my exotic feature...
I was a plump and swarthy child with eyes of a somewhat oriental nature.

This did not go unnoticed by my peers at secondary school. By the end of my first term I had grown accustomed to hearing them warn one another to ‘mind the slope’ and I knew that should the teacher try to coax me into speaking before the class then my voice would be drowned out by merciless cries of ‘ah-so’ and ‘one cuppa cha’. However, during the course of one particularly abusive period of C.S., I found myself frustrated to the point of no return. I stood up, looked at the most insistent of the wags and thundered, “you shouldn’t say that!” Met by the silent glare of numerous eyes I felt my cheeks flush with embarrassment and my chubby fingers itch with sweat. How could I return to my seat having tried and failed so pathetically? I swallowed hard, cleared my mind and fixed my gaze on some far-off place in the distance. Then I told a lie which changed my life forever: “I am half-Chinese!”

The weeks that followed were without question the best that I would ever experience during full-time education. Not only had I seized some sort of moral victory, but I became something of a cultural phenomenon at my rather white and middle-class school. Aided by nights of research rather than homework, I became a leading local authority on all things kung-fu related – even guaranteeing some of my former tormenters that an uncle in Hong Kong would send over some nunchukas and ninja-stars, or as I sagely referred to them, ‘nunchaku’ and ‘hira shuriken’.

The term rolled by until it was time for parent’s evening. This was to be no problem for me – or so I thought, as I had already explained that my father was English, hence my surname, and my mother – my real mother that is – had been a Chinese revolutionary exiled to the UK in the 1970s. She had, I said, been imprisoned by the Chinese government after returning home to visit family and had subsequently died in a squalid jail in the Shandong region. “My father’s stupid new wife doesn’t know her shaobing from her xiao long bao,” I would often mournfully lament.

Alas, too many evenings spent memorizing dishes from the Chinese takeaway menu and scrutinizing the martial-arts equipment advertised in the back-pages of CVG lead my grades to plummet. Mr. Fothergill, a concerned geography/PE teacher, leaned across the desk to deal the deadly blow. “I just wonder if this could be related to grief,” he delicately speculated. “Grief?” asked my perplexed parents in unison. At this point I fled the scene, electing instead to wait outside and pray for Mr. Fothergill to be suddenly rendered speechless by some crippling disease or for the whole sorry mess to be overshadowed by nuclear annihilation. Needless to say, I was not to be so lucky. My mother sped from the school weeping uncontrollably, followed by my quietly furious father. I had never felt so ashamed.

From that day to this, I have no stomach for Chinese food. Each and every bite will for me always be as bitter as a loving mother’s tears.

Sorry Mummy, wherever you are...
(akzidenz grotesk, Sat 3 Mar 2007, 10:52, Reply)

Inverse picky eater?
Not sure if there's any food I haven't tried to add spicy hotness to. If chilli doesn't work, in goes a ton of cinnamon or pepper....
Cocoa with chilli, cinnamon and pepper.
Mashed potatoes with Tabasco sauce.
Cinnamon vodka. Chilli vodka is planned soon.
Only things I won't eat are rabbit and guinea pig. If I've had it as a pet, it's odd. Otherwise I'll try anything.

On the other hand...
My brother is 12 and still will drink nothing but apple juice. Just wait til he discovers cider...
My housemate is *terrified* of mushrooms.
And I knew someone who was "vegetarian" but was "told to eat meat by her doctor as she was anaemic". Confusing. *cough* ironpillsandyeasttablets *cough*
Length... girth... yadayada.... why are you still reading this?...
( Labmonkey last thought about having another coffee on, Sat 3 Mar 2007, 10:43, Reply)

Thinks its better than me
I refuse to eat Quiche, because of its pretentious spelling of its name. I firmly believe it should be Keysh and it really angers me that it swans about in supermarkets with its fancy name. Really gets my back up
(sugardannyoh, Sat 3 Mar 2007, 10:37, Reply)

Eat my greens?
I could never be a veggie. How can people eat Brussel sprouts? Other people rave about them, "ooh lovely sprouts more sprouts please" they beg at Christmas. They just taste like washing up liquid to me.
Cabbage is disgusting, unless it's had all the flavour boiled out of it. Peas make me want to spew. I don't like carrots cooked, but can eat them raw, now why is that?
Must go and get my scurvy cured soon, it really itches.
(First post, please be kind)
(biscuitsocks random gene expression, Sat 3 Mar 2007, 10:22, Reply)

Most of the guys I date...
....won't "dine at the Y."

sigh.
( cynfulcynner ...another American nutter, Sat 3 Mar 2007, 9:16, Reply)

I was not a big fan...
...of Mom's cooking when I was growing up -- lots of frozen and canned stuff. We lived in California, where you can get fresh fish and produce year-round, so why'd she bother with frozen veggies and canned salmon? And anything spicy was a big no-no.

"How do you know you don't like it if you've never tried it before?" I'd hear all the time.

"I just KNOW," I'd reply. Needless to say, "Green Eggs and Ham" was not one of my favorite books.

Then I grew up and moved to San Francisco -- a city filled with countless exotic restaurants and ethnic markets. I sampled all the cuisines of the world and could always find *something* I liked on the menu. I ate raw spinach and fresh fish and now I can't have them any other way. (Forget Rice-a-Roni, Dungeness crab in season is the *real* San Francisco treat!)

Now when my parents come to visit and we go out to dinner, *I'm* the one asking them, "How do you know you don't like it if you've never tried it before?" We usually end up at a steak or burger or other "American" sort of place. Everything else is "too spicy" for them despite my assurances that we can ask the chef to fix it mild. My parents will never experience the joy of curry or tandoori with a side of garlic naan.

But I still won't eat durian or kraut. I just can't get past the smell.
( cynfulcynner ...another American nutter, Sat 3 Mar 2007, 9:09, Reply)

Is it too much to ask?
I don't eat sauces. You know, the various bottled brown/red/white shite that idiots keep pressing on me.
I do NOT eat mayonnaise/salad cream/other crap in a sandwich. Have you ever tried to find a supermarket or service station sandwich WITHOUT this abomination on it? It's impossible I tells ya!
Once went to a Tsecos (name changed to protect the mongoloid manager) where I looked at every sandwich that they had on show in a 10 metre by 2 metre display and they all had some form of slime on them. The manager of the Ryoston Tsecos (name changed and all that)then proceeded to attempt to convince me that "coleslaw has no sauces on it".
Cnut.
Just don't get me started on service stations.

No, really. Just don't.

We should all remember that mayonnaise is French and therefore made by unhygienic frog-and-snail-eating swarthy gitane-smoking cheese-eating surrender monkeys.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Sat 3 Mar 2007, 9:09, Reply)

Fussyyyy = ME
I'll probably only find one thing on any given menu that I will eat - more often that not something will have to be taken out of it.

ESPECIALLY ONIONS. I despise onions. They are wrong. Gross. Ick. Have to be either not included in the cooking or painstakingly picked out - I'm not kidding, takes FOREVER sometimes. My mum used to put a tiny bit of onion in whatever she was cooking so that they could enjoy it and I wouldn't notice it - but I'd always always notice it. God, gross.

There's about a billion other things I won't touch or will pick out (like tomato, capsicum, cucumber, mushrooms) but onion's the big one.

My ex-boyfriend and his friends once thought it'd be a good idea to eat onions as if they were apples. Note: EX-boyfriend.
(kadee may or may not be a nymphomaniac, Sat 3 Mar 2007, 6:05, Reply)

mushrooms

personally, i regale mushrooms, on every tier except the ones that will potentially kill me. my younger brother however, is an exception in the family.

i remember when he was about 7 and my father and i fed him "meat soup" for lunch. he loved it. he couldn't get enuf... asked for seconds even. we wiled our time at table laughing our asses off, and after he had slurped and gobbled every lump and gob we told him he had consumed a pot of mushroom soup.

hysterics. i thought he was about to convulse. he ran to the can and induced vomiting like a good little boy in 1983 should.

i still slip in the shrooms and he still wigs out. imagine what happens when they are magical.

the length and girth of a squash...a big one... not fond of zucc. tho.
(goorf, Sat 3 Mar 2007, 5:20, Reply)

Fruit with skin
My flatmate will not eat any fruit that has "skin" on it, so any dishes that include peach or kiwi fruit are strictly off the menu even if they have been "de-skinned" as just the thought of it makes her gack. Also all sandwiches can not have anything hanging over the sides of the bread resulting in her taking 10 minutes to make any kind of sandwich.

Mornings are a delight as she has a curious gag reflex every time she brushes her teeth, which is most unusual as she gives amazing blowjobs. Apparently
(dogboy, Sat 3 Mar 2007, 4:11, Reply)

I'm probably synaesthetic.
I'm very sensitive to texture, for some reason. To this day, I will only eat the brand of cottage cheese my parents fed me as a kid, because other kinds taste round.

Yes. They taste round. As in, they taste like they're made of particles which are too smooth and spherical.
(Lieutenant Colonel Oblivious brought to you by intravenous sugar, Sat 3 Mar 2007, 4:08, Reply)

Chicken fetus
Technically that's wrong. Unless you like your eggs fertilized, you're making your omelette out of chicken menstruation.
(Lieutenant Colonel Oblivious brought to you by intravenous sugar, Sat 3 Mar 2007, 4:05, Reply)

Eggs
Are nothing more than chicken fetus

Enjoy!!
(never-right -getting it wrong since '78, Sat 3 Mar 2007, 3:43, Reply)

Hmmm...
I'm not entirely sure if this counts, but I know someone who is terrified of condiments (lawl, spelling). He will NOT have ketchup/salt/mustard/etc on any foods, and thusly will eat nothing that isn't already tasty.

Yes, it's a phobia.

It still annoys me.
(RabidIceWeasel, Sat 3 Mar 2007, 2:37, Reply)

I'm allergic to egg
I think it's a good thing really. Who wants to eat left over chicken period anyway?
(freshly.cut, Sat 3 Mar 2007, 2:36, Reply)

.
I know a guy who would only eat KFC chicken burgers. He ate them every day, and on road trips he'd make us drive hours out of our way just to find a KFC. If we couldn't find an open KFC he'd just go hungry. I am/was a professional chef and on one particular road trip, where there were no KFCs to be found, I hired a hotel room just to use the kitchen because I was concerned he'd refused to eat properly for two days. I cooked up the best chicken burger I've ever made, it tasted exactly like KFC but he took one bite and gagged. That night we ended up driving for three hours to find a KFC.

This went on for years and suddenly he switched to NQR brand canned octopus (NQR is a supermarket in Australia called Not Quite Right which sells discounted surplus or damaged stock that other supermarkets refuse to sell). That was two years ago and as far as I know he's only eaten octopus since, his nickname is now Inky.

Also, not on topic but anyway: I used to have a salsa fetish, I loved the stuff so much that when I wanked I'd think of salsa to get hot. But once I was at a BBQ where I saw a little kid pick his nose and then dip his finger into some salsa. The funny thing is there were loads of kids at the table, and I was pretty drunk and stoned, so there's a chance the nose picking kid didn't actually go for the dip after all, but nevertheless I think of it when I see salsa, and just to be on the same side, the thought alone makes me gag. I haven't been able to eat salsa for three years. I don't like children.
(Brundy, Sat 3 Mar 2007, 1:56, Reply)

irritable bowel syndrome
it's fucking great. i can eat anything i want, but 90% of food/drink makes me shit battery acid.
(buggerlugs fold staple mutilate, Sat 3 Mar 2007, 1:23, Reply)

Polish food.
I pride myself in being able to try anything once. On a recent holiday to Poland with my friend and his Polish boyfriend, I was seriously loving the grub, the cabbage parcels, pierogi, beetroot soup...everything was amazing until we went to visit the Polish guy's step-mother.

She had made a soup with big chunks of heart and tripe floating in it he insisted I taste.

I didn't want to be rude and quietly declined but he insisted and started coming at me with a spoonful, at which point I burst into tears in front of his step-mum who was the one who cooked it.

I don't think I was wrong in being picky there, I love haggis which is just as unpleasant sounding when it comes to ingredients but it doesn't have huge lumps of veiny heart floating in it dammit.
(chakaflange, Sat 3 Mar 2007, 1:01, Reply)

cake and custard
my fave dessert... cake and custard..

but i can only eat it if i mush it up together so it becomes a mass of gunky shizz...

imagine sat in a resturant with your boyfriend, and ordering the "sticky chocolate fudge pudding and custard"..

image which pops into my mind... 17 year old spooning regurgitated shite-ness into her mouth as if shes a 2 yr old and cant chew solid foods.. very romantic/appealing - not.


Apologies for the shiteness of the post...gimmie some slack, i just popped my post cherry :P
(looloo, Sat 3 Mar 2007, 0:54, Reply)

I don't eat anything without a face
... well almost

I don't any fruit, I don't eat any uncooked veg, I don't eat anything green (strangely apart from broccoli)

I am allergic to peas and vinegar (seperatley, though am sure a combo would be my kryptonite)... I can handle the level of vinegar in hz tommy ketchup... but some bbq sauces make me come out in a nasty rash... HR Cafe's Pig Sandwich is delicious, but i usually come out in a rash and then projectile vomit about 20mins or so after eating it (pork filling soaked in a very vinegary bbq sauce)..

meat and fish = gooooood!

edit: also organic food is bollocks... why would I want to pay more for an inferior product grown in shite? chemicals all the way!!! plus wtf is an organic chicken? did they not spray pesticides on it and just rub crap in its face?



(I do really know why its 'organic', but i felt like ranting.... grrrrr)
( hygor gyrates with animatronic emptyness, Sat 3 Mar 2007, 0:49, Reply)

My flatmate
Refuses to eat eggs because "they come from chicken vaginas".

I'm sure that's rational and I'm the silly one.
(Generator cannot be named for legal reasons, Sat 3 Mar 2007, 0:39, Reply)

Since a nasty bout of food poisoning
which left my insides as sensitive and fragile as a glass mosquito (so far, 4 months and counting) I can no longer eat or drink the following things without being very, very ill:

Tea, coffee, orange juice, oranges, spaghetti bolognese, chill con carne, burritos, anything containing steak, lamb or pork, raw vegetables and salad, any spicy food hotter than a korma, anything containing cheese in any considerable quantity, any more than one slice of bread at one sitting, minestrone soup, mayonnaise, more than 1 egg a day, bananas, any milk more than what goes on my cereal in the mornings (and even that leaves me a bit gurgly)...

Tip: Don't get severe post-infective irritable bowel syndrome. All I can have is poultry, fish and steamed vegetables with the occasional mug of peppermint tea. Potentially for the next two years. GO ME.
( Spazzcat jam out with your clam out, Sat 3 Mar 2007, 0:10, Reply)

Shitty sea urchins
I'm quite happy eating almost anything. Here in the land of the rising sun I like eating whole fish from head to tail, chicken cartilage in batter etc. But there is a really skanky food that takes the piss: sea urchin sushi. It looks like a dogs loosened bowel movement that, due to its viscous consistency, takes on the look of whipped cream shit with a shiny veneer. It's wrong. WRONG, WRONG, WRONG.

Dirty bastards.
(Dellamorte Dellamore Fuck it all, fuck it up, fuck it., Sat 3 Mar 2007, 0:09, Reply)

Me!

I have AS, and when I was four, all I would eat was peperami sausage and chocolate mouse.

Whilst my brother was born I had to stay with my grandparents, and my grandfather tried to change my eating habits. Didn't work XD

--------------- b3ta - WE b3tards LOVE FUN; so let's see some new fun shit stuff! Thanks in advance. ----------
(Factorandvibration, Sat 3 Mar 2007, 0:04, Reply)

Cheeses Christ that's disgusting
Blue cheese because I was told its made by spreading old cheese on cave walls, waiting till its molded, then scraping it off. I know its a lie but I still can't eat it.

The most horrible cheese ever is Casu Marzu. Who thought of this and why? It makes me retch just thinking about it.
(evil_penguin_17 Robots of Doom... Attack!, Fri 2 Mar 2007, 23:42, Reply)

Mashed Potatoes.
I really don't like mashed potatoes, if there are lumps in it then it makes me feel ill, other than that I'll eat just about anything.
On a side note, organic food = biggest load of bollocks ever.
(OzEden is probably clinically insane, Fri 2 Mar 2007, 23:32, Reply)

Scotland ruined my junk food habit
Got a consultancy job just outside Aberdeen. The only lodgings I could get were very near the office, both of which were several miles from the nearest shop. And I had no car.
There was a garage though and I survived on a diet of garage snacks and foodstuffs for about six months.
I can now not even contemplate any processed food or premade sandwhichs. Everything has to be made freshly (so no quick easy meals for me).
This was over ten years ago and I still cannot look at bottled 'ready' sauces without the urge to throw up. Actually, I can't even look at food when I'm in a garage now.

Apart from that I'll eat anything except :-
Peas (Peas are evil)
Mushrooms on pizza (on anything else they're fine)
Mashed potato (school still has alot to answer for).
Baked beans, although beans are fab normally
Cauliflower
Sprouts
Dried fruit (unless it's in a cake)

oh, and whoever said about sultanas in curry, rice or any other savoury meal. That's just wrong...

*edit* Just remembred some twunt I used to live with who claimed he couldn't eat onions on anything. As the hairy midget couldn't cook, we all had to take extra special care to not use onions when we cooked.
Try cooking a curry without onions. Or pasta, or chinese or almost fecking anything for that matter.
As we were the nice guys (and fecking mugs) we came up with all these different ways to cook and spice things to make up for the lack of onions.
After about a year of this, I started giving him some stick about it in the pub. Eventually he admitted that it was only raw onions that was the problem. They made him burp. And he claimed he'd never even noticed that we were trying to keep onions out of everything.
12 months of painful creative cooking because the guy was a f*cking numpty...
(EvilMeister, Fri 2 Mar 2007, 23:14, Reply)

Call me weird...
But I cannot eat cold ketchup. I don't understand why people keep it in the fridge - room temperature is best, otherwise it just draws the heat from the chips (/whatever) and makes them go colder quicker. Also tastes horrible.
(jamesthegill opens new tabs with his scroll wheel, Fri 2 Mar 2007, 22:43, Reply)