shiksa! you are not alone!
I too had an unspeakable crush on Christoper Walken. He is scary yet sexy.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 29 Sep 2006, 9:50, Reply)

Jo Frost
I could certainly go a few minutes on her naughty spot fnaar fnaar!
(rockstar, Fri 29 Sep 2006, 9:41, Reply)

Lucky ladies
Zia McCabe from The Dandy Warhols for most of the summer a few years ago, and most recently, Dr Alice Roberts the red plaited presenter of BBC TV series 'Coast'.

My pal Seamonkey had the hots for Dr Roberts as well. It got quite competitive.
(p0zitr0n - phunarmically charged particle, detected at, Fri 29 Sep 2006, 9:38, Reply)

robotech
.....Lisa Hayes

began when i was about 24. wierd, but i still get funny feelings when i watch it.
(discodaz *generic witty comment*, Fri 29 Sep 2006, 9:35, Reply)

Richard Whiteley
A mate of ours admitted she'd had a particularly "saucy" dream about Richard Whiteley.

She still hasn't lived it down to this day - why would you tell us, why would you tell anyone?
(A*D, Fri 29 Sep 2006, 9:31, Reply)

Servalan
Oh god... you are Sooo right about Jaqui Pierce circa 1978, white satin, no bra, perky nips and utter utter evilness.

*fwap*
(ColdLazarus, Fri 29 Sep 2006, 9:29, Reply)

I'm not sad, or geeky but...
In real life: I had a fairly inappropriate crush on a girl in the year above me at school. She lived fairly close to me but I would cycle out of my way on the way home just to go past her house in case she was in the living room watching telly or something. You wouldn't beleive my unmitigated joy when I actually pulled her some years later! We never spoke again after that. Bah.

In fiction: Dana Scully. Gillian Anderson is just beautiful. And the voice of my own God inside my head says she feels the same and we're meant to be together...

Foreeeeevvvveeeerrrr...
( Normanator Bad case of trapped wind since, Fri 29 Sep 2006, 9:25, Reply)

Unreal Women
My biggest crush as a child was Teela from He-man, I had the action figure and everything. It gave me a serious bout of depression when I realised I was falling in love with a fictional character. Alas, I was doomed to repeat this when I fell for Topanga (boy meets world) and then Leeloo (The Fifth Element). I graduated to non-fictional women eventually.

Edit - I felt the same way about Dana Scully (see above)
Edit 2 - Ooh! And Ace from Dr Who (Sophie Aldread), and Violet Berlin!
( TheAlmightyBeev, Fri 29 Sep 2006, 9:03, Reply)

As a young lad
I had a thing for Princess Calla off the Gummi Bears cartoon. Looking back I realise it would never have worked out between us, what with her being a princess and so moving in very different social circles. Oh, and the fact she was fictional too.
( Olembe Refuses to write in this space, Fri 29 Sep 2006, 8:56, Reply)

A Voice
Baccara - Yes Sir, I Can Boogie. First 20 seconds consists of spanish lady making breathy, moaning, lady noises. A lad of only 5 years old, but I was capitaved. I didnt know what those noises meant, but I did know I wanted to hear them again and again. Spanish accent ruined me for life, only had foreign girlfriends since.
Oh and Serverlan out of Blakes 7. Ultimate powerful evil lady. She would tie you up and do unspeakable things to you. Shudders ....
(anat0010, Fri 29 Sep 2006, 8:56, Reply)

Low resolution fox
Yesterday while walking past the window in the office I noticed what I thought was a very foxy young lady walking up the hill and commented as such.

Turns out she was in her forties at least and was wearing sandals.

My excuse? I'd forgotten to put my contact lenses in that morning.

Bad eyesight = everyone's foxy
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 29 Sep 2006, 8:55, Reply)

Not me, but still funny
A mate of mine had a crush on the actor Arkie Whitely (various TV appearances but notably the Captain's Girl from Mad Max 2, google her and you'll immediately say "Oh right! Her!")and used to see her at various parties around Sydney for a few months.
At one such party, she was in the yard, he was standing just inside smoking some electric cabbage with some friends when she turned and to his utter amazement smiled at him.
He in turn smiled back (after doing one of those sly looks behind him to make sure there was nobody else there) and raised his glass in salute.
She smiled again and beckoned him over.
So he, never breaking eye contact, walked toward her... and straight off the unrailed first floor balcony he'd been standing on.
One trip to the hospital later he was out hobbling around on crutches with a broken leg And the best part? He'd imagined the whole exchange of glances and waves in his drug-addled state anyway. She really had been waving to someone else anyway and even missed the whole dive off the ledge.
( difficultchild, Fri 29 Sep 2006, 6:41, Reply)

Misplaced affection
Back at college I spent two years obsessing over a girl. We were good friends and there was even one opportunity when (she's told me since) that she would have let me pull her, if only I'd had the guts to ask. Instead I wussed it for the best part of 20 months.

However, on month 21 there came a day when I did pluck up the courage to ask. It came off the back of her positive response to the latest loving poem I'd drafted for her (fuck off - I was 17). Reaching deep within myself I announced that I loved her.

She was overjoyed. Gave me a hug and made me feel like king of the world... I felt superhuman. I could have done anything... right up until the moment she admitted that she'd been secretly enjoying the lady love with our good friend Rachel for well over a year (I'd often wondered why Rachel hung around so much).

And that, my friends, is how you crush a man's spirit. Tell you what though - got many a good wank fantasy out of the new scenario, so it wasn't all bad.


Forget length - think of two birds touching themselves up...
( DickieDoesDallas eshews witty slogans, Fri 29 Sep 2006, 6:13, Reply)

Plump
servers in British pubs, with an overbite but preferably a lisp. Perhaps its the way they handle those long smooth taps or maybe the pleasure that gushes from a night-out.
I'm in Canada and have never been specific about my love for Coronation Street to anyone.
My mother and, of course all my aunts and female cousins are from Glasgow but let's not go there...
(fuckstockings will never go to trial, Fri 29 Sep 2006, 5:35, Reply)

Oh really?
Anneka Rice - eee. Ugly crow. Even when I was wee, she gave me the creeps.

I can't believe no-one has mentioned the oh-so-fit (and atheltic) Micheala Strachan yet...mmm. Though whether she counts as beastial or not is open to debate. ;)
(FightingComet got Boost Power on, Fri 29 Sep 2006, 4:42, Reply)

The list of my crushes is both long and embarassing...
...but the strangest one was when I was a toddler.

I had a crush on The Hulk.
Not of the 'Hogan' variety.
Or Bill Bixby.
I truly loved the big green fella who went 'Rarr!' a lot and threw people about.
I even had a Hulk doll that I took to bed with me.

*cue sad Hulk end credit music*

I still have the doll but have lost the longing for a big, green, angry, musclebound, gamma-ray-accident-created mutant.
(Boss Mew Covfefe does not bargain...it only covfefes., Fri 29 Sep 2006, 2:37, Reply)

Tripitaka
the woman disguised as a buddhist monk in the TV classic Monkey. I had missed the first couple of episodes and couldn't understand why I had the hots for someone that monkey, pigsy and sandy called master.

I swear it crossed my 6 year old head that there might be something fundamentally wrong.

I was fucking relieved to find out she was a chick.
(genghis26, Fri 29 Sep 2006, 2:34, Reply)

I guess this is as good a place as any
to declare my undying love for, i.e. lame-ass crush on, Christopher Walken.

I'd explain, but hell, I don't understand it.
( Shiksa, Fri 29 Sep 2006, 2:30, Reply)

4 years
Spent stalking one boy in my class because he could spell "disease" in one history class in year 8.

I somehow manage to get his home phone number at 14years old or so, and call it up.

*badly put on chinese accent*
"Hong Kink Chinese food!"

I scream into the phone.

I hang up.

I wait 5 minutes, look at the number, reading and re-reading it.

I call the number again.

*barely conceled laughter from his dad*
"i assume you want John?"
(mmmm curry doesn't really understand this sig lark, Fri 29 Sep 2006, 1:40, Reply)

anyone
alive, female and with a pulse.

Fine, any 2 of 3.

no apologies for theft.
(thePontificator, Fri 29 Sep 2006, 1:19, Reply)

I'm amazed that this one's still unsaid
Yes, I know she's a cartoon character and she's only got one eye and purple hair...but Leela off Futurama. Jesus, she's hot. Really hot. And thanks to the internet, you can still get some great, if odd, pictures of her for the wank bank. Amazing what people can do.

Oh, and my old IT teacher. See, I'm not *that* odd. She was (and still is, luckily) real with all the right number of features.
(mr major no thanks, I don't use the horse, Fri 29 Sep 2006, 0:29, Reply)

The object of my teenage affections..
taught English, was a stone fox [seeing him makes you used stupid expressions like this] & I thought about him all the time. Still do. He has spoiled me for other men. Always had time for me. Helped me interview for Cambridge, smooth out coursework [spent two hours helping me after class], gave me books, always read out my work, & made fantastic comments directed at me that singled me out as his partner in his putdowns of others. He had the sexiest voice & hearing world war one poetry still turns me on even now.

Obviously helped by the fact this man wore trousers from Mothercare which he had tailored. Seriously. Must've been. Never have two ass cheeks fought so hard to be free of their cloth prison..

length? Frankly Sir, I enjoyed it.
(godbox 3rd best prostitute in London, after mum & sis, Fri 29 Sep 2006, 0:02, Reply)

Sister Sister
on Nikelodeon about 10 years ago. I've moved on from then to Elisha Cuthbert and Anne Hathaway.

I've invited them round for tea, but as yet I've had no reply.
( Koocha My Gallery is full of fun stuff, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 23:52, Reply)

Mrs Drane
English teacher at our school. 15 years older than us, with tits to die for! Must've been an E cup at least!

Yum!
( eXOBeX, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 23:39, Reply)

Fry from Futurama
I don't know what's worse, the fact he's a cartoon or that he's ginger.
(chakaflange, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 23:38, Reply)

Dawn
From Buffy. Kill me. Also, pretty much the entire female cast in fact.

And, when I was a child, Terri Hatcher. Well, I still would to be fair.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Thu 28 Sep 2006, 23:32, Reply)

Penelope Keith - I like a bit of posh.
Also, Phillipa Forrester circa 1990 - 2000.

More disturbingly, Daphne from Scooby doo... but I wouldn't have said no to a threesome with Velma as well, it must have been the skirt.
( Goldfish_, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 23:15, Reply)

Not sure if this is wrong or right...
Mmmm... Felicity Kendal.

And I don't just mean back in the tight-jeans-and-big-woolly-jumper Good Life days. She's still beautiful today.
(priorywoodsseeker, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 23:12, Reply)

mmm
I fancy Brie off Neighbours
(isketchmaster, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 23:11, Reply)

Huffty
off of The Word. She was nice.
( George Spiggott, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 23:08, Reply)