Profile for The Great Architect:
Profile Info:
I have a Facebook:
No... not that one.
I also have a
for the cack-handed amateur photography malarkey that I enjoy doing.
Click HERE for my photostream
/If you add me as a contact for either site, just let me know who you are on b3ta, cheers :)
**********************************************************
I know a Dairy Farmer who has just become a Freemason.
He goes around giving his colleagues the secret milkshake.
**********************************************************
I used to work in a Helium Balloon Factory.
My colleagues speak very highly about me.
**********************************************************
My best friend Stan is a one fingered Pickpocket.
He can only pinch Polo Mints
**********************************************************
'Twas Christmas Day
'Twas Christmas Day in the Workhouse,
The merriest Day of the Year.
The Paupers and the Prisoners,
Were all assembled there.
In came the Christmas Pudding,
And with a voice that shattered glass.
They said "We don't want your Christmas Pudding"
You can stick it up... There on the shelf with the rest of the presents.
The Workhouse Master then arose,
And began to carve the Duck.
He said "Who wants the Parson's Nose"?
And the prisoners shouted... "You have it yourself, Sir".
The Vicar brought his Bible,
And read out little bits.
Said one old Crone at the back of the Hall,
"This man gets on... Very well with everybody".
The Workhouse Mistress then began,
To hand out Christmas Parcels.
The Paupers tore the wrapping off,
And began to wipe their... Eyes, which were full of tears.
The Master rose to make a speech,
But just before he started.
The Mistress who was 15 stone,
Gave three loud cheers and... Nearly choked herself on a glass of wine.
All the Paupers then began,
To pull their Christmas Crackers.
One Pauper held his too low down,
And blew off both his... Paper hat, and the mans next to him.
A steaming bowl of White Bread Sauce,
Was handed round to some.
An ancient Gourmet called aloud,
"This Bread sauce tastes like... It was made by a Continental Chef".
Mince Pie with Custard was served next,
And each received a bit.
One Pauper said "This Mince Pie is nice",
"But the custard tastes like... The Bread Sauce we had in the last verse".
The Mistress dishing out the food,
Dropped custard down her front.
She cried "Aren't I a silly girl"!
And they all answered "You're a... Perfect picture as always, Ma'am".
"This Pudding" said the Master,
"Is solid, hard and thick"!
"What will I use to cut it"?
And the inmates shouted "Your... Penknife, Sir. The one with the Pearl handle".
The Mistress asked the Vicar,
To entertain his flock.
"What would you like to see"? he said.
And they all replied "Your... Conjuring tricks, they're always worth watching".
"Your Reverence, may I be excused"?
Said one benign old Chap.
"I really don't like conjuring tricks",
"I'd sooner have a... Carol or two around the fire".
So then they all began to sing,
Which shook the Workhouse walls.
"Merry Christmas" cried the Master,
And the inmates shouted... "Best of luck to you as well, Sir".
and I suggested it :)
The thread in question being here: http://www.b3ta.com/board/9249749
Free Web Site Counters
Recent front page messages:
Best answers to questions:
[read all their answers]
- a member for 5 years, 2 months and 23 days
- has posted 39967 messages on the main board
- (of which 100 have appeared on the front page)
- has posted 3103 messages on the talk board
- has posted 2597 messages on the links board
- (including 93 links)
- has posted 118 stories and 191 replies on question of the week
- They liked 3330 pictures, 3200 links, 254 talk posts, and 354 qotw answers. [RSS feed]
- Ignore this user
- Add this user as a friend
- send me a message
![[More]](/images/board_posticon.gif "Click here for more about this event."){kind=small}
|
Tue | 1 | Dec |
Profile Info:
I have a Facebook:
No... not that one.
I also have a
for the cack-handed amateur photography malarkey that I enjoy doing.
Click HERE for my photostream
/If you add me as a contact for either site, just let me know who you are on b3ta, cheers :)
**********************************************************
I know a Dairy Farmer who has just become a Freemason.
He goes around giving his colleagues the secret milkshake.
**********************************************************
I used to work in a Helium Balloon Factory.
My colleagues speak very highly about me.
**********************************************************
My best friend Stan is a one fingered Pickpocket.
He can only pinch Polo Mints
**********************************************************
'Twas Christmas Day
'Twas Christmas Day in the Workhouse,
The merriest Day of the Year.
The Paupers and the Prisoners,
Were all assembled there.
In came the Christmas Pudding,
And with a voice that shattered glass.
They said "We don't want your Christmas Pudding"
You can stick it up... There on the shelf with the rest of the presents.
The Workhouse Master then arose,
And began to carve the Duck.
He said "Who wants the Parson's Nose"?
And the prisoners shouted... "You have it yourself, Sir".
The Vicar brought his Bible,
And read out little bits.
Said one old Crone at the back of the Hall,
"This man gets on... Very well with everybody".
The Workhouse Mistress then began,
To hand out Christmas Parcels.
The Paupers tore the wrapping off,
And began to wipe their... Eyes, which were full of tears.
The Master rose to make a speech,
But just before he started.
The Mistress who was 15 stone,
Gave three loud cheers and... Nearly choked herself on a glass of wine.
All the Paupers then began,
To pull their Christmas Crackers.
One Pauper held his too low down,
And blew off both his... Paper hat, and the mans next to him.
A steaming bowl of White Bread Sauce,
Was handed round to some.
An ancient Gourmet called aloud,
"This Bread sauce tastes like... It was made by a Continental Chef".
Mince Pie with Custard was served next,
And each received a bit.
One Pauper said "This Mince Pie is nice",
"But the custard tastes like... The Bread Sauce we had in the last verse".
The Mistress dishing out the food,
Dropped custard down her front.
She cried "Aren't I a silly girl"!
And they all answered "You're a... Perfect picture as always, Ma'am".
"This Pudding" said the Master,
"Is solid, hard and thick"!
"What will I use to cut it"?
And the inmates shouted "Your... Penknife, Sir. The one with the Pearl handle".
The Mistress asked the Vicar,
To entertain his flock.
"What would you like to see"? he said.
And they all replied "Your... Conjuring tricks, they're always worth watching".
"Your Reverence, may I be excused"?
Said one benign old Chap.
"I really don't like conjuring tricks",
"I'd sooner have a... Carol or two around the fire".
So then they all began to sing,
Which shook the Workhouse walls.
"Merry Christmas" cried the Master,
And the inmates shouted... "Best of luck to you as well, Sir".
and I suggested it :)
The thread in question being here: http://www.b3ta.com/board/9249749
Free Web Site Counters
Recent front page messages:
Best answers to questions:
» Conspiracy theory nutters
Ok, using this as a chance to clear a few things up:
1.) To those who ask, Yes, I am a Freemason.
2.) However, no, I am not part of any 'shadowy elite'.
3.) Evil Satan Worshippers? No, not us. We don't sacrifice Goats. The only reason creatures like Goats got brought into the whole 'evils of masonry' thing pursued by the anti-masonry brigade was because the acronym G.O.A.T. is often used in older texts to describe the 'God Of All Things'. The link to Goats is probably where all the 'satanic worhsip' guff started as well. (Look up 'Taxil Hoax' for further info. on that)
4.) And neither do we have anything to do with defiling naked virgins either, though not for want of trying on a Saturday night.
5.) Large amounts of the arguments against freemasonry are usually presented with 'proof' from older texts such as that of Albert Pike in his book 'Morals and Dogma of the Ancient and Accepted Scottish Rite of Freemasonry'. This book was published in 1871, yup 138 years ago. I can assure you that modern Freemasonry bears little resemblance to some of the 'assumed' points being made in that text. As with all things, it evolves with time to suit the time.
6.) Likewise, although we do have the handshakes and rolled up trouserlegs, we do not have any obligation to financially benefit other masons as a preference to others.
7.) Such is the modern nature of the organisation, it is made up of many individuals, from every part of the social, financial and political spectrum. When you meet up once a month, we're all on the same level, and it's a nice place to get to know different people well, pretty much in the same way as a Golf Club, a Women's Insitute meeting or similar.
8.) Each of us are prohibited from discussing Politics and Religion during a meeting evening, which would make it extrememly difficult for us to make plans to control the rest of the world's population since these two topics are probably the two most important in establishing any form of control over a population.
9.) Estimating, the average age of the British freemason is seriously pushing 60+. It's very difficult to entertain the notion that some of these people who are also part of the 'higher' degrees could seriously be part of a group in a position to manage and control the world when they can't even manage a bowl of tomato soup at the after meeting meal without spilling two thirds of it down their white shirts.
10.) It's surprisingly open these days, and certainly a world away from the writings of Pike (mentioned above) and the old attitudes that it was a preserve of the rich only. It really isn't. Many lodges often put on an 'open evening' when members of the public can walk in and have a look at a ceremony being performed, many times in full, and get a full Q & A session afterwards.
11.) Now the 'secrets' - Yes, as an organisation there are a few words etc which we don't reveal until someone comes in, but these are very few, and only applicable to the key parts of each ceremony. It really is no biggy. Anyone can become a mason, and as I've said before it's far more difficult to get into a Golf Club than it is to get into Masonry. Golf Clubs often resound with the clattering of many local high flying businessmen making deals, networking on the green, and the chink of money at the 19th hole. Nobody really knows what goes on in the selection process for new members of some of the more 'elite clubs' either, who knows what deals are being made in the safety and privacy of the clubhouse. See, when a spin is put on something like a golf club, they can sound sinister, which is exactly what happened with Freemasonry.
12.) Guided by the Devil? Am I a 'sheeple' Mason, only going along with it as a loyal follower of the higher up satan worshippers as I've been sucked in? No, I'm not ta, but thanks for the suggestion. I am a normal chap, with my own opinions, and have the benefit of making my own mind up on the organisation by getting the informaiton on the inside, and doing research into it, and discussing it in great (and accurate) depth. If I didn't like it, I wouldn't do it. I prefer this method of reasoning than relying on 140 year old writings of an organisation which bears no relation to the evolved organisation it is now, and also the endless half arsed and minimally researched ramblings on the internet when any 'opinion' can be stated as fact without full research or citation being given by the armchair avengers.
13.) Essentially, it is not a religion, nor any such part of one. It has never been promoted as one, and never will due to it's inherent belief that each member is entitled to an individual belief in their own god/spiritual progression as they see fit. The word allegory is often used in ceremonies to demonstrate this.
14.) You might remember The Goat. Now, as a few people may know, the Goat and I had a few run ins before he left, but despite our 'conversations' and rather heated differences of opinion on /links at times, he was a great chap for sticking to his guns, and /links was an interesting place for it, if not always the friendliest place because of the long threads. We both acknowledged that we can 'agree to disagree' and a mutual respect was good, and I really do hope he's doing well wherever he now is. Thought it may be nice to see a kind word for him this week, as he may get brought up a fair bit here.
15.) Errr, now, about those naked virgins...
Most of the points above are areas I usually have to cover in pub conversations at the end of a long evening when someone has had a bit too much and questions me on it. Although not necessarily 'nutter's in the strictest sense, it's odd that 'most' people will always start off with the viewpoint that freemasons are inherently bad people when starting a conversation/argument about them, without actually knowing anything.
Still, that's enough rambling. I have trouser legs to iron and a new verse of the Stonecutters song to write.
(Thu 27th Aug 2009, 14:42, More)
Ok, using this as a chance to clear a few things up:
1.) To those who ask, Yes, I am a Freemason.
2.) However, no, I am not part of any 'shadowy elite'.
3.) Evil Satan Worshippers? No, not us. We don't sacrifice Goats. The only reason creatures like Goats got brought into the whole 'evils of masonry' thing pursued by the anti-masonry brigade was because the acronym G.O.A.T. is often used in older texts to describe the 'God Of All Things'. The link to Goats is probably where all the 'satanic worhsip' guff started as well. (Look up 'Taxil Hoax' for further info. on that)
4.) And neither do we have anything to do with defiling naked virgins either, though not for want of trying on a Saturday night.
5.) Large amounts of the arguments against freemasonry are usually presented with 'proof' from older texts such as that of Albert Pike in his book 'Morals and Dogma of the Ancient and Accepted Scottish Rite of Freemasonry'. This book was published in 1871, yup 138 years ago. I can assure you that modern Freemasonry bears little resemblance to some of the 'assumed' points being made in that text. As with all things, it evolves with time to suit the time.
6.) Likewise, although we do have the handshakes and rolled up trouserlegs, we do not have any obligation to financially benefit other masons as a preference to others.
7.) Such is the modern nature of the organisation, it is made up of many individuals, from every part of the social, financial and political spectrum. When you meet up once a month, we're all on the same level, and it's a nice place to get to know different people well, pretty much in the same way as a Golf Club, a Women's Insitute meeting or similar.
8.) Each of us are prohibited from discussing Politics and Religion during a meeting evening, which would make it extrememly difficult for us to make plans to control the rest of the world's population since these two topics are probably the two most important in establishing any form of control over a population.
9.) Estimating, the average age of the British freemason is seriously pushing 60+. It's very difficult to entertain the notion that some of these people who are also part of the 'higher' degrees could seriously be part of a group in a position to manage and control the world when they can't even manage a bowl of tomato soup at the after meeting meal without spilling two thirds of it down their white shirts.
10.) It's surprisingly open these days, and certainly a world away from the writings of Pike (mentioned above) and the old attitudes that it was a preserve of the rich only. It really isn't. Many lodges often put on an 'open evening' when members of the public can walk in and have a look at a ceremony being performed, many times in full, and get a full Q & A session afterwards.
11.) Now the 'secrets' - Yes, as an organisation there are a few words etc which we don't reveal until someone comes in, but these are very few, and only applicable to the key parts of each ceremony. It really is no biggy. Anyone can become a mason, and as I've said before it's far more difficult to get into a Golf Club than it is to get into Masonry. Golf Clubs often resound with the clattering of many local high flying businessmen making deals, networking on the green, and the chink of money at the 19th hole. Nobody really knows what goes on in the selection process for new members of some of the more 'elite clubs' either, who knows what deals are being made in the safety and privacy of the clubhouse. See, when a spin is put on something like a golf club, they can sound sinister, which is exactly what happened with Freemasonry.
12.) Guided by the Devil? Am I a 'sheeple' Mason, only going along with it as a loyal follower of the higher up satan worshippers as I've been sucked in? No, I'm not ta, but thanks for the suggestion. I am a normal chap, with my own opinions, and have the benefit of making my own mind up on the organisation by getting the informaiton on the inside, and doing research into it, and discussing it in great (and accurate) depth. If I didn't like it, I wouldn't do it. I prefer this method of reasoning than relying on 140 year old writings of an organisation which bears no relation to the evolved organisation it is now, and also the endless half arsed and minimally researched ramblings on the internet when any 'opinion' can be stated as fact without full research or citation being given by the armchair avengers.
13.) Essentially, it is not a religion, nor any such part of one. It has never been promoted as one, and never will due to it's inherent belief that each member is entitled to an individual belief in their own god/spiritual progression as they see fit. The word allegory is often used in ceremonies to demonstrate this.
14.) You might remember The Goat. Now, as a few people may know, the Goat and I had a few run ins before he left, but despite our 'conversations' and rather heated differences of opinion on /links at times, he was a great chap for sticking to his guns, and /links was an interesting place for it, if not always the friendliest place because of the long threads. We both acknowledged that we can 'agree to disagree' and a mutual respect was good, and I really do hope he's doing well wherever he now is. Thought it may be nice to see a kind word for him this week, as he may get brought up a fair bit here.
15.) Errr, now, about those naked virgins...
Most of the points above are areas I usually have to cover in pub conversations at the end of a long evening when someone has had a bit too much and questions me on it. Although not necessarily 'nutter's in the strictest sense, it's odd that 'most' people will always start off with the viewpoint that freemasons are inherently bad people when starting a conversation/argument about them, without actually knowing anything.
Still, that's enough rambling. I have trouser legs to iron and a new verse of the Stonecutters song to write.
(Thu 27th Aug 2009, 14:42, More)
» Nativity Plays
Herod! The Musical
Way back in the mists of time, my Primary School adopted a 'new' type of nativity play one year, opting for a production based around one of the stories covered in those 'music for schools' programmes that used to be on Radio 4. Those progarmmes which gave the teacher an hour off every Thursday morning while we all sang along with the radio, reading the words from our little books that accompanied the series and story being broadcast.
The story in question for this year was a nativity based story, but with a twist... It was a 'full on' musical.
Roles were being picked, kids were being 'auditioned' for said roles and I drew the rather short straw as Herod.
Come the day and I was festooned with as much pound shop bling as the school budget would allow to look the part of the King. You name it, I wore it: Tea Towels, gold braid, silver (tin) foil, gold painted cardboard, and I even remember gold tinsel ending up in the costume at some point. I must have looked like Jodie Marsh's christmas tree.
Anyway, with the stage being set in the local old church it eventually got around to my 'solo' piece. Up I step to the platform (the pulpit as it happens) to deliver my rousing song.
And to this day I can still remember the first verse and chorus, which was as follows:
"Things are get-ting desperate,
Don't they know I'm bo-oss,
Ignore these fan-cy ru-mours,
Or it will be your loss..."
Chrous (all)
"They say a new King's been born,
How ridiculous can you get.
Well I've got a trick or two up my sleeve,
'Cause I'm not finished yet".
It took a while to realise I was essentially portraying a glitzy showbiz baby killer. Think the 'John Barrowman' of Baby Killers.
It didn't end there either. At the end of the song, one of the kids (all scripted, you understand) came out from under the pulpit where I was standing and delivered his one and only line to the throng of proud parents assembled...
... "He's after your babies"
(Thu 26th Mar 2009, 18:19, More)
Herod! The Musical
Way back in the mists of time, my Primary School adopted a 'new' type of nativity play one year, opting for a production based around one of the stories covered in those 'music for schools' programmes that used to be on Radio 4. Those progarmmes which gave the teacher an hour off every Thursday morning while we all sang along with the radio, reading the words from our little books that accompanied the series and story being broadcast.
The story in question for this year was a nativity based story, but with a twist... It was a 'full on' musical.
Roles were being picked, kids were being 'auditioned' for said roles and I drew the rather short straw as Herod.
Come the day and I was festooned with as much pound shop bling as the school budget would allow to look the part of the King. You name it, I wore it: Tea Towels, gold braid, silver (tin) foil, gold painted cardboard, and I even remember gold tinsel ending up in the costume at some point. I must have looked like Jodie Marsh's christmas tree.
Anyway, with the stage being set in the local old church it eventually got around to my 'solo' piece. Up I step to the platform (the pulpit as it happens) to deliver my rousing song.
And to this day I can still remember the first verse and chorus, which was as follows:
"Things are get-ting desperate,
Don't they know I'm bo-oss,
Ignore these fan-cy ru-mours,
Or it will be your loss..."
Chrous (all)
"They say a new King's been born,
How ridiculous can you get.
Well I've got a trick or two up my sleeve,
'Cause I'm not finished yet".
It took a while to realise I was essentially portraying a glitzy showbiz baby killer. Think the 'John Barrowman' of Baby Killers.
It didn't end there either. At the end of the song, one of the kids (all scripted, you understand) came out from under the pulpit where I was standing and delivered his one and only line to the throng of proud parents assembled...
... "He's after your babies"
(Thu 26th Mar 2009, 18:19, More)
» Food sabotage
I've mentioned this one before, but it's worth another airing, with further details
During the second year at Uni. back in 1997, we had a new addition to our student flat in the form of 'Babs' - and Babs was a little naive about the ways of the west as he hailed from Nigeria, the son of a very rich family out there (where everything was done for him)
Now, before I get on to the act of food sabotage in question, have some background information which led to us exacting some 'revenge'
He arrived in England on a Friday. He then travelled up from London to Bolton where we welcomed him to the flat and did the whole 'if you need anything just shout' speech. Bearing in mind he'd only been in the country for around 24 hours, we thought we'd keep an eye on him to make sure he was ok, can't have been easy for him making such a huge adjustment so quickly.
Sunday morning. 6am. Doors to flat bang and open and then close loudly. Being a Sunday, nobody wants to get up at 6am to see what's going on. Eventually, everyone else is up and milling about in the flat kitchen by 10am... Everyone except Babs that is. We knock on the door, nothing.
'Hmmm', we thnk, 'he must have gone out shopping or something, no harm in that'.
2pm comes and goes, still nothing. 3pm, 4pm, 5pm all pass by. Zip. No sign of him. By 6pm, with no sign of him, and us all realising he doesn't know the area at all, we get cautious and ring the police. He may, after all, be lost somewhere.
11.30pm. That's when Babs rolls through the door, with a grin across his face like a Cheshire Cat. After all the 'where the f*ck have you been???' conversations he looked at us puzzled and replied,
"I've been to Church".
Puzzled, we enquired further. Babs then went on to tell us that he needed to find a Pentecostal Church to go to on the Sunday, so he got up early to go scouting around. This scouting around involved him walking around Bolton, and then somehow out onto and along the various A roads following road signs to Manchester - 16 miles away, where he found a church to visit. Said Church welcomed him, and then invited him to an afternoon picnic they were holding, where he duly went before leaving to walk the 16 miles back to Bolton, getting back at 11.30pm
It was then we told him where the Pentecostal Church was in Bolton.
His naivity often came at the worst possible times as well. Often the Kitchen would be a complete disaster area due to his 'experiments, as back at home, everything was done for him by servants. On one memorable occasion, after 2 failed attempts, he held a potato in front of me, asking "Simon, how do I turn this into chips"?
Also, upon seeing snow for the first time in his life, he decided at 5am one Sunday morning to take all our pots and pans from the kitchen to collect snow and make a huge snowman in the middle of the courtyard at the halls of residence at 6am on a Sunday, with 400 students bearing down on him from surrounding windows, often wondering what the sound of clattering pots and pans was coming from the Courtyard, and a few 'choice' phrases being shouted to him by several students.
Gradually, we were worn down to the point of needing some form of revenge. We had got him out of a few 'near misses' with locals, and his family (sadly) never bothered to ring and check up on him that much, leaving us to do a lot of handholding.
Babs, during our time with him, developed a keen taste and extreme passion for Hot Chocolate. In fact, it would be fair to say that if he could, he would live off it.
However, one cruel evening early in Babs' Hot Chocolate drinking career, we decided to top it up with more than a few hefty spoonfuls of Cayenne Pepper, shook it up and left it. Day after day and night after night Babs continued drinking it, and we continued topping it up with more pepper and further chocolate and he never twigged... For weeks.
Then came the comment which the rest of us couldn't help but fall about laughing at...
"You know, the more of this stuff you drink, the hotter it gets, I can see why they call it HOT Chocolate".
To be honest though, I don't think the sabotage really worked, as he still kept drinking it like it was going out of fashion. I wonder if he's been disppointed by the 'Hotness' of Hot Chocolate ever since leaving us.
(Wed 24th Sep 2008, 12:51, More)
I've mentioned this one before, but it's worth another airing, with further details
During the second year at Uni. back in 1997, we had a new addition to our student flat in the form of 'Babs' - and Babs was a little naive about the ways of the west as he hailed from Nigeria, the son of a very rich family out there (where everything was done for him)
Now, before I get on to the act of food sabotage in question, have some background information which led to us exacting some 'revenge'
He arrived in England on a Friday. He then travelled up from London to Bolton where we welcomed him to the flat and did the whole 'if you need anything just shout' speech. Bearing in mind he'd only been in the country for around 24 hours, we thought we'd keep an eye on him to make sure he was ok, can't have been easy for him making such a huge adjustment so quickly.
Sunday morning. 6am. Doors to flat bang and open and then close loudly. Being a Sunday, nobody wants to get up at 6am to see what's going on. Eventually, everyone else is up and milling about in the flat kitchen by 10am... Everyone except Babs that is. We knock on the door, nothing.
'Hmmm', we thnk, 'he must have gone out shopping or something, no harm in that'.
2pm comes and goes, still nothing. 3pm, 4pm, 5pm all pass by. Zip. No sign of him. By 6pm, with no sign of him, and us all realising he doesn't know the area at all, we get cautious and ring the police. He may, after all, be lost somewhere.
11.30pm. That's when Babs rolls through the door, with a grin across his face like a Cheshire Cat. After all the 'where the f*ck have you been???' conversations he looked at us puzzled and replied,
"I've been to Church".
Puzzled, we enquired further. Babs then went on to tell us that he needed to find a Pentecostal Church to go to on the Sunday, so he got up early to go scouting around. This scouting around involved him walking around Bolton, and then somehow out onto and along the various A roads following road signs to Manchester - 16 miles away, where he found a church to visit. Said Church welcomed him, and then invited him to an afternoon picnic they were holding, where he duly went before leaving to walk the 16 miles back to Bolton, getting back at 11.30pm
It was then we told him where the Pentecostal Church was in Bolton.
His naivity often came at the worst possible times as well. Often the Kitchen would be a complete disaster area due to his 'experiments, as back at home, everything was done for him by servants. On one memorable occasion, after 2 failed attempts, he held a potato in front of me, asking "Simon, how do I turn this into chips"?
Also, upon seeing snow for the first time in his life, he decided at 5am one Sunday morning to take all our pots and pans from the kitchen to collect snow and make a huge snowman in the middle of the courtyard at the halls of residence at 6am on a Sunday, with 400 students bearing down on him from surrounding windows, often wondering what the sound of clattering pots and pans was coming from the Courtyard, and a few 'choice' phrases being shouted to him by several students.
Gradually, we were worn down to the point of needing some form of revenge. We had got him out of a few 'near misses' with locals, and his family (sadly) never bothered to ring and check up on him that much, leaving us to do a lot of handholding.
Babs, during our time with him, developed a keen taste and extreme passion for Hot Chocolate. In fact, it would be fair to say that if he could, he would live off it.
However, one cruel evening early in Babs' Hot Chocolate drinking career, we decided to top it up with more than a few hefty spoonfuls of Cayenne Pepper, shook it up and left it. Day after day and night after night Babs continued drinking it, and we continued topping it up with more pepper and further chocolate and he never twigged... For weeks.
Then came the comment which the rest of us couldn't help but fall about laughing at...
"You know, the more of this stuff you drink, the hotter it gets, I can see why they call it HOT Chocolate".
To be honest though, I don't think the sabotage really worked, as he still kept drinking it like it was going out of fashion. I wonder if he's been disppointed by the 'Hotness' of Hot Chocolate ever since leaving us.
(Wed 24th Sep 2008, 12:51, More)