slightly over 6k
I recently inherited a nearly-new car.
I dont like new cars really, I prefer to drive something that smells a bit damp and feels like it might break down at any moment so I stuck the new car on ebay.
The guy should be coming in the next few days with a bundle of notes totalling £6300.
Hopefully.


EDIT - He just phoned and is goig to bring a bank draft instead. Damn. :(
(dave likes cheese, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 21:14, Reply)

A guy i used to work with....
I used to work with a guy in a well known electrical retailer (could have doubled as an Inidan Takeaway.....). He was deputy manager. However it was quite clear to those "in the know" that this was just to keep the tax man happy, and that infact he had a far more lucrative "side earner", which involved the distribution and sale of some mysterious white powder.
Anyway, he'd ammased this months small fortune and decided he wanted a TVR. So off he went to the TVR dealer or whatever it was, with £20,000 in fifties. Apparently they were talking to him like he was scum because of the way he was dressed, thinking he was trying to blag a test drive. Til he said "The 350 out front....i'll have it" and opened his briefcase.
As an interesting side note, they promissed him they would sort out the transferal (and making up new sets) of his personal plates for him (least they could do eh?). They kept fobbing him off for 2 weeks with "they'll be done tomorow....the next day.....not til tomorow". So he went to B&Q and bought 2 tins of paint, walked into the show room and plonked them down on the customer service desk. Didnt open them or say anything, just stood there smiling.

His plates were done within 15 minutes.

True story
(Nyphur, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 21:08, Reply)

Cambridge to Paignton (1999)
Long way that. I went on the train, cos I was going to pick up a car. (Triumph Spitfire if you're interested).

I had in my pocket, a little brown envelope with £4500 in. It was in £20s, so the envelope wouldn't shut, and you could see it was a big wadge of cash, so I was careful to keep it safely tucked in my trousers.

Somewhere further south than London, I decided it'd be a good idea to visit the train lav, have a big piss, and check the money was all there. So I went in, counted it, put it on the little shelf thing by the window, and had a big piss.

About half an hour later, when I'd sprinted back to the lav, ice cold sweat and utter fear of god inside me, it was still there.

Bit of luck, but scary as arseholes.

As it turned out, the floor fell through on the car about a week after I'd got it home, so it'd maybe have been a blessing if I'd lost the money after all. Or better still, been hit by the train before I even got on it. Urgh.

Edit: I've had lots more working for banks, but that doesn't really count cos it wasn't mine, and I only nicked any once. (See previous QOTW).

Edit Edit: If we're counting anything, I handle (electronically) around £20m quid every night when I'm working. Cos it's my job, like. But I physically can't leave that on a trian. Although if I REALLY wanted to, I could stop it all going where it should and lots and lots of reasonably sized businesses would be very unhappy. And slightly poorer for 24 hours or so.
( Tone Depear fucking rocks, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 20:58, Reply)

...
it got robbed in last weeks QOTW

i'll just go now.
(i eat crayons, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 20:51, Reply)

Two hundred thousand pounds
Sterling, i hasten to add, not those funny egyptian pounds that are worth about two bob, but ten thousand legitimate portraits of The Queen and Michael Faraday, and they were rather heavy.

At the time, i was working for the Abbey National in one of their ATM Cash Processing warehouses, which, in normals terms, is a big warehouse full of cash (which has been sent in from various sources, and bagged in various amounts), which needs to be unpacked, turned so that the notes arent folded together, and fed into a massive machine, which counts it out into bundles of two and a half grand, which then need to have a paper band put around it, then sealed into security bags.

On one day, i personally handled over 7.2 MILLION QUID IN CASH. Unfortunantly, the bastards wouldnt let us work from home :(

edit: also, on the lead up to New Year's Eve, the vault generally contains just under a billion quid in tens and twenties
( lo, the Greebo Warrior - Est. 2002, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 20:45, Reply)

£1500
When I bought a car. It was the most money I've had in my life.
A mate of mine (the landlord of my local) was driving me over to Bury to give the final nod to my purchase and I had to wander from the bank to the pub with 1500 quid in cash. Rather naively I thought I'd need ID to withdraw that amount of cash but the cashier just handed it over.
When I was handing the cash over for the car, the guy asked my mate what he did for a living and he said that he works for the MOD (he's a security guard for one of our fine US-owned terrorist targets, so he was sort of right). The guy didn't reply to that and just went sort of quiet...

I remember when I was 13, I'd saved all my pocket money and owned a crisp £50 note for a bit. But this succeeded in one of my mum's mingier friends making improper advances. Shudder...
(Ghostlight, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 20:43, Reply)

Roughly 800 dollars
Canadian dollars, too.
Was using it to buy most of a new computer, with my dad chipping in the remainder, only problem was the computer shop was in a rather low-budget looking area downtown, and I was rather young and kept flashing my money around.

Luckily nothing terrible happened.
(UndeadChicken Eating poultry farmers since 1987, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 20:43, Reply)

Playing Monopoly with Real Money
A good few years back, I went to a showing of the infamous film "Watch the K foundation Burn a Million Quid" (in which the KLF spend an hour throwing bundles of 50s on a fire). This, however, was trumped when me, Gimpo (the KLF's legendary roadie) and some people from the Abandon All Art / Association of Autonomous Astronauts / etc. played a game with the Mysterious Mr Green's specially made real money Monopoly set.

This work of art was 'exhibited at the Tate' by the rather strange and unofficial method of simply getting the set out in the Tate cafeteria and playing, much to the bemusement of other diners and of course the security staff there, who were convinced that the players (who on that occasion included Zed from Zodiac Mindwarp and the Love Reaction and Bill Drummond of the KLF) must be doing something illegal, even if they were not quite sure what it was. Aparrently the flimsy red plastic box insert was a one-off made at huge expense to fit realsize notes.

Lacking the hudge wodge of readies required to play properly, we had to divide all numbers by 10, but we still drew quite a crowd. Play was constantly interrupted be people unable to understand that the money would go back in the box at the end of the game and does not all go to the winner. We were all a bit worried that some might go missing, but all ended well.

Apart from me losing of course.
( Andy_R At the third stroke, the time will be precisely, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 20:42, Reply)

About £50, last week
£25 of which went on a taxi from Keighley to Leeds.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 20:33, Reply)

Wads
I once took a stop-over in Lagos on the way back from somewhere dreadful in the Congo.

Just to be on the safe side, I changed a couple of hundred in sterling to Nigerian Niara to pay for the hotel, driver, food, local taxes. In my frazzled state, I didn't know a few things:

- Because there is so much forgery, the highest note in Nigeria at the time was N20
- You got 20 of these notes to the pound

Result: A wad about a foot thick. I was SO minted.

Minted, right up to the moment the hotel guy told me "Actually, we'd prefer if you paid in pounds, sir."

No wonder the basic unit of currency there is the Ebay Laptop.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 20:33, Reply)

You know when your whole body goes cold with panic
It is the final day of my employment with Kwik Save (not today you understand, I am employing a dramatic narrative, bear with me)

My checkout drawer is being cashed up at the end of my shift by 'debbeh' and I am stood watching as is the custom.

'It's £200 short' says debbeh, giving me the evil eye.

Shit.

'Count it again', I say coolly. My blood turns to slush puppy.

She counts it again. £30 short.

'Count it again'.

It was dead on...thank christ for that. If I had to work it back on Kwik Save wages I would still be there today.

And that is the most money I have ever been responsible for - Kwik Save's takings for the booze, fag 'n oven chip consumption of the local population.
(Kazza , loathing myself so you don't have to, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 20:27, Reply)

When I was about 18
I was asked to pay £20,000 in cash to a person I had never met before by my brother in law to "sort out" a property transaction.

God knows why, but I agreed to do it. As I handed over the dosh, a thought struck me... what if this is a con?

Quick as a flash I decided to ask the guy to sign a receipt for the cash. He was not happy, but eventually agreed so I frantically hunted down some paper and a pen. The best I could do was the back of a phone bill and a red felt tip pen.

Having got the signature, I headed off feeling pleased with myself. It wasn't until I told my B.I.L. about it that I looked at the signature.

Mr T. Watt

The deal went through fine despite me.
( Cactus 1 doesn't care what you think on, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 20:08, Reply)

once....
i won over £500 quid on a football accumulator, and found out whilst in a pub.
i was so scared about being mugged (although, obviously no-one else apart from my friends knew i had won) i made my girlfriend run home with my betting slip.
(snitchell, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 19:45, Reply)

The most cash I've ever carried
bout £30
(fwack bang on it, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 19:41, Reply)

me = tightfist
Came into some money recently, decided to treat myself to some gadgets and gizmos.

Took £3,000 in cash to brrum for the weekend and spent £2500 in the Apple Shop in the Bullring.

New ibook, new imac with RAM maxed out in both, and the 60gb ipod to match.

At the counter the chap asked me `Visa or Mastercard?`, I opened the 2 breast pockets on my scummy corduroy jacket, slapped the wads on the counter and said 'neither, sorry.'

He rang up the purchases, gave me my receipts and asked if I had far to carry them. I was staying at the Burlington just round the corner and told him so.

There's a McDonalds and some other crappy places between apple store and hotel, he says, so would I like a hand carrying them back?

Of course, cheers, says I.

Rather than one of the burly security guards escorting my wee self to the hotel, the guy behind the counter (even shorter, skinnier and paranoid looking then me) picks up the boxes and bags and says 'right then, follow me.'

We pass some VERY scary looking people of all colours and creeds on the way to the hotel who all look at these shiny white boxes with much interest. We get to the hotel safely with the 2-and-a-half-grands worth of kit, and both of us look very, very relieved.

I tipped him a fiver, which looking back, probably makes me a bastard of the highest order. Apple got me back though, 3 weeks later the video ipod is released and within 6 months everything i bought has been replaced.

Karma, neh?
(FiftyFour, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 19:22, Reply)

$800,000
Eight Hundred Thousand Dollars is the most I’ve carried by myself, the who pay for a section in Basrah, that I had to transport down from Baghdad in a small tool kit plastic box, I also had to take a hand held radio down, they made me sign for the radio and sign it over to the guy in Basrah, but the 800 Grand, nah just handed it over !

As a group of people though, $25 Million Dollars, which if bloody heavy. Dumb yanks largest note is a $100 bill ( in regular circulation) and one of those large black plastic foot lockers that soldiers use can hold roughly $5 million in cash. So we had 5 of these things in the back of three vehicles driving up to Baghdad airport to catch a flight out to Jordan. When arrived in Jordan the banks had closed for the weekend so the poor lads had to sit with it in their hotels room and were a bit nervous. -) I heard they played cards with it starting out with $100 grand pots each for poker, nice gig if you can get it :-)
( ratman, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 19:11, Reply)

If I were a rich man....
Just after the Berlin wall came down, I went on a trip to Poland to stay in Zakopane in the Tatra mountains. In those days, you needed a visa to get in and out and the whole population of Krakow hadn't moved to West London. The currency was Zloti (I think) and you couldn't get it outside Poland and it was forbidden to take the currency out of country.

We got to the Polish border through east Germany (surreal experience eating McDonalds in dresden still charred from WWII bombs and communist mosaics still on the walls of the town square. A huge stretch limo nearly ran over an old guy about 80 with no shoes pulling a hand cart full of fire wood. It was mental). These two women at the border control who looked like really bad drag acts in hideous 70's looking night club gear changed our money for us. We had no idea how much to get so we all changed £200 each (there were 6 of us). One alligator wrestler had to go and get some more money from the safe and they took ages counting out the cash. We were eventually handed, no lie, a pile of notes each you could not stretch your hands round. i think there were 40,000 Zloti to the pound so we each had 8,000,000 each.

We got to the hotel and went out for some food. We soon realised our currency made us very very conspicuous in a small town. The smallest notes we had were 50,000 Zloti probably a weeks wages for the people who worked in the shops we were trying to spend it in and they could not change notes that size.

One very uncomfortable moment was in a bar when we tried to pay to leave. For 6 people with starters, main courses and lots of booze the bill came to about 8,000 Zloti. They could not change the 100,000 note I had so I said "OK, keep the change" it was about £2.50 worth. The bar maid was under the impression I was offering her cash for favours and the locals got quite uptight about it. We bought the whole bar a bottle of vodka each (cost me £3.00) and legged it.

Soon the whole village knew who we were and we bought everyone drinks. We had soooo many friends for the rest of our holiday.

So, I was a millionaire for about 2 weeks!
(No Longer A Member Logged off since 1993, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 19:04, Reply)

About 35,000 squid
and a hotel on Mayfair and Park Lane
( frogdog Fuck Your Holy Leaders, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 18:56, Reply)

dirty dirty money
As a youngster (about a decade ago) I ended up having to walk around a dodgyish Tyneside housing estate whilst carrying £17,500 in a plastic carrier-bag. You'd think that this large amount of cash would look big, but it didn't.

I sort of had a second family (I originally was the babysitter but as I spent more time there than at my own parents home, it became my second family) and the dad of my other family had a very lucrative drug peddling business.

Drug dealing is NOT glamourous, as some people may believe, but is in fact just a series of paranoid episodes with occasional nice drug bender. Everyday, there would be 3 or 4 paranoid situations where we would believe the local Constabulary's Drug Squad were watching the house. One day when this happened, dad had £17,500 on him for buying some more speed, and I was sent out to wander around the estate and not be near the house.

I was shit scared, for a couple of reasons. Not because I thought the money may be nicked, the family were such that I would not have been touched by anoyone on the estate, but because I would have a pretty hard time explainign where the money came from if I was nicked. Also because when I was passing the off licence, I couldn't resist dipping in an pinching a tenner for some cigs and drinks.
(mountfoc, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 18:47, Reply)

Think I had about £200 on me once
Regularly take £150 out of one account, walk to the other bank and pay it in though as it's far quicker than doing an electonic transfer!
( thistle, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 18:21, Reply)

So there I was, buying a car
I decided to buy a car, a while ago. My previous transportation, my Dad's old Lada Niva, had croaked. So I chose a shiny new (to me) Escort, and decided to buy that.

Off I went with my Dad (who's driving me there, for I will drive my shiny new ride back) to the building society for a cheque for the purchase price. But they can't do it, because some of the money hasn't been in there long enough or something. So they give me a cheque for something like £3K (or something), and £1400 in cash. Off I go, with my Dad, nervous as hell, as I've got this lot in my pocket. And this is before £50 notes, so it's in twenties, I think.

Halfway up the high street, I get stopped by a policeman and a security guard. They're looking for a shoplifter, and I fit the description. So I get detained. Said policeman says 'Right, you. Stand there. We'll get the witness, and if he identifies you, you're nicked.' So not Inspector Morse then. 'Drat,', I think. And 'Curse my rotten luck.' And similar.

So, they drive the witness past me in a van 'for his protection'. Right. At this point I'm a 9st Computer Science student. The only way I'd hurt anyone is if I drunkenly collapsed on them!

He says that it wasn't me. So I'm free to go. As I turn to leave, the security guard says to the policeman, "Well, they *said* a Paki* in a grey jacket, so that's what I found!"

Gee, thanks, all.

I got my car, which I happily whizzed around in (and christened) until... well, it came to a sudden stop. Exceedingly close* to some other cars. Oops.

* - OK, OK, slightly more than exceedingly close. But not by much!
(purplegod counting down for Christmas!, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 18:17, Reply)

an ex girlfriend made a living credit card scamming for some local "businessmen"
She had around £12,000 in cash in her handbag (its a complicated transaction to explain) when we went for a beer at the local Rat & Parrot. Her bag was stolen along with the cash and several passports, and her coworkers had a hard time believing that she had lost the money. Id describe it as intimidating suspicion. Lucky thief...
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 18:17, Reply)

Not too much
The most I've ever carried about is about £200, enough to make me feel vulnerable in the street, but hardly an impressive amount. However, that will soon change.

I've recently been contacted by a Nigerian ambassador, who is looking for an American businessman to send $5,000,000 to.

Though I'm English.

Twatcakes.
(Darrage, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 18:01, Reply)

Zimbabwe...
Place of ridiculous inflation. I went there at Easter and the highest denomination was $50,000. You may think that's a lot, but at the time it was worth roughly 14p. (It would be worth half that now, but they've since printed $100,000 notes so all is ok!).

So I was going out with my friend one night and naturally we wanted to buy a few beers. 20 notes in right trouser pocket, 20 in left, had to wear a jacket as well and stuff every pocket of that with notes. I felt rich at first, but by the end it was a pain in the arse having to carry around a whole rainforest just for a couple of beers.
(Mr_Jums, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 18:01, Reply)

Probably about fifty quid
But then i always put my wallet where people can't pinch it!
(The lord Boo., Thu 22 Jun 2006, 18:01, Reply)

Heh most money I've ever caried?
You're face to face with the man who sold the world...

So about 20 pounds.
(Habacock, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 17:51, Reply)

Not cash but
a bankers draft which is as good as cash. Just over seventeen thousand pounds for the deposit on our house. I had to carry it from the bank to the solicitors' office (about 500 yards) and I was petrified I was going to lose it somehow.

I kept hold of it in my pocket and it was a little damp and limp when I handed it over. The secretary was really blase about it, but I kept telling her to look after it and keep it in a safe place because it was very important. I probably rambled.

Another story - when a student, three of us rented a house together and we had to provide a deposit and the first term's rent in advance. My friend cycled through the dodgiest bits of Salford with several grand in used notes tucked in his sock. He felt very vulnerable, particularly because two thirds of the money wasn't his and he knew we would be after him if it got nicked. But it didn't. So that was lucky.

I can't work out why I told you all that now. Oh well, you asked.
( in vino veritas, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 17:37, Reply)

I own $6,000,000 dollars
Aw fuck, they're Zimbabwe. That should get me a chicken though, result :D
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 17:35, Reply)

About 8p.
bastards.
(Lambkin, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 17:34, Reply)

not cash exactly
but when working as a dogsbody for a TV company i had to put company cheques into the bank

i wish i had a camera for the double take the cashier did when the scruffy guy in jeans and a ripped t-shirt deposited a cheque for 2 million pounds.
( monstrinho do biscoito teeeshurts = www.nogunarmy.com, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 17:27, Reply)