Sod your shit boat pictures.
Tell me stories about when you last embarrassed yourself. Or when you last had an awesome drive.
Or when you last saw shit pictures on the internet.

In otherwords, we've had an earthquake here. it was rubbish. Didn't even feel it here in the countryside.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 20 Jun 2012, 10:48, 134 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I can't drive for toffee since I broke my arm
can barely clear 200 yards. Fucking pathetic.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 10:51, Reply)

How did you break your arm you numpty?

(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 20 Jun 2012, 10:53, Reply)

hockey.
ages ago. It's fixed now but it's right fucked up my wrist mobility.

*awaits fusilade of wanking gags*
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 10:54, Reply)

You wear a gag whilst wanking?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 10:57, Reply)

Only since the court order.

(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:04, Reply)

*mumbles*
Ourf Fammmmmfer
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:04, Reply)

It's a lol from me

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:06, Reply)

That took me longer than it should to realise you meant golf.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 10:56, Reply)

It took reading your post for me to realise.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 10:57, Reply)

I had no idea either.

(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 20 Jun 2012, 10:58, Reply)

It would be really shit actual driving
if my limit was 200 yards. Better to walk.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:08, Reply)

I will embarrass myself this evening after many beers in Manchester
I am shortly to undertake an awesome drive to Manchester in order to drink said beers
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 10:56, Reply)

Alright cow.
That sounds like a good night.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 20 Jun 2012, 10:58, Reply)

I certainly hope so
Meeting AA for beers then Pearl Jam live \o/
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:04, Reply)

Be careful on the drive back
Take some mints in case you get pulled over.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:24, Reply)

But Darth isn't coming?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:26, Reply)

More pictures of the boat?
OK, but only because you asked nicely.

Boat!
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:03, Reply)

christ, i embarrass myself all the time
i went to a victorian vintage steam fair at the weekend, and the ex was looking at one of those old-fashioned peepshow machines. he said the stockings were amazing (probably to wear himself, i know).

so i looked at the male one. 1933 pics of this man unbuttoning his shirt, then coyly peeking at you over his shoulder, etc. then the maid comes in with a feather duster, and he looks horrified and cups his cock'n'balls etc. all v tame and slightly camp.

what i was NOT expecting, and made me yell out something most unsuitable for all the children milling around, was the last shot... the maid, bent over in stockings and topless, with the dude ramming the feather duster up her arse. i laughed so much at the shock.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:08, Reply)

Right up the shitter.
Textbook dusting.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:09, Reply)

it was funny
someone in 1933 had a sense of humour

and a sense of filth

at least she could sweep the stairs easily on her way back down
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:10, Reply)

That sounds very funny though. Wish we could see stuff like that here.
the victorian peepshow funnies that is.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:15, Reply)

Does that mean you don't want to see arse-mounted feather dusters?
Or they're already there?
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:19, Reply)

it means they're not here, but I wish I could see something that funny.

(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:20, Reply)

Did you get to go on the miniature railway?

( Kroney, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:16, Reply)

there were no engines
just a fucking scary walzter that went at a million miles an hour and a steam-operated pirate ship that also went really fast and decided to blast stinky steam in our faces
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:18, Reply)

You mean you were too embarrassed to go on the miniature railway
after I made fun of you for it? Oh, swipe. You shouldn't be ashamed of your hobbies, you know :(
( Kroney, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:20, Reply)

o u
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:27, Reply)

there wasn't one
or i might have gone on it. i do what i like!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:27, Reply)

When are you going to stop referring to boy toy as the ex.
You've been spending so much time with him it's clear that it's all back on.

Also, you've got stinky steam written all over your face. (I sense a meme). You have meme etc...
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:30, Reply)

The stinky steam meme?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:49, Reply)

on back door action with men in public loos
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:55, Reply)

it is not back on
"it's complicated". actually, it's not even that.

you can try, but the more you say it, the more everyone knows you just want to wipe your cock all over my face.

maybe if i come to kidds on sat...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:58, Reply)

I just assumed that
Stinky Steam was a euphemism,
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:24, Reply)

in other news
i am just researching into a case on oak flooring.

£100,000 of oak flooring and £140,000 of legal costs on the point.

ape, is that you?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:11, Reply)

you yew
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:21, Reply)

MY OAK FLOOR IS PRECIOUS ALRIGHT!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:50, Reply)

You'll all be concerned to know
That I now have very mild stomach pains.

Will my suffering never end?!
( Kroney, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:14, Reply)

Alright Tony Nicklinson.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:17, Reply)

You poor love.
I have a happy and full stomach after making butter chicken for dinner with mum, and a self saucing chocolate orange pudding.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:19, Reply)

YOU'RE a self-saucing pudding

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:26, Reply)

You should stop self saucing in front of your Mum

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:26, Reply)

It was way too delicious not to though.

(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:28, Reply)

So I've heard

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:28, Reply)

Good news ladies
www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-18506174
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:25, Reply)

still no gossip gazzes
:'(
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:29, Reply)

What gossip were you expecting?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:29, Reply)

Hot?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:33, Reply)

everybody seems to get them except me.
So either the gossip is about me, or everybody hates me.

:'( either way.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:40, Reply)

I dont get any gossip gazzes either

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:41, Reply)

Nor me.

(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:42, Reply)

Hang on

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:47, Reply)

Wooo! first gossip gaz EVER!
SEND THEM MORE!
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:55, Reply)

I get gazes about home brew.
yeah boy.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:46, Reply)

There's gossip to be had?
Where?
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:30, Reply)

*psst*
I've heard Poppet is a filthy Aussie who likes to self sauce
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:35, Reply)

I'm not filthy thank you.
I shower daily.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:40, Reply)

Pre- or post-sauce?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:41, Reply)

*winks*

(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:42, Reply)

Last week.
I kept a girl company whilst she was working behind a bar, I got so pissed on free cocktails I genuinely have no recollection of being there and she doesn't reply to my texts any more.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:47, Reply)

I got so pissed on free cocktails and beers a couple of weeks ago
that Lusty and I had a row about my mum's windows and I stormed off and stood in the rain.

What. A. Prick.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:48, Reply)

hahaha!
You tit
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:49, Reply)

Your Mum's windows need licking

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:49, Reply)

Gayest argument of all time.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:50, Reply)

Was your stance that they were "fucking shit" and hers that they were only windows.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:54, Reply)

i suspect Monty prefers the open source attitude of Linux
whereas Lusty likes the corporate stability availible with windows.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:58, Reply)

Yes it was.
Almost exactly. My brother and I are ashamed of our mother's 750 grand house because it has plastic window frames. This makes us cunts.

*cries*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:08, Reply)

It is much nicer to have wooden ones
but upvc is far more practical
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:12, Reply)

Vile and wrong.
Proper non-council windows for me, please. The heating/draught benefits can get to fuck.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:13, Reply)

There should be sufficient warmth provided by using analogue stereo equipment.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:16, Reply)

cheaper
mahogany with double/ triple glazing is what's practical
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:14, Reply)

She's right you know
It does.
( Kroney, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:14, Reply)

It's quite possibly the ugliest house in Winchester and our mother really does know better.
The Victorian terrace she had before was ten times better.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:18, Reply)

I love that you're still trying to have this argument

( Kroney, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:20, Reply)

There is no argument.
*stands in rain*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:22, Reply)

I'm with you old chap

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:24, Reply)

Haven't got a brolly on you, by any chance?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:27, Reply)

How about some waterproof trousers?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:28, Reply)

Depends on the brand?
For value I favour the Peter Storm, however the gusset on the Sprayway brand is more flattering. For elastication it has to be the North Face, every time.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:31, Reply)

He's going to storm off in a minute.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:22, Reply)

Haha you liability.

( Kroney, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:51, Reply)

Ahahaha you fucking wanker.
proper lol here.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:55, Reply)

you know what keeps you dry when it rains?
windows.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:00, Reply)

DAWG!
*high fives*
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:48, Reply)

I remember this story!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:49, Reply)

I mean we're still talking.
But I think she ain't as keen. Seeing her next week and she's coming down to London in a couple weeks and shes never been before so I can use that to my advantage.
Did you know after I left you and DG I curled up into a ball on the grass outside Eldon Square and laid there for about an hour? I felt like death.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:52, Reply)

Hearing about season fourteens best bits from Doctor Who has that effect

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:55, Reply)

i do hate proles coming up to london for the day
but at least your girl admits she's never been before. worst of the lot are peasants who think they know london really really well, because they've been a few times.

we don't want their sort here, whining about the cost of a pint and clogging up the transport system. make them fuck off back to the provinces.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:00, Reply)

THANKS
You PRICK.

Drinking, underground toilet etc.
( Kroney, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:00, Reply)

i don't think i've ever been called a prick before
it seems like a male insult to me
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:01, Reply)

Oh, well I saw a sneaking glimpse of that hairy, swinging scrotum poking out from your skirt
in that last photo you sent me and I just kind of put two and two together.
( Kroney, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:06, Reply)

The last thing we need is you coming here from Slough
bringing that curry and shit smell with you
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:02, Reply)

Kroney will have to work hard to come back from this

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:03, Reply)

I'm going to be wearing cologne, actually :(

( Kroney, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:05, Reply)

'Polio' by Raph Lauren

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:08, Reply)

Nah, it's a date.
"Desperation" by Calvin Kline.
( Kroney, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:09, Reply)

10/10

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:10, Reply)

Her dad lives down here but she doesn't like him.
She's down for four days cos she's got job interviews etc. She's asked me to show her cool places, so if I do end up taking her out it'll be to The Mayor of Scardey Cat Town. I don't really like it but it always impresses people (girls) who haven't been.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:03, Reply)

If that's what I think it is
that's so hip I'm amazed breathing isn't too mainstream for it. It needs fucking firebombing, hipster wankers.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:07, Reply)

I hate how contrived it is.
But if girls from London think 'wow!' when they go in, imagine taking one from Middlesbrough. What do you think it is?
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:10, Reply)

If she is from Middlesbrough, you could probably impress her with indoor plumbing.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:12, Reply)

This, with the force of a thousand suns.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:13, Reply)

underground bar that you have to secretly "ask" in a restaurant to get into.
Entrance is in hidden in a freezer or other such totally pretentious wank.

But, yeah, I can see you'd be getting fingers and tops minimum off a Middlesborough lass for that.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:13, Reply)

A can of Diamond White and some chips would get you that from a Middleborough bird

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:18, Reply)

In that case he's probably bang on for a reverse Dutch steamboat.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:19, Reply)

You are correct sir.
I've been there twice, stayed for one drink both times. The seating arrangements are shit as well.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:22, Reply)

is that because they'd freeze off?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:28, Reply)

You are correct. 'externals' coming in to London should be forced to wear a hat that identifies them as such and they should have to stand aside for Londoners when ordering drinks, using public transport etc.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:05, Reply)

The famously welcoming, friendly London character at work, right here.

( Kroney, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:21, Reply)

I love London.
I love being here, I love working here, I love walking round here. I wonder what it is about the place that drives so many people to hate it.

And then things like that make me realise how unwelcoming it can be and makes me sad.

it's not the visitors here that are the problem, it's the people who think they own the place.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:24, Reply)

I love how many different folks are here.
My only bugbear are people standing in the middle of the pavement taking photos. I once saw a Chinese group taking a photo OF A PHOTO of London. The world's gone nuts.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:26, Reply)

it's plebs that are the problem
but this is true anywhere, i guess
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:27, Reply)

No, really, it's the people that think they own the place.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:29, Reply)

Some of us do own parts of it and pay ridiculously for the privilege.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:29, Reply)

The only thing that puts me off London
is the sheer amount of people. I am famously intolerant of people.
( Kroney, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:30, Reply)

I'm very much torn in two, as a londoner.
On the one hand, I wish to show off the greatest city on the planet, as I swell up with pride every time I walk across the thames.

On the other hand, I fucking hate tourets.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 13:00, Reply)

She'll be devastated to hear it

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 13:06, Reply)

DG's wife?

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 20 Jun 2012, 13:11, Reply)

This coming from the Yorkshire girl that was raised in Cheshire?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:09, Reply)

"Ah do 'ate prerls coming oop London fer t'day"
etc
( Kroney, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:10, Reply)

yes but i've been here for 16 years
which is fine. i'm not some yokel who brings mates here to look cool.

fuck off yokels. you're not cool. you're IN THE WAY.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:11, Reply)

Fuck off home, n00b.
Edit: Adding a ;), as that seemed really fucking harsh.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:25, Reply)

Another notch on the bedpost of life for Barry
this tale of woe probably needs 2 t-shirts, a pair of boots and some new sunglasses to help you recover
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:53, Reply)

I do need some new sunglasses.
I haven't bought anything for weeks. I feel light headed about this.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:56, Reply)

I failed to buy some Persol ones on eBay

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:58, Reply)

don't forget about your favour later on sportscow
cool
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 11:59, Reply)

I hope he takes a video on his phone

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:00, Reply)

Ah man.
Keep hunting playa, they're ace. And not too expensive on there. So ace in fact my mum's nicked mine and won't give them back. Didn't wear them once whilst I was away. She 'accidentally left them in her bag' when she went to work this morning.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:00, Reply)

What a fat thieving cunt

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:01, Reply)

so they are womens sunglasses then?

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 13:26, Reply)

Driving isn't awesome, it's boring. Hence why I take trains everywhere far away.
I fell out of my yurt at the festival. Luckily no-one saw.
( girlinthehole, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:25, Reply)

cough *golf* cough.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:26, Reply)

I make the perfect blackbeen stir fry using proper blackbeen paste rather than blackbean sauce out of a jar.
It's fucking well nice, but there isn't enough, I should have made more. It's SOOOOOOO nice.

I'm like a fucking don of food.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 12:59, Reply)

Through a chain of events
I suffered belated embarassment by only realising who somebody was several months after talking to them
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 13:04, Reply)

#NEW THREAD ALERT FOR GONZ

(PsychoChomp, Wed 20 Jun 2012, 13:13, Reply)