Driving
I was minding my own business, doing the legal limit (officer) when I looked up into my rear view mirror to see a cunt, flashing his lights at me and gesticulating that I enjoyed self love. This gent wanted to pass, but as this road was two lanes only, and there was oncoming traffic, he wanted me to pull over to let him pass..

So I slowed down by 5 kph, because I don't like tailgaters (SL 100, me doing 98)

This wound up said cunt, who was by this point so far up my arse he was hitting sweetcorn

So I applied the brakes, enough to get the lights on, but not to slow down.

Distance between us increases, and he is now spitting fire, but unfortunately all good things end, as my turn off approaches.

I indicate, he roars alongside me in his Holden Penis Extension, turns to me and stars air wanking at full force....and hits the stationary truck waiting at the lights. (Napier-Hastings 'expressway', by the Pakowhai turn off, if anyone is interested)

Hahahahahahaha..

Made more funny because I x-rayed his neck later that morning, where he assailed me with his story of how he was lured into an accident by a 'fat poof in a Fiesta', not recognizing me (thank fuck)

Another time, doing 70 on the M5 outside Port Talbot, I am passed by a Caterham 7. I look to admire said car, and am surprised to see a woman, shaking her head in a 'tut tut' kind of way.

'Odd' thinks I

5 mins later I, still doing 70, pass the 7, which was slowed to about 65 (in a 70)

5 mins later, 7 roars passed doing 90, woman shaking head in a 'sad wanker' way.

5 mins later I, still doing 70, pass the 7, which was slowed to about 65 (in a 70)

She roars past me again, shaking head. I am frankly amazed, my speed has not altered, but this mad cow seemed to think I was in some kind of race with her. Odd.

But I had a good laugh when I passed her later on, pulled over with plod having a chat with her.

Seems 70 is the speed limit, even for blonds in Caterhams.
(micmac is happy as a pig in shite, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:26, 10 replies)

Where can i get one of those ear view mirrors then?

(NuffMuff fucks shrubbery, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:30, closed)

hahahahahahahahaaaaa
Rectified, thanks mate
(micmac is happy as a pig in shite, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:32, closed)

I used to drive a Reliant Robin
People are often surprised to hear that they can cruise at 70... they may be pitifully low-powered, but they're LIGHT!

I was always amazed at how some drivers seemed to find it insulting when I overtook them, or left them standing at the lights. The funniest was a guy towing a caravan; the legal limit of 50 wasn't going to stand in the way of his dented pride, and each time I passed him he'd push his rig to the limit to pass me back. The caravan was fishtailing crazily across the road, near tipping point, his head was down and I think he was chewing the steering wheel, but he was determined not to suffer the ignominy of being passed by a Plastic Pig. Which I kept doing, of course. What a tit!

For any non-brits, picture-google Reliant Robin if you don't know what it is. Go on, the laughter will brighten your day
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:05, closed)

There's often one done up like the Trotters' one
parked across the road from my brother.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 17:21, closed)

Trotter you say???
by any chance is your brother called Rodney??
(Anne Frank started to build a loft conversion on, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 22:56, closed)

a woman that stupid
shouldn't be allowed to own or even drive a caterham
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 20:55, closed)

Nice.
Good to hear some funnies closer to home.
(wino.NZ The Ayatollah of rock n' rolla..., Tue 10 Aug 2010, 21:50, closed)

You
are a COCK.
(M61A1 CUPID- STUNTS, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 8:51, closed)

looks like we have identified the blonde wench in the Caterham.^^^^^

Ha ha ha.
(AndyC4m Eject Eject [><], Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:11, closed)

Nah, I don't live in your part of the world
but, I've been stuck behind people like this many times. Whilst stuck behind, people like this I've had time to ponder the difference between how long the trip normally takes and how long it takes whilst held captive by the twat, roughly(and conservatively) calculated, I lose about a day of my life every month. I figure, if they can steal my life just because they want to piss me off, then surely calling them a cock is getting off very lightly.

No-one in this world has the right to deliberately obstruct the passage of another without consequence.
(M61A1 CUPID- STUNTS, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 10:18, closed)

Unless you decide to air-wank at them for going 2 under the limit
which sort of gives them the right, in my book.
Exposure therapy for road rage, they should charge you for providing it too.
(spaffwrap indulged his power socket fetish on, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 19:09, closed)