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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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So apparently there was an earthquake in Winchester last night. I really hope Monty's mums are okay.
How are your mums?

Alt: say hi to your dads for me.

AltAlt: morning. Anything good planned for today?
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 28 Jan 2015, 8:01, 185 replies, latest was 9 years ago)
dead.
So are my dads.

Nice cranleying, FRIEND.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 8:02, Reply)
Seriously .
So, how many parents have you lost?
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 28 Jan 2015, 8:06, Reply)
both

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 8:07, Reply)
You should post a link to your story about your mum
YOUR MUM HAHAHAHA
(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 8:11, Reply)
that would be well lol and would ensure my victory in an online popularity contest!

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 8:13, Reply)
Sorry, the correct answer is
just shy of two.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 28 Jan 2015, 8:13, Reply)
CUNT PAEDO MUMS AIDS BROTHER

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 8:14, Reply)
Haha!

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 8:14, Reply)
hush hush

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 9:22, Reply)
sounds pretty clumsy to me

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 8:07, Reply)
£15 in the Buy Monty a George suit fund!
Just £1985 to go!
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 8:08, Reply)
Do you know how many school uniforms that could buy?

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 28 Jan 2015, 8:18, Reply)
Lets see, School uniforms cost £250 or one swipe haircut, so I'm guessing around 8 School uniforms
so if Cranners lends us 8 swipe haircuts we can trade them for the George the Hofmeister Bear suit and defer the payments for 5 months interest free?
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 8:21, Reply)
just shy of two

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 8:22, Reply)
fewer

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 8:22, Reply)
do you want me to get rid of the bodies afterwards?

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 8:28, Reply)
It was only 2.9 on the Richter scale, Folkestone had a 4.3 and a 3.0, and I survived both.
So did my mum, who was fine when I spoke to her on Monday and sends her love to everyone here who has sexed her.
Alt: Probably won't.
Altalt: No. Do some work, play with big and little budgies, have a fish supper. PAAAARTAAAAAY!!
(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 8:10, Reply)
My mums are fine thanks
Alt. My dads are dead

AltAlt Yes, work, lots of work.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 8:14, Reply)
Jesus, offtopic,
what's with all the dead dads? I'm Going to need my next meal ticket soon, you know.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 28 Jan 2015, 8:16, Reply)
Mine topped himself rather than go to jail.
He was 39
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 8:22, Reply)
He was probably too pretty for jail

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 28 Jan 2015, 8:25, Reply)
Flying around the world enjoying their early retirement

(I helped save b3ta! $$ ✅, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 8:27, Reply)
are they geese?

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 8:32, Reply)
same

(I helped save b3ta! Glovington, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 8:44, Reply)
Both my mums are fine thanks
Got a FB friend who lives Winchester way, apparently her whole house shook.

alt: my dad is actually from Brizzle, coincidence??

altalt: no, just work :-(
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 8:32, Reply)
awright ye fucken fannybawed cunts yis

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 8:36, Reply)
don't speak Yiddish, soz

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 8:37, Reply)
typical jew

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 8:39, Reply)
it's exactly this sort of bigotry that made us abandon our roots and pretend to be like you

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 8:42, Reply)
Hi, good morning, no earthquakes to report here and my mum was a picture of health when I saw her last night.
Alt: I don't really want to overexcite the old bugger.

Altalt: I thought maybe I'd just post inane shit on the internet for most of the day, interspersing that with short bursts of work. How does that suit you?
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 8:39, Reply)
she looked more like a wallpapering brush by the time the rest of us left

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 8:42, Reply)
??

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 8:44, Reply)
exactly
you should get her some veet
(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 8:48, Reply)
[YM JOKE GOES HERE]

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 8:43, Reply)
Haha something something insert something my mum!!

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 8:46, Reply)
hahaha classic
here, have a click
(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 8:47, Reply)
Plenty of people have.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 8:47, Reply)
I hope everyones mums are ok
alt. I did, he said "must you drivel on with this utter tripe"

altalt. I'm watching the workforce struggle in knee high mud with 20kg solar panel sails in high winds from the warmth and of my container office with a nice cup of tea. you can decide whether thats good or not
(I helped save b3ta! Glovington, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 8:47, Reply)
Mums are fine.
Dad is dead.

Today I are be mostly doing bullshit work.

I have a conduct risk (FFS) presentation in 45 mins. The guy leading it just asked me not to ask any questions or give him a hard time as he doesn't like being in groups of 6 or more. ??????
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 8:48, Reply)
Red rag, bull, etc.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 8:50, Reply)
Why?

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 8:52, Reply)
Why?

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 8:52, Reply)
Yeh, but why?

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 8:53, Reply)
Etc. until he runs out of the room crying

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 8:53, Reply)
5 years ago that's exactly what I would have done.
I am more mature now and don't need to validate myself by belittling colleagues.

YEAH RIGHT!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 8:58, Reply)
And he's supposed to minimise risk? what a plum!

(I helped save b3ta! Glovington, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 8:54, Reply)
I suppose he has minimised his risk by asking me to leave him alone.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 8:59, Reply)
but It's pretty risky exposing your weakness to a stranger...most people prefer not to drag these stupid things out by asking questions anyway
but now you know it could be fun to do so, increased risk, probably gone up to like a 7 on the triangle of risk or somesuch bullshit
(I helped save b3ta! Glovington, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 9:02, Reply)
we are now on risk integer 7 of conduct matrix nine, tertiary adjunct of unimatic one.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 9:04, Reply)

strikemag.org/bullshit-jobs/
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 9:16, Reply)
Oww my poor eyes

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 10:19, Reply)
It is a bit much, isn't it?
I thought it was an interesting article though.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 10:49, Reply)
why specifically 6?
Maybe he was gangraped by 7 people
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 28 Jan 2015, 10:08, Reply)
They are fine, thanks for asking
Alt: Never met him
Altalt: Today I will eat healthily and do exercises. Oh yes, I'm off the fucking chain :(

I watched Inherent Vice last night. It's got a nice vibe, great soundtrack and performances but you're as well to give up following the plot halfway through and just going with the flow. That might have been the point actually.
(I helped save b3ta! Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 8:58, Reply)
I did just this with interstellar last night. the Glovington film rating gives it an...ok

(I helped save b3ta! Glovington, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 9:04, Reply)
Interstellar, your mum, whatever. I'd give them both one.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 9:06, Reply)
they would have to share one? not very generous mate

(I helped save b3ta! Glovington, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 9:14, Reply)
Yeah, I've got to get watching that one
The problem I've got is, like Birdman and Gone Girl, the missus wants to watch them as well so we never get around to it cause she's "too busy" cooking my dinner and ironing my shirts! Women!
(I helped save b3ta! Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 9:08, Reply)
couldnt you set up an ipad in the kitchen for her while you watch it on the tele and just press play at the same time
hers would be portable so she could continue watching it whilst doing her chores?
(I helped save b3ta! Glovington, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 9:16, Reply)
Yeah!
Then she wouldn't have to stop doing her DIY jobs to watch the soaps! I've been waiting for ages for her to knock up a little table for me to put my beer on.
(I helped save b3ta! Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 9:28, Reply)
ask her to create a flat surface backpack, that way she can be multi purpose when shes scrubbing the floor by your feet
it'll probably be great for her posture to to keep her back straight and still
(I helped save b3ta! Glovington, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 9:34, Reply)
it will function at least until she has the time to build the table

(I helped save b3ta! Glovington, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 9:34, Reply)
can't she just kneel down like a normal wife?

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 9:34, Reply)
basically this

(I helped save b3ta! Glovington, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 9:45, Reply)
Nah, her knees are a bit dodgy after a wee fall she had whilst pointing the chimney last week

(I helped save b3ta! Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 10:03, Reply)
Sportsmam is fine, ta
She and Sportsdad are taking the calves to school this morning for me.

Today, I'm kicking the fuck out of some work, streamlining a massive ballache of an upgrade and eating bread
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 9:16, Reply)
Your life sounds like an episode of Lazy Town sometimes
Apart from the eating bread, that should be sportscandy
(I helped save b3ta! Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 9:29, Reply)
Dead
Alt: Dead too

Altalt: Recovering what I can from an ailing HDD before it completely fucks up, transferring all that to a new one. Workwise i have some quotes to do, some proposals to revise and a fuckload of 'e-learning' to complete before I go on a course in Germany.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 9:18, Reply)
Gary Glitter claims that he couldn't have abused schoolgirls backstage as he was 'cleaning his wig'.
www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2015/jan/27/gary-glitter-trial-abuse-allegations-busy-cleaning-wig
(I helped save b3ta! Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 9:49, Reply)
Almost as could as the "Actually I was the one trolling you" defence

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 9:53, Reply)
'social experiment'

(I helped save b3ta! Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 9:56, Reply)
First time I've heard it called that.

(I helped save b3ta! .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 9:59, Reply)
problem is it was a merkin

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 10:09, Reply)
I saw that on the news, there was "panic in the social club"
Sounds like a lot of fuss over nothing.

Alt: my dad seems to have decided to finally retire, which is good for him. He's decided to take up bird watching and hill walking.

Altalt: literally nothing.
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 28 Jan 2015, 10:05, Reply)
yeah, both my parents are alive and well thanks
SUCK ON THAT YOU FUCKING OFFTOPIC CUNTS
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 10:11, Reply)
permanently upset internet paedophile

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 10:36, Reply)
alright tripple D

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 10:52, Reply)
The baggsy paedo thing is boring now, can we have a different edgy hilarious meme for him plz?

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 10:53, Reply)
Dozer in desperate attention seeking dullness shocker
Who'd've thought it?
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 10:56, Reply)
I think enough has been said about your sexual preferences that it doesn't really need pointing out anymore to be honest.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 11:02, Reply)
There's so much more to me than just kiddie-fucking

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 11:07, Reply)
Yes you also have a weirdly obsessive hatred of jaysumz

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 11:12, Reply)
well yeah
it's much more punishment for them to have to be reminded of what they did to society
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 10:41, Reply)
So they're thinking of remaking Indiana Jones.
They should cast Jude Law in it.
(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 10:35, Reply)
They should get a real Indian to play him this time

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 10:36, Reply)
+ with a welsh accent

(I helped save b3ta! Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 10:38, Reply)
JUNIOR!

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 10:46, Reply)
Tom Selleck would have been a good Indiana Jones.
Damn his Magnum PI filming commitments.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 10:36, Reply)
He's no Alfred Molina, but he'd look good with a spike in his head

(I helped save b3ta! Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 10:37, Reply)
they should make a whole new unrelated film instead of just making old ones again

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 10:39, Reply)
This is very good advice that could be applied to quite a few projects

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 10:51, Reply)
It's Chris Pratt in the front running.
HUBBA!
(I helped save b3ta! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 11:06, Reply)
Hey McBeef
Seen this one on your commute yet?


(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 10:49, Reply)
Is it just me
or does that look like a really mangy cat sitting backwards on a bloke's head?
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 11:08, Reply)
she's fine
alt. he's fine
altalt. no.
(I helped save b3ta! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 11:04, Reply)
What about them women Ghostbusters, eh?

(I helped save b3ta! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 11:07, Reply)
Nice coat, Michael Gaine

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 11:09, Reply)
Inspector Gadget
Go Go Gadget AIDS!!
(I helped save b3ta! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 11:12, Reply)
I take it they didn't have one in your size in the bargain bin.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 11:14, Reply)
OI!
Im sick of the fashion comments from emo wizards, bumbag warriors, middle aged hippies, skater pricks and Jeans and plain cotton t shirt wearing men!
(I helped save b3ta! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 11:28, Reply)
I didn't say I didn't like it, I just said it looks a little snug m8, no offence
And I wear jumpers too sometimes you facist
(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 11:31, Reply)
AGENDAS ARE MADE TO BE PUSHED!

(I helped save b3ta! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 11:35, Reply)
Is 'agenda' the brand? You're certainly 'pushing' that coat, to bursting point.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 11:37, Reply)
I don't think you can get new fashions in plus sizes

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 11:38, Reply)
Is a 1970 flashers mackintosh new fashion?

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 11:40, Reply)
Dunno mate, fashion is for blobbing birds and woofters

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 11:45, Reply)
it's not even a proper mac. SO NER

(I helped save b3ta! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 11:45, Reply)
Yes I can see that, probably why it was in the clearance rack instead of with the original stalwarts of the fashion world and other all time classics

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 11:48, Reply)
who you gonna call?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 11:09, Reply)
Melissa McCarthy is just a "fat shit".

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 11:10, Reply)
^no self awareness

(Mr Udagawa, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 11:12, Reply)
^no use of one arm

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 11:18, Reply)
^no awareness of cva and diabetes risk

(Mr Udagawa, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 11:22, Reply)
^managed to live longer than you without having a stroke

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 11:28, Reply)
i suppose i should clarify that reading b3ta left me feeling like i'd had a stroke
a cva in the strict medical sense prolly hadn't sctually occurred
(Mr Udagawa, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 11:33, Reply)
I bow to your medical training and expertise.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 11:35, Reply)
y

(Mr Udagawa, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 11:49, Reply)
bit too late to retract now, it's been said on the internet

(I helped save b3ta! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 11:35, Reply)
n

(Mr Udagawa, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 11:49, Reply)
Did you just want to get out of having to meet Monty again?

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 11:35, Reply)
n

(Mr Udagawa, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 11:50, Reply)
I don't think 'strict medical sense' and 'facts' count for much, I'm going along with the 'strict internet sense' where you had a massive stroke and are now even more of a spastic.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 11:39, Reply)

Jo - A
Jo - B
Jo - C
Jo - D

JOEY!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 11:45, Reply)
y

(Mr Udagawa, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 11:50, Reply)
it'll be funny!

(I helped save b3ta! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 11:13, Reply)
n

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 11:20, Reply)
Mum's dead
Alt: Dad's living in Munich with his painted jezebel fancy woman, or "second wife" as he prefers us to call her.

AltAlt: Morning off for extra sleeps. Didn't get up till 10 then had a really long shower. Winning.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 11:18, Reply)
i assume my mum's having the life of riley, lying on a cloud drinking nectar etc etc
alt: my dad normally rings when he's in the car and bored. but i'll pass on the message.

altalt: nice quiet one today, just work and then cooking fish/budgies. not together though.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 11:27, Reply)
I thought she was dead?

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 11:28, Reply)
has she got a tempur mattress too?

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 11:30, Reply)
lol

(I helped save b3ta! Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 28 Jan 2015, 11:34, Reply)

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