a few belmworthy things today
apparently thousands of android phones have been sold second-hand, and contain nekkid pics of the previous owner. have you ever sent anyone a photograph of your junk? were you dumb enough to sell the phone on afterwards?

and britain first invaded a mosque and demanded that they stop segregating women and "taking britain back 100 years". er....

what's made you belm hard today?

alt: best song to belm to?

altalt: why shouldn't we belm at you?

altaltalt: BELM!!!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 16:20, 118 replies, latest was 10 years ago)

I watched a minute or so of their video on facebook
Those neo-nazi thugs are actually quite scary

Alt: youtu.be/Pth2kQHUIyw
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 16:23, Reply)

Some flucken count thinks my phone line is a fax machine and has tried to send something through 32 times despite me phoning the prick to inform him we don't do faxes and to email it.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 16:25, Reply)

I don't understand this.
I can't remember the last time I saw a stand-alone fax machine. They're all attached to multi-function printers. Can't the useless cunt email scan it?
( Kroney, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 16:28, Reply)

Its from a company that usually emails stuff, almost daily. What a cunt.
It also has meant I have answered my phone 32 times to hear a fax beep, but I can't not answer it because there are proper calls in between. It's fucking irritating.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 16:33, Reply)

i'm sooooooooooooo going to do this to you

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 16:34, Reply)

Thankfully you wouldn't know how

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 16:59, Reply)

MY SECRETARY WOULD!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 17:02, Reply)

Do it then, I know you like me being in a foul mood.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 17:07, Reply)

We've been trying to withdraw support of fax, but people keep whinging that they have to be able to send timesheets.
Turns out the question "can you not use the scanner that's on the same machine you're faxing from?" often offends.
( Kroney, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 16:40, Reply)

I asked someone to scan something for me and I ended up with a photocopy :(

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 16:42, Reply)

People on this floor print out emails and walk over to us to query something on it.
This experience is why I reacted so angrily to Nakers' classic "I print out emails and file them" troll.
( Kroney, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 16:45, Reply)

I like the phone calls to let me know someone has sent me an email

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 16:59, Reply)

Just had one of those
I'd already replied and assented by email.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 17:01, Reply)

Sorry.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 16:30, Reply)

this happened to my friend at uni
some berk put their phone number on a flyer instead of his own fax number; they got loads of fax machines trying their number again and again and again...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 16:33, Reply)

By friend you mean you
by flyer you mean sex chat line,
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 16:49, Reply)

A 'fax machine'?
How quaint.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 16:35, Reply)

you'd be surprised how many legal documents get faxed
if you've got historic deeds that didn't envisage email, a huge number of them permit/require service by fax. similarly, it's a valid method of filing documents at court. it'll be necessary for a long time yet.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 16:43, Reply)

And they say the law moves with the times

(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 16:46, Reply)

it does
with the times it was created. you can't take a deed that was created 20 years ago and say, "imma unilaterally change this so that i can serve by email". it wouldn't be valid!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 16:47, Reply)

Scan to file
Send file
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 16:51, Reply)

Who still does faxes?
Send a fucken carrier pigeon or blow smoke rings.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 16:44, Reply)

see above
also, i would never accept service of court documents by email, unless it's a one-off and i am on the phone whilst we are exchanging.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 16:44, Reply)

Yeah me too

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 16:47, Reply)

You on commission?

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 16:48, Reply)

no
just dealing with a LOT of old documents.

some of them stink.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 16:50, Reply)

I blow smoke rings
because I am sexy and cool
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 16:50, Reply)

As one half of the popular beat combo* 'The Belmers' I feel I am uniquely qualified to answer this
I have belmed like a freshly-buggered mong at the DVLA. They are utterly useless for a multitude of reasons.
Alt: Anything by Oasis
Altalt: Because a kick up the clunge often offends
Altaltalt: I AM!!!

*Actually a pair of talentless tuneless charmless bellends.

EDIT copied from my last post on previous thread...
I will be spending the evening of Monday 21st in or around Ellesmere Port. What is there to do other than YM or DMAAKM?
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 16:26, Reply)

shopping
it has a massive outlet mall

www.mcarthurglen.com/uk/cheshire-oaks-designer-outlet/en
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 16:34, Reply)

Gaze in awe at the industrial skyscape before succumbing to rapidly advancing lung cancer aggravated by the sudden increase in airborne carcinogens?

( Kroney, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 16:34, Reply)

There is a large waste recycling plant there

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 16:38, Reply)

Hot damn!
It just gets better and better! I think I'll take my tablets marked 'valley forge' with me, just in case.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 16:40, Reply)

for just £7.15
canalrivertrust.org.uk/national-waterways-museum
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 16:52, Reply)

Thanks!
I'll be staying in a hotel in amongst all that - still think I'll stick to the incest and intravenous drug use though
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 16:56, Reply)

We didn't care then and we don't care now.
hth xx
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 16:39, Reply)

Everyone I work with is a complete belmer.
Best belm song is surely that one that goes "I would rather eat some toast than see a ghost".
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 16:29, Reply)

i always want to belm when i hear the pretenders "brass in pocket"
i'm SPECIAL. so SPECIAL.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 16:34, Reply)

You're a creeeeeeeeeeeppppp

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 16:38, Reply)

alt: anything described as "Madchester"

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 16:33, Reply)

It's in the naure of the gay man to send a cock pic over grindr before striking conversation.
Kind of like window shopping. I always wipe a phone before selling though. Factory settings innit.

I dunno wot a belm is lol
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 16:38, Reply)

Factory settings doesn't wipe it
www.theregister.co.uk/2014/07/09/boffins_slapped_by_one_thousand_wobbly_bits_after_wiped_phone_probe/
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 16:42, Reply)

Ah well. Someone's had an eyeful.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 16:46, Reply)

only if they don't keep it in their mouth and swallow

(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 16:57, Reply)

amateurs

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 17:01, Reply)

To be fair you have to know what you are doing in order to get the images up
iPhones the fully reset is pretty comprehensive as is the BB wipe.

Don't ever send your phone to one of the TV recyclers they don't ever wipe them, and indemnify against having to do it in their t's and c's
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 16:55, Reply)

I can't imagine why anybody would want to look at a willy
so I wait to be asked. I'm demure, like that.
( Kroney, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 16:42, Reply)

The opening lines on Grindr are usually "wanna fuck"
There is no middle ground with the gays.
But plenty of AIDS
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 16:46, Reply)

If any further proof were required that there's no such thing as a romantic man.
This would be it.
( Kroney, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 16:46, Reply)

Romance comes after.
Lust turns to love sometimes.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 16:49, Reply)

Old meme reborn
+ G
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 16:52, Reply)

What's glove got to do, got to do with it?

( Kroney, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 16:53, Reply)

What is glove
baby don't hurt me don't hurt me no more
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 16:59, Reply)

all we need is glove and understanding

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 17:01, Reply)

too much glove will kill you

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 17:01, Reply)

Glove and affection

(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 17:10, Reply)

Nothing.
Alt: dunno
Altalt: No idea
Altaltalt: ok
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 16 Jul 2014, 17:01, Reply)

alright pricks? I am sweating like a big fat internet pig, fucking tubes are well hot

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 17:28, Reply)

don't belm it on the sunshine, don't belm it on the moonlight
Don't belm it on the good times, belm it on the boogie


Ohhh and hello!
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 17:35, Reply)

Wow, you're both earlier and shitter than usual

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 17:40, Reply)

Shut up Nakers
Nobody likes you anyway
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 17:42, Reply)

Oh dear, lies on the internet
The last refuge of a desperate man
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 17:46, Reply)

Earlier on, right.
I went to make a cup of tea, then placed the mug under the coffee machine and selected black coffee.

I heard someone approaching the kitchen so decided to surreptitiously flick the teabag into the teabag bin rather than risk being caught pouring it away. It tasted funny.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 17:54, Reply)

The weather is fucked up.
One side of the office has sunshine beaming through the windows, and the other is dark and pissing down with rain.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 17:58, Reply)

double rainbow* now.
*not a euphemism
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 18:00, Reply)

That's a sign i reckon.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 16 Jul 2014, 18:19, Reply)

NO WAY THATS MENTAL

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 18:22, Reply)

yeah shut the fuck up

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 18:33, Reply)

All the women in my office are on their rag right now.
Their cycles have synched. weird things.

I've concluded it goes back to our primal nature when man used to be a hunter and the women all had to have their young at the same time as their pack.
Right or wrong?
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 18:38, Reply)

In my experience Jay, you're normally wrong.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 16 Jul 2014, 18:49, Reply)

This is the general consensus, but doesn't it explain how women are weird?

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 18:51, Reply)

BECAUSE OF THEIR TITS AND FANNIES!

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 16 Jul 2014, 18:55, Reply)

Heh. Tits.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 18:56, Reply)

I went to a customer's office for half an hour today.
I saw more levity in that time than I see at my work in a month.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 19:09, Reply)

give them time to get to know you
they'll soon stop the levity.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 19:10, Reply)

alright

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 19:13, Reply)