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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Let's have a thread where we all say nice things about Nakers
and his new progeny.

I'll start.

Congratulations you bent spastic on producing a new person. I hope it doesn't cry a huge amount and that your existing child doesn't attempt to smother it.

EDIT - Alt: which would you give up, books or music?
(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 15:39, 169 replies, latest was 10 years ago)
Where is Nakers anyway?

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 15:42, Reply)
In the pub if he's got any sense

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 15:43, Reply)
tggi^
I'm having a week off booze prior to my holidays
(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 15:45, Reply)
TGGI

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 15:46, Reply)
this can only end well

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 15:44, Reply)
I thought this

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 15:46, Reply)
I might sit this one out.

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 15:46, Reply)
Start an alt subthread

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 15:47, Reply)
I'll post one for you

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 15:48, Reply)
That's because you're a cunt.
Try being nice for once.
(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 15:47, Reply)
I resent this
I'm almost always nice
(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 15:48, Reply)
Apart from when you are resenting

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 15:53, Reply)
They see me resentin'
They hatin'
(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:01, Reply)
Hatters gotta hat.

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:06, Reply)
mad

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:12, Reply)
i have an alternative question
which would you give up, if you had to: books or music?
(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 15:47, Reply)
What about books about music?
Or sheet music?
(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 15:47, Reply)
it depends
if you can read music, and thus play the tunes to yourself in your head, they are music.

if you can't read music, what sort of a spastic would pick those?
(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 15:48, Reply)
What about biographies of bands?

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 15:49, Reply)
books
clearly.
(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 15:49, Reply)
What about Leonard Nimoys musical adaptation of the Hobbit?

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 15:52, Reply)
if you own such a thing
your punishment is to give up BOTH.
(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 15:53, Reply)
Books

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 15:47, Reply)
really?
having heard your record, i thought you'd given up music already
(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 15:49, Reply)
Ooooo, sick burn!

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 15:49, Reply)
ima call ZING

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 15:49, Reply)
don't be silly
i haven't really bothered to listen to it
(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 15:50, Reply)
Oh no she di'ent!

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 15:54, Reply)
Ouch
Nasty. Neither.
(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 15:49, Reply)
THIS IS NOT AN OPTION
SILLY SPORTERS
(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 15:49, Reply)
It would have to be music as I can still hear it in my head anyway

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 15:50, Reply)
along with the voices

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 15:50, Reply)
They sing to me
inbetween the killings
(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 15:50, Reply)
naked ape is tboh

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 15:48, Reply)
Hi Nakers, I hope your wife doesn't kick you out via a mutual friend, forcing you to live a lonely drunken existence with sparse access to your new child, leading ultimately to you becoming unemployable anywhere but Dubai where they don't really care how
much you drink
(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 15:50, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2246843
(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 15:51, Reply)
I can see what rory likes about this

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 15:52, Reply)
que?

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 15:54, Reply)
He enjoyed being a cunt.

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 15:55, Reply)
Is this battered or spimf?

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 15:53, Reply)
Battered

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 15:54, Reply)
Well done Nakers for spunking up a fertile woman.
Alt - Books.
I love my music.
Though if I go completely deaf I will be without books.
(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 15:53, Reply)
Alt: What about audio books?

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:05, Reply)
fuck that nasty shit

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:08, Reply)
What if I sing books?

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:09, Reply)
i'd go deaf

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:10, Reply)
Alt: music.

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:06, Reply)
Alt: I've already heard all music so might as well keep books and learn to read

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:07, Reply)
how quickly do you read?
i got 1418, which is irritatingly just below the official speed reading deadline. MOAR practice needed.

www.staples.com/sbd/cre/marketing/technology-research-centers/ereaders/speed-reader/
(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:08, Reply)

www.spritzinc.com/
(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:10, Reply)
1419

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:10, Reply)
686

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:11, Reply)
1669

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:12, Reply)
1588

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:13, Reply)
blimey you lot should all be working in different professions

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:14, Reply)
I'd have got a faster time in Latin or Greek obvs.

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:17, Reply)
Dwarvish

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:20, Reply)

You read 434 words per minute.
That makes you 74% faster than the national average.

I read at a normal pace mind. Im sure you lot skimmed.
(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:14, Reply)
Hang on you got what?
That's fucking quick. I got 830 232% quicker than average.
(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:15, Reply)
i do read v quickly
but it doesn't help at work, i have to force myself to slow down, as otherwise the law just doesn't sink in. and then i have to read it all again. which is NOT GOOD.
(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:16, Reply)
So you didn't follow the instructions correctly then

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:17, Reply)
no, if it's fiction or something it all sinks in just fine at my natural pace
but statutes or contracts need to be read in a variety of different ways to find the actual legal meaning, ye see
(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:19, Reply)
Tell it to the judge sister

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:20, Reply)
i do
sometimes he even agrees with me!
(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:20, Reply)
She reads legal papers for a living

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:17, Reply)
Yeah well so she claims.

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:19, Reply)
1

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:15, Reply)
910

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:16, Reply)
The "National Average" must be really fucking slow!

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:19, Reply)
The national average inlcudes the alomst 40% of people who are functionaly illeterate.
edit - actually I just guessed that amount, but it seems to be about 20%, whcih is still fucking awful
(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:31, Reply)
I really hope that was on purpose

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:32, Reply)
I really hope your face was on purpose.

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:34, Reply)
It really is

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:35, Reply)
If I'm hungry enough illeatarat

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:34, Reply)
hahahaha!

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:34, Reply)
Is that what you say before going down on swipe?

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:35, Reply)
Hello again lunch

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:36, Reply)
Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for...
...oh, you already have
(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:36, Reply)
HAHAHA!!

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:37, Reply)
Haha

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:38, Reply)


(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:39, Reply)
officelol

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:39, Reply)
Like people who read The Sun without a hint of irony?

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:34, Reply)
I recognised the passage so I didn't bother reading it.

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:35, Reply)
yeah well i recognised your mum's passage so...

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:39, Reply)
I didn't recognise your's. Because it had decayed due to the length of time she's been dead.

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:41, Reply)
even after being dead for a long time, she'd still turn down your fat face and bulgy eyes

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:43, Reply)
1,238
But then I'm reading for pleasure not competition.
(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:53, Reply)
Oh, did she drop it in the end?
Well done, Nakers, I hope it didn't damage the carpet.
(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:36, Reply)
I heard she was so loose that it bungee jumped back in for a while.

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:37, Reply)
The poor fucker had to use crampons and a belay to stay put

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:39, Reply)
I heard she was so loose that her first contraction fired it across the ward.

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:42, Reply)
What happened at jeffstoCk,
anyone who went?
(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:51, Reply)
We drank, had a curry, drank some more
some people drank a lot more and were unhappy bunnies the next day. Went for a nice Sunday roast and then headed back, the end.
(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:52, Reply)
No bumraping then? Thought it was mandatory.

(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:57, Reply)
Just remember what always breaks when you give it to a baby
her hips.
(, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 16:51, Reply)

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