Right, that's enough of that shit.
BOOKS.

Do you like books? I do, I like them a lot. When was the last time you were excited about a book coming out? I used to get excited about those Shardlake novels but the last one was a bit pony.

However THIS MOTHERFUCKER is guaranteed to be excellent:

www.amazon.co.uk/Ninja-John-Man/dp/0593068114

He’s the author of two superb tomes about Genghis and Kublai Khan. This one will be well-researched and very readable. And it’s about ninjas ffs.

Is there a classic book which you haven’t read which you feel you should?

Or perhaps you’ve read a so-called classic and found it to be shit. I consider ‘Moby-Dick’ and the entire works of both Shakespeare and Dickens to be a heap of shit. I may just have mentioned this before.

I regard Dostoevsky and Alexandre Dumas to be top-hole. If you do not, then you have fleas and are gay. No returns.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:28, 215 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I dislike Dickens a lot.
I'm a fan of Shakespear though.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:30, Reply)

Dickens was born not far from where I live
FACT
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:30, Reply)

i'm gonna call you a dick again right here, then i'll click ignore
and see if you were fast enough to see it and reply
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:31, Reply)

Dickens is fucking dreadful.
But Shakespeare's comedies in particular are dreadful.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:31, Reply)

I saw a comedy of errors at the globe.
I enjoyed it, you can buy beer and drink it while standing up!
(PsychoChomp, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:33, Reply)

I'd really like to go to the Globe, but not to see a play as I dislike plays intensely.
Fucking overblown hammy tosser ac-torrrs.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:34, Reply)

I just had a look, I'm down in london on saturday, might go see Henry V

(PsychoChomp, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:35, Reply)

V who?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:36, Reply)

Mohammed

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:36, Reply)

People who act shakespeare seem very 'Oh look at me, I'm doing Shakespeare, aren't I highbrow'
whereas if you read the plays (which I did when I was in my twenties, during lunchbreaks at work) they are actually quite funny. Well, the comedies are, anyway. I'm not so keen on the tragedies.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:38, Reply)

Twelfth Night is dross.
1. The plot is pathetic
2. The characters are shallow and shit
3. It's filled with gags which haven't been funny for hundreds of years: 'relevant today' my cock-end

Just shit.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:42, Reply)

They were essentially the Carry On films of their age
Quite funny the first time you read/see them, but can you see school kids in four hundred years trying to analyse 'Ooh Matron'?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:44, Reply)

I have had a half-baked idea for a thesis
on 'the Carry On films as a social barometer' in my head for a good 20 years now. How you can see the shift in values etc in the 60s into the 70s by those films, and how by the time they ended they'd become redundant.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:46, Reply)

I had a great idea for a thesis after I finished my degree
but it wasn't really feasible to research, and no-one except Endemol would fund it.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:48, Reply)

I enjoyed it when I saw it.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:48, Reply)

Did you see the BBC version with Felicity Kendall in it?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:52, Reply)

No, I saw it in Stratford, at the theatre.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:00, Reply)

twelfth night is indeed shit.
but a midsummer night's dream is genius.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:13, Reply)

This^
For plays see musicals
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:45, Reply)

Print is dead
Nah, you're alright you are
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:30, Reply)

Does Razzle count as a book?

( Peej, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:32, Reply)

"I'm only reading it for the articles! Now, where's that fucking oven glove gone?"

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:33, Reply)

Razzle has articles?

( Peej, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:34, Reply)

No idea, it just seems to be the excuse used when people are caught with porn

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:35, Reply)

Embarrassing as it is, I think the last book I was looking forward to coming out was the final Harry Potter book
It's still the only series I've read as it was being written, so I would always look forward to the next one.

There are several I need to read; To Kill A Mockingbird, Of Mice And Men, Catch 22 (which I have at home), etc.

I thought Catcher In The Rye was absolutely shite, and the little I read of Dickens, I really didn't enjoy.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:32, Reply)

Charles Dick-ens I call him!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:36, Reply)

LOL!!!!!!!!!1!11!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:36, Reply)

I love Catcher in the Rye, but my main ting is American fiction anyway.
You should try Less Than Zero.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:37, Reply)

I also liked Catcher in the Rye
see also Jack Kerouac's On the Road
( Peej, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:39, Reply)

I was expecting to like On the Road more than I did.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:43, Reply)

I have tried to read it several times and got bored each time.
I don't understand, because I'm sure it is supposed to appeal to me.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:54, Reply)

For the life of me I couldn't see how it 'shaped a generation' or whatever.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:00, Reply)

it was shit. FACT.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:12, Reply)

I have a couple of recordings of Kerouac reading excerpts from that and some other books
accompanied by a jazz pianist extemporising underneath it all, and that is excellent. The words and his delivery are very pleasing to listen to, but I still can't read him.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:13, Reply)

PONCE.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:13, Reply)

Perhaps.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:14, Reply)

If it's the same style as Catcher, I don't think I'd be able to enjoy it
The stream of consciousness style of writing just leaves me cold.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:46, Reply)

Thematically similar
But with coke, gang rape of a 12 year old, ennui, fast cars and male prostitutes.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:53, Reply)

Make them do what?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:00, Reply)

I thought Holden Caulfield was an irritating prick and that ruined the book for me.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:55, Reply)

have you seen the "family guy" where quagmire rants at brian about that book?
haha
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:57, Reply)

I have not, but I imagine I would agree with him.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:14, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/board/10271435
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:57, Reply)

Spot on.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:13, Reply)

Very much this.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:01, Reply)

I think I was the same age as Caulfield when I read it
perhaps if I read it as an adult I might've been more forgiving.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:16, Reply)

I was 14 at the time, I think that probably made me hate him less
If I read it now, I don't think I could get past the first few pages.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:18, Reply)

Don't bother with To Kill A spanking Bird, it is truly awful, plus there is a rabid dog that gets shot, may have my real name. We were forced to read it at school, it was uninteresting, talks about smacked up old women and magnolia or camellia bushes, and yes my namesake gets shot!
(feedingtimeatthezoo day 1 of his bikini diet started, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 16:13, Reply)

oh man.
Modernism. The single most important literary movement of the 20th century, but fucking boring. I'd rather rim localboy than read Woolf, Lawrence or Joyce again.

I last got excited about Imperial Bedrooms- it's much better than Lunar Park but nowhere near as good as Less Than Zero, American Psycho or The Informers.

I'm on a Martin Amis tip right now, then I'm going to finish Gravity's Rainbow.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:35, Reply)

why localboy?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:38, Reply)

Sorry, I can't see this comment.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:39, Reply)

you'd never click ignore
you might miss something
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:45, Reply)

I certainly would not miss you.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:48, Reply)

LIES

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:56, Reply)

Ulysses is the ultimate 'emperor's new clothes' book.
People are scared to admit that it's an unreadable mountain of faeces.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:45, Reply)

martin amis is a prick.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:12, Reply)

true.
But the death of the author and all that, eh?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:31, Reply)

Shut your face!
Fleas, fuck off.

I tried reading A Picture of Dorian Gray recently. It was a bit gay...
(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:36, Reply)

I quite enjoyed Dorian Gray, whilst the story was a bit thin, the imagery was excellent.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:37, Reply)

He was fucking excellent,
despite being a bent Paddy.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:38, Reply)

he really was. although
some sadist bought me "the happy prince" and other stories when i was a kid. the one where the nightingale kills herself to produce a red rose made me cry for hours. it was right up there with the "watership down" photo book as a SHIT BOOK FOR A CHILD.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:44, Reply)

I think I had the same book
Was it this one?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:45, Reply)

i know you far too well to click on that
when are you going to add me on song pop, btw? same username as here...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:54, Reply)

Didn't know that, shall challenge you later

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:01, Reply)

There is one whole chapter that is purely imagery
where he bangs on and on about some silk or shit which added absolutely nothing to the story and irritated me slightly. Apart from that I enjoyed it.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:45, Reply)

the best for that kind of shite is thomas hardy
see "far from the madding crowd", where he rhapsodises for a whole 3 pages about his hero gabriel oak (the name is v subtle). then summarises: "in short, he was 28 and a bachelor." WHY NOT JUST SAY THAT, YOU TURGID CUNT?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:56, Reply)

I DETEST Thomas Hardy.
The Mayor of fucking Casterbridge is one of the most deary, depressing reads ever.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:02, Reply)

I loved the Python sketch about Hardy writing 'A Stranger Returns'
A Saturday afternoon in November was approaching...
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:05, Reply)

Stupid fucking authors, wasting our precious time.
Who do they think they are, eh?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:03, Reply)

That's a fucking good book.
If a bit bent.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:37, Reply)

It's great actually.
Here's a tip- drop the Pratchett and try some books for grown ups.

Then lose your virginity.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:38, Reply)

Drop Pratchett?
Never!!

By the way, have you been looking through my Kindle collection or something?
(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:15, Reply)

i am a total obsessive
my flat looks like a library. i have no room for any more bookshelves, and have no idea what to do about this.

i also have different books in different places - one in my handbag for the tube (about ww1 trench soldiers, is good, but the conditions were nothing like the district line in the rush hour, frankly), one by my bath, one on my bedside table - and i read them all in conjunction. which i have been told is weird. meh.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:37, Reply)

Late reply is late
I always have 3-5 books on the go I see it as no odder than watching a few different TV shows
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 14:33, Reply)

I just finished a book about a scottish gangster and his underworldy dealings
Stories were good but the actual writing was piss poor
My next book is a factual book on D-Day and I'm also reading my first graphic novel at the moment, which is a bit odd
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:38, Reply)

Wasn't written by Dan Brown, was it?
Whilst I did enjoy his stories at the time, I now can't even try to read them, as his writing is just so piss poor.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:40, Reply)

haha!
No. Annoyingly I cannot remember the titles of either book I've just mentioned. No facts, right here!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:41, Reply)

I'm reading Watchmen again, for about the fifth time
I read Michael Palin's diaries (69-79) recently. That was pretty good, although it took me months.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:40, Reply)

You are allowed to read more than one entry per
day.
( wakeupandsmellthebacon, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:02, Reply)

Not me
I like to keep it, as the kids say, "real"
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:08, Reply)

it was an awesome read - i must remember to get volume 2.
palin is one of my weird crushes. i still would.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:11, Reply)

Yeah, I'd like to read the next one
I've not got much else planned for the next 18 months.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:21, Reply)

I dislike Pratchett
But thought Good Omens was an excellent read.
( Peej, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:40, Reply)

Does watching the Beach Volleyball ladies smack each others arses count as a book?
If so then that.
( Peej, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:41, Reply)

I love books, me. That's one of the few things my parents did for me. Taught me to appreciate books.
Dickens, though, is fucking shit, as is Zola and the rest of the realist authors of the 19th century. Twenty pages to describe the setting and half a page to describe a year's worth of action.

There's a couple of authors I love, and always read what they release. Nothing Booker-worthy or anything. One's a chick lit type girl, and the others are thriller/mystery/adventure books.
Basically, if a book sleeve mentions 'centuries' old mystery' and 'change the face of the world', I'm there.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:43, Reply)

exactly why Modernism was so important.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:44, Reply)

I had a couple of university modules on realist authors
Fucking horrendous. As if Dickens wasn't bad enough, try having to read Zola in French.

And don't get me started on Goethe.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:46, Reply)

Goethe was a cunt, that's for sure.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:49, Reply)

I dunno, "Somebody That I Used to Know" is alright

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 14:08, Reply)

As before- just because a movement is of critical importance to the form
Does nit mean it is in any way superior or more enjoyable.

Having said that, Beckett is fucking funny.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:50, Reply)

Calm down Clouseau.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:54, Reply)

I loved Beckett
and Ionesco. I did a module on Theatre of the Absurd in my final year. Bloody brilliant.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:57, Reply)

Oh Beth, don't have a go at Zola, he's fucking ace.
:(
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:47, Reply)

Don't tell me you're a Watford fan?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:49, Reply)

Fuck off AA, They are the scum.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:50, Reply)

Haha

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:50, Reply)

You seem like a nice chap, but you are wrong.
Germinal? Toss. Thérèse Raquin? No thank you.
The other extreme isn't much better. Ever read Flaubert?

Alain Robbe-Grillet, on the other hand, is bloody brilliant. Les Gommes is a wonderful dream-sequence of a book, where the character doesn't know who he is or whether he's real, or what else is real, and he's detective-ing.
As I rather pretentiously said in my A Level French oral exam, it's the antithesis of Cartesian philosphy.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:51, Reply)

Well, I'm just an engineer, not an arts student.
So I guess you must be right*

* not all right
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:14, Reply)

I wrote my Literature dissertation on
Masculinity and Subjectivity in the Postmodern American Novel.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:43, Reply)

i'm going to bet my bile duct
that patrick bateman came up
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:44, Reply)

American Psycho was one of the main texts.
I even covered the intertextual playfulness of the irony in the repeated motif of vampires when it's all surface, surface, surface.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:46, Reply)

i love american psycho.
i lent it to a guy i work with and he complained that it was 'too superficial'.

well, yes...
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:11, Reply)

It's a wonderful read.
I do facepalm though when pricks call it 'boring'.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:18, Reply)

what's not to love about an entire chapter devoted to the ouvre of whitney houston?

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:20, Reply)

I've never read a book by Dickens, and hopefully never will.
I love the books of Emil Zola. Real down to earth grime and poverty, with a french accent. H G Wells is very good too, and Primo Levi is brilliant. I almost never read modern novels. I have just finished reading a memoir called Rifleman, about a fellow in the rifle brigade and paras in WW2, that was very good.

I want to read Le Morte d'Arthur one day.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:45, Reply)

I preferred Gianfranco

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:46, Reply)

Now, that's a football reference, isn't it?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:48, Reply)

Yes

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:50, Reply)

I'm reading Dickens at the moment because I never have and feel that I should.
I've read Victorian authors before and usually the language is easy enough to read but Dickens is pretty florid. Makes it more difficult to read, in my opinion.

I found Moby Dick to be almost incomprehensible and therefore I lost interest pretty rapidly.

I'm buying up a lot of classics at the moment. Next on the list Fahrenheit 451 and Waverley.
( Kroney, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:45, Reply)

The key to understanding Moby Dick is that it was unedited.
This is why you get a chapter of not-bad book followed by what is merely a bunch of his research notes on fucking whales or whatever. People who think it’s groundbreaking etc don’t realise that the only thing groundbreaking about it is that no-one cut out all the shit, leaving it confusing and tiresome.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:52, Reply)

I just got bored shitless
of trying to work out what the fuck he was talking about half the time. I'm sure preserving 19th century Nantucket whaling slang was really fucking important but a readable book it does not make.

Edit: although one of my favourite literary quotes does come from that book.
( Kroney, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:55, Reply)

Do tell.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:03, Reply)

And he piled upon the whale's white hump all the sum of rage and hate felt by his race from Adam down;
and then, as if his chest had been a mortar, he burst his heart's hot shell upon it.
( Kroney, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:08, Reply)

Sexy!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:18, Reply)

i love dickens
but my mother couldn't stand him for the reason you mention.

someone wrote one of those faction books about his first wife recently, i enjoyed that.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:55, Reply)

I'm about halfway through Bleak House at the moment.
I'm almost certain I won't be reading it again.
( Kroney, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:56, Reply)

that's not as good
GE is where it's at.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:58, Reply)

That's on the list, but it's Pickwick Papers I'm dreading.

( Kroney, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:11, Reply)

Listen to Leviathon instead

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:56, Reply)

Why would i want to listen to your mum?
LOL!!!
( Kroney, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:57, Reply)

10/10

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:04, Reply)

I like books, what I don't like is moving house and shifting boxes of the fucking things.
Last one I was excited for was The Wind Through the Keyhole by Stephen King. Still not picked it up though as was going to wait until my exams were over and then I forgot.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:46, Reply)

That's not by Stephen King you idiot, it's by 'Sir' David Frost.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:50, Reply)

I'm still trying to plough my way through Wolves of the Calla.
My mum informs me the last two books are excellent, but since the bits with Blaine, I've been finding them hard going.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:00, Reply)

wolves of the calla is proper hard work - i've struggled with it on the second go-round for a couple of months.
i finally cracked it when working away and i'm nearly done all over again and already missing them all :(
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:09, Reply)

blaine the pain.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:31, Reply)

When I was 8 or 9 my favourite book was My Side of the Mountain

( Peej, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:47, Reply)

Afternoon all
Did I mention that my new phone came with a book reader, “Three Musketeers” by Alexandre Dumas was one of the three free one, just thought I’d let you know. Also I re-read Arthur C Clarkes “Profiles of the future” (non-fiction) earlier this year it’s quite amazing how much of the technology he wrote about in 1959 is common place today.
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:48, Reply)

Dumas is FRESH, yo.
Clarke was a fucking paedo.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:49, Reply)

Clarke was a massive quender, but he did foresee geosatalites in 1945

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:53, Reply)

I read this as goatse satellites

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:56, Reply)

Watch it Nakkers you're one click away from the ignore button.

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:58, Reply)

Best kids book evah.
www.amazon.co.uk/Were-Going-Bear-Michael-Rosen/dp/0744523230
Hungry Caterpillar can get to fuck
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:57, Reply)

No way is that the best kids book ever.
Rosen irritates me - too much money for old rope.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:02, Reply)

Not read that one how old is it?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:03, Reply)

Plus, Juden.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:05, Reply)

Monts I watched "Iron Sky" last night
A film that was so shit it was brilliant
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:05, Reply)

seconding bear hunt here.
my daughter (now 12) used to cry at the last picture and protest 'he only wanted to play, mummy'...
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:08, Reply)

See tangles
*sticks tounge out*
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:12, Reply)

My kid's got that, it came with a fucking animated DVD read by Lewis off of Inspector Morse.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:18, Reply)

Would I like it?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:16, Reply)

It has Moon Nazi's and racism
what's not to like
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:21, Reply)

Hmmm, sounds worth a pop.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:25, Reply)

I love Ballard.
Even his sci fi stuff is extremely good. I recommend the short story Memories of the Space Age.

Follow that up with The Atrocity Exhibition.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:51, Reply)

I read an article the other day that claimed a large group of modern scifi tropes
were first written in a hack sequel to War of the Worlds called "Edison's Conquest of Mars". Stuff like hand held ray guns, spacesuits etc.
( Kroney, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:53, Reply)

read wrote
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:05, Reply)

I love books
but hate the fact that I have nowhere near enough time to read as I would like.
I also hate the fact that my house has far far too many books in it.

I would love to read more classics and hope to do so before I die.
I'm currently reading this: www.guardian.co.uk/books/2006/aug/12/featuresreviews.guardianreview31
Which has two interest for me in that I know the author (namedrop) and that it is set in my city.

You are correct about Dickens, he is shit. That sentiment would have taken him three pages to express. I'm far too busy for that twaddle.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:52, Reply)

No such thing as too many books
I truly hope e books don't kill te printed tome in the way mp3 killed CDs.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:55, Reply)

^ this ^
kindles and their ilk are EVIL.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:57, Reply)

I get it, for going on holiday it makes sense. But no one will write in the front of an e book

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:00, Reply)

shut up.
i LOVE books - but my kindle means i can spam myself with any old shit that takes my fancy, not pay excess baggage when flying, and have the Most Impressive Bookcase* ever.

*it's in the spare spare room so nobody ever sees it. BUT I KNOW.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:07, Reply)

You haven't seen my house
You can't move for fucking books.
Also, mp3s may have killed CDs but it was a mercy killing and they helped revive vinyl.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:00, Reply)

I very much enjoyed Wolf Hall and I'm looking forward to the sequel Bring up the Bodies
The great thing about a historical novel is one can be educated and entertained.

I am also lookin forward to Pratchetts obituary
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:54, Reply)

I fancy a read of Wolf Hall actually.
A well-researched historical novel is a great way of getting your hear around historical events. I read a superb one about Agincourt which helped my understanding of how it happened, a lot.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:07, Reply)

Was it by Bernard Cornwall?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:11, Reply)

I believe so. He's done some good ones.
Some shit ones too, though.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:16, Reply)

Last good book I read was 'last night in twisted river', by John Irving
Who also wrote the weirdest book I've read 'life according to garp wich starts with a second world war pilot, hideously burned, being wanked off by his nurse, she then impregnates herself with him and he dies. He can only say the word "garp"
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:59, Reply)

garp is awesome.
as is 'a prayer for owen meany'. i haven't started twisted river yet.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:05, Reply)

Just revisited Ubik.
Nope, ending still doesn't make sense.
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 12:59, Reply)

Is nobody going to mention apeloverage's shit book that is shit what he spammed and everyone called shit until he made a sock puppet to complain?

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:00, Reply)

No.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:04, Reply)

Probably not
Is it as shit as books by:
A is for Archer (Jeffrey)
B is for Brown (Dan)
C is for Chaucer
D is for Dickens
E is for EL James
( wakeupandsmellthebacon, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:06, Reply)

Far, far worse.
Chaucer is excellent, anyway. So get fucked, yeah?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:11, Reply)

He put his arse out of the window and got a poker up it!

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:12, Reply)

Nat woorth a toord etc.
What's not to like?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:15, Reply)

dickens is shit.
shakespeare is aces. that is all.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:05, Reply)

espeare in' Stevens
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:09, Reply)

I basically hate everything ever written by Thomas Hardy.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:06, Reply)

Dreadful, dreary depressing wanker.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:08, Reply)

Nah, you're alright really.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:08, Reply)

rofl

( Kroney, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:10, Reply)

lol etc.
I also wish Arthur Miller had died in a fire as a child.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:10, Reply)

I've not had the 'pleasure'.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:11, Reply)

Someone once called him a commie so he got a right mardy strop on and it was all he ever fucking wrote about.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:18, Reply)

Sounds fascinating.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:22, Reply)

Happy birthday, btw.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:14, Reply)

happy candle, dedders.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:15, Reply)

i feel i should read Austen, but i can't get into her as much as Bronte

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:06, Reply)

Necrophiliac

( wakeupandsmellthebacon, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:07, Reply)

hater

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:10, Reply)

I used to live round the corner from Jane Austen's house, fact fans.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:10, Reply)

i professed my love for a boy last night, Monty

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:11, Reply)

Gay

( Kroney, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:12, Reply)

Was it me?
I do hope it was me.

It wasn't me, was it?

WHY WASN'T IT ME??????
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:12, Reply)

i don't have your phone number

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:13, Reply)

EXCUSES.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:14, Reply)

Was it by drunken text?
Or one of the old fashioned ways?
(PsychoChomp, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:13, Reply)

A drunken blowjob?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:14, Reply)

drunk text
Duh
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:14, Reply)

Good to see you're keeping it real.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:16, Reply)

i don't know how to respond to this

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:18, Reply)

By drunk text. Obviously!

(PsychoChomp, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:19, Reply)

Hampshire is so rock and roll

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:12, Reply)

If you'd ever caught Electric Head Funk at the Railway Inn
you would know how very, very right you are.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:12, Reply)

PONCE.
/ac
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:15, Reply)

We were INCREDIBLE.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:24, Reply)

I have been to th railway inn
I remember it being pretty heavy 'dance music' of some variety though
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:16, Reply)

i have had a hatred of all things Jane Austen since
having to 'analyse' Pride and Prejudice at school

(analysis included drawing maps of where each character travelled :(
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:20, Reply)

maps wtf

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:22, Reply)

I LOVE MAPS.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:23, Reply)

fucking steampunk hipsters

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:28, Reply)

yeah, it was toss

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:24, Reply)

On the 'things you haven't read' topic
after watching John Carter the other week (and having seen the other awful film version, Princess of Mars a few months earler), I downloaded the Barsoom books which I thought might be interesting. If I ever get round to reading them, I might find out.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:12, Reply)

I have a friend called Jon Carter, fact fans.
He used to be married to that ghastly northern cow Sara Cox off the radio/telly.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:13, Reply)

have i mentioned that i'm totes BFFs with mark chadwick off of the levellers?
also, i am related to the beverley sisters.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:16, Reply)

My aunt is married to Pete Burns' paedo cousin.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:20, Reply)

Clearly there is something wrong with that entire family

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:22, Reply)

That's pretty smart.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:22, Reply)

Are you really? That's pretty smart.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:21, Reply)

Lucky escape, by the sounds of it.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:17, Reply)

Cracking tits but the most annoying voice EVER.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:23, Reply)

I'll bet she could probably suck start a Harley Davidson.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:25, Reply)

I started reading them.
They start off okay. But I've only read a few chapters.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:14, Reply)

sebastian faulkes.
birdsong was awesome. human traces was hard going but ultimately brilliant.

Ian McEwan can go fuck himself though. utter toss.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:18, Reply)

Birdsong is good, that tv version was shit though

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 2 Aug 2012, 13:20, Reply)