in my car and spent the night at my girlfriend's house. When I came home from work the next day, I did see her as promised, but she was face down on the kitchen floor. She died at about 11am from a Subarachnoid Hemorrhage. Very unexpected. That was 1994, and I still really miss her. Love you mum.
(Sun 14th Feb 2010, 11:50, More)

» Embarrassing Injuries

I think this was in my local paper...
apologies if it was a national and you have already heard it.

A guy was working, operating a CNC guillotine without the guard, He cut his thumb quite badly, and after the company doctor cleaned him up he had to show the boss exactly how he managed to cause himself the injury. He stuck his hand in it again, said "All I did was this", Pressed a button and lost two fingers.

What a twat.
(Fri 3rd Sep 2004, 1:24, More)

» Little things that turn you on

Seeing a girl
shove something up her cunt.
(Sat 19th Feb 2005, 0:13, More)

» Evidence that you're getting old

I was in Mallorca last week,
I was having a drink and attempting to dance with young attractive ladies. Suddenly one of the girls grabbed my shoulders and turned me round to dance with her mother.
(Sat 30th Oct 2004, 4:32, More)

» B3TA Most Haunted

RIPPED HIS TROUSERS
If there's no such thing as the paranormal, somebody please explain this to me.

Myself, sister, sister's daughter and son were having a sťance one night. We'd made letter cards and spaced them out on a glass table. We also had a YES and a NO card. We used an upturned wine glass in the centre and each placed a finger on the glass.

We began by asking 'Is there anybody there?'... as you do.

After a short time, the glass started going in circles and moving to random letters then back again to the centre.

After it spelled stuff like KJEBSPFDB for a few minutes, we were almost ready to give up, but then it started to spell the words TROUSERS, HIS, PURSE, MAM, RIPPED in no particular order.

Eventually it settled on
RIPPED HIS TROUSERS several times, with the odd PURSE thrown in. This is all it was saying now. After a while it changed to MAM.

All it was saying was MAM. MAM MAM MAM MAM MAM. We decided that it probably wanted my mother at the table, so we gave her a shout and she happily joined us. As soon as she sat down, it went back to
MAM PURSE
RIPPED HIS TROUSERS
repeat...

It spelled that no more than twice when my mum suddenly let go of the glass and all the colour went out of her face.

She instantly put her hand to her mouth and looked totally freaked. We asked her what was wrong but she just sat there in the same position just shaking her head whenever we asked if she was ok. I can still see her now.

After a minute or two she got up and went into the kitchen. We all followed her in there and found her taking her purse out of her handbag. She then took a photograph out of her purse, one I had never seen before. She showed it to us, it was a photo of her dad and a mate of his (both long dead). They were standing in front of a building with iron railings in front of it.

She went on to explain that she had found this photo about a week previous, and had not seen it for years before that. I think it was somewhere her dad used to work, and one day he had got locked in by the locking up guy who didn't realise my granddad was in there working late.

Apparently, he managed to get out of a window, but then had to get past the iron gates. He got on top of the gates ok, but when it came to jumping down, his trousers had caught and it ripped them. My mum remembers her mum giving her dad a right telling off because he'd ruined the trousers.

My point is, none of us at the table knew this story, mum had never mentioned it to us, because, the simple reason she had also forgotten it until the words were spelled out on that table just a few days after rediscovering the photo. A photo that had been missing for years.

We decided that day, none of us together or individually would ever have anything to do with another sťance, and we never have.
(Sat 15th Sep 2012, 22:45, More)
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