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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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quentin, "boring people are bored" as my friend would say
so. what is the most ridiculous/clever headline or story you've ever seen in the papers?

alt: post something in the style of another poster and we'll all guess who it is? a game that NEVER gets old.

alt alt: have you ever dressed up as a member of the opposite sex? would you?
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:28, Reply)
When Celtic lost to Inverness Caledonian Thistle....

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:32, Reply)
that can't be real
it's up there with "wham bam sam cam's a mam (she'll need a new pram)"
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:34, Reply)
No, it is real
The headline write had to retire after that one, surely? You can't top it
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:35, Reply)
Unliley seeing as he ripped it off from a Liverpool Echo headline that read
SUPER CALLY GOES BALLISTIC, QPR ATROCIOUS
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:44, Reply)
I'm late to this
but it's definitely real.
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:13, Reply)
Killer Nazi Flies Invade Europe
Was a Sunday Sport headline years ago.

"it's Paddy Pantsdown" is my personal favourite.
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:34, Reply)
WWII DOUBLE DECKER BUS FOUND ON MOON VANISHES

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:35, Reply)
i liked that on "spitting image"
esp when he came on and said "this campaign was fought on the slogan MY VOTE!

and sadly, that's all i got"
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:50, Reply)
That needs to win awards.

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:53, Reply)
my friend says 'only boring people get bored' and she has a point, but i was referring to that tedious arguement taht was going on all morning
alt: I AM FAT AND CRAZY WHY WILL NOBODY LOVE ME???

alt alt yes, yes
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:32, Reply)
alt: stop stalking your gf at lunchtime and give her some space and maybe she will stop dumping you?

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:36, Reply)
i didn't see her today, shes got a flood in her backyard

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:38, Reply)
Ah, that time of the month

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:40, Reply)
What Jeff said
Alt: This thread is fucking shit.

Alt Alt: Nope, never.
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:36, Reply)
Super Caley Go Ballistic Celtic Are Atrocious
After Inverness Caledonian Thistle battered Celtic at football.

Alt: No. Such games are for bennys and proles.
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:37, Reply)
MARTIN CAN YOU PAY ATTENTION AT THE BACK PLEASE

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:41, Reply)
I haven't
alt: *pun*

altalt: yes, no.
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:37, Reply)
I should be working but I've got my hands down my knickers

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:38, Reply)
darth foxtrot
that one was easy
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:40, Reply)
I need that family fortune sound that says neit

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:43, Reply)
eee-arr
www.televisiontunes.com/Family_Fortunes_-_Wrong_Buzzer.html
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:49, Reply)
Cheers Quint

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:55, Reply)
*Takes out knife* *Drinks coffee*

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:38, Reply)
I had no idea my boyfriend was a smack head, but then he had no idea I was shagging my brother

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:39, Reply)
forty shades of what now?

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:43, Reply)
nah that bird who looks like a bloke, bella just looks like a mess, a fat bloody mess

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:44, Reply)
ah do you mean beky letters?

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:48, Reply)
Yer, it's one rule for one and a different for another from the clique man
How come she never got hounded mercilessly for loving the 'wrong person', fuckin rules of society man
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:55, Reply)
beckyletters did her brother?
why do i never hear the good gossip?
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:06, Reply)
It's ok to bang on for years about Roberts minor indiscretion, but Becks fucked her brother and nobody bats an eyelid
This place is weird
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:13, Reply)
I'd never heard about it before
maybe she didn't explode online and tell the entire internet?
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:18, Reply)
I think we need some kind of breakdown database where this info can be searched

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:20, Reply)
There's sickening evidence that can be added to the database
www.b3tards.com/u/e908521f1c6e8c370697/jizzbox.jpg
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 17:11, Reply)
I like this.

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 17:21, Reply)
right, see, youll never guess waht
tricky fuked sasha ovre the desk right and then johnny right he craked one out ovr it and i gave him one LOL LOLLOL your fat
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:44, Reply)
i don't know any johnny?
tricky never fucked sasha, although he tried

i was gonna say something about louise earlier, i forgot what it was though
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:47, Reply)
I remember reading a headline in a Irish newspaper
After some bloke got attacked with a golf club at a garage.

'Petrol Pump Punter in Pitch and Putt Pummelling'
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:48, Reply)
sounds better with an irish accent

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:49, Reply)
Julio Babtista leaves Arsenal because its to cold here here
Weather forces Baps out
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:49, Reply)
good afternoon quenders
one has just hiphopped in from one's paul smith shoot reeking of givenchy and oozing suaveness.
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:50, Reply)
monty

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:50, Reply)
don't be silly
there was nothing about nignogs
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:52, Reply)
it was monty

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:53, Reply)
Alright PD

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:01, Reply)
The guy who broke his foot kicking a terrorest in the nuts while on fire.

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:52, Reply)
Always been my favourite

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:00, Reply)
That'll teach it for luring disco dollies to a life of vice

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:09, Reply)
OH god yes, I remember this, DING DING, winnner

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:13, Reply)
OH god yes, I remember this, DING DING, winnner

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:13, Reply)
OH god yes, I remember this DING DING, winner

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:17, Reply)
^^hehe stupid hat.
obsidian nipples ARNO.
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:20, Reply)
you greedy fucker

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:34, Reply)
OK, now you've confused me.

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:35, Reply)
YOU ATE GORDON RAMSEYS SEX MIDGET

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:38, Reply)
It's a wicked headline
just a shame the story turned out to be bollocks.
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:18, Reply)
alt no fatties, etc
Alt alt yes of course, I used to be a lesbian, a hasbian roffle
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:06, Reply)
I dunno, I don't read tabs very often and the other rags don't really like comedy headlines

Alt alt: fuck yes. Back in my "9 stone" phase I could do a pretty passable pre-Beckham posh spice.
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:17, Reply)
Darth?

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:18, Reply)
haha, but no. that was an alt alt not an alt.

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:19, Reply)
I've heard a single alt is best

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:22, Reply)
Oh, I dunno, there are few very underrated blends out there.

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:27, Reply)
PROOF!!
If proof were needed
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:29, Reply)
Of what?
That I know a lot of shit? that's hardly news.
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:32, Reply)
I know more shit than you.
Most of it biblically.
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:37, Reply)
Fair play.

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:39, Reply)
You are all incorrect about everything, I should know I work at a university or some shit

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:23, Reply)
Oh come on, that could be at least three of us.

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:26, Reply)
or just you three times?!

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:27, Reply)
That would be Roota.

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:27, Reply)
Al doesn't work for a uni
He works in a portacabin plannIng holes
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:27, Reply)
In fairness I've never claimed to be right "because I work for a University"
I'm right because I fucking am. Except, apparently, when I'm not.
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:31, Reply)
k2k6

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:27, Reply)
What happened to him?
Did he fuck his brother too?
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:31, Reply)
Not that I'm aware of
He did seem overly sweaty handed on several occasions, but within normal off-topic parameters
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:33, Reply)
Normal distribution of sweaty-handedness
nice.
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:33, Reply)
I work at a Uni and I am always right

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:31, Reply)
unless it has to do with scale or perspective

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:37, Reply)
'Worksop Man Dies of Natural Causes'

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:30, Reply)
'Hop Off You Frogs'

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:30, Reply)
I just accidentally tripped up a small child running down the train carriage
He is now crying
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:31, Reply)
"accidentally"
I bet you're sniggering as you're typing, you cunt.
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:31, Reply)
superfly? monty?
no, defineitely battered? yes?
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:32, Reply)
Not Battered
He'd have "accidentally" glassed the kid.
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:32, Reply)
Well done!
Kids shouldn't run round on trains
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:32, Reply)
Explain that it's a good life lesson for him.

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:33, Reply)
Good work.

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:57, Reply)
Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:33, Reply)
yeah, but where did he want his blinds?

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:35, Reply)
No, she went of her own Accord.

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:37, Reply)
AHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAAHA!

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:39, Reply)
AH NOAH!!!

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:42, Reply)
This thread is more than a tad lacklustre.
Come on, flids. Look lively.
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:36, Reply)
*goes home*

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:47, Reply)
Alt: Rah Rah Rah. Daddy bought me my flat and I only attract homosexual men darling.
Obvious post is obvious.

What else is going on pissfaces? I am home from work early and spending time with my daughter. Later I will go to the pub.
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:46, Reply)
punch her fucking face in battered, she was looking at your pint

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:47, Reply)
That's child abuse.

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:49, Reply)

child abuse fun for the whole family.
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:54, Reply)
I can't believe you're saying this!!!1
Just because some people are in social housing in the Stoke area doesn't mean you can just hit them!!!!
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:52, Reply)
hitting them would be preferable to living in stoke

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:58, Reply)
TJ: One for Monty, and possibly a few others
www.planetrock.com/news/rock-news/motorhead-and-anthrax-announce-uk-tour/
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:53, Reply)
motorhead is what teh thing at the top of a guitar is called
and anthrax is a poisonous thing
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:57, Reply)
'motorhead is what teh thing at the top of a guitar is called'
No, it isn't.
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 17:18, Reply)
^^wrong, again^^

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 17:20, Reply)
It's a peghead or a machine head
As the tuning bits are known as tuning pegs or tuning machines. The name motorhead comes from a Hawkwind song referencing the American slang for someone on speed.
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 18:15, Reply)
Primal Scream did a great cover of Motorhead.
Even Monty approves of it.
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 18:22, Reply)
alt alt
I've dressed up as other species*, does that count?

*not like a furry or anything
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:55, Reply)
Alright?

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:55, Reply)
evening
you're not dead then?
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:57, Reply)
One lives in hope.

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 17:03, Reply)
I thought he lived in London

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 17:04, Reply)

hope Stoke.
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 17:04, Reply)
LOL

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 17:04, Reply)
Am I bollocks
Fucking NAILS, me.
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 17:05, Reply)
careful
make sure you've got your tetanus injection up to date
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 17:06, Reply)
Tetanus needs a Monty injection, not the other way round.

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 17:06, Reply)
oh yeah
Swansea Herald of Wales, back in 1995 had an article on the front page about someone finding a potato that looked like a fish "it was 6 inches long...it looked exactly like a turbot"

it was all we talked about in uni that year
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:57, Reply)
IT'S THE SUN WOT WON IT

(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 18:19, Reply)
I'd forgotten about this one
www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/7902348/Transvestite-had-sex-with-a-dog-at-English-Heritage-castle.html

alt alt: yes, once. A horrific experience for all involved - I have good legs for a skirt though..
(, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 18:45, Reply)

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