Assuming you have a job/career, what would you do if you got laid off?
www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-19236030

Happy or sad? I got booted last month, and it's given me the kick up the arse to go back to uni, so it was pretty much a good thing. However, if you've got family committments, I'd imagine it's shit.
Alt, breakfast, brunch or lunch.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 13 Aug 2012, 10:30, 124 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

1 - cry a LOT
2 - get a settlement

3 - go travelling
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 10:33, Reply)

I'm fairly confident I could get a similar job quickly
Not sure I'd have the balls to try something else though with kiddies to support. The Mrs could go back full time
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 10:37, Reply)

I could probably go back to my previous job
since I keep hearing how they're struggling without me *buffs fingernails on shirt*
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:08, Reply)

Run around in circles flapping my arms and weeping
Alt: I'm never really hungry in the mornings so I'll say lunch. Today lunch is a chicken and sweetcorn sammich.
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 10:37, Reply)

I dunno, but I do wonder why the fuck the press publish meaningless little surveys
from random bodies as "God's Honest Truth"^TM
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 10:37, Reply)

I'd say Bugger, that's a bit inconvenient
Then I'd go out and get another job.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 10:37, Reply)

YOU CAN'T FIRE ME!!! I QUIT!!!!!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 10:39, Reply)

Yeah, I'd be utterly fucked.
Someone would likely get their shit fucked up.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 10:39, Reply)

I hear Darth is available

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 10:49, Reply)

It's alright, my job is fairly safe,I think.
I work for a company that makes software that means other companies don't have to hire as many people.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 10:55, Reply)

So do I

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 10:55, Reply)

Are they currently undergoing an expansion and increasing their workforce by about 10%?

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 10:59, Reply)

No

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:00, Reply)

Good, there's no chance of you being my boss then.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:01, Reply)

I'm watching you......

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:02, Reply)

Find out how much cash I was getting, email the headhunters I know, get pissed.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 10:42, Reply)

Good answer.
Getting pissed always helps.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 13 Aug 2012, 10:45, Reply)

Only with a bear and John McEnroe

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 10:49, Reply)

I don't unnerstand the reference,
'cos I'm thick.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 13 Aug 2012, 10:55, Reply)

That, down there
*points down*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 10:56, Reply)

Looks at your genitalia.
*impressed*
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:04, Reply)

I'd tender my badge and piece and say "Adios stoopid chief, say hi to the mayor for me"
and then walk through his door without opening it and head to a bar and get Lloyd to give me a bottle of bourbon and a shot glass and get spankered before starting a fight with a midget and a bear and John McEnroe.
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 10:44, Reply)

hahahaha!
This wins
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 10:47, Reply)

I got redundified in Nov 2009.
I was out of work for 5 months and eventually got the worst job ever. Took another 18 months to land my current gig.

On the plus side, chicks dig me.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 10:46, Reply)

I have now been in my job for 15 years and 2 days
Redundancy would be quite profitable
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 10:48, Reply)

Not if they only gave you statutory it wouldn't.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 10:49, Reply)

It would still be almost 4 months wages tax free

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 10:50, Reply)

I got 4 times statutory.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 10:51, Reply)

This is very good

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 10:59, Reply)

+rape

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:01, Reply)

Shut up.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 10:48, Reply)

prick.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 10:50, Reply)

Cunt.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 10:50, Reply)

Wanker.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 10:55, Reply)

is this flirting
or do you two really hate each other?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 10:56, Reply)

I hate him, he fancies me.
He's only human.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 10:57, Reply)

but he's not a chick

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:03, Reply)

He bitches like one.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:19, Reply)

Prick.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:23, Reply)

Twat.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 10:57, Reply)

Nonce.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:03, Reply)

+ a six foot hole and invite me to lie in it.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 10:51, Reply)

The problem with contract work
is that they are entirely within their rights to tell you for 11 months out of 12 that your contract will almost certainly be renewed and then shit on you from a great and splattery height 30 days before your original expiry date by saying that actually they don't need you for another year after all, thanks very much for all the hard work, cheerybye. This may yet happen to me before Christmas.
(berk, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 10:49, Reply)

In other news what has happened to Quinton?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 10:51, Reply)

he sent a load of nonce porn to scaryduck.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 10:55, Reply)

sent bought
to off'f
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 10:59, Reply)

sssssssssssh
just enjoy it
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 10:55, Reply)

ALWAYS IN R HARTS

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 10:58, Reply)

i'm surprised nobody has suggested searching his grandmother's attic
perhaps standards on here have improved a bit
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:03, Reply)

I like the way you have suggested it without giving the appearance of suggesting it
plausible deniability.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:10, Reply)

i just want him safely home...

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:21, Reply)

+in 4 pieces

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:30, Reply)

He was an olympic volunteer
got drunk with the Tajikistan wrestling team last night, has just woken up in the cargo hold of Air Tajikistan Olympic Flight 1 stark naked.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:14, Reply)

this int far from t'truth
I met the aussie team last week, they was well buff and were going around siginig everything and taking photos with people

I didn't know who any of them were, but some of them were deffinately volleyballers from the look of theur bottoms
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:23, Reply)

look feel & smell
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:27, Reply)

I would never have known who they were from the front :(

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:32, Reply)

you could read their lips?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:39, Reply)

I went to uni after being redundanated. Going into my final year now and then I intend to be
a teacher 'til my folks die then spend all their money killing myself with drink and drugs on some island paradise.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 10:55, Reply)

I'd probably be in the shit

( Peej, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 10:55, Reply)

^^this
unless the redundancy wedge has improved considerably, which I doubt.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:09, Reply)

i was fired last year, the day after we completed on our first house.
I tried to stay positive and spin it that it would mean I had time to "get the new place sorted"
It actually meant we didn't eat much other than rice for s couple of months.
But, it meant I got out of restaurants and back in to pubs, and realised how much I had missed having time to have a social life. But the pub industry is surprisingly buoyant despite what you hear, so in not worried really.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:04, Reply)

I've noticed that, around here restraunts are coming and going quickly.
but gastropubs seem to be busy all the time.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:11, Reply)

Gastropubs should make their sodding minds up.
Pub, or restaurant please, not an overpriced pub.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:18, Reply)

It's all the people being made redundant drowning their sorrows

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:11, Reply)

So many pubs have closed down in my neighbourhood.
Only 4 left, out of loads 15 years ago. I suppose it's easy to blame the smoking ban, but I'm sure that's contributed a tad.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:12, Reply)

It has a bit, but
Supermarkets selling cheap beer and greedy brewing companies have a lot more to do with it IMO.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:24, Reply)

If I just wanted to get pissed, I'd stay at home with a bottle.
I go to the pub to meet people, socialise etc, as I'm sure most do. Beer has just gone up 20p in my local. That's the sodding landlord, not the breweries.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:29, Reply)

Most pubs and pub companies are cursed by shit managment.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:29, Reply)

It's a free house,
and he's a greedy twat.
£1.60 for a glass of soda and blackcurrant ffs.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:34, Reply)

you'd be surprised how much more beer costs when youre a free housr,
And one way to counteract loss leading products like premium lager is to bump up soft drink prices. Admittedly I wouldn't charge for soda, but do you know how much a box of coke syrup costs compared to how much you pay?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:43, Reply)

When I worked at a cinema they paid a flat rate a year.
Use as much syrup as they wanted.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:44, Reply)

yup,
Same in places like bowling alleys. It costs literally pence a glass.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:45, Reply)

Indeed
the sort of management that have been known to expect their staff to sell up to 10% more beer than is actually in the barrel.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:35, Reply)

really?
that's proper retarded. Even the short pipe run in our old bar would cost you a couple of pints per barrel change, you can't even sell as many as there are in a barrel...
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:39, Reply)

My local is a cask place, with about 12 different brews at any one time,
and they lose a few pints per barrel from "tasters", real ale buffs wanting a crafty sample.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:43, Reply)

and ullage,
And line cleans, and topping off, and spillage and so on.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:44, Reply)

also,
Do the maths on pints per barrel. Average 50ml sample, 568 ml in a uk pint.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:48, Reply)

Struggling to find a link for it
but unless my memory is playing tricks was one of the big pubcos up north (probably taken over by someone else now) a few years ago.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:50, Reply)

probably.
Basically, fullers, MandB, and Greene king pretty much own the lot.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:52, Reply)

And that at least half of pubs in the UK in the year 2012
haven't worked out how to keep a toilet clean.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:41, Reply)

There used to ba a little boozer in the middle of nowhere, near where |I lived,
"The Moorcock",massively old dear ran it, the bar was her converted lounge, and she sold only bottles. Took about 10 minutes of her shuffling around in her slippers to get served. Anyway, only women were permitted to use her private toilet, guys had to go outside and piss up the wall.
Top place.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:48, Reply)

+ something about roast potatoes

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:48, Reply)

I assume you're talking roast spuds, from the freezer?
Don't get me started on frozen Yorkshire puds...
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:54, Reply)

Ongoing debate about the lack of good roast potatoes in pubs

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:56, Reply)

it's the subject that keeps on giving

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 12:02, Reply)

^^ this ^^

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 12:05, Reply)

Frozen chips too, you bloody post deleter you.

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:58, Reply)

?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:59, Reply)

Tries replying to your above post, and was told it was thread deleted. It's not now, must be B3TA gremlins.

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 13 Aug 2012, 12:02, Reply)

No Same post twice I did delete one of them

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 12:05, Reply)

Ah, ok.
B3TA is off the hook then.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 13 Aug 2012, 12:07, Reply)

the problem i find is everyone thinks they know how to run a pub,
And that all pubs are effected in the same way by changes in social culture, pricing, legislation etc, when really each one is an individual business, managed properly can do very well. The 10 pubs I'm linked with are showing huge growth at the moment, as are many pub companies.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:41, Reply)

I'm showing huge growth
in my pants!
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 12:18, Reply)

Fuck's sake
I don't know why I bother
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 12:58, Reply)

what the actual fuck...
... i just googled the number of calories in fruit mentos, as the packet is suspiciously quiet on the point. for some reason i decided to trust yahoo for the answer. and someone had asked THIS question, came up along the bottom. how thick can you get?



Is it legal to order an egg mcmuffin from McDonald's without ham?

I'm scared that they'll get mad and say I'm protesting government then arrest me :\ please help. Is it okay?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:20, Reply)

Do egg mcmuffins contain ham?
I'm far too cultured to eat at "fast food" cafeterias.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:27, Reply)

i have no idea
but why the fuck would it be illegal to order it without?

maybe if you were underage and you'd asked them to soak it in booze. or pot. or crack. but without ham?

fucking tard.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:29, Reply)

"please help"
Just suggest they kill themselves immediately, that's the best help you can offer.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:37, Reply)

ahaha
i like this a lot.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:38, Reply)

Your response should be:
"No, McDonalds is in bed with the large pig-manufactoring conglomerates who are, themselves, funding your Government's re-election campaigns. They will alert their bosses when ham is declined who then pass it up the chain. They will watch you through security cameras to ascertain whether or not you're a malcontent. The Government put an additive in ham to keep people docile. It is within their interests to watch you. Be warned. Don't allow yourself to be like the rest of these sheeple".
( Kroney, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:41, Reply)

he asked about removing ham
not GOAT
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:50, Reply)

Is the Goat still around?
He was funny.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 13 Aug 2012, 12:01, Reply)

At statutory I'd get a little over a month's wages
so I'd have a bit of breathing space, but not fucking much. I would likely panic and join the popo.
( Kroney, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:39, Reply)

I would also cry
it's taken me years to decide what I wanted to do and get a proper job in it. I'd probably end up trying to work as a photographer or picture editor for magazines or something, but the industry for that is completely fucked, too.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:43, Reply)

I'd probably moan about it on the internet, sweat a bit and then have a hate wank
I am eating my ham and salmai sandwich right now, didn't even make it to midday =(
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:53, Reply)

blimey
I'm eating breakfast
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:54, Reply)

lazy bloomin teachers

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:55, Reply)

damn right
and I've realised how lazy I am about now when I think of the things I was meant to do and haven't yet and we're back in on MOnday
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:59, Reply)

This is an interesting article
www.guardian.co.uk/world/2012/aug/11/syria-rebel-regime-sunni-alawite
(PsychoChomp, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:54, Reply)

That's Shi'ite

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 11:56, Reply)

Hate is very easy
Compassion considerably less so.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 12:02, Reply)

Thnks for that "Dalai lama"

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 12:06, Reply)

Dalai lama walks into pizzahut
And says "make me one with everything"
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 12:18, Reply)

Dalai lama is working behind the bar at his local pub
A man comes in and pays him a fiver for a pint of Shandy, the Dalai Lama takes his money and fails to give hime any change. The man complains about this and the Dalai lama quietly points out that "Change must come from within"...
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 12:19, Reply)

However, a smack in the teeth is usually external.

( Kroney, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 12:25, Reply)

They are clearly not all white either

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 12:19, Reply)

Afternoon sporty
No hangover this morning?
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 12:23, Reply)

Nope
Afternoon HH
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 12:25, Reply)

lucky sod

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 12:27, Reply)

alright quendophiles?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 12:24, Reply)

New thread please, but not from PD, thanks.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 12:28, Reply)

^^ This ^^

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 12:35, Reply)

^^ Wanker.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 12:39, Reply)

I'd be a bit gutted but I know I Wong have any problem finding work.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 12:34, Reply)