This literally just popped into my head
And has bought me to a juddering stand still with the realisation of what an annoying little prat I must have been.

I guess I would have been, maybe, 8 years old. 9 possibly. I had a big parka jacket, the fluffy hood, orange lining, army green type. It had, if I remember, an arm pocket that had both a button down top and a zip up the length of it, as well as slots for two pens. We'll consider that to be four pockets (this will be important later - god I wish it wouldn't, but it will). It had two 'high' pockets on the front, (the ones that I have never really found a useful purpose for and that if you put your hands in them you look like you are doing a convincing pisstake of a thalidamide victim) and one of those had a smaller 'sub pocket' on top of it. So that's 7. it had two deep pockets at the outside bottom of the coat (we're up to 9 now). One high inside pocket on the left and another on the right AND one deep inside pocket on the bottom right. (12). And then there were my jeans. Anyone of a similar age may remember 'pocket jeans'. They had the usuall assortment of two front, two back and one watch pocket. (17 pockets now). Then they had the 'exrtas', And my pair had one on each thigh and one on the left calf. So now I am up to 20 pockets. But no, that's not enough for me. oh no, I also had one of those 'varsity' type cardigans, that had a pocket on each side too. I had a grand total of 22 pockets.

Why? Because...oh god, the shame...why didn't my parents take one look at me and say 'you fucking twat'...I was so desperate to get a nickname...I thought people might start to call me 'Pockets'.

They didn't.

So I tried a new tack. I filled the pockets. I carried anything i thought someone else might find useful and a lot that they never would. I filled them with scissors and matches and needle and thread. Various knives - Swiss Army, lock, flick and pen. Hankies and tissues and cotton wool and Q-tips. Coins and screws and nuts and bolts and magnets and mini screwdrivers and a toffee hammer. Sweets and chocolate and football stickers and diaries and address books. Analogue AND digitl watches and a calculator. A magnifying glass and a compass and a map. Pens and pencils and rulers and pencil sharpeners and erasers. Because, you know, one day, someone might need something and I'd reach in and lo...'pockets to the rescue'...I lived in the hope that after a while, it would become second nature and people would say things like 'I want to scrape the bark of that twig but I haven't got a knife. I better ask Pockets'.




No one ever asked pockets.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 17:38, 25 replies)

I like this.......
( Trollman, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 17:51, closed)

So you inspired the Beautiful South song?

(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 18:05, closed)

He inspired the
Bitmap Brothers' 'Magic Pockets' game. Did you have a little whirlwind in any of those pockets?
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 18:51, closed)

I have no idea what this is.
Or the Beautiful South song come to that, but on the way home just now, it occured to me that I think I was trying to be like a cut price version of that gadget kid from The Goonies
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 19:27, closed)

You haven't lived...
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Magic_Pockets
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 13:07, closed)

once got to the second stage of the third level
never any further than that. game's a bastard.
(fat stavros, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:40, closed)

That's what I thought too at first.
Here comes Pockets,
His trousers holds a thousand deadly sins,
The maddest things we ever found in bins,
He clutches them and looks at you and grins.

You ought to have been more enterprising and become a walking shop.
(Smysha Tra la la!, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 20:00, closed)

Ha.

( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 18:20, closed)

I don't suppose you still wear that stuff do you?
Because my horse has got a stone stuck in its hoof.
(electricteeth, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 18:27, closed)

This reminds me of an episode of Charlie & Lola.
But that's not why I don't believe it.
It's the toffee hammer. Who in the world owns a toffee hammer?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 20:52, closed)

My Nan did.
And I'm fairly sure my parents still do actually.

Also, good to see you back to being a cunt again, it's been ages since I've been able to call you that. It was getting far too cosy for my liking.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:35, closed)

You make your own toffee, then?
I've only ever seen it sold pre-broken.

Questioning another's production/consumption of melted sugar is the height of cuntishness, in my book. It's a very sticky book.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 8:42, closed)

I bet that's not the only sticky book you own either.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 8:55, closed)

Fnar!

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 20:07, closed)

Thorntons
They used to do you a slab of soon-to-be-pulling-out-your-fillings toffee and it came with a hammer.
( AWPS, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 13:27, closed)

I think Peter Sutcliff had one.
How else would he smash fuck out of his toffee?
(Figmaus, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 22:17, closed)

I think I've got one
no idea why.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 22:56, closed)

They used to come 'free' with the trays of toffee from MCowens, I think.
I had one somewhere as well back in the 80s.
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 13:10, closed)

everyone has a toffee hammer somewhere
from the old days of massive blocks of toffee
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 31 Jul 2011, 12:35, closed)

This made me go
Nawwwwwwww.
( jakedamusss I understand, and dont care., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 6:09, closed)

I feel your pain
I too was desperate for a nickname as a child. It never happened.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:52, closed)

This is too downright strange not to have earned a click.

( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 14:21, closed)

You must be
George Stobbard
(Boiled_Tater is not the messiah, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 16:33, closed)

As a boy of roughly the same age,
I was very affected by how the Doctor on Doctor Who and other characters always had the ability to pull just the right object for the perilous situation of the week out of his pockets, I tried to emulate that for a bit by carrying everything I thought might be useful in my standard complement of pockets; I didn't have as many as you, so that didn't amount to as much stuff, but still.

Of course, the Doctor had a prop man load his pockets with the gadgets of the week according to what was in the script. Didn't stop me trying, though, and I'm still the guy who's always got a fancy multitool in his trouser pocket even when I'm working in an office.
( Rob T Firefly talked, like, William Shatner, on, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 16:50, closed)

Mention this to the ladies of your office,
then offer to show them your tool.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 20:08, closed)

That's a terrible nickname
I know someone called that because he has deep pockets and short arms. Tight git.
(Unit, Sat 30 Jul 2011, 17:36, closed)

Like it
"No one ever asked pockets" made me chuckle
(maceie, Sun 31 Jul 2011, 9:26, closed)