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# THE CRIMSON EJACULATE
THE CROAKING DEATH OF THE BLUDGEONED SONGBIRD



Previously on "A Peanuts Apocalypse":

01: The Lies, Charlie Brown, The Lies The Lies The Lies The Lies The Lies ("Derivative Tosh")
www.b3ta.com/board/9798257

02: The Devil's Ejaculate, the Demon Afterbirth ("The Flames They Gather")
www.b3ta.com/board/9799929

03: The Music of the Night, What Children They Make ("Beware the Lonely Night. Beware the Scratchings of the Cockroaches"
BEWARE THE SCRATCHINGS OF THE COCKROACHES")
www.b3ta.com/board/9803889

04: The Hairy Barbs of the Phallus ("The Lies, the Lies, the Barbed Phallus, the Haunting Sound of the Pipes")
www.b3ta.com/board/9816354

05: Sick and Tired ("A Break from the Challenge for a Few Short Minutes")
www.b3ta.com/board/9819430
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 22:58, archived)
# Dude, you're messed up - brainularily.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 22:59, archived)
# Hey, *I* didn't kill Roy
*I* didn't summon the spirit of ancient Pan to try and get hold of the little red-haired girl bound in my basement

*I* didn't collect spiders and spend my Sundays inserting them into my rectum to prepare myself for the love of the horned God

I'm only the reporter.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:01, archived)
# Oh you so did.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:02, archived)
# :(
didn't.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:04, archived)
# The Lies...
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:03, archived)
#
the lies the lies the lies the lies
the lies the lies the lies the lies
the lies the lies the lies the lies
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:05, archived)
# THE LIES THE LIES THE LIES
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:07, archived)
# Iguano
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:12, archived)
# Puppy!
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:14, archived)
# Rainbow tail!
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:14, archived)
# There's only so many places you can put rainbows.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:15, archived)
# You speak truth
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:19, archived)
# Puddles of oil, raindrops on windscreens, the tears of a child...
My Little Pony Soup.

That sort of thing.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:24, archived)
# Yay for dinysaurusses
ESPECIALLY rainbow dinysaurusses.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:16, archived)
# colors!
eheheh
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:16, archived)
# Even dressed in rainbows this one looks like an 'ard bastard.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:17, archived)
# his expression!
he is asking for trouble
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:20, archived)
# Yaaaaaaaaaaaay!
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:18, archived)
# You should bring these out as toys :D
i want 2% of profit for having the idea ;)
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:19, archived)
# And I want 5% for being here.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:21, archived)
# Hey, everyone will get his or her cut.
Except him over there. Not him.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:25, archived)
# :(
It's even my thread.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:26, archived)
# NOT ANY MORE, BUSTER.
:)

Oh, and I just watched 'Let The Right One In', and it was good. And sinister. It was braw, even.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:29, archived)
# I have not seen it
I have just read Wikipedia's description of it. Based on it being a vampire film, I am going to get hold of it and watch it.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:31, archived)
# Pan is just an Agriculture god
believed to look after crops and bastardised in Christanity as the model for Satan as a goat hooved evil being... The Lies The Lies The Lies The Lies The Lies The Lies The Lies The Lies The Lies The Lies The Lies The Lies The Lies The Lies The Lies The Lies The Lies The Lies The Lies The Lies The Lies The Lies The Lies The Lies... He Comes...
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:10, archived)
# LIES
ALL LIES

Pan's agricultural image is a lure, a glamour, cast to entice strangers into his grasp at which point they are lost, lost forever to his barbed lust and his unholy desires a rampant desire that will never be slaked no matter how often he rapes and drowns in blood and chews the defiled livers of victims sacrificed on his altar while he gloried himself in their death agonies to the sound of the pipes and the fifes and the frenzied screams of his ecstatic worshippers engaging in their foul and rabid rites of blood and pain and anal sex
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:13, archived)
# Sounds good will there be beer?
:D
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:15, archived)
# Yes
But it will be acidic, brewed from the rotting ruins of ergot-ridden grain, inducing vicious hallucinations that lead rapidly to vomiting, projectile streams of blood spewing from mouths and colons and urethras and nostrils, lubricants for the untameable desires of the goat God.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:17, archived)
# But it's still beer, right?
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:18, archived)
#
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:19, archived)
# But it IS still beer?
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:21, archived)
# Yes.
But it will be acidic, brewed from the rotting ruins of ergot-ridden grain, inducing vicious hallucinations that lead rapidly to vomiting, projectile streams of foetid blood spewing from mouths and colons and urethras and nostrils, lubricants for the untameable desires of the goat God.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:22, archived)
# dejavu
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:23, archived)
# This has been edited
I was advised that the word "foetid" belonged in there. After much consideration, I was inclined to agree.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:24, archived)
# heineken? Ewwww... I think I'll give it a miss
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:19, archived)
# Wise choice
A few years back they were using Tennants and at least they got over that but... yeah.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:20, archived)
# It could be worst they could be serving Fosters or Budweiser
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:21, archived)
# Fosters isn't beer
And Budweiser is just Heineken that someone dropped a set of keys in while it was, for want of a better word, brewing.

Even Pan has his standards.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:23, archived)
# and an erected fallus
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:23, archived)
# Permanently so
Some attribute that to Priapus, others to Frey, but these "Gods" were but manifestations of mighty Pan.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:24, archived)
# BUDWEISER IS SHIT
and ALWAYS GIVE ME HEARTBURN!!

I AM SHOUTING ON THE INTERNET!!! FUCKING LOOK AT MY COCK!!!!!
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:31, archived)
# NO LOOK AT MY COCK YOU CUNTS
BUDWEISER TASTES OF METALLIC WEE-WEE
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:32, archived)
# I'm enjoying this cockathon :D
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:38, archived)
# I am glad
I live but to make others happy
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:43, archived)
# COCK!
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:49, archived)
# too many cocks to look
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:39, archived)
# too many cocks spoil the broth
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:43, archived)
# Unless it needs more salt :D
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:52, archived)
# And a bit of thickener
Bukkake Broth
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:54, archived)
# Needs more foetid.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:20, archived)
# OK
"...projectile streams of foetid blood spewing from mouths and colons and urethras and nostrils..."
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:22, archived)
# :)
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:23, archived)
# http://www.b3ta.com/board/9832026
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:23, archived)
# You have broken the internet
and now my eyes are bleeding...

DO YOU SEE?!?!?!
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:04, archived)
# Clearly you don't
If I were you I'd listen out for scratching on the window. The little ones will come, tens, scores of wild untamed youth boiling from the forest like maggots from the rotting bloated corpse of a cow drowned at sea, they will overpower you, you can kill, you can spread their blood around your room and fill your bed with their severed limbs and still they'll come and they'll stifle your screams with your own underwear soiled by their filth and their waste and they'll drag you to the forest where he waits, the barbed God Pan, the horned beast of the wild, and you'll wish you could die and you'll wish and you'll wish but this is real and you can feel it and it is real.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:07, archived)
# Jesus Christ, Boris!
I'm not going to sleep tonight!

glees
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:08, archived)
# This is all I aim for
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:09, archived)
# Well, it worked for me a couple of weeks ago.
I still am careful around my Chiropractor these days as well.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:17, archived)
# This is wise
He is not a man to be trusted. If he ever draws the blinds when you enter his office.... save yourself.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:18, archived)
# But...
the blinds are always drawn :( And I'm due back there tomorrow for some more acupuncture on my knee :(
(, Sat 12 Dec 2009, 0:32, archived)
# Take a knife along
and stay alert. Stay ever alert.
(, Sat 12 Dec 2009, 0:35, archived)
# "The Horned Old One"
Gary Glitter?
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:12, archived)
# This is entirely possible
now that you mention it.

Zeus came down as a bull to have sex with human women; it's not beyond belief that Pan would reappear as an ageing old musician to violate young boys.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:14, archived)
# "Zeus came down as a bull to have sex with human women"
Must have come down in Kings Cross...
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:20, archived)
# The story was taken back to Greece by Pythaeus
He saw the whole thing. "Horrible, it was," the Confessions of Pythaeus begins. "Horrible. It was in King's Cross, and horrible it was." It goes on in this vein for a while, but if you've been in King's Cross, you'll understand.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:26, archived)
# Not a tiger then?
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:22, archived)
# nah
the greek gods have somewhat limited imaginations.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:27, archived)
# I would totally manifest as a tiger, if I was a god.
Or maybe a shark.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:27, archived)
# You could be a tigershark!
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:28, archived)
# That would be awesome, and also totally sweet.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:30, archived)
# Contradictions...oh Preacher Brown!
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:12, archived)
# He is not a man to be trusted
when the bloodlust comes upon him and he starts cutting, he opens holes in which he'll slake his foul desires. Just be thankful I didn't have an extra frame. You have been spared a horrific sight.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:15, archived)
# THELIESTHELIESTHELIESTHELIESTHELIESTHELIES
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:28, archived)
# Now that's a dinner party I'd love to be at
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:29, archived)
# Could be problematic for me. I'd be tempted to chop up the guests.
Big bowl of batter, deep fat fryer and a tub of seafood sauce.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:37, archived)
# Ah, see
that's fine for me. Don't like shellfish.
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:44, archived)