On a day out at Brands Hatch, my friend and I were paying no heed to the motorbike racing, and were instead mucking about in the woods (such as they are).
A toddler had obviously had the same idea, but we weren't paying him much attention, and he wasn't interested in us. Until we noticed him, sitting in a ditch, about to be squashed by a Range Rover. We scooped him up, and found ourselves entertaining him for the rest of the afternoon, until his parents materialised out of nowhere to reclaim him, without so much as a thank you. Apparently, eight year olds make excellent, free childminders.

A couple of years later, I was on a day out at the beach at Southend (jet-set lifestyle, huh?). Playing in the sea, I noticed a younger boy trotting down to the water with an inflatable dinghy. Jealous of his dingy, I watched with envy as he floated away from the shore. Observing that he has no oars, I swam out to him, and offered to tow him back to shore. Having performed this daring act of heroism, I instructed the young boy to be more careful in future. Mere minutes later, I see him floating away again. Hero that I am, I retrieved him once more, then decided to inform his parents of the situation. All I got from them was a confused shrug. We left the beach shortly after, so I assume that the boy was eventually lost at sea.

I think I know how Superman feels.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 14 May 2013, 23:29, 6 replies)

He didn't. His spine was severed, you insensitive bastard.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Wed 15 May 2013, 0:13, closed)

He was paralysed AND sent off into the ocean?
World's shittest parents.
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 15 May 2013, 0:15, closed)

It was probably ginger.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Wed 15 May 2013, 0:16, closed)

All is forgiven.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 15 May 2013, 0:29, closed)

It's not unless they set fire to the dinghy first.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 15 May 2013, 9:37, closed)

Better that than knowing how SuperMatt feels.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 May 2013, 11:30, closed)