Eh?
Alright turds?

I go away for one week and this is what I come back to? I can’t trust you to look after anything in my absence.

So other than Lies Of The Week being pulled what else have I missed during my week of sunshine, scrumpy & scallops?

Alt: I saw some right munters on Cornish beaches last week. Are the British the ugliest nation in Europe?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 7:11, 166 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

"Ultimately, in the history of [the] world, penises entering vaginas have given a lot of people a lot of pleasure; axes entering skulls, well, not so much.” George RR Martin
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 29 Jul 2012, 13:00, 52 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Crumpets!
I had crumpets for breakfast. I had butter and jam on them, what do you have on yours? What's nice on crumpets?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sun 29 Jul 2012, 10:09, 14 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Fashion - extremes and errors
I once dyed my hair green to look like everyone else ewho's trying to look alternative. Prior to that I had a red mohican, and seriously considered a nose ring with a chain to my ear. Needless to say, all of the above were accompanied by stompy boots, tight ripped jeans, army and old leather jackets, etc.

What's been your most biggest sartorial error in pursuit of physically expressing your personality?

Alt: Who are your favourite cunts and pricks?
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Sat 28 Jul 2012, 17:21, 28 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

GO TEAM GB!!!
no alt.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sat 28 Jul 2012, 11:05, 12 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Our neighbour came in to have a drink this evening, and shared this fantastic story.
When he was working in the ambulance service in the 80s or so, he was cleaning out an ambulance after bringing someone to hospital and found a big bar of resin, about £200 worth, dropped by the vehicle’s previous passenger.
Sure enough, the patient comes out of the hospital, still all bandaged up and certainly not fit to leave, and anxiously asks him if he’d found his “wallet” in the ambulance. He says no, and with perfect timing the police pull up nearby attending something else in the hospital. The officers come over to the guy, who was presumably shitting himself with fear by now, and offer to search the ambulance for the missing “wallet”, and of course don’t find it, so they take the guy back inside.

I can only hope he had a fun few weeks with his haul.
( Bentley T. Coon miles and miles of piles, Sat 28 Jul 2012, 4:58, 9 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

why are all the QOTWers such whiny gaylords?
no kittens were harmed in the pointing out of some of the dross on there.

alt: cheese or bacons? you can only have one ever again. go to it, fatties!
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Sat 28 Jul 2012, 4:03, 4 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

olympic opening ceremony
so far - tbh i think its shit
( zulu eh?, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 21:44, 95 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Very shortly there will be a big lot of mincing about
Which I've indirectly paid for. Nobody asked if I thought it was a good use of my money. Nobody explained that my - and the 30 million or so other taxpayers outside the South East - money would be spent on a lot of gunpowder and smoke that won't benefit me in the slightest.

Piss it up the fucking wall then. There's half a nation on the breadline, there's a 15% unemployment rate in some areas of the North but no, let's have a fucking great celebration of Middle Class Britain, eh?

No, we weren't in recession when we signed up for this - 6/7/05 - an easy date to remember, but what will I - and what will you - get out of this?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 20:54, 37 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Could someone gaz me why battered was brutually excluded from the camping trip and now he's drowned himself, his wife and kid in a madmans rage at centreparks
fanks xxx
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 18:51, 18 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

All them QOTW feckers coming over here taking our jobs, feck em all.
What would you declear all out war for?
Alt:I've been told I can upgrade my mobile 3 months early, give me your advice if you want.
Alt Alt:Alcoholic beverages, I still drink the same few beers when I'm out what new tipple should I give a go?
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 18:11, 13 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Girlfriend thinks I may have an autistic spectrum disorder. Grounds for break up or an astute observation?

(Vigilante Man weeps because you're stupid., Fri 27 Jul 2012, 17:51, 7 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

My missus would rather go to the Olympic opening ceremony than go and see Simon Munnery
Grounds for divorce?
(brush_em, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:17, 78 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Alright you bumpy, mongy, big fat spazmos
Apart from me, who would you most like to punch full on in the face?

Alt: What's your favourite chain pub?
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 14:47, 113 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Bored of that now.
So the person lighting the torch is a big secret so far.

What british celebrity do you think will do it? I think Pippa middleton will light it from a fart from her famous arse.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 14:07, 87 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Afternoon O/T
On the radio this morning they were talking about a study the French have been doing, the outcome seems to be that Parisians are rude! When did you last have a “no shit Sherlock moment”?

Alt: So some sports day is kicking off today, how is it affecting you?

Alt:Alt: Plans for the weekend, got any if so share them with us? (If it’s got anything to do with what new mobile phone you maybe getting keep that fucker to yourself).
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 12:46, 58 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

New thread time.
I've got no idea what to ask, so please just post random nonsense, sort of like /talk, but with a bit more style.
Alt, lunch.
Alt alt, your best conspiracy theory.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 27 Jul 2012, 12:42, 55 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I put this as a reply on AB thread below but am putting it here too. suck that, bitches!...

So QotW is 'taking personal leave'. When it returns next week, then I think the 'reply' function should be removed.

This could possibly stop the 'trolling' (real or otherwise) and also the sychophants who drool over their favourite b3tard saying 'You're a genius - yay and officelol / spitting coffee etc'

It would hark back to the good old days when people were only able to anonymously vote without being influenced one way or the other.

A simple rule could then be added so that any post non-relevant to the QotW (i.e 'The previous post was shit' etc) would be removed.

Just a thought.

Alt: Oh I dunno...Boxers, briefs, or barbed wire thong?
(Mr Twisty Cheeky The worst kept secret in B3ta..., Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:28, 130 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Monty has posted 40,000 more messages on Off Topic than I have.
Monts, I think you have a(nother) serious addiction.

In other news, I get to upgrade my phone this weekend, going to do some baking (swirly millionaires shortbread) and paint my nails whilst watching the MotoGP at Laguna. I know, I know my life is like totally lolwackycool.

You have to watch a bit of the Olympics - What sport would you choose?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:14, 135 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Well whoop-de-doo. Freitag is here. Named after Frei, the Hittite god of Turkish Delight, fact fans.
I've been paid and will be treating myself to a luncheon costing between 50 earth pence and a pound to celebrate. Meanwhile my 'unemployed single mother on the sick' ex is flying out to Spain for three weeks in the sun. The poor thing.

The weekend is upon us, so what're you doing*?

HimJim poster (late of this parish) is actually in the 'lympic opening ceremony, the big chutney, so if you see someone waving a two foot black dildo, chances are it'll be him. If of course you are stupid enough to watch that shit.

*I don't wish to be the bearer of bad news, but I'm afraid you're *not* doing my mum.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 8:26, 218 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

So, now that QOTW's dead, is it time, in the manner of Top Of the Pops, to start posting its 'hits' on an otherwise unregarded channel?

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 1:10, 23 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

evening fuckos, I've just read Rory's QOTW entry and replies...what is wrong with that lot eh?
I'll be watching telly and downloading music tonight. What are you up to?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 19:22, 158 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Well, what a crazy day *this* has turned out to be, eh gang?!!
We've had more knobs in here than the Country Life butter factory. And all because KEN OATH pooed his pants.

Well. I'd gaz the mods if I wasn't a secret mod myself.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 16:36, 104 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

flying ants day
Anyone else experiencing this today? Buggers get everywhere!
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 15:16, 200 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I know how much you lot like talking about food so
I just hada Magnum, what's your favourite ice-cream, extra points for nostalgia, being nonced for ice cream and autism sprinkles.

alt: QOTWers, come in, say hello, we're much nicer in person.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 14:30, 125 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

So how do you lot all feel about qotw being put on at least a hiatus?

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 13:28, 151 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Well that was epically nonce, wasn't it?
You bunch of cocking flidmoes.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:29, 89 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I'm threadstomping Gonz because I'm an evil internet bully.
I was just on the phone to an online optician, and their 'on hold' music was 'I can see clearly now the rain has gone'. I was still laughing at that when they came back on the line.

Otters, quickly - what other songs would be aposite for hold music?

'Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me' for any customer service department, obviously.

Alt: I'm doing admin today, which is why I'm sat by the computer. What are you doing today?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:38, 163 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I got my first ever music band related t-shirt today !
It's the "Free cheese" one from here: scroobiuspip.co.uk/store/

I'm having another OH WOE IS ME, MY LIFE IS A CURSE day today, thrown up twice already. I think I hate my guts as much as my guts hates me.

And I've got the most ambigious client ever who keeps on changing their terminology around, he says 'customers' to mean 'shops', 'users' to mean 'employees' then throws in thing like Regional Manager and Area Manager and Retail Manager at seemingly random. Whenever I've asked them about it, their MD says things like "You should know this after 7 months" 'cus the company I work for have been with them for 7 months when I've only been with the client for 3 weeks. And their buisness model is super confusing. And we sent out a scope document on what we were going to do , that they all signed and agreed too, but there is stuff missing from there and they're reffering to emails that got sent back'n'forth 100s of times.

It's like talking to someone who is decorating a house, where you speek to them 100s of times about all sorts of things, and then when the quote comes in on what they want, they sign it and agree, but then complain when stuff that was talked about (and refuted at some points)... they should have said it was missing from the quote.

And I've told them like 6 times that I can't do minor upgrades while this major one is going on 'cus of the way codebases work (ie, I could do it, but it would get over written, and I'd have to do it again), I've said this in many ways. And they're complaining that little updates haven't happened since I started this big upgrade.

And their MD is like the girl on Devil Wears Prada throwing around words like incompetancy

Carling doesn't make dull blog like OH WOE IS ME posts, but if they did, it would probably be better than this one.




HOWEVER, however,
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 10:58, 83 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

So is QOTW closing for good now, then?
Alt: Exactly why do you think you're so much better than everyone else? Extra points for employment of polysyllables.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 10:53, 32 replies, latest was 12 years ago)