No way of making this less wince inducing I am afraid lads.
At the tender age of five he dropped the wooden toilet lid it's full height on his knob. The noise he made was like the death throes of a warthog. The bruising it left was spectacular and remained for a good couple of weeks. The sound of muffled adult laughter almost lasted as long.
(number5 trolling the pathway of boredom, Thu 17 Apr 2008, 16:08, closed)

The laughter
*had* to be coming from the mother!

It's what I would do....laugh like crazy at the poor little sod.
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Thu 17 Apr 2008, 23:27, closed)

My ex...
...when she was a nipper, slipped off the front of her dad's car's bonnet and injured her mimsy (the 'back' of it, adjacent to the perineum) on a protrusion from the chrome bumper.

He spent a night talking to the police, and she spent the night with a social worker by her hospital bed. They were convinced the damage - which was significant and was still visible when I knew her as a late teenager - was wang-induced.
(Guizmeaux Todos mis dominós son totalmente pegajosos, Fri 18 Apr 2008, 18:02, closed)