Watersports
I was in my first year of school when my brother was born. Keen to discourage me from any potential infanticide, my mother decided that I should feel as involved with the new baby as possible and thus not feel left out. One way in which she decided to achieve this was by offering to take the new baby into my school to show all the kids. The idea behind this was, she'd demonstrate how you look after a baby n stuff, I'd be her lovely assistant for all this, and then all the other kids would think I was the coolest girl ever for having such a gorgeous little brother and I'd decide I liked the squealing, red-faced, ugly little bugger after all.

I don't think I need to tell you that it didn't work out quite like that.

One of the things she had decided to demonstrate was how to give a baby a bath. We were the only Jewish family at the school, so as soon as she took his nappy off, all of the boys in the room were squealing and pointing and screaming, "Look at his willy!" It got worse though. Mum asked me to fetch her a flannel from several metres away, and as I walked over to get it, a spectacular, graceful arc of urine soared across the room and scored a direct hit. So I was standing in the middle of the classroom, dripping with urine, with everybody laughing at me. I swear to God, the evil little bastard did it deliberately.

Obviously the school kept a couple of outfits in case of "accidents" and so I was quickly dispatched to go and get changed. But the only clothing proffered to me was a really, really ugly dress with green flowers on it. I did NOT want to wear an ugly dress, and so I refused to change into it. Instead I insisted on spending the rest of the afternoon jumping on the trampoline in my piss-soaked dungarees whilst various adults tried to cajole my piss-sodden self into changing into the dress. To my four-year-old mind, a crime against fashion was so much worse than stinking of piss.

To the best of my knowledge, my brother has not peed on anyone since.
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Wed 23 Apr 2008, 16:32, 10 replies)

Actually
He pees on me all the time.







/not true.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Wed 23 Apr 2008, 17:02, closed)

Bob
The tone was about here ----















Now, it is here _______

Well done! :D
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 23 Apr 2008, 17:07, closed)

Bert
Damn! I was aiming
































...




















...wait for it...























for here:_____________________________
That's the level I usually take conversations to.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Wed 23 Apr 2008, 17:08, closed)

Oh yeah!
well I can take it down to










...





*can't be bothered, gives up to go home and eat chocolate biscuits*
(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Apr 2008, 17:09, closed)

Bye Bye al!
Bob, if you wouldn't mind lowering it even futher, please post something relating to goats, monkeys and chickenlady's cock.

Ta.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 23 Apr 2008, 17:11, closed)

goats, monkeys and chickenlady's cock?
Right.

Once upon a time, BobFossil was walking along in the countryside perfectly innocently, when suddenly she heard a fearsome bellow from a nearby barn. "Whatever can that fearsome bellow be?" she thought, and wandered over to investigate.

Peering through a broken window, she saw the following scene: a small monkey and a rooster were spitroasting a poor goat, which was bleating away in agony. To be honest, the monkey and the rooster weren't really having a good time either: the rooster, not being possessed of a penis, was having to make do with sticking his beak up the goat's anus, while the monkey was having his little monkey-cock lacerated by the goat's gnashing teeth.

This rather shocked poor BobFossil, who'd never seen anything so depraved in her life! So she quickly walked away into town, got some cash out, and soothed her bewildered mind by getting GrandMasterFluffles's brother to urinate in her hair.

The End.



Is that low enough? I feel slightly nauseous now.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Wed 23 Apr 2008, 17:20, closed)

That's my new
favourite story.
I'm going to print it off and read it to my little girl as her bedtime story.

Bob Fossil, you are the aces!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 23 Apr 2008, 17:22, closed)

Bob
please post that as a main story so we can all click on it. It was a pure MFOTFABL moment.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Apr 2008, 18:13, closed)

Click
For the replies as much as anything...

BobFossil, I prostrate myself at your feet.





Subscribes to goatmonkeycockgoldenshowersex monthly immediately
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 23 Apr 2008, 21:07, closed)

Yep
BobFossil, you are a genius. This totally deserves a post of its own.
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Thu 24 Apr 2008, 10:01, closed)