Need a tug?
But got no tissues/towel/socks/pets around? Simple. Pinch your foreskin closed with the thumb and forefinger (of your other hand) before you ejaculate and voila - entrapped spunk.
(Blunt Logic, Thu 5 May 2011, 10:40, 23 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

I tried that
but I didn't create a complete seal and at the point of ejaculation, it sprayed through the tiny gap and went about 4 feet into the air making a curious hissing noise in the process. A bit like that fountain that fires a single column of water that arcs over and lands at the other side.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 5 May 2011, 10:51, Reply)

Haha
Another potential error is squeezing too hard, the foreskin then rolls back towards you and you end up dripping twuzz out of your bell like a sad fat child coughing up marshmallows if you kicked him up the arse.
(Blunt Logic, Thu 5 May 2011, 13:43, Reply)

RACIST!

( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Thu 5 May 2011, 11:34, Reply)

I can't close my foreskin with an erection
So I need another solution please.
( Peej, Thu 5 May 2011, 13:29, Reply)

My penis balloons into a broccoli-like formation at the end
like everyone's. So how does this work?
( SigmaX0 Dear Die Hard. You rock!, Thu 5 May 2011, 15:22, Reply)

Broccoli-like?
GUI clinic time!
(sarcastic fringehead feet of clay, buns of steel, head of lettuce, Thu 5 May 2011, 17:33, Reply)

I am not alone!
I did wonder if anyone else did this.
( wangmaster2000, Thu 5 May 2011, 16:44, Reply)

My thoughts exactly!
No messy clean-up either! Just walk to the toilet and do pee.
( RarelyEvil, Fri 13 May 2011, 20:17, Reply)

and then what do you do with it.

( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 6 May 2011, 11:29, Reply)

Flick it at whoever's walking past your park bench.

(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Sat 7 May 2011, 16:03, Reply)

pour it down the toilet.

(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Mon 9 May 2011, 11:11, Reply)

I'm no doctor,
and being female, am not up to speed on the ins and outs, but unless you washed your cock fairly thoroughly afterwards would this tip not lead to some kind of infection?
( Bats, Mon 9 May 2011, 16:14, Reply)

Nah
semen's not infectious and even if it's stinky and gross, still doesn't harbor bacteria.
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Tue 10 May 2011, 2:50, Reply)

Not infectious?
If you were nearby when he went off, I bet you'd catch it.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Tue 10 May 2011, 13:07, Reply)

shout "my Spidey sense is tingling!" and throw it in the nearest person's face
(UTB, Fri 13 May 2011, 16:43, Reply)

This only works if
you aren't American.
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Tue 10 May 2011, 2:50, Reply)

or Canadian, Australian, Kiwi, Jewish, Muslim
or any of the other barbaric cultures out there who think it's acceptable to cut bits off your baby's genitals
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:29, Reply)

British.
But I learned earlier today that yanks tend to remove the frenulum. I was circumcised but managed to keep my frenulum for another 28 years or so.
( CowJam, Fri 13 May 2011, 21:41, Reply)

Until a horrendous snapping incident?
It's not fun, ladies and gentlemen. It's not fun.
( John Q Wagonwheel Spent, Sat 14 May 2011, 1:23, Reply)

or use the taint trick

(sanguine badger spirits in the room tickle you like a sneaky prawn, Fri 13 May 2011, 16:29, Reply)

taint
i wonder how many people know about that trick?
(pabc, Fri 13 May 2011, 19:49, Reply)

please be careful
Most of the page isn't strictly relevant to this, head straight to "alternative medicine"
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Retrograde_ejaculation
(Lady Spandex, Sat 14 May 2011, 1:45, Reply)

Why not
wipe it on the curtains. There's your man sized tissue right there.
( gingerbenji wrote a book http://goo.gl/8UiGjd, Sat 14 May 2011, 9:46, Reply)