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morning

(, Thu 30 Nov 2017, 6:49, archived)
Valar morghulis.
Well, this thread will, at any rate.
(, Thu 30 Nov 2017, 7:05, archived)

Alright mm

Looking forward to the Turner prize?
(, Thu 30 Nov 2017, 7:20, archived)
The highlight of my year.

(, Thu 30 Nov 2017, 8:08, archived)
Here we go again

(, Thu 30 Nov 2017, 7:32, archived)
Ahoy hoy

(, Thu 30 Nov 2017, 7:50, archived)

🏇🏿🏇🏿🏇🏿🏇🏿
(, Fri 1 Dec 2017, 15:03, archived)
Last thread of the day

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 15:11, archived)
Juicer time ?

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 15:11, archived)
sure
I'll have a Guinness
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 15:12, archived)
The Guinness in the travs is rank

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 15:14, archived)
Rip slobodan praljak, you fucking nutter

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 15:16, archived)
Martyr

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 15:31, archived)
He wasn't a war criminal and I think he proved it

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 15:37, archived)
He was just a very thirsty man

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 19:37, archived)
It's one hell of a thing to happen , I'm going to stand up in a genocide appeal and drink poison, little new on it tho or his crimes

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 20:19, archived)
shame
I'll have a turbo shandy
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 15:17, archived)
Could murder a white russian right now

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 15:30, archived)
have a crack at putin

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 16:05, archived)
He's a smug looking prick, isn't he

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 16:37, archived)
YIM

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 16:52, archived)
He collects watches, so I think he's ace

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 16:53, archived)
Very much so here
My sister just got the all clear.
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 16:30, archived)
I just want today to end

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 15:16, archived)
I want my life to end
you can't have everything
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 15:17, archived)
Why not?

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 15:21, archived)
not sure

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 15:23, archived)
What a load of shit

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 15:31, archived)
Everything is quite a lot. Have you thought this through?
Most of it is so far away you could never get there in your lifetime.

Some of it is contradictory, you could not have a raging flu and full health at the same time.

The main limits are going to be how fast you can move, how long you live, and how much time you want to have with each bit of `everything`
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 23:05, archived)
Jealous
Some of us might have to endure more of this shit
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 15:17, archived)
oh

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 15:20, archived)
+m +ser

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 15:25, archived)
might get this for my ps4
78.media.tumblr.com/53e6f3cd59384ab1c88f09a89b62d5d9/tumblr_p04r7tOlx21s52q75o1_1280.jpg
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 15:34, archived)
just get the 2017 one. it's much cheaper and it's only the names and shirt colours that get updated anyway

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 15:38, archived)
ah, good call

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 15:39, archived)
my brother's had another fit :((((

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 15:36, archived)
:(

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 15:39, archived)
I just read about a service dog that lets his owner know before having a fit so they can get cosy, I suggest getting him a dog, pitbull or saink

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 15:42, archived)
A hungry one

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 15:43, archived)
And from yesterdays thread
Got a perfect name for it.
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 15:43, archived)
I am renaming my dog instantly

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 15:46, archived)
Won't even need one of those ' do not pet, service dog' vests as no cunt will go near it

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 15:46, archived)
:(
My mam has had really severe epilepsy all her life.
She had gamma knife surgery this year and she is almost completely cured.
Where she used to have at least 1 fit a day, she has had 1 in about 4 months.

Hope it's nothing too long term, they really do work miracles these days.
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 16:28, archived)
Oh.
[tasteless joke about waiting for him to have a bath and then throwing your laundry in]
Doubly offensive, thanks to your boiler situation, might submit this to sickipedia.
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 16:37, archived)
Mate. That's awful.

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 17:01, archived)
He's just had another one at the hospital

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 17:25, archived)
This sounds genuinely awful.
For all the good it'll do, you have my sincerest wishes that your brother recovers from whatever it is that ails him (or at least can be given appropriate treatment).
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 17:39, archived)
thanks a lot man

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 17:43, archived)
Hopefully they can get some meds to help,
Thoughts are with you mate.
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 17:43, archived)
:( Beefy :(

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 17:47, archived)
:(

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 18:18, archived)
Fuck.
Do they still have no idea what's causing it?
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 18:41, archived)
Lack of pitbull

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 20:15, archived)
He's had a third one now

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 20:25, archived)
He needs to calm down the silly sod , have they tried tea?

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 20:43, archived)
I can't wait for tomorrow's morning thread!

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 15:38, archived)
one more sleep until morning thread!

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 15:39, archived)
I might morning get

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 15:51, archived)
yes! big sam at everton!
one step away from Barcelona
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 16:28, archived)
I just farted!
lol!
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 16:43, archived)
you better do trial wipe
make sure nothing has come out
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 16:48, archived)
oh god
well better safe than sorry, I suppose
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 16:52, archived)
Still

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 20:09, archived)
I've got a horrid cold.
Might have some microwaved wine.
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 20:26, archived)
Where are we going for the Xmas B3ta b0nkerz b4sh?
I've cleared my diary and killed my family.
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 12:50, archived)
And summat about lunch.

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 12:50, archived)
Chorley

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 12:51, archived)
Chorley

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 12:55, archived)
Great town.

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 13:00, archived)
stowp chorley
this gaaaime has gorn on loouong enoufgh... ah shit
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 13:30, archived)
Nice
Is that coming back soon?
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 13:35, archived)
new series being made
minus a cast member
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 13:36, archived)
*gasp*

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 13:39, archived)
only if that cast member's show turns out to be a rating success

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 13:44, archived)
Ah, I see

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 13:45, archived)
I am serious, and stop calling me Chorley.

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 12:56, archived)
Horley

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 13:01, archived)
Can I get there by public transport?

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 13:03, archived)
It's near gatwick so just hop on a plane going that way

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 13:04, archived)
O RLY

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 13:06, archived)
The airport?

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 13:07, archived)
Scott william winters

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 15:13, archived)
Whorely

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 13:09, archived)
Wetherby
WETHERBY.
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 13:09, archived)
no ma8

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 13:13, archived)
Crawley

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 13:19, archived)
Hawley is nearer me

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 13:21, archived)
soz I'm too poorly

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 13:21, archived)
I can get to Chorley so that suits me fine
Anybody need a lift? Just throw in a fiver for petrol money
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 13:24, archived)
Go on then, pick me up early

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 13:27, archived)
No probs bruv

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 13:30, archived)
you can pick me up on the way back from getting mongy

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 13:29, archived)
Only if you promise not to make a mess of the back seat like last time

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 13:30, archived)
cheers

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 13:44, archived)
cheers

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 13:48, archived)
cheers

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 14:11, archived)
Balham

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 13:24, archived)
I NEVER TOUCHED 'EM!!! hahahaha

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 13:27, archived)
"Gateway To The South"

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 14:38, archived)
Lille

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 13:25, archived)
less conversation?

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 13:36, archived)
noice

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 13:45, archived)
fewer

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 15:11, archived)
Feltham

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 13:42, archived)
OK Rolf, calm the fuck down

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 13:44, archived)

lf b
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 13:48, archived)
Wahey!!
SPOR-TERS!
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 14:12, archived)
There's a secret place I like to go

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 15:10, archived)
That thread doesn't seem to have legs
'Member 'Legs' by Zed Zed Top? 'She's got hair, down to her fanny'. Legs.

#legs
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 11:21, archived)

www.standard.co.uk/goingout/restaurants/this-cheeseburger-is-made-entirely-out-of-cheese-a3704156.html
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 11:25, archived)
grate
lol
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 11:44, archived)
t3h lol

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 11:56, archived)
mental!

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 11:47, archived)
+ em
lol
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 11:54, archived)
lol

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 11:56, archived)
lol

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 11:58, archived)
lol

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 12:05, archived)
Let's talk about legs baby

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 11:26, archived)

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legs_McNeil
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 11:29, archived)
no soz I don't 'member 'Legs' by Zed Zed Top

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 11:29, archived)
well then this thread isn't for you

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 11:29, archived)
oh

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 12:08, archived)
I saw zeezeetop live.
I realy enjoyed them.
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 11:44, archived)
I love them, but saw a terrible gig of theirs at Wembley Arena
There's a brilliant 'Live in Texas' dvd out there which I recommend heartily
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 11:54, archived)
Yeah, I remember that, sure
Why do you ask?
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 11:44, archived)
I'm writing a book

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 11:55, archived)
feel free to use the above anecdote

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 11:58, archived)
might go with that one for the back cover

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 12:03, archived)
Never heard of them

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 11:45, archived)
well then you're not going to be much help with my book are you

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 11:55, archived)
I do, yes.
I also have legs of my own, and my hair was almost down to my fanny before I had it cut.

Isn't it funny how Americans use "fanny" to mean bum, and "bum" to mean homeless person. To say nothing of their misuse of "fag".
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 11:45, archived)
it really is!

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 11:55, archived)
I don't remember anything

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 11:47, archived)
probably for the best

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 11:56, archived)
Legscellent thread m8

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 11:57, archived)
Legs & Co, m8

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 12:04, archived)
They were all wiped out by the time I knew what Top of the Pops was
Damn you deadly oak disease.
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 12:11, archived)
+cks

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 12:26, archived)
*chuckle*

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 12:27, archived)

Cheers,

Legless
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 12:07, archived)
sorry, i don't know what legs are
can i interest you in some heads?
i.imgur.com/z8MLaAE.gifv
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 12:10, archived)


(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 12:33, archived)
e-leg-y for this thread.

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 12:11, archived)
^clever

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 12:48, archived)

*yawn*
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 12:12, archived)

*yawn* legs
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 12:34, archived)
的 don't mind your showing me your legs.
They're very swell legs and it's a pleasure to make their acquaintace. I don't mind if you don't like my manners. They're pretty bad. I grieve over them during the long winter nights."
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 12:44, archived)
Just booked steak lunch at Helios in Leicester Square
steak, lobster & glass of champagne 」15 a head and a 」50 chip to encourage you to go a gambling at the tables.

I don't like gaming so I'm intending to enjoy a slap-up meal on the cheap but there is room for things to go horribly wrong.
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:54, archived)
so?

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:55, archived)
There is donuts in the workshop,
But no one knows who brought them in. Should I eat them?
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:57, archived)
shove your cock into the one you like the look of

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:58, archived)
Might get sugar under my foreskin

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 10:02, archived)
if you're lucky

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 10:03, archived)
Alan won't know what he's doing

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 10:22, archived)
"Aw, I wanted jam, but I think this one's custard."

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 10:35, archived)
eat one

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:59, archived)
I've had 2. I feel shame

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 10:02, archived)
lol, fatty

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 10:05, archived)
ok, well two's not so bad
just make sure you stop there
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 10:06, archived)
If you have a third one, Ned Flanders in a devil outfit will appear out of nowhere and claim your immortal soul.

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 10:08, archived)
It's always the quiet ones

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 10:14, archived)
The donut fairy strikes again
When will its reign of terror end
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 10:00, archived)
It doesn't mate if you unsubscribe

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 10:03, archived)
Unsubscribe

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:57, archived)
LOL you can't!

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 10:19, archived)
course he can
all he has to do is click here
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 10:44, archived)
Sophie's would have been a better choice
#steakchat
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:57, archived)

would have been a better + is the funniest shit I've ever seen! 10/10
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 10:00, archived)
Sophie's Choice
Nazis, Meryl Streep and steaks.
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 10:00, archived)
Is it very cheap?

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 10:20, archived)
It can be free
If you raid the bins
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 10:23, archived)

*makes notes*
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 10:38, archived)
just pick five numbers and stick a tenner on each of them at the roulette table

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:58, archived)
shit on a chicken

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 10:00, archived)

chicken lobster
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 10:04, archived)
+ it's ten o'clock

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 10:05, archived)
Bit early to be talking about lunch.
Still, since we are, I like steak and I like lobster but I wouldn't want both at the same time.
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 10:01, archived)
I may swap my steak
for the other half's lobster
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 10:20, archived)
I don't think that would be allowed.
Better phone ahead and check.
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 10:25, archived)
Yes, the waiters can be very funny about that

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 10:39, archived)
Just feed your steak to your other half, one forkful at a time,
and get him to feed you his lobster in the same manner, from across the table. Waiters love public displays of affection like that.
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 10:51, archived)
what's the vegetarian option?

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 10:03, archived)
Go somewhere else.

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 10:04, archived)
LOTTO

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 10:08, archived)
fucking off

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 10:04, archived)
Poker

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 10:21, archived)
poker? I 'ardly knew 'er

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 10:42, archived)
STOP

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 10:04, archived)
NO

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 10:21, archived)
'member when harry enfield used to do his really? how interesting thing?

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 10:06, archived)
No, I don't remember that one

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 10:08, archived)
it was good, he'd go really? how interesting

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 10:11, archived)
haha, well it certainly *sounds* hilarious!

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 10:13, archived)
that does sound good

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 10:13, archived)
'member when Harry Enfield was funny?
No, neither do I.
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 10:14, archived)
really? how interesting

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 10:33, archived)
i hope the champagne bubbles get into your bloodstream somehow
x
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 10:06, archived)
I don't think it's possible to get decompression sickness from champagne

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 10:15, archived)
I'd like to try...

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 11:15, archived)
That's a bloody good price
Stick the 」50 on number 14
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 10:12, archived)
The voice of reason
why 14?
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 10:21, archived)
Don't know why
But as soon as I thought of roulette, 14 popped into my head. I've never even played roulette before.
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 10:25, archived)
I have
it was very boring.
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 10:40, archived)
Hi

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 7:40, archived)
alright rich

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 7:41, archived)
Meh

Another shitty day beckons
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 7:47, archived)
c'mon man, it's wednesday!
the old wed nes day. hump day. peak of the week!
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 7:52, archived)
I've had a gruelling week work-wise and today is going to be another shitcunt

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 8:07, archived)
Beefy

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 7:46, archived)
Wind

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 8:07, archived)
Today is going to be cold and rubbish.

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 8:09, archived)
Ohai y'all

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 7:49, archived)
Hullo mupp-o

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 8:08, archived)
Tricky fuckin' Ricky

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 8:14, archived)
speaking

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 8:20, archived)
Helleaux.

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 8:27, archived)
buongiorno

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 8:31, archived)
hiya

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 8:31, archived)
well well well, look who it is

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 8:54, archived)
The freshest move I've ever seen

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 8:39, archived)
Like he was floating on air

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 8:55, archived)
Got very little sleep last night, and I've got some conveyance cunt coming over

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 8:45, archived)
well bent

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 8:56, archived)
I know right
alright?
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 8:57, archived)
get your cock out and ask him to conveyance that

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 8:59, archived)
Do you reckon he'll want to check my energy performance?

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:00, archived)
defo

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:14, archived)
He'll probably want to fill TH's cavity

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:56, archived)
not too bad ta. work's shit, mind

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:04, archived)
Yeah, I bet

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:07, archived)
conGAYance more like

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 8:59, archived)
Well I bloody hope so, or he's wasting his time

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:00, archived)
oh shit, it''s a woman type
I'm sure the message said it'd be a bloke. I'm out of my depth here
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:28, archived)
just try not to sexually abuse her
it's become less acceptable in recent months
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:47, archived)
It's ok, I kept my hands to myself
She did have a nice bottom, though. I'm not apologising for that.
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:48, archived)
cor, I WELL like breasts and fannies and ladies' bottoms and that

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:52, archived)
WHO DOESN'T

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:54, archived)
Convey this.
*points*
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 8:59, archived)
Hmm...evidence of rising damp and rodent infestation

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:00, archived)
Doesn't look like the pictures on the website
did you use a wide-angle lens?
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:52, archived)
When I was a yout' I used to smoke Cali weed in a Chalwa.

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 8:47, archived)
rub it in a chalwa

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 8:56, archived)
bun in a rizla

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 8:58, archived)
you've been around all night and that's a little long

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 8:54, archived)
I've had no complaints

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 8:56, archived)
Wednesday morns

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 8:59, archived)
Gary

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:04, archived)
Lacking the inclination to put together my own playlists,
I find myself confronted by a lot of shit music.
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:05, archived)
listen to some steve winwood

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:11, archived)
I'd rather jack, than Winwood cack

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:11, archived)
I just thought Winwood's inoffensive music would appeal to him

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:14, archived)
He was amazing when he started out
What he did wrong was not die in about 1970
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:15, archived)
he's no Bruce 'The Boss' Springsteen that's for sure

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:20, archived)
Denim will never go out of style.

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:22, archived)
nor is he Don 'The Don' Henley

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:30, archived)
Dido is, without a doubt, the greatest artiste of our age.

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:21, archived)
you know what I'm posting here
I don't even need to do it
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:28, archived)
heh

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:31, archived)
Your tea's gone cold?

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:34, archived)
I'm glad the Reynolds Girls outlived Fleetwood Mac and The Rolling Stones
Modern music is always so much better than old fashioned stuff

*jacks*
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:15, archived)
Jack jack, jack jack your body

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:19, archived)
Do you want me to pass the tissues over now?

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:19, archived)
pls

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:27, archived)
Musical Youth's x-rated original

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:28, archived)
lol, "muff"

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:19, archived)
I can help

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:11, archived)
I hope so.
Rolling Stone magazine's "best hip hop of all time" list features OutKast more than once. If you could sign up to Deezer, then make a load of playlists that I could download, that'd be great!
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:15, archived)
Not this early in the day, no

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:17, archived)
Yesterday an old friend suddenly gave signs of life after maintaining total radio silence with everyone for about three years.
When I asked her where she'd been, she said "Hiding from the world".
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:26, archived)
She wants it.

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:27, archived)
I'm just glad she's still alive, to be honest.
She's always been a fan of the harder stuff in the bedroom and when she disappeared overnight and wouldn't answer any attempts to get in touch, I thought she might have got involved with someone a bit extreme who was keeping her chained up in the basement or something.
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:31, archived)
Blimey

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:33, archived)
You're telling me.
She sent me pics of when her master took her on a date to a sex torture chamber. Had a whale of a time, by all accounts.
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:41, archived)
Can you tell her that this dungeon feels cold and empty without her?

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:38, archived)
That's all part of my plan to lure her back.

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:44, archived)
What cult was she in?

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:52, archived)
I'm still no closer to knowing what happened.
Back in the day we use to e-mail each other on a virtually daily basis. If we get back to that, she might tell me about it one of these days.

*X Files music*
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:59, archived)
Hello cunts

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:41, archived)
howdy

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:53, archived)
I can't believe Fast & Furious 10 will be the last one
keep drivin' paul walkers, keep drivin'
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:46, archived)
I've got the chip shits
:(
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:48, archived)
the fucking whats?

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:53, archived)
I think that's where you pull a string vest over your arse before you start going

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:54, archived)
It isn't that
And it isn't wedges sized shits that could be put back together to make a potato
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:58, archived)
Chip shits
Shits from eating chips
(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 9:56, archived)
Anything good on telly tonight?

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 19:02, archived)
Will you be in on 28th November?
As there is no record of a TV Licence at your address, you should expect a visit from an Enforcement Officer. It may be on 28th November or on another day.
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 19:13, archived)
Happy 28th of November which is your enforcement day, which it November the 28th

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 19:15, archived)
Remember, Remember the 28th of November
When Planearm pretends to be out.
"We know you're in there!" through his letterbox,
The telly-cops shout
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 20:19, archived)
*closes curtains*

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 19:22, archived)
The new yourkshire tea advert made me smile

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 19:14, archived)
Aww this has just ruined my song of the year , oh two hats
youtu.be/7lhEdPbl73s
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 19:27, archived)
Oh shit

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 19:47, archived)
Do you think he made that pervy video too? He posted on here for a bit the peodi

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 19:51, archived)
Don't look down that rabbit hole, lots of gay nonces , videos of love songs that open with a various nonce getting arrested, wtf

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 19:58, archived)
"Yourkshire" looks like some shit bent slogan dreamt up by some wankers working in a regional tourist office.
Probably Yorkshire's.
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 21:05, archived)
COME ON ENGLAND

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 19:14, archived)

ENGLAND Man Utd
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 19:19, archived)
lol, cum!

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 20:21, archived)
lol, gland!

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 21:06, archived)
Broadcast TV is for suckas.

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 20:11, archived)
I had a crazy dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram!
I was like 0mg!
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 21:24, archived)

 
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 21:28, archived)

lol
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 21:36, archived)
From all of us here at the Dermotology department. Merry Ezecmas.

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 21:43, archived)
The Geologists wish you a Gneiss Christmas and hope you don't get too Schist.

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 0:57, archived)
I don't know what's going on, man.
I'm just all jammed up inside. Lost my abilities. Been stripped of all my God-given talents. Including, the talents to be able to have sex with any woman I choose, or to throw a fucking ball fast, or to not prematurely come in my pants. Sometimes I just don't know which one hurts the most. I'm ashamed of myself.
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 21:39, archived)
Cunt wank fuck shit
Tits Wank Fuck
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 18:29, archived)
Fuck tha polite.

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 18:31, archived)
shit fuck

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 18:36, archived)
Done. Now what.

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 18:36, archived)
Start again

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 18:37, archived)
Shart again.

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 18:49, archived)
Shit bollocks wank fart Shit

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 18:38, archived)
no that is actually true though

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 18:38, archived)
Weird name for a dog

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 18:45, archived)
FINALLY someone said it

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 18:53, archived)
I thought Tourettes Class was Wednesdays!

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 19:00, archived)
Just bought myself a little Xmas pressie after today's disappointment, a little seiko , I've had others but the enamel dial and square case spoke to me

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 19:03, archived)
It said "don't wear me in the shower or I'll rust."

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 19:08, archived)
Yeah they are well known for poor quality

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 19:11, archived)
Name a dog

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 16:06, archived)
Shit it out yer slit

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 16:16, archived)
The dog passport only has room for forename, middle, and surname
And I feel the message is lost if if I don't take all the given names in order here
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 16:20, archived)
Doglin

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 16:16, archived)
Deefor

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 16:18, archived)
Your mum

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 16:18, archived)
I don't think naming a dog Margaret is a good idea
You silly prick
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 16:22, archived)
shove it up your arse and fart it out of your cunt

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 16:19, archived)
I think this might be the worst thread ever. Worse than a dozer thread.

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 16:22, archived)
Don't rush to judgement
I could post something shitter later in the week
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 16:24, archived)

.
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 16:23, archived)
Landshark shitmachine

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 16:23, archived)
I'm glad at least you took this seriously

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 16:28, archived)
a name almost worth getting a dog for

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 16:38, archived)
Tony.

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 16:27, archived)

Name Shit on
+'s tits
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 16:28, archived)
I'd call it 'Dog'
I don't believe in the anthropomorphising of animal
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 16:29, archived)
Alright Neil Wheedon Watkins Pye

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 16:31, archived)
Alright

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 16:33, archived)
All dogs are jewish

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 16:32, archived)
I know

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 16:33, archived)
oy vey!

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 16:34, archived)
God forbid you should take me for a walk!

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 16:36, archived)
strike through imply wank

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 16:39, archived)
solid

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 16:43, archived)

ly
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 16:47, archived)
infest

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 16:47, archived)
sounds great

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 17:01, archived)
and yet
www.imdb.com/title/tt0096787/
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 16:49, archived)
I think the jews have heaven, don't they?
They just don't believe in hell...or summat
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 16:55, archived)
Not so much either, they are more concerned with the now

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 17:16, archived)
Are you doing pr for gonz

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 16:53, archived)
Hitler von Burybones

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 16:41, archived)
Bit offensive m8
Especially as we've found out all dogs are Jewish
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 16:42, archived)
You nicked this question off Shooting Stars.

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 16:57, archived)
The correct answer was Doberman Pinscher

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 17:17, archived)
poony mcpoon poon

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 17:09, archived)
manolithsfingercosy

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 17:13, archived)
All my dogs have come with names, so I've never needed to.

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 17:26, archived)
Katie Price

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 18:01, archived)
Genghis Fucktail.

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 20:26, archived)
Haha merry Xmas you jolly little wankers!

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 15:25, archived)
Fuck off

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 15:27, archived)
shut up please

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 15:30, archived)
guff it out yer muff

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 15:32, archived)
pbvqaiywd

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 15:33, archived)
gay it

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 15:35, archived)
jozxyqk

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 15:40, archived)
Nothing? Was there a delete?
How are you?
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 12:05, archived)
Not bad, fair bit of money being chucked around at this auction, only on h

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 12:10, archived)
Everyone loves a bit of brown.

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 12:12, archived)
Nearly at the jlc's

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 12:13, archived)
GOOD TOIMES

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 12:49, archived)
We are into the rollies, nice two tone sub about to go up

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 13:02, archived)
4k, bargain , worth much more

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 13:03, archived)
Alright Tim Wonnacott

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 12:21, archived)
Yeah

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 12:36, archived)
You buying?

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 12:22, archived)
Hopefully

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 12:34, archived)
Got your eye on something or just waiting for a good deal?

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 12:50, archived)
Yer 1961 GMT master , but 8 is my top bid

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 12:53, archived)
Better get a BST Master, too.

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 12:57, archived)
You can set 3 time zones anyway

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 12:58, archived)
Lot 283
www.easyliveauction.com/catalogue/e3584d046cc331af813f20505858938f/0af8d24542e81eb9357e7ef448a6646f/the-watch-sale/bid-live/
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 13:11, archived)
10 to go, fingers crossed

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 13:43, archived)
Here we go

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 13:52, archived)
was that you who won?

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 13:52, archived)
Didn't accept my 2nd bid, fuck you fellow's you cheating cunts

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 13:53, archived)
it's all very quick isn't it

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 13:53, archived)
Yeah, oh well, either someone got a bargain or I saved money , there was something off about it

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 13:56, archived)
I quite like the tudors

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 14:03, archived)
Yeah they make a good watch

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 14:05, archived)
I am very excited - my watch has been found!
Apparently the label got damaged coming back from the service dude. Royal mail are getting it back to him, he's going to check it again and send it out again if it's still all fine.

Yeyyy!
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 15:16, archived)
How long was it missing?

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 15:20, archived)
It's been with the repair dude for weeks, months maybe
it's been in the hands of Royal Mail for about a fortnight
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 21:53, archived)
Bored. And at an airport where I've just shelled out £5.60 on a Heineken.

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 12:10, archived)
Where you going Jeff?

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 12:22, archived)
smoking big doinks

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 12:11, archived)
You bag of yams

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 12:22, archived)
Planning a Greggs lunch raid
Apart from questioning my life choices over this move, I'm either thinking chistmas soup, grapes, and a gingerbread man or a christmas sandwich, crisps, an apple turnover, and a coke. Choices.
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 12:17, archived)
FooóőOooOÔoood

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 12:23, archived)
alright
you?
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 12:25, archived)
Bit bored

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 12:43, archived)
Not bad, you?

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 12:26, archived)
Yeah, bored but fine. Work seems to have run out

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 12:44, archived)
Looks like we have a new official morning threadmeister, who will henceforth be known as Grrrrmcbeef.
I'm feeling much better today, thanks. The essential oil pills I've been taking for the past couple of days have done wonders in getting rid of this chesty cough, so I can now walk more than about twenty metres without getting out of breath again. They also give me eucalyptus burps, but even that's not an entirely unpleasant experience.
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 12:30, archived)
sounds scientific

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 12:35, archived)
Life's just a big experiment, really.

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 12:45, archived)
You fucking stupid fucking cunt

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 12:44, archived)
Oh, yes, I knew BIG PHARMA would infiltrate this place eventally!

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 12:52, archived)
It's all a bit of fun, really.
Are we still on for blayzing and Bareback Sk8r Bois at yours later?
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 12:54, archived)
Yes

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 13:00, archived)
Fab.
I'll bring the poppers.
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 13:01, archived)
Mr & Mrs Popper are well dirty

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 13:09, archived)
Sounds like the premise for a 70s sitcom.
Party Poppers, or something.
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 13:15, archived)
hall's extra strong

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 15:05, archived)
Prune flavoured yoghurts is the fucking biz!
totally underrated. I actually think I'd rather choose about which of my children* I'd rather send to medical experimentation than have to decide which is nicer: rhubarb or prune yoghurt.

*imaginary
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 12:51, archived)
The mrs had coffee yogurt in Italy
And has been pining for it* since

*yogurt, you filthy bastards
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 12:53, archived)
Those madcap Italians, sounds ace!
Cafe afogato is my favorite desert.

They also decided a croissant with icecream is an acceptable breakfast - I do love them Italians!
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 12:59, archived)
A good mate of my dad's was a mad Italiophile or whatever the word is.
He always ordered a scoop of vanilla ice cream and an espresso for dessert and insisted that they both be served at the same time, so he could make his own affogato. At least 75% of the time, there was a ten-minute wait between the two.
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 13:07, archived)
Pfft!

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 13:10, archived)

Itali paed
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 14:43, archived)
No m8.

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 15:21, archived)
I know, she texts me all the time telling me how much she's pining for my 'yoghurt'

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 13:00, archived)
She wants nothing from your hairy dairy

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 13:08, archived)
Pine yoghurt?!?!
This is getting a bit Heston Blumenthal
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 13:08, archived)
Ladies love my "snail porridge".

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 13:12, archived)
It's the only bit of culture you have!
hahahaha!
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 13:09, archived)
dunno
I'm OK ta - fucking busy though. Time is flying, but I have way too much to do.

Rather that than having nothing to do, I suppose
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 12:52, archived)
My job is getting me down, to be honest.

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 12:59, archived)
smoke some big doinks

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 13:06, archived)
Goose feather trader?

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 13:07, archived)
Not with my allergies.

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 13:09, archived)
Buy a Lexus RX

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 13:21, archived)
^

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 13:22, archived)
^

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 13:27, archived)
^

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 13:28, archived)
>

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 13:41, archived)

 
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 13:44, archived)
<

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 14:18, archived)
CHE

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 14:19, archived)
VR

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 14:19, archived)
ON

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 14:19, archived)
<

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 14:21, archived)
Afternoon all
Did I miss anything?
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 13:31, archived)
smoking big doinks

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 13:32, archived)
Fuck
I KNEW I'd miss out on the good stuff
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 13:34, archived)
£5.60 Heineken.

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 13:35, archived)
Ouch
How much?!
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 13:38, archived)
Airport prices.

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 13:39, archived)
Heineken though?
*shakes head*
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 13:42, archived)

Weren't me, guv'nor.
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 13:46, archived)
Bumholes

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 13:38, archived)
I found those, THANK YOU

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 13:38, archived)
howay man

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 13:41, archived)
Alreet?!
You still married?
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 13:43, archived)
last time I checked
you?
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 13:47, archived)
I still was as of this morning
but the day is still young.

Its what is technically known as "bastard freezing" today OOP NORTH. I have decided to counteract this via the medium of smoked cheese
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 13:48, archived)
nice to hear from you, old pal

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 13:54, archived)
and you man
Glad to hear things are rosy at McBeef Heights
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 13:56, archived)
fine, m8
sorted out a few little problems this morning, now just having a spot of lunch before taking the houseguest to the hospital for her scan
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 14:49, archived)
G'day

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 7:38, archived)
Word.

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 7:44, archived)
sup

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 8:26, archived)
NTT

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:59, archived)
love lift us up where we belong

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 10:32, archived)
The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in.

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 10:37, archived)
Love is a canvas furnished by Nature and embroidered by imagination.

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 10:49, archived)
Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 10:53, archived)
We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone.

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 11:00, archived)
It's not the cough that carries you off, it's the coffin they carry you off in

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 11:06, archived)
Love is when you meet someone who tells you something new about yourself.

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 11:07, archived)
love is a battlefield

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 11:10, archived)
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter痴 oven? And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives? When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see in truth that you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 11:18, archived)
Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them - that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 11:27, archived)
So where is the new gaff?

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 7:48, archived)
Limehouse

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 8:26, archived)
Like a citrus swayze

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 8:37, archived)
Riding out on a horse in a star-spangled rodeo

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 8:46, archived)
why yes, yes I would

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 8:50, archived)
Is this
you?
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:30, archived)
yes

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:32, archived)
*updates file*

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:37, archived)
Greetings

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 7:57, archived)
Salutations

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 8:26, archived)
alright, calm down

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 8:45, archived)
you said you have additional gaff news?

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 8:50, archived)
Indeed I do
my offer that they'd definitely reject...well, it got accepted.
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 8:52, archived)
KAPOWWWWWWW
Shit is dope, G
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 8:53, archived)
You can say that again
Just got so much to arrange. It'll all be worth it in the end.
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 8:54, archived)
well, i don't want to steal your thunder but i just got a new lanyard for my work badge, so...

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:16, archived)
oh sweet
what does it look like?
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:20, archived)
it's an aj styles one, because i am a cool guy

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:21, archived)
Ah, I saw they're going cheap on the euroshop
I wanted a Golden Truth one, but they sold out, obvs.
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:21, archived)
obvs
i got a bayley stocking for the cat. because, i repeat, i am a cool guy
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:22, archived)
lol
no one's doubting that, m8
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:23, archived)
Nice

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:20, archived)
feels like this could be a turning point in my career

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:23, archived)
I went in the loft and found some mouse poop

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:18, archived)
Ah, sorry to hear that
I haven't seen one yet, but they normally make their presence known around this time of year. Not much you can do about them, except put the traps down.
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:21, archived)
I phoned the woman who owns the house next door to let her know as our lofts are joined.
She gave no fucks and said she'll do nothing until her tenants complained. Might throw the dead bodies in to their loft.
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:23, archived)
Our previous neighbour got the council in to deal with it, and told us that we'll need to do it too
We said that we're not paying the council 70 quid to put down bait traps that cost a fiver from B&Q. She said 'you have to'. We said that we don't 'have' to do anything. She went away with a flea in her ear.
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:25, archived)
then she had to get the council in to deal with the flea?

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:28, archived)
No, she just moved
and as far as I'm aware, she took the flea with her
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:29, archived)
Imagine she moved next door to your new place

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:30, archived)
haha
Not long after we put our place on the market, our noisy neighbours started having estate agents round, and I had the same thought.
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:31, archived)
they just want to be close to you

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:32, archived)
apart from their noisy fucking kids
they're so stupid, it gives me a headache.
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:33, archived)
Get a rat, mice don't like rats

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:25, archived)
I was going to say the same thing, except with a lynx

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:27, archived)
Not poison, because they'll crawl inside the walls to die.

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:28, archived)
you need to put about 12 cats in the loft for two hours
that should deal with the situation
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:29, archived)
stuff a couple into the walls too
only calicos though
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:31, archived)
cats don't abide by the laws of nature

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:33, archived)
<S>a</S> u

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:51, archived)
Game on

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 7:57, archived)
Gay mon

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 8:26, archived)
did you (or mcbeef actually) get a farfetch'd?
seems a bit shit that they were only here for one day
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:17, archived)
I got 11

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:19, archived)
woah

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:19, archived)
And 100 kangaskahn and a shit

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:21, archived)
a whole shit?

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:21, archived)
One got away.
I've stopped playing really. The whole raid thing never got going here for me.
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:24, archived)
yeah, raids are for hardcore nerds and assorted dweebs
gather a small troupe of weirdos and stand there prodding at your phone for about ten minutes for a small chance at a pretend lightning bird? fuck off
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:30, archived)
lol
well, when you put it that way
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:32, archived)
^
It's too bent for me, I'm a walker, and a stalker - and a midnight /talker
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:33, archived)
:)

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:34, archived)
i'll just leave it until gen 3 and see how i feel

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:34, archived)
Mudkips :) I herd u liek them

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:42, archived)
exactly!

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:57, archived)
I don't play it anymore

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:20, archived)
me either, really
i was drawn back in because i wanted a stupid duck with a leek
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:21, archived)
They've cracked down on GPS spoofing I see, won't even let me open the game

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:24, archived)
killjoys

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:33, archived)
I got about 5

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:31, archived)
Luniz's lesszzzz

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:33, archived)
I'll house you.

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 7:58, archived)
You'll do no such thing you flippin' twerp

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 8:26, archived)
steady on

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:22, archived)
I mean it, I've had enough of this joker

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:31, archived)
G'day ya flamin' galah

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 8:00, archived)
quite partial to a flamin' galah, as it goes

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 8:20, archived)
Alright ozof

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 8:43, archived)
it's ok. nice sunset on my side of the rock

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 8:47, archived)
r u a lizard lol

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 8:53, archived)
Earth is flat mate. What're you on about?

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 8:53, archived)
well, it's flat on my side too.
obv
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:04, archived)
How do you not jist fall off?

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:17, archived)
my bulbous toes
are covered in hundreds of tiny microscopic hairs called setae...
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:43, archived)
Ya great hoon

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 8:27, archived)
Strewth!

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 8:05, archived)
Croikey!

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 8:27, archived)
Tuesday, yeah?

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 8:06, archived)
Yeah, yeah?

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 8:27, archived)
*snap snap*
Neat
*snap snap*
Sweet
*snap snap*
Petite
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 8:12, archived)
aalreet

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 8:27, archived)

morbotron.com/video/S05E04/xMsaLdwTKd64DcDYzZPOOtwIAJQ=.gif
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:19, archived)
omg I am *so* excited about another royal wedding!!!!

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 8:46, archived)
are you very old?
or do you just work for the bbc?
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 8:48, archived)
so looking forward to getting some new commemorative plates to add to my collection

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 8:59, archived)
All this renewed interest, might be an excellent time for me to put that Charles & Diana Commemorative Egg Coddler up for sale.

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:35, archived)

for sale my bum
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:36, archived)
If you can think of a better way to mark the passing of The People's Princess,
I'd like to hear it.
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:49, archived)
Get Rockstar Games to start playing Candle In The Wind
every time someone drives through a tunnel in GTA6.

She'd love that.

Either that or nosh off Will Carling.
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:57, archived)
He could have done better than Angela Merkel ...oh hahahaha

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 8:49, archived)
haha comical misunderstanding

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 8:51, archived)
I suppose a german would have been better than a yank half caste tho

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:07, archived)
this'll finish his poor grandad off

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:12, archived)
Imagine if she has a proper throw back black kid

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:19, archived)
disgusting

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:23, archived)
I don't think we say "half caste" any more, mongy.
Progressive that she is, my mother has dropped it in favour of "a touch of the tar brush".
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:54, archived)
excuse me, standing on one leg

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:59, archived)
Practicing that Crane Kick, are you?

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 10:02, archived)
Half chat?

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 10:05, archived)
'mulatto'

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 10:17, archived)
Alright, Kurt Cobain

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 10:58, archived)
mulatto butts!

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 11:12, archived)
oh, me too!!!
Apparently Harry designed the ring himself! So clever.

So the hoop bit goes there...put some sparkly bits on the sides pls. And a big fucken shiny right in the middle. Sweet.
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 8:50, archived)
I hope I get invited to the stag do

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 8:51, archived)
you'll finally get a chance to give your SS uniform a second wear

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 8:52, archived)
nah it will be strictly chinos and blazers

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 8:56, archived)
erry day

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 8:56, archived)
he seems like a nice fellow, good luck to him

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 8:52, archived)
You know what, I feel the same way
If they're happy, and in love, why shouldn't they get married? Good luck to them. I just don't want it dominate every single fucking media outlet for the next 12 months.
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 8:53, archived)
I just want to know who his real father is

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 8:55, archived)
well we all want that

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 8:55, archived)
It's me m8

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:02, archived)
Cor! Right up Di's muffin hole!

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:06, archived)
come on, there's no need for that

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:07, archived)
we are all God's children

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:07, archived)
agreed

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:08, archived)
save it for church

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:09, archived)
the world is my church, m8

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:10, archived)
We all know who his real father is.

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:52, archived)
I'm looking forward to hearing what Paul Burrell thinks

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:53, archived)
He thinks you're a prick m8

(, Wed 29 Nov 2017, 19:35, archived)
bit unpatriotic m8

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 8:58, archived)
oh yeah

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:00, archived)
OK; so we have precious little time
in which to identify the person responsible for designing the commemorative bone china tea set and to convince them to sneak a swastika into the picture somewhere.
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:00, archived)
I don't think she's a hindu

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:06, archived)
Brexit
wedding. Brexit wedding brexit wedding brexit wedding ... brexit

brexit.

wedding. WEDDING! BREXIT!
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:02, archived)
see? we're already forging new links outside of europe

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:13, archived)
I like weddings

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:20, archived)
what's not to like?
everyone gets to dress up in their finest, eat nice food, and drink all day long
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:25, archived)
'member sliding across t'dancefloor when you were't kid? Ah? Eh? 'Member that?

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:26, archived)
that was last week m8

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:28, archived)
I bet the buffet is right fancy at a royal wedding

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:29, archived)
fucken swan vol-au-vents or summat probably

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:30, archived)
No cocktail hedgehogs for this lot.
Cocktail porcupines and cocktail peacocks at the very least.
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:32, archived)
lots

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:40, archived)
I meant the weddings of my friends, which are loads of fun, not the weddings of my wife's friends which are awful and boring and can we go home now

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:46, archived)
Inspiring, I too might chuck my day job in to concentrate on things that are important to me

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:31, archived)
g'day d'gay

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:10, archived)
jeepers

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:10, archived)
creepers

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:20, archived)
where'd ya get those peepers?

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:27, archived)

ee oo er o
(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 9:29, archived)
NTB

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 10:18, archived)
disgusting

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 10:35, archived)
NYB

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 11:09, archived)
Yes

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 10:40, archived)
I'm not a robot.
I'm JMG.
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 19:37, archived)
No fat chicks

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 19:50, archived)
They're already at December 20th on their advent calendars.

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 19:51, archived)
wanna cyber?

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 19:51, archived)
age / sex / gender you associate yourself with / net worth / ping?

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 19:52, archived)
Old enough to know better/ up to you/ up to you/ 60" 60 quid jrc landing/ prefer taylor made

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 19:59, archived)
That's what a robot would say

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 19:52, archived)
&#1055;&#1088;&#1077;&#1088;&#1074;&#1072;&#1085;!

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 19:53, archived)
Smegging smeggy smeg you smeghead

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 20:00, archived)
Alright we've all had a laugh.

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 20:02, archived)
Rhiannon Giddens was great last night, but I accidentally ordered two large wines by mistake while already half cut and didn't notice that I'd gone past my stop on the bus home.

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 20:39, archived)
You drink like a middle aged woman.

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 20:58, archived)

dr st
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 21:15, archived)
How appropriate, you drink like a man oh hang on that doesn't work

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 21:16, archived)
I'd also got a pint.
It was in a concert hall so I knew I'd be unable to top up during the set.
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 21:36, archived)
alright jmg

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 21:58, archived)
You deserved that

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 23:02, archived)
JMG!
Northern Hero!
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 23:19, archived)
Who deleted?

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 23:57, archived)
It was me m8

(, Tue 28 Nov 2017, 7:26, archived)
*PfffarRRRRRppffffptttttttffffffffff*
Ahhhh
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:04, archived)
*fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft*

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:04, archived)
*phut-phut-phut-pfffffRAAAAAP*

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:06, archived)
Alright, Crazy Frog

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:14, archived)
no real names plz

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:19, archived)
zut alors!

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:46, archived)
Alright, Brian J Helmers

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 17:24, archived)
hi m8

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 17:35, archived)
nearly half an hour and no new registered b3ta users called brian j helmers
disappointing
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 17:49, archived)
I hope manolith didn't actually kill that guy

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:05, archived)
*squeakkkkkkkk*

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:06, archived)
m8, that fucken honks

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:08, archived)
he did

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:07, archived)
lol
i.imgur.com/Zmbxtqk.jpg
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:08, archived)
lol

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:10, archived)
lol

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:18, archived)
My man bag has seen better days.

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:20, archived)
you have to make it about you

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:22, archived)
Just making it clear that I side with the ladyboarders, and won't be joining in with the lols at their expense.
If this doesn't get me laid...
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:23, archived)
is that what men are calling their scrotal regions these days?

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:23, archived)
How vulgar.

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:28, archived)
well i'll never find out if i don't ask, will i?

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:32, archived)
I call mine "Clint".

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:40, archived)
that wasn't so hard now, was it?
/things said after a couple of pints
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:41, archived)
If you put the 'l' and the 'i' close together, it looks like 'Cunt'

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:42, archived)
Haha, like that magazine!

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:52, archived)
woah, wait
there's a magazine called 'Cunt'?
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:58, archived)
what's its other leg called?!
ahahaha... wait
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 17:03, archived)
Not any more.
titanmagazines.com/t/clint/
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 17:05, archived)
i've just booked a short break in the scrotal region

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:47, archived)
i hear it's quite humid this time of year

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:58, archived)
'swampy', i'd say

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 17:03, archived)
Are you a crab?

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 17:22, archived)
terribly bullying of the laterally afflicted

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 17:23, archived)
Fuken prawns.

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 17:25, archived)

crab sardine
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 17:47, archived)

m n + 's
b v
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 18:11, archived)
kissed him by mistake
damn you autocorrect!
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:46, archived)
lol

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:46, archived)
If you can't smell the problem, you can't solve the problem.

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:06, archived)
lol willie

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:06, archived)
frrrrrrrrrrrrrrrpppppppppppp SQLOOPFT
oh shart!
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:08, archived)
I saw Ben Fogle walking down the street in Ladbroke Grove on Saturday and it reminded me of Nakers

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:13, archived)

walking down the street
Grove 's
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:14, archived)
was he tripping?

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:17, archived)
off his fucking box

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:17, archived)
typical Fogesy, he fucking loves the old trips

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:18, archived)
I hope so

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:18, archived)
Cyber bumday

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:15, archived)
^^^^^
No news on gaff: landlord overseas and agent waiting to hear back.

ffs
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:17, archived)
Ugh

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:18, archived)
tense toimes chez Ricard

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:18, archived)
Overseas landlord. Probably a fucking Russian.

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:32, archived)
Leather chaps are rather noisy

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:20, archived)
I never understood the point of bumcrack hair until my best man booked for us to have a full waxing on my stag do because he thought it would be well lol.
Completely lost my ability to stealth fart until it grew back
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:59, archived)
this sounds like the bentest stag do ever

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 17:05, archived)
Coming out weekend, more like
The wedding's off!
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 17:07, archived)
he fingers bums for a living dunnee
what would you expect?
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 17:58, archived)
blayzit

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:20, archived)
eine splattenkacken

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:23, archived)
Juicer time

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:28, archived)
customer of the year: Mr BJ Helmers
I swear down
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:30, archived)
He must know though, that his name is like that.
So why go by BJ?
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:34, archived)
In fairness he goes by Brian
His parents are entirely to blame. Poor old BJ.
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:36, archived)
Poor old BJ

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:37, archived)
I calls him Beej

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:40, archived)
i knew a girl at uni who had the initials BJ and went by 'beej'
fascinating, eh?
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:49, archived)
yeah

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:49, archived)
Yeah, really is.

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:50, archived)
I clicked on it, that's how interesting I found it

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:58, archived)
would it sweeten the deal to know that i kissed her a few times
and that it was weird as she was taller than me and i had to tilt my head upwards?
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 17:03, archived)
Disgusting, MODS1¹!!!11!!!1¡¹

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 17:14, archived)
Fucking hell
Was she some sort of unholy spawn of Andre the giant and the fucking Eiffel Tower?
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 18:43, archived)
y

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 21:57, archived)
hey guess what, we've been approved for the house
chuffed to fackin bits, I am
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 17:17, archived)
Yesss

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 17:17, archived)
YES!!

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 17:20, archived)
naïce

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 17:23, archived)
Hooray!
I too have had some good, property related news....
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 18:41, archived)
Poo-free lawn for 2 weeks running

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 18:57, archived)
Oh aye?

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 19:50, archived)
nice stuff

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 21:39, archived)
This belongs on the plopular page!

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:52, archived)
So I asked Bike Scare Girl out to lunch, and...she's not single. But she's going to lunch with me anyway.
So, there you go. Has dozer been banned yet?
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 17:20, archived)
Ha, I hope he turns up and pushes you down some stairs.
Dozer I mean.
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 17:24, archived)
Lol, he couldn't fight his way through a wet paper towel.
Edit: plot twist - dozer is BSG's husband.
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 17:25, archived)
unlucky m8

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 17:35, archived)
Ah, s'alright.
All I was ever after with her was a bit of fun. Also, for the first time after talking to her on a semi-daily basis for months, I now actually know her name, lol.
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 17:38, archived)
Either unhappy relationship and looking for an exit, or the husband is coming along too to make everything massively awkward, lol

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 17:38, archived)
If the husband turned up as a chaperone, that would indeed be an epic fail.
I think I'd spend the whole meal flirting with him outrageously if he did that, just to see who could make whom feel more uncomfortable.
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 17:40, archived)
Haha, chatting up the women to get to the men

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 17:47, archived)
It's a technique that's been tempered in the forge of time.

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 17:50, archived)
is that from the latest flats & sharps ep?

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 17:45, archived)

m.imgur.com/gallery/TNgWYz9
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 18:55, archived)
I want to be part of that family

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 19:01, archived)
"Pack it up, pack it in, let me begin."
Or so it was told. And lo, they did jump around.

What's stuck in your head and is driving you a bit mad?
It was Christmas tree day in college, so I've just erected a 15 footer in the chapel and a 10 footer for the warden and his husband. If you know what I mean.
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 14:24, archived)
"Hey there, Georgie girl" was in my head for most of the morning but it's gone now.
Of course, typing it out like that is probably going to make it come back.

Your lyrics remind me of Fatman Scoop's 'Be Faithful', so I might have to listen to that later as well.

I've not done owt at home re Christmas decorations. The cats would only shred them anyway.
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 14:27, archived)
That is an awful song

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 14:32, archived)
Which, the former or the latter?

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 14:33, archived)
mcbeef hates that song for some reason

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 14:33, archived)
I know; he can't quite seem to explain it.

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 14:33, archived)
one of life's mysteries

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 15:36, archived)
and yesterday was stir up Sunday
it's all getting very festive eh
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 14:27, archived)
Silver thruppence in there ?

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 14:29, archived)
no it's just the way I walk hahaha

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 14:31, archived)
Disgusting

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 15:08, archived)
DIRTY BENDERS...

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 14:30, archived)
Wankers

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 14:34, archived)
You

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 14:48, archived)
+ are brilliant
cheers
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 14:52, archived)
you are the Harry to my Meghan

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 14:55, archived)
you're definitely the good looking one, that much is true

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 14:57, archived)
which of your two hats looks best then?

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 14:57, archived)
I've been sent on a marketing training course thing
we had a session today and the room was full of twenty-something fuckers working in ad agencies.

My teeth were gritted and all I could think of was Bill Hicks' words echoing around my head "work in marketing? Kill yourself. No, really. Kill yourself. He's going for the angry dollar, that's a good dollar, no you fucks, fucking kill yourself. You are Satan's little helper, sucking Satan's cock &c."

Then, I had the entire B Arc routine from Hitch Hiker's Guide to The Galaxy, because basically we represented an entirely useless strata in society with the used car salesmen, management consultants and telephone sanitisers.

Great.
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 14:40, archived)

media.giphy.com/media/OMK7LRBedcnhm/200.gif
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 14:47, archived)
it makes me sad when people don't use frinkiac for their simpsons gifs

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 15:29, archived)
it was quicker to google homer nerd gif and click the first result soz

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 15:36, archived)
quicker isn't always better, tweeb

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 17:04, archived)
Ha, you're shit

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 14:48, archived)
Worse:
I'm a sellout
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 14:58, archived)
It's been years since I've seen someone reference that Bill Hicks routine on the Internet.
It's still shit.
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 14:58, archived)
I remember it being AMAZING... as a teenager
I'm not intending to go back to watch it againso I can still carry on believing Hicks was great.
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 15:09, archived)
Yeah sorry to break it to you m8, he was fucking rubbish

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 15:39, archived)
Yes, but if I don't watch it I can reject that as your opinion
and trust my flawed memory instead.
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 15:44, archived)
All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind. - Aristotle

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 15:03, archived)
Life ain't nothin' but bitches and money - Cube

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 15:19, archived)
so true

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 15:21, archived)
wow, a talking cube!

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 15:33, archived)
show some respect, m8
he's a serious actor now
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 15:36, archived)

c p

lol
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 15:39, archived)
hahaha
gross
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 15:39, archived)
lololol

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:04, archived)
Tits

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 14:40, archived)
Booby

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 14:48, archived)
This track
From the game Fibbage. All the music actually from it is great, like this
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 14:42, archived)
That's a bit nice, that is.

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 14:47, archived)
The whole lot is great
The art direction on Jackbox games are all superb, but Fibbage 3 is next level with its music
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 14:53, archived)
lol erect

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 14:47, archived)
Trust you to lower the tone

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 14:49, archived)
sorry

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 14:51, archived)
that's the only comment that made any sense so far

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 14:53, archived)
do you know the way to san jose
little bit stoned, just spent the last of my cash on crickets.
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 14:50, archived)

c
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 14:55, archived)
ash? rickets?

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 14:57, archived)
yes

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 14:58, archived)
don't be silly, spiders don't eat ash
and rickets is an illness, i'm pretty sure it's not edible.
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 15:16, archived)
Why would you pay to have spiders, most people have enough in their houses already

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 15:21, archived)
it's a tarantula
great for keeping ex boyfriends away
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 15:27, archived)
alright Gavin Williamson

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 15:29, archived)
was he the one with the spider on his desk?

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 15:41, archived)
An spider

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 14:52, archived)
al-spider
habibi
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 14:54, archived)
Sounds a bit muslim, brexit

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 14:55, archived)
is it like, moderAte or moderate, where the a sounds "uh"-ish?
so do you moderate or are you moderate? words, haha
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 15:01, archived)
Pbvqaiywd

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 15:05, archived)
alright "Google"
Showing results for Pbvusd
No results found for Pbvqaiywd
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 15:09, archived)
Bullshit, it's on my autocomplete

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 15:12, archived)
the full sentence probably is too though

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 15:22, archived)
Haha, pronunciationlols.

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 15:08, archived)
It's Jimi Hendrix birthday today.

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 15:06, archived)
Sorry to tell you this, but he's dead

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 15:09, archived)
At least I won't have to buy him a card

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 15:11, archived)
Smoking big doinks for Jimi

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 15:11, archived)
let's all take massive drugs and listen to his music!

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 15:11, archived)
Hey Joe
Thanks for that information
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 15:13, archived)
Hey pete by type o is far superior, just saying, rip

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 15:19, archived)
Room on the Broom
Specifically the song version from the audio CD that we play in the car whenever we go anywhere to drown out the toddler's screams.
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 15:19, archived)
alright 'jon venables'

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 15:22, archived)
oof

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 15:28, archived)
3 edgy

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 15:32, archived)
a student here keeps whistling that smash mouth song so i've got that in my head
might kill them
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 15:32, archived)
hey now, you're a whatname, and a doo-dah, hey heeeyyyyy

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 15:35, archived)
You could always take it as an invitation to smash them in the mouth.

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 15:37, archived)
guy fieri's heroes

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 15:37, archived)
and therefore mine as well

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 15:41, archived)
You are Shrek, in the film about you called Shrek
And you are about to meet a wisecracking donkey. Kill that.
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 15:41, archived)
Fun fact: All Star was originally featured in the film Mystery Men, and the music video featured the stars of that film.

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:14, archived)
That is a fact at most
Don't drag fun's name to this level
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:19, archived)
miiiight as well be walkin on the sun

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 15:54, archived)
is that because you ain't the sharpest tool in the shed?

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 15:57, archived)
Although he is possibly the biggest.

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:05, archived)
he's the wheelbarrow

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 16:09, archived)
Best most unnnecccesssaarrry safety warning on a DAB radio
Product Description

The Co-Pilot CPDAB1 is a universal DAB/DAB+ radio receiver that connects directly to the cigarette lighter Socket of your car....

Safety Warning

Do not use for petrol. This product does not meet UK legal requirements for petrol storage containers


www.amazon.co.uk/Co-Pilot-CPDAB1-Universal-Radio-Adaptor/dp/B071WKF593
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 12:12, archived)
tempted to submit a question
"Can I use this to store petrol?"
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 12:14, archived)
Tempted to buy it just so I can leave a review
1/5

Only managed to get a few teaspoons of petrol in it, that leaked out and set the car on fire.
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 12:15, archived)
you can, but not legally

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 12:17, archived)
My RE teacher had the biggest allergic reaction to this.
Whenever anyone asked "Sir, can I go to the toilet?", he'd bellow "AAAHHHHHHH, you CAN, but MAAAYYY you?".
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 12:18, archived)
May I use this to store petrol?

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 12:19, archived)
Probably was light relief from being told by everyone only pisspoor teachers do RE

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 12:33, archived)
It's entirely possible.
The man was a fat American snob who couldn't understand why anybody would not be massively interested in Jesus.
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 12:37, archived)
Did he diddle you? Sounds like a diddler

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 12:38, archived)
No, my maths teacher was the one suspected of that.
He was also the head of one of the boarding houses and allegations were made but never investigated fully, as he'd hanged himself in his garage in the interim.
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 12:41, archived)
Captive audience
Be rude not to
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 12:49, archived)
"What's your problem with it holding petrol"
"Mine does fine and has done for the past 17 years. What are you, a company of hippies?"
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 12:32, archived)
Lol.
Like those little packets of airline peanuts marked "Warning: contains nuts".
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 12:17, archived)
hahaha because any fool knows that since the introduction of European Food Information to Consumers Regulation No 1169/2011 in 2014 all they need to do is highlight the allergenic ingredient in a different font style within the ingredients list!!
there's no need for a separate allergen information section at all!!!!!
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 12:21, archived)
Those fools.

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 12:22, archived)
Amateur hour, I tell you.
Amateur hour all over.
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 12:23, archived)
there's definitely two of at least one of the letters in that word

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 12:18, archived)
It was a good effort I reckon

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 12:19, archived)
There
I fixeded it
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 12:23, archived)
huh

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 12:18, archived)
Check this out.
Might buy it. Can't decide if it's the worst or best looking bike I've ever seen.
www.gumtree.com/p/cars-vans-motorbikes/suzuki-xf650/1276496625
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 12:18, archived)
love it

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 12:20, archived)
I reckon it's a bargain if I can knock a hundred or 2 off the price.
Only done 30k km as well.
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 12:21, archived)
crikey

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 12:21, archived)
Yeah.

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 12:23, archived)
Isn't that the motif on a pair of McBeef's trainers?

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 12:22, archived)
It looks like unicorn vomit

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 12:23, archived)
Boytaur jizz.

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 12:25, archived)
doesn't go far enough if you ask me
get matching seat covers and replace all the plain metal with tie-dye and it might look ok
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 12:24, archived)
Yeah, I'm suspicious they left the front mud guard.

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 12:25, archived)
er aaah um

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 12:24, archived)
You love it, I can tell.
The XF is actually a great bike, lovely old throaty powerful carbed single.
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 12:27, archived)
I'm a bit fazed by the headlight
I'd love an SR500. A smide more conventional (boring?)
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 12:33, archived)
Seat height is too low for me on one of them.
And people keep buying them and cutting them up in to horrible cafe racer wannabes
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 12:44, archived)
Caterpillar boots y/n

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 12:41, archived)
Yes

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 12:50, archived)
No

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 12:50, archived)
Fuck off

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 12:50, archived)
You'd need a lot , they have loads of feet..oh hahahaha

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 12:56, archived)
Oh haha quality satire!

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 12:56, archived)
wank smart

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 13:45, archived)
wank s-mart

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 15:26, archived)
A belated happy birthday for the 26th of November to Rita Ora, for the 26th of November which was her 27th birthday on the 26th

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 13:46, archived)
She's too orangey for crows.

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 13:48, archived)
filth
pure filth
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 13:55, archived)
love it

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 13:55, archived)
god bless her, I say!

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 13:57, archived)
and all those who sail in her

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 13:58, archived)
definitely

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 14:00, archived)
The finest girl you ever want to meet

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 14:16, archived)
Happy Lancashire Day to all our Lancashire based boarders!
I don't know the demonym, is it Lancurians?
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 10:35, archived)
No, it's 'shitcunts'

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 10:36, archived)
oh

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 10:41, archived)
Dunno what that is, soz

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 10:37, archived)
hey, come on
don't be like that
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 10:41, archived)
I've never been

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 10:37, archived)
it's poorer without you

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 10:41, archived)
christ

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 10:47, archived)
So will there be a house warming for all your board mates?

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 10:42, archived)
of course
anyone who's willing to travel is always welcome in my home
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 10:47, archived)
Does it have a lake?

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 10:48, archived)
No, but it does have two ponds
might be a lake nearby though
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 10:56, archived)
2 ponds, will you be keeping fish?

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 10:57, archived)
thinking about it

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 11:04, archived)
It's a relaxing hobby, as with keeping any fish the bigger the water volume the less hassle

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 11:15, archived)
Does it have a duck house?

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 11:00, archived)
well if he buys it, the whole place will be a dick house!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 12:08, archived)
fucks sake

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 12:09, archived)
kwanzaa first

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 10:48, archived)
I'm pumped af for kwanzaa

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 11:05, archived)

youtu.be/xlf2P1Umcc8?t=55s
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 12:14, archived)
I don't believe in Lancashire

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 10:38, archived)
you believe hard enough
anything is possible
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 10:42, archived)
Anything north of Hertfordshire is just marked as "here be dragons" on my map.

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 11:42, archived)
I'm heating up a pot in celebration

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 10:40, archived)
braw! have potatoes with thta

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 10:42, archived)
wankashire more like

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 10:41, archived)
hahaha yeah!

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 10:42, archived)
Just generic northerns i believe

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 10:42, archived)
fair

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 10:42, archived)
They are all too busy arguing over which of their cakes is better
The answer is none of them, they are all wank
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 10:44, archived)
wanky wank wank

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 10:46, archived)
That is actually the recipe for a sad cake

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 10:57, archived)
If tha wert lanky, tha'dst know.

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 10:45, archived)
exactly

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 10:46, archived)
Lancastrians

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 11:20, archived)
cheers

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 11:22, archived)
haha

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 11:40, archived)
tangfastrians

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 11:59, archived)
more of a supermix guy

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 12:06, archived)

up rmi
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 12:07, archived)

media.tenor.com/videos/da6ea8b976010b5aaf4b5ba0a2c4c03d/mp4
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 12:09, archived)

ix att
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 12:13, archived)
lol

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 12:14, archived)
Lancastrians according to teh interw3bz
I should know this being from the area tbf
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 12:07, archived)
Morning.
Fighting fit and raring to go, or a sleep-deprived zombie wrenched back from the bring of the grave by the powers of caffeine?
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 8:04, archived)
morning
I'm at work early, ready for CYBER MONDAY!!!!
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 8:06, archived)
Is that when we all log into a group chat session and have cybersex?
It's probably not that, is it?
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 8:08, archived)
I hope not

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 8:14, archived)
Puts on robe and wizard hat

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 8:19, archived)
An all-time classic.

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 8:32, archived)
you'll be there until 10pm
cybering shit up
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 8:31, archived)
I, for one, welcome our new robot overlords.

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:03, archived)

i.imgur.com/CDJVNOW.jpg
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:32, archived)
Morning indeed , I got to my front door last night and remembered I needed butter, so today I've got to go out butter hunting

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 8:31, archived)
Sounds like an underground sexual slang term.
Are there no late-night butter dealers in your neck of the woods?
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 8:33, archived)
I couldn't be bothered going out again , it's ok I'll stock up later

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 8:40, archived)
Is that the origin of the word
bunting?
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:00, archived)
morning

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 8:52, archived)
Tangeredu-san.

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 8:55, archived)
Truly awful night's sleep, happens from time-to-time
just could not stop fidgiting and felt overly warm and uncomfortable. Got up and listened to a Philip Pullman play on iPlayer until about 4am.

Motorbiked it in and feel refreshed.

Need coffee now...
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:02, archived)
I feel you, bro.
Had a bit of a disjointed night myself.
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:17, archived)
Went to bed early, couldn't sleep, feel like crap.
Shitty end to a pleasant weekend.
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:04, archived)
There seems to be a theme emerging here.
The joys of being a wage slave, eh?
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:18, archived)
I should have had a shower and a wank before turning in.

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:25, archived)
Sound advice generally.

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:27, archived)
Buy a Lexus RX

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:12, archived)
Morning mate.
Nice weekend, nice morning. Only problem is it seems we might have mice.
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:14, archived)
I fully sympathise
If you want to go down the humane route, then obviously snap traps are the way to go. If you don't care, get something like this:
www.amazon.co.uk/ecotrampa-trampa-Adhesive-Capture-Rat-Mice/dp/B01FUGTGDK/ref=sr_1_sc_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1511774249&sr=8-1-spell&keywords=adhesvie+mouse+traps

As I say, not vry humane, but VERY effective.
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:18, archived)
I bet you stuck your cock on it

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:19, archived)
of course, wouldn't you?

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:20, archived)
it's the best way to test most things
Cf. your new house
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:24, archived)
I tried humane traps when we had mice.
The lesson I learnt was that field mice are uninterested in peanut butter, but will happily gorge themselves on deadly blue poison.
Also, if you forget where you left the traps, you might find yourself having to scrape a dessicated mouse corpse off the shelf when you go to read the electric meter.
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:23, archived)
Snap traps always.
We had humane traps as a kid so you could catch and release. 9 times out of 10 they just died in the panic of being trapped in a plastic box.
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:23, archived)
In our last place, we had one mouse a week, for more than a year of living there
The ones we saw, anyway. It was terrible. Couple of times the snap trap slammed right into their heads, splatters brains up the wall. Fucking grim.
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:25, archived)
Mice morning, then?
Get a cat - it's what the whisky distilleries do.
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:19, archived)
I've been told that cats bring in as many mice as they catch

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:22, archived)
yeah but then you get a snake to deal with the extra mice

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:23, archived)
What eats mongooses? Mongeese?

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:24, archived)
Mine have never brought any in.
Depends where you live, I suppose. My ex's cat used to bring in mice and birds from the back garden in a half-mangled state.
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:23, archived)
You stupid fucking stupid cunt

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:24, archived)
Hey, I'm only going on what cat owners have told me

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:26, archived)
Sounds like they're up in the loft. Might send one of the dogs up.

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:22, archived)
Probably chewing all the cables

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:27, archived)
Our last place, I found an ancient rat skeleton still with its jaws clamped around a wire

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:39, archived)
Made a cheeky offer on a house
it's all happening, m8
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:16, archived)
Under the asking price to an insulting degree?

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:17, archived)
I wouldn't say insulting
Less than 5% under, and the house is empty, so they want rid of it. Our buyers are first-timers, so we don't have a chain. I'm quietly optimistic.
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:19, archived)
That being said
If they reject the offer, I'm pretty sure Mrs Hats would just want to offer the full asking. It's a really nice place.
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:20, archived)
Is it nearer to me?

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:25, archived)
Difficult to say
It's in Fareham
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:26, archived)
fareham-nuff

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:29, archived)
or muff

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:30, archived)
probably muff

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:33, archived)
nice

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:34, archived)
Good for you.
The thought of moving house over Christmas has just raised my blood pressure slightly.
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:25, archived)
doesn't bother me
Unless it's literally christmas day, of course. That might be tricky.
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:27, archived)
I just pleased we decided against viewing that coaching inn, a couple of months back.
It's been sold, now, and we've changed our minds about moving to be in a better school catchment area, so I don't have to worry about it.
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:29, archived)
You're not moving at all?

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:32, archived)
No.
Briefly considered it due to our middle school being shit, but our eldest has applied for secondary school and our daughter (who was the real worry) seems happy enough, so we hired a tutor for her to fill in the gaps (the school bunged her in the numpty class for maths & english, on account of her dyslexia).
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:37, archived)
Ah, fair enough

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:39, archived)
Two things I swore I'd never do :
1. Buy a house based on school catchment areas
2. Hire a private tutor.

The second is rank hypocrisy, given that my wife sometimes works as one.
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:46, archived)
some schools are fucking shit like that
dyslexia? Oh, just stick them in the bottom sets...
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:41, archived)

sets


lol
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:43, archived)

st d


lol
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:45, archived)
lol to both of these

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:47, archived)
Did your offer include a bucket of Nando's?

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:19, archived)
Yes, but it's not a dealbreaker

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:20, archived)
Best of British, m8
Hopefully finding out today if we're good to go on our new place - it was even nicer irl than it looked on the internet.
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:35, archived)
Cheers
And good luck! I know what you mean. We looked at four places on saturday. Two were as good as I expected, one that looked great was shit, and the one we've made an offer on is way bigger than it looks on the pictures. Funny old game.
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:39, archived)
We were shown around one of the places by the current owner
and if that wasn't awkward enough, he's selling it because he's separated from his wife, who's still living there.
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:40, archived)
ouch

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:42, archived)
oh christ
expect the place burnt to the ground before you move in
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:45, archived)
Did you ask if she came with the house?

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:51, archived)
I once viewed a house which was being sold by the children of the previous owner.
He'd obviously died in the house, and they had done nothing to clear the place up - the bed in the master bedroom still bore the dent he'd worn in it, and the covers were left where the paramedics had thrown them.
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:52, archived)
fucking hell

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:55, archived)
Thankfully, all decomposition had long since run its course so it was just a case of throwing a load of fairly clean bones into a bin bag

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:57, archived)
This sounds like the sort of thing an estate agent might say

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:58, archived)
Long time ago, we looked at a place that had no gas connection, only electricity
The agent said "The bills will be a tiny bit higher, but you won't die in a gas explosion". I appreciated his candour.
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:59, archived)
Well, you have to do a BIT of tidying up before you have visitors round

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:59, archived)
How many times did he refer to her as "The bitch"
?
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:54, archived)
He assured me that they were still friends
She wasn't home right now because she was out with her new fella.
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:56, archived)
How awkward did it get entering the master bedroom

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 10:00, archived)
Still really good friends but the locks have been changed and the front garden is full of her stuff

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 10:02, archived)
Was the picture of a police box?

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:41, archived)
?
www.youtube.com/watch?v=65oS6BYEfr0
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 10:21, archived)
Awful nights sleep
Bonkers dreams about setting up a supply chain to the Smurf village.
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 9:52, archived)
I dreamt they'd filmed an entirely unnecessary and nonsensical epilogue to 'Breaking Bad',
featuring several characters who were mysteriously not dead despite having been killed in the series.
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 10:02, archived)
Hope we get a day off work when Prince Harry gets married.
If not, maybe we can have a national holiday when Mcbeef moves house.
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 10:12, archived)
seems appropriate

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 10:22, archived)
*Rings Rangs Dong*

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 10:29, archived)
It's 2017.
It's about time at least one member of the royal family came out of the closet.
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 10:24, archived)
Morning
uh
(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 10:25, archived)
what iiiiiis it good for?

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 10:26, archived)
What time d'you call this, eh?

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 10:29, archived)
Penetrate my seeping sore ridden anus, it's 10:41!

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 10:41, archived)
morning

(, Mon 27 Nov 2017, 8:01, archived)
Save $500 on bread this year--click here!

(, Sun 26 Nov 2017, 16:12, archived)
i don't use dollars
can i still save money?
(, Sun 26 Nov 2017, 16:16, archived)
no

(, Sun 26 Nov 2017, 16:17, archived)
bugger

(, Sun 26 Nov 2017, 16:40, archived)
If you don't use 'em you lose 'em

(, Sun 26 Nov 2017, 20:39, archived)
I don't really eat a lot of bread

(, Sun 26 Nov 2017, 16:23, archived)
I do.

(, Sun 26 Nov 2017, 16:29, archived)
Are you a duck?

(, Sun 26 Nov 2017, 16:41, archived)
never knock a nail in with a duck

(, Sun 26 Nov 2017, 16:54, archived)
It's a really good job they revised the first draft of the Ghostbusters script, I reckon.

(, Sun 26 Nov 2017, 19:22, archived)
Open face sandwiches at Chez Pig, is it?

(, Sun 26 Nov 2017, 18:29, archived)
I really do need to cut down my bread costs

(, Sun 26 Nov 2017, 18:17, archived)
I make my own bread.
Put that in your yoghurt machine and hickory-smoke it.
(, Sun 26 Nov 2017, 18:32, archived)
Method Man just ain't the same since he became a foodie.

(, Sun 26 Nov 2017, 19:23, archived)
OK, I had to look up who Method Man was and I still don't get this,
but I'm cool with that.
(, Sun 26 Nov 2017, 19:33, archived)
OK, then we're all good.

(, Sun 26 Nov 2017, 19:45, archived)
£7.21 a week spent on bread?

(, Sun 26 Nov 2017, 19:04, archived)
Gene never He never came inside that woman.
After a few pumps, he withdrew his penis and started smashing it between the ring and the lid of the toilet for penance.
(, Sun 26 Nov 2017, 19:44, archived)
so wow that's a neato what now right

(, Sun 26 Nov 2017, 19:58, archived)
Does it involve a duck costume?

(, Sun 26 Nov 2017, 19:54, archived)

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