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poo bum

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 22:16, archived)
what else

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 22:22, archived)
What, that isn't enough for you?
Greedy mare.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 23:45, archived)
alright dribble

(, Wed 10 May 2017, 0:17, archived)
alright not$$

(, Wed 10 May 2017, 0:24, archived)
my kids love that book
www.amazon.co.uk/Poo-Bum-Stephanie-Blake/dp/1877467979/
(, Wed 10 May 2017, 9:15, archived)
New cool thread

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 16:41, archived)
need a wee brb

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 16:42, archived)
cool
I'm bored as fuck and browsing for PC parts, going to do a well deserved upgrade at the end of the month; new case, new GPU, maybe a gaming mouse and mechanical keyboard as well and if money allows a 2nd monitor too. I'll finally be able to play games released after 2012 :D
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 16:42, archived)
the porn will look great on that

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 16:46, archived)
I have...wait for it...4 yes 4 24 inch flat panels like this
www.ebuyer.com/746747-acer-s241hl-24-full-hd-1ms-slim-gaming-monitor-um-fs1ee-c01?mkwid=s_dm&pcrid=51508043699&pkw=&pmt=&gclid=CjsKDwjw0cXIBRCxjqnE3K3sHhIkAL1LezT8xVlW3OhDOaigj2cHtwqHunIJ9WOYBG8FdGssMz2JGgIIIPD_BwE

I should have only 3 but amazon properly fucked up an order once and brought me a free one by mistake.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 16:51, archived)
That's a nice monitor actually, good price too
Would you recommend?
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 17:29, archived)
Yes certainly.
The picture is great. I don't really do games though so can't
Comment there.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 17:35, archived)
Anythings an improvememt over my current setup
The image quality will be more important for the design stuff I occasionally do, I'll keep it as a strong maybe though, cheers
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 18:20, archived)
Anytime

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 18:25, archived)
You disgusting nerd

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 17:10, archived)
Yes

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 17:29, archived)
Why use 2 monitors when you can just get one massive one like I did?
www.pcbuyit.co.uk/dell-u3415w-34-ips-led-ultra-wide-curved-monitor-hdmi-dp-monitor.html
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 18:07, archived)
The £500 saving
I'm not one for that eyefinity complete immersion setup, I'd like a 2nd screen so I can have other stuff open on it while I game, or to put references on when I'm using the main screen for 3D stuff or drawing
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 18:15, archived)
That's bigger than my TV.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 19:02, archived)
nerd chat:
budget upgrade for a Radeon HD5700? I've got an i5-6600K but it's going to waste with such an old GPU.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 19:03, archived)
Not the foggiest.
It never occurs to me to read up on these things until after I've built a PC, but then I realise that it's too late and so don't bother.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 19:14, archived)
i'm still waiting
for a socket AM4 Mini ITX board to come out
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 22:20, archived)
talk to myself, shall I

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 16:44, archived)
cool

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 16:46, archived)
Alright dribble

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 16:58, archived)
alright dribble.
About time like.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 16:45, archived)
cheers

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 16:46, archived)
cheers

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 16:48, archived)
cheers

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 16:49, archived)
Gay

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 16:51, archived)
Fabulous

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 16:55, archived)
Cheers

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 16:58, archived)
cheers

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 16:50, archived)
cheers

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 17:29, archived)
cheers

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 17:32, archived)
no, posh sit down wee, used paper and everything

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 16:47, archived)
had a wee AMA!

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 16:45, archived)
anti ligature cubicle?

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 16:51, archived)
yes

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 16:54, archived)
Was it a wee beastie?

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 16:53, archived)
clean, clear and ejected with a sense of pride

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 16:55, archived)
might do a poo in a bit

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 16:57, archived)
wipe twice for luck, thrice for jesus

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 17:06, archived)
I tried to do one earlier
but some inconsiderate fucker was in the cubicle next to me so neither of us could go. After 10 minutes I caved and left.


I still need to shit but may wait til I get home now, I can't handle the disappointment of going back in there to find someone else is using it again. And an irrational phobia was born!
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 18:23, archived)
Only Teh Gay's are really comfortable about relaxing their sphincters when another man is grunting only a couple of feet away

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 18:58, archived)
I've been off the booze for a couple of days.
Consequently I've just done my first firm poo in a while, quite an ordeal if I'm honest.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 19:05, archived)

t n
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 20:26, archived)
HI, NURSES!

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 20:41, archived)
Finally, a thread for me

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 17:01, archived)
no, that'd be a poo drool thread
#sickburn
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 17:03, archived)
:(

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 17:16, archived)
amen

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 17:06, archived)
Cool.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 17:10, archived)
thanks

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 17:15, archived)
cooler than the water in a swimming pool

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 17:14, archived)
not this one
it's hot with urine
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 17:15, archived)

m.imgur.com/pJSsCC4?r
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 20:35, archived)
lol, nickelback

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 20:55, archived)
Looks used to me

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 18:09, archived)
only a little bit

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 18:43, archived)
Afternoon my lovelies
This is my last week off work. How should I mark the occasion?
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 14:31, archived)
poo in a bucket

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 14:31, archived)
This is nothing special.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 14:44, archived)
SHIT ON A DOG'S CUNT

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 14:34, archived)
Hmmm...I fucking hate dogs, they should all be drowned in black bin bags with bricks. Vermin.
This is a possibility. Thanks for your input.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 14:45, archived)
cut back on the wanking so that you're not overcome with urges by 3pm and end up rubbing one out in the stationery cupboard

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 14:36, archived)
Good advice

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 14:46, archived)
Slip on your slanket and binge watch Full House on Netflix.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 14:36, archived)
It's always sunny in philidelphia
Has me hooked at the moment.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 14:47, archived)
You'll have to talk to 2Hats about that.
I thought it was crap.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 14:56, archived)
fuck's sake mm

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 14:59, archived)
I genuinely don't know what I like about it.
There are a few gems of episodes but the majority of it is shite.

Have you seen the Chardee MacDennis game episodes?
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:01, archived)
wasting your time, m8

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:06, archived)
2Hats is right, you won't win me round.
I watched episode one, it was painfully unfunny, so I'm not motivated to go back to it.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:10, archived)
I wouldn't try and win you around.
And I skipped series 1-4 and just started at series 5.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:11, archived)
Yeah, if a programme is "only good if you don't watch most of it" then I'm not bothering.
Bojack Horseman is supposed to be hilarious if you skip the first 6 episodes - bollocks to that.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:15, archived)
I tried to watch it but lasted only a couple of minutes.
I also tried 'Rick and Morty' the other day with similar results.

Conversely the other day I gave 'The Trip' another go and loved it
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:35, archived)
R&M had me from the get go.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:41, archived)
Is this the cartoon?

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:51, archived)
Yeah. Drunk scientist and idiot nephew.
I identify with the latter.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:52, archived)
And I identify with the former.
Might give it a go. Probably not.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:55, archived)
Its great but very loosely written
There's times when it almost seems like Justin Roiland (the voice of both characters) went in the studio with a bare bones script and improvised the gags and dialogue, but it somehow works
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 16:30, archived)
Schitts Creek is good

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 16:19, archived)
Blood sacrifice to Mithras
(vegan options are valid)
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 14:36, archived)
Vegans can get fucked
Stupid cunts. Them and vegetarians. And dog lovers. And people that like Bladerunner.

Useless cunts.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 14:47, archived)
Oh boy we would NOT get on if we met in a pub
Although we could at least agree on vegans
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 14:50, archived)
Vegans are not the worst thing listed there.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 14:51, archived)
If you meet a vegan how will you know?
Oh, they'll tell you.... they'll tell you.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:01, archived)
I think the massive dick on their forehead would give it away. Ok

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:02, archived)
Vegans do exist outside of orgies

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:32, archived)
Vegans and dog owners should be eradicated

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:37, archived)
Okay, you can kill all the dog owners and the vegans
if it makes you happy.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 16:06, archived)
Alien and Legend are great films.
Other than that, the work of Ridley Scott leaves me cold.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:09, archived)
I have never seen Legend.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:14, archived)
I can't recommend it highly enough.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:17, archived)
Never seen Legend, don't know much about it to be honest
I like Blade Runner for the scenery and the setting more than anything, it's a nice grimy depiction of the future.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:17, archived)
Visually speaking, it certainly influence a lot of other sci-fi films.
That and Alien were the perfect depictions of a believable, lived-in future. Pity it's such a shit film, really.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:21, archived)
Is it better than the book though?
I love Dick, A Scanner Darkly and Ubik are to this day two of my favourite science fiction stories, but Do Androids Dream... was quite a dull book and a bit all over the place. For all its flaws I reckon Blade Runner did a good job of trimming the chaff from the story and making it a bit more coherent
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:28, archived)

Is it better than the book though?

, A Scanner Darkly and Ubik are to this day two of my favourite science fiction stories, but Do Androids Dream... was quite a dull book and a bit all over the place. For all its flaws I reckon Blade Runner did a good job of trimming the chaff from the story and making it a bit more coherent
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:32, archived)
I preferred the book.
The film was just Harrison Ford looking sad, a look he seems determined to maintain in every film ever, until he dies.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:38, archived)
Fair shoes, each to their own
Can we agree Man in the High Castle was crap as a TV series?
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:48, archived)
Only started watching that, last week.
First episode was good enough - more gripping than SS GB, at least.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:54, archived)
Fucking awful. I gave up on it.
Not quite as bad as Game of Thrones but it was getting that bad.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:57, archived)
I'm 2 series behind on GoT.
I don't think I can accept the TV series overtaking the books, as I don't want to accept that GRRM has given up on writing them.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 16:00, archived)
Nope - didn't get any of that/

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 16:05, archived)
HODOR.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 16:11, archived)
No
TMITHC was brilliant, not quite at, but getting towards Westworld, IMO
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 17:18, archived)
Tim Curry alone is worth watching Legend.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:39, archived)
^ tggi

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:42, archived)
I shall have a mooch for it now on exodus. Cheers/

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:57, archived)
A Bladerunner themed dog grooming and vegan awareness seminar

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 14:51, archived)
Yeah - dog "grooming" like that's a thing.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 14:52, archived)
They're unlikely to put out if you don't butter them up first.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 14:57, archived)
Manolith would know
Where is the stupid fat wanker anyway?
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:01, archived)
I decided to get almond milk for me overnight oats.
Dunno man, I just don't know.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:05, archived)
That's a risky move right there, Slippy Mickey
What's wrong with good old standard British, proper pasteurized lactose filled cow's milk? S'not natural all these substitutes, when was the last time you saw someone milk an almond anyway? Mug's game, son.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:11, archived)
Apparently you can make it yourself by blending 1 cup of almonds (skin removed) with 4 cups of water.
Then running it through a muslin, but if it's going in oats you'd probably be better not filtering some of the 'goodness' out?
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:20, archived)
Might as well just soak your oats in water, chuck in some nuts for texture.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:22, archived)
Chuck in DEEZ NUTS for texture.
*points at crotch*
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:33, archived)
Added protein if you soak the oats in your own jizz.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:43, archived)
Wouldn't the muslim get all wet though?

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:33, archived)
Real men soak their oats in blood.
Not their own blood, that would be gross.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:13, archived)
poo out your helmit

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:05, archived)
Helmut
Fool
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:06, archived)
Be completely unpleasant online

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:14, archived)
Fancy giving me any pointers dribble?

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:15, archived)
Achieve zen

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:16, archived)
Alright, The G Man

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:18, archived)
Gunga galunga
And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:31, archived)
wank into a cocked hat

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:31, archived)
cock into a wanked hat

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:31, archived)
Welly wanging tournament in Lyme Regis on the weekend

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:31, archived)
do I bring my own or are they provided?

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:32, archived)
Up to you.
I've got a pro set.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:37, archived)
Am in

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:33, archived)
Cool. Beer tent at 11

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:42, archived)
Will you come with me?

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:52, archived)
Sure. Is it your first welly wanging? I'll show you how to get a good wang

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 16:01, archived)
And here I am 250 miles away wanging my welly by myself :(

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:35, archived)
wahey!
Editor's Note: Hey readers, what do you think about that for a wanking euphemism?
Send all wanking references to B3ta Towers, London, FREEPOST. Cheers

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 16:02, archived)
Is it ok if i wank into a welly and ship that?

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 18:27, archived)
Join Marillion

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:37, archived)
Swan upping in downham
or swan downing in Upham.

Cheese rolling in Cheddar.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:39, archived)
Cum Swapping in Shoreditch.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 15:52, archived)
Shoreswapping in Ditchcum

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 16:41, archived)
play Rose West's Knicker Quest

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 16:00, archived)
Just say No!
www.digitiser2000.com/uploads/4/0/6/6/40667199/screen-shot-2016-09-21-at-11-51-21_orig.png
i162.photobucket.com/albums/t266/Dumpus/GrangeHillGame.jpg
to buying your gear from shabbily dressed zombies.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 16:02, archived)
Fuck me those images must be hosted on a server made from cheese.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 16:34, archived)
I'm bored as arseholes.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 16:12, archived)
Same
Only 45 minutes to go before a mooch in the sun with the dog and an evening jam / smoke
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 16:41, archived)
Proofreading a book for a mate
and it's got phrases like "chiasmatic" and "emplotment" and "sacralization of the mundane" in it.

What's the wankiest thing you own?
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 11:56, archived)
Is he the author?
Does he own any punch-decorated, two tone brogues?
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 12:02, archived)
I do!

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 12:08, archived)
It's a book on photography
so he's taken that idea of "a picture tells a thousand words" as some sort of personal challenge.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 12:42, archived)
A full set of wanking spanners.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 12:04, archived)
chrome-wankium plated?

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 12:09, archived)
Official George Alagiah or knock (one) off?

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 14:51, archived)
Paris, Texas; Wings of Desire and 2001 on bluray.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 12:05, archived)
I picked up a copy of Hagakure, after watching Ghost Dog.
Y'know, just in case my head is ever cut off in battle, I'll be prepared to complete one final act.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 12:06, archived)
Your mate is David Crimond AICMFP.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 12:11, archived)
I've got loads of wank books about communism, the French revolution and che Guevara stuff from when I was a prick.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 12:11, archived)
I think "No Logo" was the closest I came to reading a political text.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 12:18, archived)
owning that book is the slacktivist's business card

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 12:35, archived)
I just like resting before I'm tired, ok?

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 12:41, archived)
I was considering reading the shock doctrine or why we can't afford the rich.
Other more interesting stuff keeps shunting it.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 12:40, archived)
One of the topics of shock doctrine is ECT and it's failures
but Adam Curtis did a better job in one of his documentaries either Century of Self or The Trap
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 12:43, archived)
I downloaded all the Adam Curtis's a while back.
Haven't gotten round to Centry of the Self yet. I like his stuff but it is pretty much posh tin-foil.

Pandora's Box is quite good.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 12:49, archived)
I think having 7+ vinyl copies of the same track is pretty wanky, so it's probably that.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 12:16, archived)
one of your favourite breakbeats?
or do you buy a copy every time you murder a tramp?
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 12:41, archived)
It's Apache by Michael Viner's Incredible Bongo Band, sometimes referred to as 'the national anthem of hip hop'
It's up there with Amen Brother by The Winstons and Think by Lyn Collins in the list of 'most well-known and used breakbeats ever'. I had it on a few compilations but then bought an original copy for posterity...then doubles of it on 12" for DJing purposes, then the original was remastered and released on double 12"s so I snapped that up too.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:00, archived)
tl;dr I am a knob

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:01, archived)

Apache by Michael Viner's Incredible Bongo Band
'Stutter Rap' by Morris Minor & The Majors
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:02, archived)
It's Rat Rappin' ACTUALLY

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:17, archived)
Closely followed by Everett's 'Snot Rap'

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:22, archived)
Ant and Wham Raps also, and Chalk Dust obv

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:41, archived)
THE UMPIRE STRIKES BACK
christ almighty. I'd forgotten about that
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 14:04, archived)
I apologise

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 14:25, archived)
I've got a t-shirt with a waveform of the amen on it.
What a wanker teenage me was.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:03, archived)
oh dear

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:17, archived)
I think it was made of hemp as well. I only remember this because it was like wearing sandpaper.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:21, archived)
I had a jacket made of hemp.
It was massive, and rather scratchy.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:23, archived)
no-one reads all that shit you type

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:03, archived)
very wise

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:16, archived)
Stockhausen's
Helicopter Quartet
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 12:27, archived)
I've got that
wanna cyber?
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 12:54, archived)
My partner would be much more understanding of this
than of my claiming that helicopters + cellos = music.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:14, archived)
ditch him, he sounds like a philistine

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:35, archived)
No, it does me good to know that my tastes are niche.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:45, archived)
Children of the albatross by Anais Nin
what a load of shit
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 12:27, archived)
I've got both of Henry Miller's "Tropic" books on my shelves, and couldn't finish either

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 12:34, archived)
I've read Tropic of Ruislip,
but I don't think that's one of his.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 12:49, archived)
a big jar of wank with 'wank' painted on the side

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 12:30, archived)
nice

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 12:34, archived)
yeah, they're difficult to track down these days

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:18, archived)
what's in the jar?
(said in Brad Pitt's voice from Se7en)
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 12:34, archived)
Double wank and shit chips.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 12:50, archived)
it's a jar of wank, m8t
come on
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:06, archived)
How do you put a verb in a jar?

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 14:09, archived)
I tried reading that Will Self book with the chimps.
I gave up.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 12:42, archived)
Great Apes?
I got a load of Will Self books when our neighbour's son moved out. Without exception, they were awful.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 12:50, archived)
Yeah, probably.
It was just self wanking over how many words he knew.

Thing is, most good authors (Orwell, Vonnegut) make themselves more accessible by conveying difficult things in simple terms not the other way round.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 12:57, archived)
Can't argue with this.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:00, archived)
good is subjective though, innit
I'm sure Vonnegut and other linguistically simple writers (Hemingway) find favour just because it's easy to plough through their works in one sitting. It's easy to use simple terms if you've got nothing of depth or substance to say in the first place.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:06, archived)
Vonnegut has depth and substance.
Have you ever considered being some sort of inverse critic?
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:07, archived)
I never got into Vonnegut
it was too "I'm 14 and this is deep" for me. Prolly my fault because I read his famous one just after reading Catch 22, since I'd heard there were many parallels, and it just came off as naff sci-fi in comparison.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:10, archived)
Perhaps you've just got low emotional intelligence what with you being all autistic and that.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:12, archived)
yeah, that must be it

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:13, archived)
Catch 22 is rubbish.
M*A*S*H was much funnier.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:18, archived)
Robert Altman FTW

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:22, archived)
The TV series, not the film.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:24, archived)
Still stands. Robert Altman was great.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:35, archived)
Yeah, tis true.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:44, archived)
Been watching a few of his of late. Watched 3 Women the other day. Got A Wedding to watch.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 14:05, archived)
I hope Popeye is on your watchlist.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 14:29, archived)
It is.
Are you aware of Elliot Gould's work in 'Dead Men Don't Die'? It's basically the thinking man's Weekend at Bernies.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 14:30, archived)
You have mentioned this before.
Good, is it?
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 14:39, archived)
shite in a good way.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 14:40, archived)
My kind of film.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 14:44, archived)
Vonnegut is some excellent reading.
Self is crap.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:09, archived)
I level a similar criticism at Dickens.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:24, archived)
Yeah, that's florid wank.
I think the only time he was succinct was when he publicly humiliated his wife.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:25, archived)
I managed to get through about a quarter of Bleak House
before I gave up on him for good. I've read Victorian authors. They are little different from modern authors, the odd "vexed countenance" aside.

Dickens, however, is a prick.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:27, archived)
^^^

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:42, archived)
you just have to judge it by the standards of its time
His work is pay-per-chapter serialised sensationalism, designed to keep the punters buying train station magazines on a weekly basis. It might be entertaining, but it's not fit for university-level analyses. Same with Austen, the melodramatic harpy.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:33, archived)
Would I be correct in assuming that Shakespeare's audience were otherwise starved of entertainment?

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:45, archived)
quite the opposite really
there were shitloads of playwrights pumping out melodramas; so many so that there's still contention about who wrote some of William's plays since he can't have penned all of them himself.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:47, archived)
Right.
So why are they so bad?
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:53, archived)
The characters lack depth, the plots are ridiculously contrived, the comedy is paper thin, the moral tone is saccharine
Ooh Fagin's super evilly evil, Pip's too thick to wonder where his money comes from, Scrooge is going to turn his entire life around just because no-one shows up at his funeral, blah blah blah, they read like 19th century episodes of Neighbours.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 14:03, archived)
The Muppets adaptation was alright though.
And Scrooged.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 14:06, archived)
Like I said, if you judge them relative to their period
I expect Dickens one of the more accomplished serialists, and since novels were such a new thing I expect he looks like a shiny penny in a mound of dogshit. But if we force him into the school's national curriculum, we can expect Stranger Things to be taught in a hundred years' time as a triumph of serialised drama too.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 14:12, archived)
In 3000 words, explain why the three boys devote so much energy to finding Will Byers
while the older teenagers don't spend anywhere near as much time investigating Nancy Barb's disappearance. How does this reflect on early 21st Century attitudes of young women as disposable citizens?
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 14:14, archived)
God I hated school/college

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 14:26, archived)
Working life is pretty bollocks as well, if I'm honest.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 14:37, archived)
I want to know why no one gave a shit about Barb dying.
I really enjoyed that series.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 14:26, archived)
sorry, I meant Barb not Nancy

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 14:34, archived)
Bleak Expectations was good.
Up until the Martian invasion, at least.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 14:29, archived)
I never did find out why The Pickwick Papers is regarded as humorous.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:43, archived)
Dunno

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 12:42, archived)
Other than that it's probably Gödel, Escher, Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid
or Ulysses.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 12:48, archived)
A set of baoding balls.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 12:55, archived)

aoding enwa
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:00, archived)
What?

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:17, archived)

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ben_Wa_balls
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:22, archived)
I see.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:47, archived)

see click-clack when I walk
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 14:15, archived)

upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/f/fb/FMacRumours.PNG
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 14:31, archived)
I bought a ukulele
before they became popular
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 12:58, archived)
also, when I read things like this:
Sporting François Tusques and Don Cherry in its family-tree — you hear Ornette immediately — this is a revelatory, mid-seventies blend of spiritual, funky and free jazz with strong North African and Arab currents, confrontationally rooted in the traditional Occitan music of southern France.
Trumpeter Michael Marre calls it the musical expression of a kind of anarchist delirium. “It was like a fuck-you to to all the current nationalist trends, and for me, my roots being in Aveyron, it was an opportunity to mix, to interconnect everything… not closing any doors… just playing… There’s something like energy, something wild, that you don’t really find any more, currently. The fact that we work from the basic form of the quintet, but then subvert it, and that our first theme hails Coltrane, but at the same time is half from Andalusia — all that was us playing jazz, but on our own terms.”
‘Cossi Anatz.’ ‘How you doing?’
Wonderful stuff, warmly recommended.


I am tempted to part with around 40 notes to get a copy
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:02, archived)
I just remembered I paid about £60 for a coffee table book on Kowloon walled city.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:05, archived)
That actually sounds really interesting.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:08, archived)
It is. there's loads of photos.
There's a subtitled German documentary on it that's meant to be good.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=S-rj8m7Ssow

The Chinese seem to be very good at self-organising.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:24, archived)
dunno

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:07, archived)
something to do with guitar stuff probably

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:09, archived)
None of my guitar stuff is wanky, m8
If I'd bought the Korg Miku, I might concede the point
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:15, archived)
Man, I regret not buying that when I had the chance

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:22, archived)
I'll buy it for you

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:28, archived)
Thanks hun
but they're really hard to get hold of now. Much like myself.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:32, archived)
nothing is too hard to find for this heart

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:33, archived)
well, except for the fact that you've wanked on them all

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:51, archived)
well some of them are extremely valuable
I don't see that I had any choice
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 14:03, archived)
Probably got an old Guardian media supplement laying about somewhere

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:12, archived)
I'd read it before Alan Ford turns up and threatens you.
Nutters, from Parkhurst.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:13, archived)
Also, Amenaza al Mundo on limited clear vinyl

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 13:15, archived)
Rose West's Knicker Quest

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 14:20, archived)
Out now on ZX Spectrum and Amstrad CPC

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 14:24, archived)
I bet Rob makes it into a flash game

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 14:26, archived)
Well edgy.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 14:27, archived)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=gqJTMl1F9Wg
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 14:40, archived)
A b3ta account

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 14:24, archived)
Twohats has to go to Havant, which is the sphincter of Portsmouth.
Is there a part of your hometown which is properly shit?
We've got Rose Hill that is well dodgy, if you got down to the oval at Rose Hill you might get stabbed.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:21, archived)
I came from the midlands so most of it's shit.
I dunno, Redditch?
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:24, archived)
Good answer

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:25, archived)
London has loads of shit areas but on the whole they are dying out due to gentrification
Even Lewisham is on the up.

Actually in many ways the West End in the shittest part of London. Leicester Square is fucking horrible, so is Oxford Street
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:27, archived)
Oxford Street is just shit for cunts isn't it?

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:29, archived)
Yes.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:32, archived)
I'm trying to remember where I was,
But I got off the tube somewhere super fancy, and decided it was probably easier to walk than find a bus, on the walk I passed through the very nice part, and sort of through a proper grim council estate of flats and piles of rubbish out in the gsrdens, and in to another fancy pants place. It was really odd.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:30, archived)
Brum's jumbled up like that. Usually it's to do with the blitz and pockets being rebuilt.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:32, archived)
All London boroughs have to provide some social housing, so even v expensive areas have housing estates.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:33, archived)
It's pretty criminal what they did with the Heygate Estate.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:35, archived)
It was fucking hideous and all those who lived there will have been rehoused somewhere better

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:41, archived)
Apart from all the people compulsory purchased out of there at a fraction of their real value.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:48, archived)
There's a difference between 'the real value of a flat in a completely fucked concrete hellhole' and 'the amount needed to buy a new place in the area following redevelopment'
Elephant is Zone 1, it's 10 minutes from The City by bus - that eyesore had to go and sorry, but the people who lived there before almost certainly couldn't afford to live in the new Elephant. It happened to me in Bethnal Green, it's just tough shit.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:59, archived)
Right, but the council spent about as much as they earned flogging them off to developers and now the new places have been flogged to foreign investors that'll likely never live there.
It's a massive waste and mismanagement of space that could be better used housing people who need it.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 11:16, archived)
I doubt mcbeef wants to live near people who need housing.
They should all be shipped out to the satellite towns, out of sight, out of mind.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 11:21, archived)
I see.
My brother took us up to where the original globe was in Southwark, that's just sort of in a council estate too.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:39, archived)
When I moved here North Praga was the violent stabby bit that you never dared go in to
now it's all being regentrified by hipster pricks running bubble Tea cafes and fixie bike rental stores.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:32, archived)
So the only 'bad' bits are the communist-planned commuter zones
which are exactly as bland and grim as you'd expect 1960s planned communities to be.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:33, archived)
The fuck is bubble tea?

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:40, archived)
imagine a fruit or green tea added to a smoothie
then pile in a load of gelatin balls to give it a rancid tapioca/semolina texture as you suck it up through a straw.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:43, archived)
Fuck sake

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:44, archived)
remember who's doing the describing here

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:53, archived)
sorry, do you need help with the big words again?

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 11:08, archived)
no, and that doesn't even make sense. thicko

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 11:22, archived)
have you suffered some brain trauma recently?

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 12:24, archived)
grrrmachine's description is right up until the negative bits

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:45, archived)
I was right up into your nan's negative bits last night

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:52, archived)
well then i don't understand why you're against things with a 'rancid tapioca/semolina texture'

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:54, archived)
I like tapioca, but I wouldn't want it in my tea.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 11:06, archived)
Hackney used to be v dodgy - hard to imagine nowadays

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:34, archived)
Poor dynamo city :(

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:36, archived)
My mum reckons Brixton's not been the same since all the blacks moved in,
ruining it with their smelly food and boom boxes. What's it like, these days?
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 11:23, archived)
Gentrified

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 11:31, archived)
You can still get stabbed up tho

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 11:32, archived)
I expect she'll be thrilled.
Although she does pine for the days of the Krays, so I hope those stabbings mongy mentions are being done by lads who love their mums.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 11:35, archived)
When I was still in Blighty, Redhill and East Croydon were both equal parts concrete, underage drinking and violence.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:33, archived)
Not so much the sphincter
more thee little dimple at the top of the cleft
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:35, archived)
just wipe it clean after you've finished

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:35, archived)
yeah, there's far worse than havant

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:43, archived)
Go on

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:44, archived)
buckland and somerstown are the shittest bits in my immediate vicinity
leigh park is worse than havant too, i reckon

also, when i was growing up the 'povvo' area was called kenwood
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:56, archived)
We used to walk down from halls by the guildhall, to a club in the pyramid pool thing.
Most of that was just dull middle class suburbia. But there was a weekly rock night in a funny sports bar right by Fratton station, and that wasn't s great spot.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 11:18, archived)
Landport's pretty shitty too
Fratton isn't great.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 11:23, archived)
I am the rough area AMA

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:35, archived)
do you have a bit that's not too scary so that middle class people can buy drugs?

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:41, archived)
yep
just round the back
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:43, archived)
it's like a brillo pad down there

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:43, archived)
sometimes

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:53, archived)
nah, not round here m8

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:39, archived)
Coventry is lovely all through

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:43, archived)
This is where my brother lived when he was a squatter in Manchester
68.media.tumblr.com/0f3fca120f3e6d90a2f24fca29d0b200/tumblr_mv8jhwLkgR1sdye1to5_1280.jpg

The phrase 'fucking dump' comes nowhere near
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:39, archived)
grim as fuck

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:40, archived)
It was terrifying, truth be told

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:42, archived)
Is that even fit for human habitation?
Because it doesn't look it.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:42, archived)
No
The whole area was derelict. Each block only had a few residents, all squatters. It was like Mad Max
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:46, archived)
Looks a nice gaff

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:45, archived)
is that Hulme?

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:49, archived)
yup

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:50, archived)
I lived in Rusholme for a year
right behind Main Road. It was grim.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 11:11, archived)
Lovely architecture.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:52, archived)
Luton had some fairly well defined "no go" areas.
Dunstable has Downside, which is a bit grim. Maidstone had Tovil, I suppose.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:51, archived)
Luton is shit, fullstop.
soz
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:53, archived)
I genuinely liked living there.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 11:04, archived)
That sort of says more about you than it does about luton.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 11:16, archived)
Couldn't get a bacon sandwich in Bury Park for love nor money, mind.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 11:28, archived)
There is an estate called Ridgeway
known for breeding ferral kids. We called them Reggies.

Edit: actually we employed it as a general insult as in "urgh, you've got bean juice on your shirt you fucking Reggie."
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 11:07, archived)
I had a friend in Primary School who was permanently encrusted with bean juice.
Had a lot of black teeth, too. I'd like to think that teachers would report his situation to social services, these days.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 11:13, archived)
Somebody is stabbed to death within 3 miles of me every week..still it keeps me fit ..

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 11:08, archived)

jelly.b3ta.com/talk/7960107
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 11:09, archived)
This is in the bit of Thanet the locals call Kosoville

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 11:10, archived)
Oh, hahahaha

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 11:19, archived)
When I lived in Guildford, the crap part was Park Barn; the pupils there burnt down their own school.
Now, however, it seems like the whole town is slowly sliding into the pit.

Nowadays I live near Bracknell.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 11:15, archived)
I might be in Bracknell next week.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 11:20, archived)
Hit me up, bruv.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 11:35, archived)
K

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 11:51, archived)
Bracknell is alright,
a lot of greenspace, it's a bit of a 1980s town planner's wet dream though
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 11:29, archived)
It's being regenerated at the moment.
With the forests around there it's soon going to be a really nice place to live. With rail, M3 and M4, it's going to get really frigging expensive, too.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 11:34, archived)
Guildford town centre is crap
They have a cracking guitar shop there, but there's no other reason to visit the place, so I don't go there often.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 11:34, archived)
Andertons?
Or the little place on Chapel St?

It used to be a genuinely nice place to live, but it got a reputation and so filled up with upwardly mobile, entitled cunts and all the nice people left, allowing more cunts in. And so the wheel turns.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 11:35, archived)
Not really, my bit of Cheltenham up past the racecourse is pretty nice. The other side has a big Tesco and people go round in tracksuits and trainers, is that the sort of thing you mean?

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 11:26, archived)
whaddon is pretty shit

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 11:36, archived)
My relatives live in Cheltenham and are chavvy scum.
Rowanfield I think it is.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 11:48, archived)
no,
my whole hometown is properly shit
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 11:28, archived)
morning

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 7:18, archived)
morning mista grrrr
have a satisfying day
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 7:30, archived)
unlikely
I got three separate hours of sleep throughout the night
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 7:37, archived)
what happened in between? kids?

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 7:39, archived)
Yeah
That impressively loud cry that toddlers have mastered, that goes WAAAAAH *breathe* WAAAAAAH *breathe* WAAAAAAH, worse than any neighbour's car alarm or early morning roadworks outside your bedroom window.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 7:48, archived)
but doesn't it melt your heart when the little fucker smiles at you and says "googoo"
as in: "thanks for whiping my ass old man. i'm going to terrorize you for years yet to come"?
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 7:54, archived)
there are occassional moments to treasure
but then I realise it's like an emotional credit card, where I'm banking happiness now that I'll be charged for ten times over when it becomes a teenager.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 7:59, archived)
Don't let it get that far, bonsai kid

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 8:50, archived)
I can't keep chopping bits off, someone will notice

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 9:09, archived)
Decent swaddling will stop any unwanted expansion, it's like those fish that grow to the size of their tank, don't give it the opportunity

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 9:16, archived)
See: Chinese foot binding

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 9:28, archived)
And some guy in a film where he did something with cling film and a Mars bar, no GS

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 9:33, archived)
I'm assuming that mine will want nothing to do with me when they hit 13.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 8:57, archived)
I'm expecting the opposite
I can't see my kid wanting to live with her mum when she's old enough to have a say in the matter.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 8:59, archived)
I think you're being optimistic to expect them to take that long

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 9:03, archived)
Imagine ruining your life with your own jizz. Your own jizz looking up at you from its cot every day, and spending hundreds of thousands of pounds feeding and clothing and putting a roof over your jizz when you could have just flushed it in the sea.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 9:24, archived)
Would you mind awfully if I imagine something else instead?

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 9:32, archived)
Nop. Sorry, I got as far as the first bit
then started thinking about bukkake.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 9:45, archived)
alright 'john lennon'

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 9:46, archived)
hahahaha

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 9:51, archived)
sexcrement

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 9:47, archived)
L O

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 7:36, archived)
R U B C?

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 7:37, archived)
Some idiot booked a meeting for 9am.
Arse.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 7:40, archived)
One of my project teams has bi-weekly catchup meetings where the team tells everyone what they're up to
They're scheduled for Tuesday 8am and Thursday 5pm. I haven't attended one yet.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 7:49, archived)
Morning Grrrsl

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 7:38, archived)
throwing mad shapes back atcha cos I know how to RAP

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 7:49, archived)
Hi

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 8:00, archived)
alright
I woke up with Paradise Lost's 1997 album "One Second" in my head, dunno why
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 8:02, archived)
Because you're a prick?

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 8:28, archived)
Never can true reconcilement grow where wounds of deadly hate have pierced so deep :,(

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 8:33, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/8074272
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 8:38, archived)
that's a yes

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 9:45, archived)
Gay

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 8:35, archived)
Morning.
Only five minutes late for work this morning despite staying up till 01:50 to watch Mission: Impossible.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 8:16, archived)
the first one?
Apparently there's 5 now, not sure any franchise can stay good over that length.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 8:17, archived)
Yes, and exactly.
The franchise very quickly made the transition from techno-noir spy action to generic action and explosions.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 8:21, archived)
By the second film, wasn't it?
Not John Woo's finest hour.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 8:52, archived)
Yep.
I don't think I've even seen past the second film. It's probably as formulaic as Fast and Furious by the end of the series.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 8:53, archived)
I've seen a bit of the one where Cruise beats up Philip Seymour Hoffman,
and a bit of one with Jeremy Rennet in it. Neither was particularly compelling.
I got the impression that Fast & Furious got better as it went on? I've only seen the first, and it's awful, so I don't see that it could have got any worse.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 9:00, archived)
Just watch the first one 8 times, you'll not notice the difference.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 9:44, archived)
Now there's a man who has let himself down

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 8:58, archived)
Unwoo, unyay & unhoopla

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 9:32, archived)
Putting the no into panowie

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 9:33, archived)
putting the nah in dibnah

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 9:34, archived)
:)

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 9:35, archived)
haiyaaa lov!

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 8:22, archived)
hah, it's funny because it sounds like we enjoy eachother's company!

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 8:24, archived)
haha, classic!

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 8:26, archived)
I've not heard that particular Jewish greeting before.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 8:29, archived)
I've found a new potential career path for you Richard.
www.abc.net.au/news/2017-05-09/faecal-transplant-side-effects-explored-at-conference/8510270?WT.ac=statenews_vic
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 9:32, archived)
sounds great!

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 9:34, archived)
Going into Havant today
That tells you all you need to know
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 8:43, archived)
sta strong hun x

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 8:45, archived)
Thx bb

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 8:46, archived)
I havant been there yet

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 8:45, archived)
And unless you end up working there
You will never have any reason to visit
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 8:46, archived)
work
muahahahahahahahaha
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 8:47, archived)
do your best Godzilla impression on the place m8

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 8:53, archived)
Done and done

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 9:07, archived)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=7lX3Jdw8Dxs
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 9:11, archived)
I don't much care for Havant

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 9:36, archived)
No one does
it's a shithole
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:01, archived)
i'm sorry, i havant a clue

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 9:40, archived)
Leigh(ve) it out, m8

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:02, archived)
WEE COCK FARM

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:12, archived)
true

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:15, archived)
Tuesday bells, Tuesday bells
Tuesday all the way.
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 8:45, archived)
I have to leave now
keep up the jingles
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 8:46, archived)
Hark here come the ringing bells
of the mincing Tuesday Gay, hey!
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 8:52, archived)
It's funny because I do have a mincing attachment
for my kenwood A701!
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 8:58, archived)
Kenwood do pedometers now?

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 8:59, archived)
you're right, that IS funny!

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 9:36, archived)
I like to morning morning
I like to morning morning
I like to morning morning
I like to ...
MOR NING
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 8:53, archived)
don't want no itsy bitsy teeny weenie shrivelled little morning, man

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 9:15, archived)
i have a deep-seated hatred for that song
because i worked in a cinema when the first madagascar film came out, so i've heard that song (it plays over the end credits) hundreds of times
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 9:46, archived)
yet here it is, stuck in your head again for another day
you're welcome
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 9:56, archived)
i could go off you, y'know

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:00, archived)
you could go off me off me
you could go off me off me
you could go off me off me
you could go ...
OFF ME
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:07, archived)
B&

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:17, archived)
jesus loves you

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 8:53, archived)
Everyone else thinks you smell of bum

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 8:56, archived)
This you know?

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 8:59, archived)
praise Him

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 9:01, archived)
course he does, the dirty queer

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 9:15, archived)
that's true, but the *real* story is that Johnny hates jazz

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 9:37, archived)

a i
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 9:39, archived)
no m8

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 9:45, archived)
This is fucking cool
www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-39846929
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 9:39, archived)
that typeface was never cool mate

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 9:57, archived)
lol, i bet he 'cax' a 'ton'

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:00, archived)
Sobering when you think that nothing printed in the past hundred years is going to last even half as long.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:01, archived)

yquotes.com/stewart-lee/86645/
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:06, archived)
OK, maybe that's not *such* a bad thing.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:12, archived)
booooooooo

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 9:44, archived)
hola manimal

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 9:44, archived)
what it is, beefy

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 9:48, archived)
^ tardy ghost

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 9:56, archived)
you can't say that anymore

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:17, archived)
And a pleasant day to you

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:13, archived)
What's going on?

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:17, archived)
Not much
My phone won't let me access my normal account so I had to make this one
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:21, archived)
won't let you?
how queer
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 10:42, archived)
Bladerunner is shit.
Just saying
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 1:15, archived)
I'm glad I'm not the only one to hold this view.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 6:35, archived)
Different wanks for different planks
I quite liked it, I'd go as far to say that I liked it more than Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep

Not fussed about this sequel business but the first one's a decent 80s sci fi
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 7:18, archived)
I like Dick.

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 7:39, archived)
Evening
Do we still do evening threads?
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 21:38, archived)
Seems like it
I wonder what teh gayshift are doing these days?
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 21:39, archived)
I'm dying spanf.
Not twohats or tangles dying, but like, a bit ill.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 21:46, archived)
What's wrong Sexy Pig? Do you have penumonia?
That's a real cunt.

My ex has just told me for the millionth time I am not allowed to see my son this week, after initially complaining I don't see him enough.

I had to remind her that if I turn up at his nursery to pick him up, no one can stop me.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 22:05, archived)
Someone waving a court order can

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 22:14, archived)
Someone waving a court order might have their face removed

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 23:07, archived)
I'm sure this will be fine

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 9:16, archived)
I will never die
Ever. Get well soon x
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 23:04, archived)
GOD DAMMIT I'M NOT GOING TO LOSE ANOTHER /TALK POSTER. BREATHE DAMN YOU, BREATHE!!!

(, Tue 9 May 2017, 0:30, archived)

pics.onsizzle.com/nyf0-live-dang-you-im-that-dude-on-the-left🙈😤-14562896.png
(, Tue 9 May 2017, 1:08, archived)
Oh boy, I sure hope so!

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 21:56, archived)
Alright dribble

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 22:05, archived)
Satisfactory
How are you're?
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 22:13, archived)
I am not sure what English this is
Can you please clarify?
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 22:14, archived)
How are you are?

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 22:15, archived)
Yeah

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 23:07, archived)
I'm glad you made one
I was considering a new thread since about 8 of the clock
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 22:18, archived)
It's going well

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 22:55, archived)
That's a sorry state of affairs

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 23:07, archived)
So's that one
Howdy, boarders.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 17:05, archived)
yo

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 17:05, archived)
sup

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 17:19, archived)
I'm not boarding anyone.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 17:09, archived)
not surprised with that 'tache

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 17:19, archived)
It's been clipped back to a "sensible" length for quite a while, now.
Not that it makes any difference to my sex appeal.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 17:29, archived)
Last lot of estate agents just left
nice chaps. Independent, so a different vibe to the others. I dunno, Boyce. I just dunno.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 17:11, archived)
Laws of supply and demand say you've just knocked another 0.5% of the total value of the housing market.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 17:15, archived)
He won't be happy till he's pushed everyone into negative equity

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 17:17, archived)
what a wanker

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 17:18, archived)
Bear in mind that if you're the seller, you actually want pushy lying wanker agents doing the work for you.
They'll be more likely to get a quick sale made - and one for the most money.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 17:21, archived)
bear it up your arse mate
Surely now computers can do what's known as 'basic admin' agents should be largely redundant by now.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 17:34, archived)
The agents who sold my last flat earnt their money.
They took the photos and so on, uploaded the details to various sites, handled viewings, blah de blah - with the hours I work it would have taken me ages.

They're a bunch of pricks but they do still have a place.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 17:46, archived)
You're just encouraging them, Richard.
Having been through several house sales/purchases, I still don't understand what it is that estate agents do that we couldn't do for ourselves, were Zoopla open to the public.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 17:42, archived)
see my reply above
I'm sure I could have done it all - but I'd have to have taken a fortnight off work.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 17:47, archived)
Most viewings I've known have happened at the weekend,
but I guess I can see some benefit in having someone handle that part of the process. Measuring up and taking a few photos is hardly rocket science, though.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 18:33, archived)
Yer, I bought my place after seeing a gumtree ad
The owner had taken photos, hadn't even done a floor plan, and listed a price. Wifey called them, we had a viewing that afternoon, and we asked for 5% off their price since an agent would take 4% anyway. They took all of 30 seconds to agree, we moved in immediately and paid "rent" (deducted from the final sale price), and exchanged 6 weeks later. Agents would have only slowed things down and fucked shit up.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 18:39, archived)
I liked it when the agents agreed to meet us with the keys and didn't turn up until the afternoon.
I never met a more useless class of people than estate agents, and I work in middle management.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 20:59, archived)
It's sales that takes months , so you wait on commission, if you take out the 90% time wasters , tough job

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 21:09, archived)
Why waste money on estate agents? Just stick a sign up in your window saying "house for sale" and write how much you want on there with your mobile number.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 17:23, archived)
doing that when I get home

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 17:24, archived)
Put no stamp duty for cash

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 17:27, archived)
Surely there's an ebay for houses by now.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 17:36, archived)
Polish version of ebay has a real estate section

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 18:06, archived)
Pretty sure I've seen houses on the UK's eBay, too.
Yup, just checked, and there's a Property section.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 18:31, archived)
thanks, 'martin lewis'

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 18:22, archived)
I hate that spaz

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 18:54, archived)
Funky fresh.
This four-day week thing is starting to become a habit...dangerously.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 17:13, archived)
I hear ya bro

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 17:21, archived)
teh flebs

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 17:19, archived)
Yeah boyee

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 17:21, archived)
My daughter now has red hair and an undercut, I blame the parents

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 17:24, archived)
after a dare from my brother
I wet shaved my head and got suspended from school. Wankers.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 17:25, archived)
I'm surprised her grammar school didn't boot her out

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 17:26, archived)
Standards are slipping.
I remember kids getting sent home from Primary school on account of having steps shaved into their hair.

I got sent home from work for having pink hair, once, but I went through my "teenage dickhead" phase rather late.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 17:41, archived)
My flatmate at university did that.
It's amazing how striking a visual difference there is between a buzzcut head and a wet-shaven head.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 17:28, archived)
I did it with a mach 3.
It was like sandpaper by teatime.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 17:37, archived)
Ha!
I hope you took the opportunity to strike matches on it.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 17:39, archived)
Crikey, that doesn't sound good
When mine's old enough to stupid shit like that I will be a massive hypocrite if I object, but permanent things which might negatively affect her life like visible tattoos or those horrible massive ear piercings I won't allow.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 17:29, archived)
It looks alright really , sort of like rihanah had

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 17:33, archived)
the mental image I had was more 'Ned's Atomic Dustbin'
Will the school be OK with the colour?
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 17:49, archived)
There's a scifi on netters where the main guy's 'futuristic' haircut is very 'Jim-Bob from Carter USM'.
novalibros.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/MILLER-SAD.jpg
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 17:52, archived)
:(((

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 17:53, archived)
They seem to be, and it's semi permanent, so I think it fades over time

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 18:08, archived)
I thought those big earrings had gone away but now there's a big vape shop that's opened on my route to work that suggests otherwise.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 17:38, archived)
We all need to connect with our tribal roots.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 17:44, archived)
The vape shop is about the only thing on the road that looks modern.
The rest of them are an assortment of hipster barbers and tattooists that all use those small white tiles like they used to have in asylums and that. They all sort of meld into each other to the point I'm not sure which is which.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 17:47, archived)
*cries*

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 17:48, archived)
My tribe killed your chief, so now you owe me tribute.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 18:36, archived)
has she started listening to Paramore?

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 18:07, archived)
Ive been bloody hungover today.
Had a great afternoon at the Frog and Bucket comedy club yesterday.
Hilarity ensued.
Unfortunately, so did cheap spirits and cocktails.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 17:54, archived)
Well how else are you supposed to keep your hangover going?

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 18:10, archived)
I don't even drink much anymore...
This is why.
I feel like my insides were stripped.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 18:18, archived)
Strikethrough spirits and tails zzzzz

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 18:20, archived)
Your nan played with my frog and showed me her bucket, nah mean?

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 21:06, archived)
alright darling buds, that thread's dead

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 13:35, archived)
Alright Grrrmachine - I am going to turn over a new leaf.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 13:39, archived)
try not to smoke this one

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 13:40, archived)
^fed up of rolling micras

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 13:42, archived)
lol, cars!

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 13:44, archived)

Your mind's guaranteed
It's all you'll ever need
So what do you want with me?
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 13:46, archived)
Why?

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:30, archived)
BECAUSE HE'S A PROFESSIONAL GARDENER!!!!
HAHAHA!!!!
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:06, archived)
strikey g uphill
*sigh*
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:07, archived)
your heart really isn't in it today is it?

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:09, archived)
it's not, no
I'm a bit tired. Perhaps it's that.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:11, archived)
Wanna go and kill a prositute?
Male or female - happiness could be but a few clicks and a stab away...
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:25, archived)
I'd love to
but I just don't have the energy
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:30, archived)
Tragic

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:39, archived)
When a man tires of murdering prostitues, he tires of life

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:45, archived)
I preferred the primitives

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 13:43, archived)
i wonder what the old boat update is going to be

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 13:51, archived)
some tie in with that bomb beach game they make?

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:02, archived)
Maybe resource bases

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:14, archived)
will you stop playing if fish become a resource?

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:27, archived)
nah they might turn into skeleton fish like larry

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:29, archived)
gonna need a bigger one

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:17, archived)
Here comes the new thread
*da da, dahhhhh*
Same as the old thread
*da da, dahhhhh*
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 13:55, archived)
Needs more jazz hands.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:01, archived)
alright 'some sjw from the NUS'.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:05, archived)
Fuck the wanky jazz hands
needs more guitar windmills yeahhhhh
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:13, archived)
House prices are falling!
Everybody panic!
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:02, archived)
Difficult not to take this personally

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:04, archived)
this is all your fault
you flooded the market
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:07, archived)
I am never speaking to an estate agent again
or any kind of agent, for that matter
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:12, archived)
Not even secret ones?

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:13, archived)
I wouldn't know, would I
that's what makes them secret
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:18, archived)
at least settle your newspaper bill

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:13, archived)
I steal Big Issues when the homeless isn't looking :(

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:19, archived)
it's rarely worth the cover price

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:27, archived)
I'm not really sure how complaining about the welfare state
and interviewing Billy Bragg has managed to sustain that magazine for as long as it has.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:30, archived)
has anyone ever bought it for reasons other than guilt and awkwardness?

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:32, archived)
It's the needlessly self-aggrandising title that annoys me.
It's no bigger than any other magazine and actually smaller than some.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:35, archived)
Poor hearing and tight shoes

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:36, archived)
page 3

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:39, archived)
I'm thinking of modernising by switching to using the internet for all my wanking needs

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:44, archived)
I can't afford the electricity

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:56, archived)
Ladyshave section of the argos it is then.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:57, archived)
I wank a lot less since we stopped getting Great Universal

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:58, archived)
not to mention Betterware

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:08, archived)
betterware is fucking hysterical
their shit is so bad, it's brilliant
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:28, archived)
and very very sexy

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:29, archived)
revolving sock racks get me rigid

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:32, archived)
betterware drinking game
everyone reads out the info on an item in the catalogue. if the words comfy, comfort or comfortable appear anywhere in the description, take a drink.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:34, archived)
Cleeneze is even worse.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:43, archived)
i know, my ex used to sell it

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:46, archived)
They used to send really passive-aggressive notes asking for the catalogues back.
It's a little annoying given I didn't want the fucker in the first place.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:56, archived)
the people selling it have to buy their own catalogues
avon is the same
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 16:01, archived)
Sounds like a swiz.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 16:06, archived)
you make pennies if you're lucky

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 16:11, archived)

pennies if you're lucky £500+ per week working from home, hours to suit
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 16:15, archived)
they should've thought of that before they decided to be so poor they had to work for Kleeneze

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 16:13, archived)
he only did it for weed money

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 16:34, archived)
He should've sold weed for weed money. Much less effort and higher on the social scale.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 16:38, archived)
he tried that
he got had off and beat up
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 16:40, archived)
it's ok I was planning to use my own

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:18, archived)
Imagine if you could set up some sort of 'wanking dynamo'
you'd be completely self-sufficient. Perpetual tugging.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:20, archived)
ideally it would also utilise the stuff that came out of my helmit too, so there was no wastage

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:24, archived)
smart

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:30, archived)
So it's a knock-off of The New Statesman then?

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:37, archived)
Dunno, I'm not a Commie.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:38, archived)
A consequence of rising living costs, apparently,
so we can blame brexit, as usual.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:08, archived)
My back feels a little bit stiff today
Is that because of brexit too?
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:19, archived)
Undoubtedly.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:30, archived)
If I ever meet Farage
I'm going to kick him in the cunt until he stops fucking moving
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:39, archived)
I know someone who claims to have called him a cunt. Farage cockily responded by saying 'you were never going to vote for me anyway', so he called him a cunt again.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:40, archived)
He must be used to it by now

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:43, archived)
Shame, really.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:46, archived)
Perhaps now is the time to overthrow the bourgeois.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:09, archived)
But I don't want to be overthrown.
This whole "out of touch, metropolitan elite" gig was going so well.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:11, archived)
I don't think the middle classes are ready to accept that they are part of the proletariat and join forces with the working class yet
perhaps once robots have taken all of the white collar jobs, but it'll probably be too late by then
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:13, archived)
The middle class really should get to grips with their superfluousness.
I'm not really bothered whether it's before or after they're all rounded up and put on an arc.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:16, archived)
Superfluousness?
Logically, only a small number of people can be rich, so you're suggesting that the vast majority of people should be poor. My God, man, you're a Tory.

Also, I'm not sure whether you're suggesting I should be put on a cruise, or fired from a trebuchet. Seeing as there's a question, I'm putting in for option A.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:21, archived)
^upset

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:35, archived)
The small number of rich people could probably stand to be a bit less rich.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:51, archived)
Well, yes.
But that implies the existence of a middle ground. Seeing as Micky boy here seems to think that that middle ground should be abolished, he logically believes therefore that everybody should be rich (impossible), or everybody should be poor.

A socialist, on the other hand, would seek for everybody to be in the middle, which is the only sustainable position.

What I'm really doing of course, is calling this chap a fucking idiot, albeit in a round about way.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:57, archived)
I expect Gormo sees the middle classes as a buffer put in place by the upper classes to protect themselves.
They sit pretty whilst we bicker amongst ourselves.

Socialism removes the class distinctions, does it not? If we were all middle class, nothing would ever get done, just project managed into infinity.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:07, archived)
^^^^^^

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:16, archived)
So you're agreeing with him that Socialism is inherently pointless.
Interesting.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:28, archived)
I don't think that was my point, at all.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:37, archived)
Objectivity is subjectivity, old bean.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:39, archived)
shhh

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 17:06, archived)
there aren't enough people at the very bottom to manage it on their own
plus, they'll need middle managers to help organise the rotas and things for the revolution
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:27, archived)
That's the thing with these revolutionaries,
they're all piss and vinegar and no planning.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:40, archived)
they wouldn't make it past the first pub

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:42, archived)
They might eventually get lucky and chase the farmers off the farm
but most of them will end up as horses and sheep and goats, and there will always be pigs.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:46, archived)
You'll be lying face down in the dirt like the rest of us come the food wars.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:47, archived)
Luckily my life of wealthy plenty has built up enough body fat
to ensure I'll outlive all those scrawny poor people and make a smooth transition into cannibalism.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:50, archived)
Always trust the fat survivalist.
It's why Mears is better than Fogle and Grylls.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:52, archived)
Ed Stafford is best

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:03, archived)
Nah, the fat ones will be eaten first.
Easy to catch, and deliciously marbled.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:09, archived)
haha
you'd better treat me with the respect I deserve and bring some bearnaise.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:12, archived)
I'd only ever cook you slowly.
"Love me tender" is my motto.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:17, archived)
I sense a spit roast coming on!

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:55, archived)
"Served in chef's special sauce"

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:57, archived)
just the ones in the immediate vicinity of your gaff

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:13, archived)
Couple of tiny, 3 bed newbuilds went for £450k each, at the bottom of my road.
The current market is obscene.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:18, archived)
they're all over the place
my Dad sold a manky 2-bed terrace in an ex-council estate in Thanet for more than my Mum's asking for her 3-bed detached in Deal, 10 miles down the coast. The only difference is that the first is in walking distance to a train station with a direct route to london, so it's those big smoke pricks driving up house prices 70 miles away.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:31, archived)
My house might just have tipped over the half million thanks to the train station across the road.
It's a tiny 2 bed terrace.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:34, archived)
We're selling the girlfriend's flat
after the fucking thing put on half again its original value, thanks to creeping gentrification and rumours of crossrail. There's no way it's worth the money, but make hay while the sun shines and all that.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:38, archived)
Better than continuing to profit from others labour simply through the ownership of shelter.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:39, archived)
^havenot

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:40, archived)
Shut up m8

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:08, archived)
Empty properties and private rentals should be seized by the state.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:16, archived)
I seized your nan's empty privates last christmas
and they were a fucking state
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:18, archived)
Imagine paying money for the privilege of living in Thanet.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:18, archived)

Th J
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:19, archived)
Thanet being Thanet,
the strikey-g is an improvement.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:35, archived)
i like broadstairs

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:44, archived)
So I've heard,
YDOB.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:45, archived)
I know a couple who lived in a Thanet until a few years ago
She's of caribbean heritage, and he's from northern ireland. Imagine that.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:45, archived)
Oiiiiii noiiiiiiii

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:57, archived)
Strikey-U!!!

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:29, archived)
poor thread

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:16, archived)
<s>r</s>
lol, poo!
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:19, archived)
¡Hola!
A guy I work with swears that David Jason is always next on the list to be collared by the police. He doesn't have any proof, he just believes that nobody can seem that nice.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:39, archived)
What, à la Yewtree? Sounds like clutching at straws to me.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:45, archived)
I don't think he is any danger (mouse)

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:53, archived)
That whole business was just a way of trimming down the BBC's pension liability, mark my words.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:47, archived)
If so they would have taken out Andi Peters
Infact he should have had his tv career revoked for trashing TOTP.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:50, archived)
Who?

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:48, archived)
Del Boy.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:48, archived)
Damnit, why do no prisons rhyme with "aire"

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:57, archived)
I saw a sign yesterday with a cartoon Del & Rodney on it
and it said "May We, Rodders!" on it. I cried a bit.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:57, archived)
What the fuck does that even mean?

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:58, archived)
Well it's supposed to be 'Mais Oui' isn't it
but the genius who created the ad clearly doesn't get the 'joke' that Del Boy was terrible at french. Which make me think...what did they think he meant?
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:14, archived)
Maybe they did get it.
Del would have probably spelled in the same way.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:19, archived)
Again, too clever

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:20, archived)
Copyright infringement at its worst
Worst
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:04, archived)
Given the context of the joke in Only Fools and Horses, that actually might be quite clever.
Makes you think.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:05, archived)
While I agree with you in principle
I suspect the advert isn't quite as cerebral as that.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:09, archived)
Where's your faith in your fellow man, Two Hats?

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:10, archived)
It was in Fratton, m8
Fratton.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:12, archived)
I thought Blackburn might have gone pinched
Again, no reason to suspect him, other than the fact that I think he's a cunt.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:16, archived)
Still quite amazing that he has a job, considering at the inquiry at the BBC in to dirty old men, his testimony
"Fell short of the standards of evidence that such an inquiry demanded."

That is good lawyers for you.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:27, archived)
I just did a really big poo.
Its left my insides feeling strange.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 15:57, archived)
Er, what happens when your debugger crashes?
Hmm.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 16:11, archived)
There are laws against debuggery, you know

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 16:20, archived)
Only in places like De Russia

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 16:34, archived)
Fire

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 16:20, archived)
And yet QOTW and the newsletter stubbornly refuse to die.
Still, it's nice to know rob still reads all the horrible things we say about him.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 16:36, archived)
Hullo willy's, Richard (teh Flebmaster) here
I took my kid to see the marvellous Spirited Away at the cinema yesterday, and it was just £2.50 a ticket, how about that for a bargain? Have you had any bargains of your own lately? Or perhaps you've been royally ripped off and would prefer to tell the class about that? Or perhaps you're just a fucking wanker who should just fucking fuck off?
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:53, archived)
I paid about £14 to see One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest and drink a bottle of beer while I was doing it last night.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:54, archived)
£3.63
www.amazon.co.uk/d/DVD-Blu-ray/One-Flew-Over-Cuckoos-Nest-Disc-Special/B00006JI31/ref=sr_1_2?s=dvd&ie=UTF8&qid=1494237429&sr=1-2&keywords=one+flew+over+the+cuckoos+nest

You could've afforded a box of beer with the change.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:57, archived)
and a wank

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:58, archived)
^

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:00, archived)
I also spent £20 on Robert Altman's 'A Wedding' on DVD.
Because I couldn't find a decent version on the legal streaming/not-so-legal streaming/torrents.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:00, archived)
I wanted to see it in the cinema.
Also, I'm not watching it in standard def unless I have to.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:01, archived)
That is good value.
and a lovely little film it is too. All I've bought recently is paint and carpets. And while some of it has been reasonably priced, it is very dull.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:56, archived)
Still planning on moving?
I fear we're going to have to move soon, which is really gutting as it's a fantastic gaff, ask Windy, he's been there. Best view in London, that I've seen anyway.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:01, archived)
Shame it's got all those dusty old shit records cluttering the place up

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:04, archived)
You lot actually socialise IRL?

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:05, archived)
GS, and you know it.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:06, archived)


(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:07, archived)
I had a b3tan and his boyfriend drive all the way to warsaw to stay at my place
I even cooked them a breakfast afterwards
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:08, archived)

b3tan and his
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:14, archived)
Well, not everyone

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:09, archived)
FUCK OFF YOU FUCKING WANKER

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:06, archived)
Woah, hit a nerve

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:09, archived)
APOLOGISE

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:09, archived)
Alright, I'm sorry I said they were dusty, you keep a very clean house

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:10, archived)
THANK YOU.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:12, archived)
Of course it has the best view in London, YOU live there x x x
Yeah. Maybe. Probably. It's confusing. We want to, but there are so many things to consider. Got one more agent coming round tonight, but we know what we're looking at, by now.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:05, archived)
You should move to Winchester m8

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:07, archived)
+ The

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:08, archived)
I'm a bargain

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:58, archived)
Is that why you're always shrieking "I'm free!"
hahaha like that bloke
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:00, archived)
oh hahahaha

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:01, archived)
hahaha I love Frankie Howerd!

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:01, archived)
Frankie HOW WEIRD, I calls him!

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:05, archived)
oh MAN!

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:08, archived)
Pete Townshend?

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 13:36, archived)
The latter for me.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:02, archived)
Yeah boy.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:05, archived)
That last bit sounds like me, yeah

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:03, archived)
Alright WP

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:05, archived)
Spanf.
Decent weekend?
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:10, archived)
that's a good film and I applaud you for taking your kid to see it
I've not bought much because I'm in Poverty Mode, but I found a cheaper way to do currency swaps that saved me about thirty quid, which was nice.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:05, archived)
also, my BiL recommended a decent place to get tailor-fitted suits
with the added bonus that the sales girl is a pale goth who plays Mortiis on the shop's PA, so Imma get my measurements taken IYKWIM.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:07, archived)
the latter, I'm afraid

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:05, archived)
Hey. What's up?

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:10, archived)
I never thought I'd go before Two Hats, but now it's a possibility

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:27, archived)
Your poor diet has left you weak and defenceless m8
It's your own fault, you should have eaten some nice meat pies
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:31, archived)
that's almost exactly what the doctor said
apart from the bit about the poor diet or any mention of meat pies
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:36, archived)
You've not got anything too serious I hope?

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:38, archived)
it's probably not cancer
it's most likely an infection, but they haven't decided which one yet, maybe TB, maybe some horrid fungal thing.
If they can't work it out they might take me into hospital and flush my veins through with domestos.
But even then they still need to decide whether the damage to my lungs was caused by this, or whether I got this because I had previously undiagnosed shit lungs.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:42, archived)
They've stopped using dettol then? Do they still have the wire brush?
You know, like billy connoly?
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:47, archived)
Woah. Sorry to hear that.
Have they given you some decent drugs at least?
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:47, archived)
not a thing without a diagnosis
I'm having to comfort myself with the fact that I must be fucking nails to be carrying on like this
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:51, archived)
have a cigar
that will sort you out
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:53, archived)
in the early days of it I tried treating it like a naughty rat in a rabbit hole and smoking it out
but that didn't work
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 12:07, archived)
It's all that grass your sort eat.
Constitution of a cow
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 12:02, archived)
I did wonder about this scare story from a few years ago
www.theguardian.com/society/2007/jan/12/drugsandalcohol.drugs
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 12:15, archived)
The Wonder Stuff are just phoning it in these days.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 12:15, archived)
have they ruled out asbestosis?

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:56, archived)
it's quite far down on the list of likely causes on account of me never having come into contact with anything more perilous than heavy rain in my life

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 12:05, archived)
They reckon MDF might be as bad

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 12:06, archived)
I've never so much as changed a light bulb myself
these are artist's hands, not worker's hands
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 12:09, archived)
Banned in the us.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 12:15, archived)
better tell them
brazosfp.com/product-category/sheet-goods/mdf/
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 12:19, archived)
Oh it looks like I was talking bollocks.
Apparently the rumour came about 'cos melamine was banned in food and someone confused it.

I've got shitloads of melamine foam for household cleaning.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 12:24, archived)
Mind you don't eat it.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 12:26, archived)
I'm not Two Hats.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 12:56, archived)
can i have a crapuccino please

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 13:09, archived)
Their version of Changing Rooms must be shit.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 12:21, archived)
yes they are sit are led it off the road

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 12:23, archived)
oh right, you correct your mistakes now then

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 12:24, archived)
Whatever it is, it must have spread to your eyeballs.
My typing is impecable.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 12:25, archived)
:'( xxx

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 13:21, archived)
That's not one of Studio Ghibli's better films, to my mind.
I mean, it's good, but it's no Porco Rosso.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:06, archived)
controversial

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:13, archived)
I think it gets a lot of hype for being the film that broke them into mainstream Western popularity,
but it doesn't quite live up to it. Watched with the expectation of the usual Ghibli fare, it's a wonderful film, if a little overlong.
Howl's Moving Castle might well be my favourite from them. I accidentally recorded the subtitled version of that off Film4, so had to dub it myself from the subtitles, in real time, for the kids' benefit - that was a lot of fun!
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:18, archived)

imgur.com/gallery/LrN0V
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:21, archived)
Oh, man,
I love a hilarious non sequitur!
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:25, archived)
cups are definitely the funniest thing you can't use for pruning a hedge

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:26, archived)
personally i'm all about The Cat Returns

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:22, archived)
Not watched that one.
I have a lot of theirs on my PVR, but it's since been unplugged and relegated to the loft. I've sat through Princess Mononoke, a couple of times, and I still can't make sense of the ending.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:27, archived)
i love the ending on that,
it makes me feel funny, deep down. it's authentic universal ancient folklore stuff. really moving.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:31, archived)
I probably need to bone up on my Japanese folklore.
I can watch Pom Poko without giggling at all the giant balls, at least.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:39, archived)
children in japan sing songs about the tanuki and their balls swinging in the wind

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:41, archived)
I'm totally not giggling about this.
There's nothing funny about oversized gonads.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:44, archived)

blogs.peru21.pe/cybertron21/YoshitoshiRainyDayTanukiscrotum.jpg.838x0_q80.jpg
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:54, archived)
My morning commute often ends the same way.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 12:02, archived)
i've never read any,
but i've read Ancient Near Eastern stuff and it's the same kind of themes. Epic of Gilgamesh, Inanna's Descent into the Underworld, the Ugaritic Ba'al Cycle &c..
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:43, archived)
lol, "ball cycle"

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:45, archived)
ever seen Song of the Sea?
Cracking Irish animated film, really good I thought
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:36, archived)
I bought that for my kids and the ungrateful little shits refuse to watch it any time I suggest it

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:38, archived)
That's very poor, you should hit them

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:46, archived)
Don't think so.
Might seek it out (and learn to pronounce the name "Saoirse").
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:42, archived)
Sersha

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:50, archived)
I've only ever heard it as "Shorsha".
I think you're probably right, though.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 12:02, archived)
There's probably a couple of slightly different ones depending how far south and west you go.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 12:07, archived)
Sausage

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:52, archived)
'shitarse'

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:56, archived)
paddy o'diddly-dee

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 12:11, archived)
An actor's life for me.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 12:24, archived)
probably that one that paid prostitutes to stick a dildo up his bumhole

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 12:32, archived)
Come, now, we all know rob's feelings about comedy libel.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 13:23, archived)
It's brilliant and there should be far more of it?

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 13:31, archived)
semtex

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 12:12, archived)
It's a great film, personally I like Mononoke a lot more though
And I reserve Grave of the Fireflies for anybody who says Ghibli is a load of happy twee stuff for kids
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 12:32, archived)
As for bargains, I got some cheap USB cables off of Amazon.
Probably could have got them cheaper, but didn't fancy the 6 week wait that buying from China entails, and it's always nice when Prime membership gets me free next day delivery.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:11, archived)
i'm just trying to think of the last time i bought a thing

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:13, archived)
Oh, I also went trapsing round town on Saturday afternoon on a quest for galangal.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:16, archived)
just use ginger

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:18, archived)
I know it can be used as a substitute, is it really that unnoticeable?

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:20, archived)
Yeah, there really isn't much in it, to my amateur palate anyway

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:21, archived)
Might not bother in the future. As it happens the thing I was making (Balinese curry paste) uses a bit of both.
I was going to use ginger if the second place I went to didn't have it, but it did.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:23, archived)
I'm making paneer jalfrezi tonight

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:32, archived)
Nice, I've been doing a sort-of saag paneer quite a bit of late.
Something I bought recently that has improved my cooking of late was a set of measuring spoons. Thought they were pointless kitchen tat but they seem to have made a difference. Only about a quid as well.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:48, archived)
Dave the bed is bringing me 400 silk cut back from Spain today, around 30 quid for 200

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:16, archived)
One of the blokes at work is very angry about the new packaging

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:17, archived)
Too difficult to open?

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:23, archived)
I can imagine it makes it a bit more of a kerfuffle buying cigs.
The little doors on the front did.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:24, archived)
Bloody EU innit

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:36, archived)
Not long now.
Strong and stable and all that
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:39, archived)
"British Lung Cancer for British Smokers"

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:46, archived)
COPD
FTW.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 12:57, archived)
If it's good enough for Spock...

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 13:04, archived)
great film
i need to get that on dvd. i've got howl's moving castle, but i really want spirited away.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 14:19, archived)
morning

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 7:32, archived)
Morning.
Must say that I'm pleased to see the French haven't quite caught the "voting for the disastrous" bug.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 7:38, archived)
it's disappointing
only because a work colleague is French and had a good laugh at me post-Brexit, and now I can't turn the teasing tables on him.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 7:42, archived)
I see you're not a 'big picture' guy then.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 8:35, archived)
hardly
I'm living in a country that's systematically disgarding and dismantling the concepts of law and justice, and all the EU has done is send a commission to say "you are being VERY naughty, please stop". There is no sign this will stop before the very constitution of the country is changed, in ways that fundamentally copy Ergodan's recent tactics. I don't think a snot-nosed ex-banker in France is going to make much difference to this state of affairs.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 8:40, archived)
did you not hit the streets the other day?

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 8:52, archived)
No one is more deserving of a slap than Mike Skinner.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 8:55, archived)
I thought it was keto flu until the wife came down with it too
so it seems like it was just a batch of Bad Cabbage
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 8:58, archived)
Great name for a band...

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:59, archived)
Yeah, I was relived when I saw that.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 8:36, archived)
morning

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 8:31, archived)
glad you could make it

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 8:40, archived)
Day off for Victory in Europe Day, fantastic.
The resonance of France celebrating for having kept the fascists out is delicious.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 8:34, archived)
it's about the only delicious thing in France, to be fair

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 8:40, archived)
Vanessa Parradis?
some of my more lady-leaning men-friends are rather taken with her charms.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 8:45, archived)
er, wot?
www.mothermag.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/VanessaParadis_Lead.jpg
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 8:48, archived)
Well, I don't know what kind of thing you lady-fanciers like do I?
(mind you, she does rather look like one of those "after crystal meth" warning posters doesn't she, I suppose she was married to Johnnie Le Depp)
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 8:51, archived)
Still got her own teeth.
What more could you ask for.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 8:57, archived)
a cunt that hasn't been doused with Cap'n Jack Sparrow's salty spray

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:06, archived)
Go away and have some kouign amann then come back and say that.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 8:47, archived)
I don't eat carbs mate, keep up

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 8:48, archived)
Snails in garlic butter it is, then.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 8:50, archived)
never again
I lived in Paris for a month and had that. I can still taste it on dark days :(
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 8:58, archived)
'kouign amann' had better be french for garlic bread, m8

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 8:52, archived)
Close enough.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 8:54, archived)
Wasn't he the UN secretary-general?

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 8:54, archived)
I think you're thinking of Butteros Butteros-Garlic.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 8:56, archived)
¡Buono estente!

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 8:58, archived)
I am hope Marie LePen experiences the back-stabbing and in-fighting
that is the natural state of all extremist movements. The kind of people who comprise groups like Le Front National are just a basket fuckwits who inevitably implode once they get the slightest sniff of actual real power, see Nationl Front, BNP and UKIP.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 8:50, archived)
I love how Farage has told her to "hang on in there"
Just keep hatin'! x x x
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 8:51, archived)
he's correct though
there was an FN spokesman on the radio this morning, right after some Tory chap had just explained what they are going to do to keep forrins out, and he pointed out, not unreasonably, that FN's extreme right views are basically mainstream politics in the UK now
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:52, archived)
UKIP may be rapidly imploding,
but they've succeeded in putting the Tories back on the eurosceptic track, so we can't really feel too smug about their demise (they were quite a boon o the Left, back when they could be relied upon to split the right-wing vote).
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 8:54, archived)
The tories may be eurosceptic, and even have some very unpleasant members
but they have procedures to deal with racism, sexism and homophobia. I may disagree with them at a fundamental level, but I have met and worked with many competent tories. I still have a great deal of admiration for Chris Patten, Steve Norris and Edwina Currie. I also recon we owe a debt of gratitude to John Major for managing as well as he did given his cabinet, and for getting the NI peace process underway.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:06, archived)
I will grant you that not all Tories are completely awful,
but that doesn't mean that I want them in government.

Wasn't Chris Pattern the baddie in Rush Hour?
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:22, archived)
I don't know
but he does look like the guy who wrote the lyrics for Jesus Christ Superstar
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:24, archived)
Tim Rice?
Yeah, he does, a bit.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:29, archived)
i thought about Chris Patten recently,
when i passed a building site and there was a builders helmet on top of a wall with a crisp on top of it.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:50, archived)
BREAKING
Chris Patten also thinks Theresa May is a bellend so maybe he is alright afterall
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:04, archived)
No, that can't be right.
She warned the Tories that some people said they were "the nasty party", and that it was a bad thing,and it must have been important because she was wearing animal print shoes, at the time, and the papers were full of pictures of her shoes and we're basically completely fucked, aren't we?
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:09, archived)
their policies are all shit as well
and Theresa May is still a bellend
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:48, archived)
let me know when they have procedures against destroying the lives of disadvantaged people will you

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:53, archived)
yet you lot are going to hang us all out to dry by abandoning the Labour party

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:53, archived)
not really,
Labour don't actually have to even be the biggest party to get the Tories out of power, let alone have over 50% of seats. It's not like we're just splitting the Labour vote and giving the Tories more seats.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:56, archived)
scotchland used to be quite a useful place for them to pick up seats though and the SNP aren't going to get any seats in the rest of the country
although, there were a fair few disgruntled Labour voters in England who would've voted for them in 2015
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:58, archived)
but those seats are largely irrelevant now,
because the Tories can't win them anyway. It was New Labour and their toeing the Tory line that got them into this mess.. the SNP is now holding the Overton window left. If Labour weren't so pig-headed about forming a coalition it would all be fine, well if it actually came to the crunch who knows..
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:01, archived)
no no, labour's massive decline in popularity began the second they elected that scruffy corbyn chap as leader and had nothing to do with the continuation and expansion of neoliberalism under St. Tony

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:05, archived)
they totally won the elections in 2010 and 2015,
Corbyn has caused a lot of problems, but the refusal of his own party to accept him really hasn't helped, and the media have been extremely hostile.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:09, archived)
^ pretty much this
The Labour party are committing suicide for reasons I don't fully understand and, whilst I'm usually hesitant to blame the media, the Tories are having a fairly easy ride, both within Parliament and in the press.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:26, archived)
i don't know if it's to do with the fact
that Labour used to be funded by the Unions but Thatcher put a stop to it so now it's funded by neoliberal elites instead. Dunno.

Corbyn was basically only put on the ballot for a sort of joke, they thought he'd come last.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:29, archived)
I don't really know what the "neoliberal elite" are, but Thatcher smashing the unions has probably had a big impact, yes.
Are they Peter Mandelson, and his ilk?
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:35, archived)
thinking of the likes of George Soros,
and people of that ilk, that the nutjobs on 4chan accuse of paedophile pizza parties
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:36, archived)
it's now rich bastards vs rich philanthropists

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:38, archived)

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/Jeremy_Corbyn/12190512/Labours-biggest-donors-abandon-party-and-pump-140k-into-leadership-challengers.html
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:48, archived)
Poor Liz Kendall,
joined the wrong party at Freshers' Week and has been fronting it out ever since.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:52, archived)

s3.amazonaws.com/assets2.thebureauinvestigates.com/uploads/labours-top-25-cash-donors-4.png
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:50, archived)
Toni & Guy?

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:54, archived)
that's what i thought,
explains a lot actually
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:55, archived)
Well, we might get crushed under Theresa May's kitten heel of oppression,
but at least we'll have great hair.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:59, archived)
oh and that J K Rowling

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:39, archived)
i've never vote tory before, but this thread has talked me into it

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:41, archived)
oh globbits

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:43, archived)
Alright, Loadsamoney

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:50, archived)
I heard some Tory wrister on the radio blame labour for breaking the economy.
Something after 7 years the Tories have made worse.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:55, archived)
they always say that,
rarely get challenged on it by the media, and the public seem to lap it up, even (former) Labour voters, it's really weird.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 12:15, archived)
Labour lost Scotland by a landslide of biblical proportions
in 2015, under Ed Milliband.

"Red Tories Out" we were shouting in the streets,
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:13, archived)
Typical Scotch, always shouting incoherently in the streets

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:20, archived)
Whenever labour have won they'd have won had Scotland not voted for them at all.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:09, archived)
oh I thought they were more important than that
fuck 'em then
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:24, archived)
It's always better to win with a large majority, though.
They need Scotland for that.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:27, archived)
I like David Davis's views on privacy but not really on anything else.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:08, archived)
that would be great
if the same party hadn't introduced the Investigatory Powers Act.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:12, archived)
Indeed but at least he stood up and opposed it.
Sadly neither side seems to opposite because labour wanted to do the same thing anyway.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:55, archived)
yeah
and now because of Corbyn, Labour are now sadly not a functioning opposition
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:58, archived)
They wouldn't have opposed that anyway.
The libdems were about the only party that gave a shit about that issue.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:50, archived)
that's the point.
they've gone from being a total non-opposition to a weak opposition, a step up in my book
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 12:42, archived)
Mornflops
There was no shed erection at the weekend.

However, we did go to the Tate Britain and a couple of german pubs so I'm not disappoint.

Also, some friends dropped around and accidentally left a 4 pack of mint magnums in our fridge.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 8:46, archived)
I have never had a magnum I didn't enjoy
I'm quite partial to the almond ones, but the pistachio will always hold a place in my heart
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 8:48, archived)

media3.giphy.com/media/8TjNj6Tc3Sbxm/giphy.gif
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 8:53, archived)
That man's moustache was, and is, beautiful

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 8:55, archived)
just fuck him already
jesus
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 8:56, archived)
A place held by a blob of cholesterol
The mint ones are safe with me - I am not like mint+chocolate
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 8:53, archived)
Well yeah
but then my doctor said that my blood moves too quickly, so I'm actively trying to slow it down
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 8:56, archived)
Is your doctor 2Can?
Because... well. It could be worse I suppose
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:22, archived)
I'm a big fan of mint

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:00, archived)
reem

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:00, archived)
Fridge?

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:09, archived)
he's talking about magnum condoms mate
gays chill them first so that the recipient arsehole puckers up tighter during penetration.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:17, archived)
Brilliant
*scribbles down notes to discuss with the big gay committee*
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:21, archived)
Some fridges have freezer compartments...

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:21, archived)
Oh. I suppose yeah.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:33, archived)
some fridges have a little freezer box in them, crazy i know, it'll never take off

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:22, archived)
wassup bishes

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 8:53, archived)
playa

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 8:56, archived)
", said the chef to the potwash boy.
"I'm not taking orders from you, you shouldn't even be here with that stinking cold", replied the potwash.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:01, archived)
Linda Snell's Christmas Panto script is coming along nicely
this year isn't it?
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:39, archived)
I thought I was the only Archers listener on this website?

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:05, archived)
We get everywhere...

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 13:54, archived)
«Greeting»

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:04, archived)
in HP ALM that's how you define a variable parameter
so I'm presuming this is a placeholder for Fuck You, so go fuck yourself drimble, I don't need your 'tude this morning
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:06, archived)
Hello hello

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:10, archived)
hey baby

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:14, archived)
Alright love.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:34, archived)
Did you have a nice weekend?

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:37, archived)
No.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:25, archived)
I'm sorry to hear that

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:51, archived)
what's all this then?

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:17, archived)
I don't know why you say goodbye

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:34, archived)
bonjour des camarades

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:31, archived)
fuck off back to Corbynistan

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:33, archived)
we're actually spending Whitsun there

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:38, archived)
Small world
That's where I 'Michaelmas'
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:39, archived)
don't try and chummy up to those cretinous workshy turds
just because they had the decency not to vote for Hitler's senpai
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:33, archived)
just a few remaining people who remember what nazi occupation was like left to die off before LePen can win

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:40, archived)
They did wheel out a certain number of codgers during the election campaign to remind the yoof of teh evils of fascism etc.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:01, archived)
So now that France is a Muslim country...

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:34, archived)
So I guess the question is this
Would you rather be french or muslim?
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:36, archived)
If you're going to be despised by the entire civilised world
there's no point denying yourself bacon sandwiches and booze as well
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:37, archived)
isn't there a rather racist song along these lines sung to the tune of el condor pasa?
er ... this question to mongy or mcbeef
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:38, archived)
oh god, I hope not

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:39, archived)
I'd rather be a paki than a scouse?

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:03, archived)
that's the one
a charming little ditty
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:06, archived)
Neither, regime change pls

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:40, archived)
Jewish

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:43, archived)
French
I could keep my foreskin AND never wash it
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:56, archived)
As is your right as a Frenchman

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:59, archived)
EXACTLY
that's how they make their cheese, you know...
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:23, archived)
it's rather good news for mon oncle, who is an immigrant over there

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:36, archived)
don't be silly, only foreigners can be immigrants

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:49, archived)
at school he was only ever taught to use the impersonal form 'vous', rather than the familiar 'tu'
because you wouldn't ever want to be familiar with one of them
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:57, archived)
lol

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:58, archived)
Patrick Moore liked him

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:53, archived)
morning

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:43, archived)
hello MGT
couldn't get a picture up on that old Atari this weekend, can't be bothered fucking around with coax cables and trying to tune my TV into the right signal.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:47, archived)

www.amibay.com/showthread.php?42498-How-to-make-an-8-Bit-Atari-Audio-Video-Cable
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 9:54, archived)
huh, that might be why I couldn't get it to work
there's one of those midi-end cables included but with a single phono plug bodged on, and that wasn't working at all.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:12, archived)
the music to accompany this thread is:
On The Rebound by Floyd Cramer
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:30, archived)
The students set up an art exhibition in the old stables over the weekend.
They're now annoyed that a lot of the art is cpvered in bird shit from the 4 families of housemartin living in there. I've been asked to do something about it.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:40, archived)
"Get down from there, Paul Heaton!"
hahahaha
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:42, archived)
This isn't funny mate. This is my job.
Just because you metropolitan liberal elite can sit there in your rural semi and laugh at all thinking on, some of us have to work in the shit and the puss that you find so easy to satire on your radio 4 comedy programs and your bbc2 special editions.
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:50, archived)
shoot the students and stash their bodies in the compost heap to feed the worms
then feed the worms to the housemartens
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:42, archived)
Now THAT would be art

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:53, archived)
+f
lol
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:54, archived)
Just say "everyone's a critic" and leave it at that

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:52, archived)
Unless they want YOU to shit on it as well
try that
(, Mon 8 May 2017, 10:53, archived)
Good idea.

(, Mon 8 May 2017, 11:01, archived)
HELLO!
isn't it a lovely sunny day?
(, Sun 7 May 2017, 13:41, archived)
Bit gay mate

(, Sun 7 May 2017, 13:56, archived)
camper than a row of tents

(, Sun 7 May 2017, 14:17, archived)
Bit cloudy here
Happy candles
(, Sun 7 May 2017, 14:00, archived)
cheers

(, Sun 7 May 2017, 14:18, archived)
Fucking stonker, gonna drink beer in the garden
Almost as hot as all those candles
(, Sun 7 May 2017, 14:03, archived)
good plan

(, Sun 7 May 2017, 14:17, archived)
Think of the coal miners please

(, Sun 7 May 2017, 14:12, archived)
why?

(, Sun 7 May 2017, 14:17, archived)
They wanna know what sun is

(, Sun 7 May 2017, 14:43, archived)
they're simple folk, they'd only worship it

(, Sun 7 May 2017, 14:44, archived)
Happy decade, Smash Monkey.
Did you use to be called something else, or are you mainly a /board person?
(, Sun 7 May 2017, 14:18, archived)
mainly /board
with the occasional foray here. i don't do /links, though
(, Sun 7 May 2017, 14:26, archived)
Oh good heavens no, that place is a quagmire.

(, Sun 7 May 2017, 14:28, archived)
well, quite

(, Sun 7 May 2017, 14:29, archived)
happy candleday!
i made this for you many years ago - s2.b3ta.com/host/creative/42873/1494165009/smashmonkey.jpg
(, Sun 7 May 2017, 14:50, archived)
ha!
i remember it well! :D
(, Sun 7 May 2017, 14:52, archived)
The doctor lost his arms

(, Sun 7 May 2017, 15:58, archived)
alright

.
...
.......
.....:::.....
....:::::::::::::....
....:::::::::::::::::....
..:::::::::::: = ::::::::::....
..:::::::::: === ::::::::::....
..:::::::::::: ====== ::::::::::....
..:::::::::: =========== ::::::::...
..:::::::::: ================ ::::::::..
..:::::::::: ======= . ========= ::::::::...
..:::::::::: ======== |\ ======== :::::::::...
..:::::::::: ======== |#\ ======== :::::::::...
.:::::::::: ======== /%#| ======= :::::::::..
.:::::::::: ======= /#%#| ======= :::::::::..
.:::::::::: ====== |#%#/ ======== :::::::::..
..::::::::: ====== \%/ ======== :::::::::..
..::::::::: ====== % ======= ::::::::::..
..::::::::: ===___%____=== ::::::::::..
..:::::::::: | .::. | ::::::::::...
.:::::::::: | .::. | ::::::::::..
..:::::::: | .::. | ::::::::...
.:::::::: | .::. | ::::::::..
...:::: | .::. | ::::....
..:::: | .::. | ::::...
.... | .::. | ....
.. | .::. | ..

(, Sun 7 May 2017, 15:28, archived)
oooooooo, nice!

(, Sun 7 May 2017, 15:36, archived)
rofl it looks like a cunt underneath

(, Sun 7 May 2017, 16:09, archived)
not the first place you'd want a lit candle

(, Sun 7 May 2017, 16:11, archived)
smashing candles

(, Sun 7 May 2017, 15:47, archived)
aren't they?

(, Sun 7 May 2017, 15:49, archived)
Smasher

(, Sun 7 May 2017, 16:37, archived)
:D

(, Sun 7 May 2017, 16:48, archived)
Only just got sunny here,

(, Sun 7 May 2017, 17:37, archived)
cAnDLeS! cELeBrAtIoN!
It was sunny earlier but now it's not #thatsinteresting. To add insult to injury, I was unnecessarily conservative in my beer-purchasing this morning, with the result that I have currently run out.
(, Sun 7 May 2017, 17:38, archived)
Happy candles smasho

(, Sun 7 May 2017, 18:38, archived)
Happy candles innit

(, Sun 7 May 2017, 19:10, archived)
Alright mofs

(, Sun 7 May 2017, 19:19, archived)
No it is the evening but happy b3ta anniversary anyway.
You're just under a month older than me in B3TA years
(, Sun 7 May 2017, 19:54, archived)
You should delete your account, stay young forever

(, Sun 7 May 2017, 20:08, archived)
Happy Candles etc...

(, Sun 7 May 2017, 20:08, archived)
last

(, Sun 7 May 2017, 20:52, archived)
christmas

(, Sun 7 May 2017, 21:22, archived)
I

(, Sun 7 May 2017, 21:29, archived)
Died

(, Sun 7 May 2017, 21:33, archived)
Shit
Sorry mate, I didn't know
(, Sun 7 May 2017, 21:36, archived)
RIP

(, Sun 7 May 2017, 21:42, archived)
heart

(, Sun 7 May 2017, 21:46, archived)
Always

(, Sun 7 May 2017, 22:13, archived)
Morning
I'm off to bed
(, Sun 7 May 2017, 4:07, archived)
I've just finished work, now I have to go on a course, on a Sunday
fuck me dead
(, Sun 7 May 2017, 7:27, archived)
I was rudely awakened by two children firing nerf darts, and a dog jumping on the bed.
I don't think I really appreciated lazy Sunday mornings until it was too late.
(, Sun 7 May 2017, 8:17, archived)
I got woken up at 6am with a titty-twister
and it wasn't from my wife :(
(, Sun 7 May 2017, 9:16, archived)
Having a pussy blowout, huh?

(, Sun 7 May 2017, 9:59, archived)
sick

(, Sun 7 May 2017, 10:10, archived)
+rik

(, Sun 7 May 2017, 13:20, archived)
Might get out of bed soon.

(, Sun 7 May 2017, 10:55, archived)
I'm up now
Guardians of the Galaxy 2 was a visual spectacle with a paper thin plot
(, Sun 7 May 2017, 12:50, archived)
I watched Captain America Civil war last night
That's it, I'm done with superhero movies, it was so fucking dull I took a break to watch some paint dry to get my heart rate up enough to keep watching.
(, Sun 7 May 2017, 13:06, archived)
Logan was pretty good, had a very different tone as far as superhero flicks go
Its hard to depict the bombastic and over the top action when the main character is depressed and addicted to painkillers, and Patrick Stewart plays a very good mentally burned out Professor X
(, Sun 7 May 2017, 13:22, archived)
I thought Logan was utter utter shit.
I think at one point they just put the swears in to try to get people's blood pumping.

The terrible car chases thrown in again just to give it some "oomph" were completely pointless.

Steven Merchants character just didn't seem to need to have ever existed .

And the little girl, I just wanted to kick her in the fucking head. What a misedvsle character.
(, Sun 7 May 2017, 13:59, archived)
She really is misedvsle
I enjoyed it anyway
(, Sun 7 May 2017, 14:02, archived)
I think what happened there was I suffered a mini stroke as I got to that word.
Which reminds me trying to have a text conversation in hospital while on high doses of morphine.

They were some odd sentences.
(, Sun 7 May 2017, 14:04, archived)
Of all the days
I've been AOL, I choose today.
(, Sat 6 May 2017, 15:01, archived)
Oh

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 15:19, archived)
I've been America OnLine a couple of times myself

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 15:21, archived)
I was banned from 4chan
Anything is possible
(, Sat 6 May 2017, 15:22, archived)

www.thesun.co.uk/news/3488318/pokemon-go-child-porn-stash-troll-4chan/
(, Sat 6 May 2017, 15:23, archived)
Wow, I thought they had no standards at all but clearly they do.

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 20:24, archived)
All Out of Lard?
how will you wrestle now?
(, Sat 6 May 2017, 15:24, archived)

how will you wrestle now So lost without you.
(, Sat 6 May 2017, 16:02, archived)
i know, m8, i know

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 16:12, archived)
Its ok
I've brought my own elastic band.
(, Sat 6 May 2017, 16:06, archived)
no-one here knows who you are
Who are you?
(, Sat 6 May 2017, 15:34, archived)
YM

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 15:55, archived)
I tried that st, very nice ,my mate thinks I should try the astra before choosing

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 16:30, archived)
yeah, I've heard good things about the Astra too
but you're more likely to lose a few grand when you sell it on, just like the French hot hatches (cup Clios etc).
(, Sat 6 May 2017, 17:55, archived)
I just fancy a hot hatch, 5k, I've got my van , and my focus estate, seems pointless to have 2 fishing wagons

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 18:00, archived)
If it's 5k you're gonna lose 1k whatever you buy I spose
so try the Astra and try a french one too, and see which one you like the feel of the most.
(, Sat 6 May 2017, 18:27, archived)
Will do, it's just for fun, that's why I said 5, can't get a new Rolex for that now days

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 18:48, archived)
Are you giving out unwanted CDs?

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 16:03, archived)
Yes, but
only if nobody wants one.
(, Sat 6 May 2017, 23:31, archived)

We used to call it, get this, 'GayOL'! Oh, the 90's..
(, Sat 6 May 2017, 16:20, archived)
Laugh Out Loud!

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 17:24, archived)
alright 'the flintstones title sequence'

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 20:04, archived)
You want freeserve mate

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 16:34, archived)
Joanna lumley or the American one?

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 17:21, archived)
the AOLs are not what they seem

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 21:27, archived)
In your face AOL (or whoever normally gets it)

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 22:01, archived)
AOL Caesar

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 22:21, archived)
AOL The King's Men

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 22:29, archived)
Boom boom boom, let me hear you say AOL

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 23:24, archived)
It's the end of AOL as we know it (and I feel fine)

(, Sun 7 May 2017, 8:18, archived)
AOL to the chimp.

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 23:41, archived)
afternoon

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 14:46, archived)
Alright will,
I'm posting in your thread because that guy seems weird.
(, Sat 6 May 2017, 15:04, archived)
*nods*

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 15:12, archived)
Morn

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 8:38, archived)
Sup

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 8:40, archived)
Word

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 8:54, archived)
Its nearly beer festival time

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 9:27, archived)
got a specific beer type you're interested in?
or just getting smashed on cheap lager?
(, Sat 6 May 2017, 9:31, archived)
The won't sell lager there

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 9:35, archived)
might do a decent pils though
didn't think IPAs were your bag
(, Sat 6 May 2017, 9:38, archived)
I'll be on the cider

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 10:21, archived)
has brok

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 8:42, archived)
Yeto

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 8:54, archived)
hi

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 8:48, archived)
Dollar dollar bill y'all

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 8:54, archived)
Shiggidy shiggidy shwaa

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 9:05, archived)
Wacka wacka wacka

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 9:08, archived)

You are a raven AICMFP
(, Sat 6 May 2017, 9:56, archived)
ello

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 9:34, archived)
No longer morning.
But hi
(, Sat 6 May 2017, 12:27, archived)
I am hungerover to fuck.

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 9:37, archived)
Get back on it.

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 12:27, archived)
Jambo

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 9:40, archived)
There's a snake in my boot.

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 12:27, archived)
GS?

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 12:31, archived)
Always

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 12:33, archived)
Hello, Windy, et al.

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 10:24, archived)
Alright momun

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 12:27, archived)
HELLO

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 13:19, archived)
Hip hop hello.
youtu.be/AnOozH3irWo
(, Sat 6 May 2017, 15:03, archived)
Alright

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 3:11, archived)
Theresa May is a bellend

(, Fri 5 May 2017, 23:28, archived)
Women shouldn't body shame other women , men can do that

(, Fri 5 May 2017, 23:32, archived)
it's not literally about her glans,
it's just a metaphor
(, Fri 5 May 2017, 23:34, archived)
alright mgt

(, Fri 5 May 2017, 23:32, archived)
alright vladimir

(, Fri 5 May 2017, 23:33, archived)
Wasn't there a shit hipster band called MGT?

(, Fri 5 May 2017, 23:35, archived)
dunno,
i was probably called MGT before you even heard of them though
(, Fri 5 May 2017, 23:37, archived)
I think that's probably true
Yet I still wish it was those that were a member here :)
(, Fri 5 May 2017, 23:40, archived)
MGMT.

(, Fri 5 May 2017, 23:39, archived)
That's the fucking one
I could have googled it like but thanks
(, Fri 5 May 2017, 23:40, archived)
I know, I spoil you, don't I?

(, Fri 5 May 2017, 23:58, archived)
Well. You tell me the name of bands.
Spoiling me would be offering to pay off all my debts and then giving me a sad and self loathing hand job.
(, Sat 6 May 2017, 0:06, archived)
Moon Cirl 5echnologies

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 1:17, archived)
Nice

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 2:05, archived)
More so than the people who vote for her and her party?

(, Fri 5 May 2017, 23:40, archived)
yeah it's basically all her fault that people vote for her party,
she's the one doing it
(, Fri 5 May 2017, 23:45, archived)
I'd like to agree, but she seems to have gone out of her way to be utterly fucking awful,
yet people are still willing to vote for her. I can't honestly lay the blame squarely at her feet.
(, Fri 5 May 2017, 23:57, archived)
yeah you're right actually,
it's kind of inexplicable. Had a very weird conversation with my gran the other night. She likes Theresa May. She is "level-headed" apparently. Jeremy Corbyn, on the other hand... ooh she doesn't like him. She just doesn't. His policies, she doesn't like his policies. Can't even name a single one of them, but doesn't like them all the same.
(, Sat 6 May 2017, 0:01, archived)
Yeah reactionaries love may because she's 'strong'*.
*a bully with no real firmly held beliefs or any will to take in what's currently happening around them.
(, Sat 6 May 2017, 0:29, archived)
what I genuinely don't understand, right, is
how on earth anyone can fall for the strong and stable line. I mean, really, how, how, how? they have managed to borrow more than ever, capitulate to the frothing extremists living in the fetid damp far wing of their party, by holding a referendum the rules of which were presumably drafted by someone who had only had descriptions from the foreign and run through google translate of how it should be done to guide them, and as a result landed a situation for the currently U'd K whereby it is about to get downgraded in a wholesale and rather painful manner, is about to possibly have scotland separate, and where there is actual discussion of the faint possibility of ireland uniting at some point and nobody has blown anybody up yet as a result of that and nobody's been on the news pretending to be jerry adams by being backlit and miming. strong and stable? are you fucking kidding me?
(, Fri 5 May 2017, 23:41, archived)

oh and while I'm at this, they also landed a situation where we were THIS CLOSE to ANDREA LEADSOME and BORIS JOHNSON being nearly the PRIME MINISTER.
(, Fri 5 May 2017, 23:42, archived)
fuck I've just read all that back and it's almost worse to think I haven't made it up

(, Fri 5 May 2017, 23:45, archived)
Are you ok mate?

(, Fri 5 May 2017, 23:47, archived)
I'm fine, just breathing into this paper bag and thinking nice calming thoughts about how in two hundred and fifty years none of this will matter

(, Fri 5 May 2017, 23:48, archived)
I wouldn't worry about that mate.
You probably have about 15/20 left tops anyway.

Me...approximately 5.
(, Sat 6 May 2017, 0:01, archived)
five? brilliant, bucket list time!!! \o/
climb a dolphin
swim with machu picchu
watch the sunset over cleethorpes
get all the ironing done
tell everyone just exactly what you think of them
(, Sat 6 May 2017, 0:13, archived)
One out of five ain't bad

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 0:26, archived)
Imagine if they fuck it up so bad the Irish manage to put their sectarian differences aside and come together.
That'd be hilarious.
(, Sat 6 May 2017, 0:26, archived)
Most people are idiots, vlad.
It's democracy's great failing.
(, Fri 5 May 2017, 23:44, archived)
please tell me it isn't troooo :(

(, Fri 5 May 2017, 23:46, archived)
well apparently only 15% of people can even remember hearing the "Strong and Stable" mantra,
the chances of them having the faintest clue what the Tories have done and what they stand for are presumably even more slim.
(, Fri 5 May 2017, 23:47, archived)
Why didn't they refuse the election? It's like they might have a longer term plan , but being reactionary is the current thing

(, Fri 5 May 2017, 23:49, archived)
that's what i thought.
they should have said, no you have to carry on, we'll put in a vote of no confidence when you screw up Brexit.
(, Fri 5 May 2017, 23:53, archived)
But is that not what they are doing? Looks like it to me,

(, Fri 5 May 2017, 23:59, archived)
yeah they are screwing up Brexit already,
but they somehow manage to hide that fact from most people, it's Rupert bloody Murdoch i bet. I hope it will become obvious soon enough, problem is people want to believe her. Now she's coming out with batshit crazy stuff about Brussels trying to interfere with the election and whatnot, i know what will happen, it will all go to shit, and everyone will blame Europe for it, and the Tories will pass some sort of enabling act.
(, Sat 6 May 2017, 0:05, archived)
yes, intefering in the election here
ahem, WHY WOULD THEY WANT TO DO THAT
there's literally no reason anywhere, anywhen, they couldn't give a shit, we started this fucking nonsense and why the hell they would want to bother with swinging things in any direction in this country while its clearly in the middle of a full-on shaving-its-head-and-speaking-in-tongues nervous breakdown, is quite beyond me, oh god I have to get the paper bag again
(, Sat 6 May 2017, 0:18, archived)
she's just throwing a fucking tantrum because they can't just give her everything she wants

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 0:46, archived)
See when it all goes to proper actual shit.
That's when it'll be remains fault for not putting up a more convincing argument.
(, Sat 6 May 2017, 0:20, archived)
Also this snap election is almost certainly about getting more tories in so there's less opposition when they reapeal/rewrite all the bits of EU legislation they've enveloped that they don't like.

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 0:21, archived)
it's also maybe a bit about
that whole 30 MPs being investigated by the CPS for electoral fraud thing
(, Sat 6 May 2017, 0:44, archived)
Everyone would've forgotten about that by the next election.

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 0:48, archived)
yeah but they only have a majority of 18,
30 by-elections would have been entertaining
(, Sat 6 May 2017, 0:50, archived)

I can't stand this new world of shameless reality bending as if saying something out loud enough times it makes it true
(, Fri 5 May 2017, 23:50, archived)
Go live in China

(, Fri 5 May 2017, 23:51, archived)
B3ta is on a comeback course

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 0:07, archived)
At the same time that mantra kept families together for years.

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 0:23, archived)
I dunno.
Why does Corbyn's policies poll really well but people go 'well yeah that's all good, but he seems faintly ineffectual, so because of that I'm going to vote for people who hate me and want me to die'.
(, Sat 6 May 2017, 0:18, archived)
pffffft
I think this cake I am thinking of buying might be a bit disappointing, so instead of buying it I am going to run onto a motorway into the path of speeding lorries
(, Sat 6 May 2017, 0:22, archived)
Yeah, pretty much.

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 0:24, archived)
Alright 'mock the week'.

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 0:16, archived)
I'm not a fan

(, Sat 6 May 2017, 4:17, archived)

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