A family of Cunning Plans...
First, before I go any further - am I the only one who sees "Cunning Plans" and their brain just naturally imagines going down on a lady?

It's suggestive of being suggestive, that's all I'm saying.

Anyway - my family's cunning plans:

My father's cunning plan was simple - skip the whole sex talk and just leave me a box of 128 condoms in my room while I was out one day. I came home that night, thought it was a lunchables snack pack (the coloring and size were about right) and ignored it till the next day. When I finally noticed they weren't something to put in my mouth (well...) I decided to try one on and see what the whole fuss was about.

Somehow my father had found condoms fitted for dolls instead of humans (they fit a bit tight on my pinky...) and the resulting blood loss and difficulty of getting them properly on made even wanking, just to see what wearing one during 'sex' would feel like, put me off condoms for life. (Also, apparently 'sex' would feel a lot like a vigorous hand job with dry rubber as a lubricant =/)

I put the whole 127 remaining jimmies in my closet and promptly forgot about them, as despite my father's beliefs on the matter I wasn't even remotely in need of condoms in my life.

*My* cunning plan as a teen was to have only oral sex - I really didn't want to be a parent that young, and specializing in fingers and tongue had the added benefit of making me more popular than I deserved with the ladies.

(This plan was completely successful by the way and I recommend it to every teen. No scares, lots of fun, and making girls cum is excellent for the ego and confidence - which helps you get more girls =))

A few months later, I was telling my current girlfriend about the whole experience and she wanted to see "The Box", happy to be asked to do anything sexual - even fetch doll condoms - I went over to the closet and pulled out ... a much lighter box than I remembered putting in.

Sitting back on the bed with my girlfriend, I opened the box and found about 4 condoms still individually wrapped - and a pile of little notes, each in my little brother's hand writing on a series of small pieces of paper - all containing some form of the words:

"I.O.U some condoms"

Thank you little bro - for being the most cunning of us all =)

123 fucking times!
( Allisade would love to hear from you, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 15:16, 9 replies)

Your brother was a liar as well?

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 20:34, closed)

No, no, no, AB.
Allisade simply has a massive penis.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 10 Jul 2012, 0:32, closed)

the condoms fit tight on my pinky = I have a massive phallus ???

You guys read some shit into things, seriously.
( Allisade would love to hear from you, Tue 10 Jul 2012, 3:21, closed)

Hmm.
Distant, non-communicative father - check.
Bragging about size of phallus - check.
Fear of females/intimacy hidden by a sheen of bravado and "doing the ladies a favor by performing cunnilingus" - check.
Sharing inappropriate info. with partner (bet she loved hearing about how you honed your rug-munching skills) - check.
Having a brother who despite seeming to have a smaller cock is apparently far more virile - check.

I pass my "Rory Lyon's 101 of Making Snap Judgments based on Just a little bit of Information". & I now hand you over to AB who is far better at dealing with this kind of thing than I am.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 10 Jul 2012, 1:46, closed)

You got more right this time, but like your other post this isn't quite dead on - just to clarify:

father - you're right =/

Bragging - nope. Check it - condoms too small for a pinky - that's not
bragging on my phallus, that's complaining about a condom made for dolls. Unless I've missed something my whole life and pinky fingers and penis's are usually the same size (in which case, then, yes, I would have a massive phallus.) - as long as penis's are usually bigger than pinkys, I'm not bragging or even implying anything special.

Fear of intimacy / bravado - you may have something there. Fair point =)

Sharing inappropriate - you misread or filled in your own stuff here, not sure. I told her about the box of condoms, no where do I say I discussed rug munching with her. Though I don't think she would have minded.

Brother being more virile - yeah, that was the joke / point of the story. Little brother shows up older brother in surprise twist - hoo yah.

Though honestly I don't know if he used them for sex or water balloons or what, we never discussed it (and he never paid me back either =)) Those doll condoms would stretch to be usable so he *might* have been using them, but they were truly painful to wear, so if he was getting action, I feel for him and wish he'd bought his own condoms and had a better time of it.

Still - all in all - this post is much more fair than your last one, if I hadn't just read that one I would have just laughed and enjoyed it =) Thanks for the reply.
( Allisade would love to hear from you, Tue 10 Jul 2012, 3:30, closed)

Do they really make condoms that small,
or were you just putting them on the wrong way (y'know, so they don't unroll)?
That, or you have freakishly large hands (and penis, I guess).
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 10 Jul 2012, 9:02, closed)

small condoms
From this one experience I can say they exist, however since that point in my life I've never seen any that size again. I've also never seen a box of 128 again. The only ones I've seen are the usual small boxes of 3 or 5 or what not which have been (blessedly) of a more generous diameter that you can find in any grocery or quick store.

To be fair though, I've never tried to find a box of 128 small condoms either. I've always just assumed they were the cheapest option at the drugstore when dad went looking and there wasn't anything more to it.

Doing a quick google, I get nothing - the only things that even look about the same are joke condoms you can get people for their birthday, under the heading for your "little willy" - which now makes me question, near 20 years later, was my father just fucking with me? And if so, wouldn't 3 have been enough for a joke?

They were *usable*, I'm sure they weren't illegal or fake... but they were significantly narrower than your usual trojan or the like.
( Allisade would love to hear from you, Tue 10 Jul 2012, 13:52, closed)

Maybe your dad has a tiny willy,
and just buys in bulk?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 10 Jul 2012, 16:30, closed)

I hate to say this, but..
it really looks like you just called yourself on your own bullshit.
Clever-clogs!
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 10 Jul 2012, 20:35, closed)