Janet Ellis
jigsaw era, pre blue peter

i didn't know what sex was, but i loved her
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 16:41, Reply)

Various
Cheetarah off of Thundercats has to be up there (so to speak). It's not strictly beastiality cos she looks sort of human.
My Drama teacher. Desperately wanted her to chastise me in her office (before i knew what the word 'chastise' meant)
Woman who lived over the road and always did her gardening in a bikini top. She was as old as my mum though. Fair game though.
Some female kids early morning TV presenter who presented the show in her PJs! Bwwwrrr!!
And of course Michaela Strachan and her denim hotpants.

There's something running down my leg, I hope it's sweat
( Fray Brentos *mega-belms*, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 16:36, Reply)

Jessica Arnold. Grange Hill.
Although it was not remotely inappropriate on this evidence.
( 0% Interest Expand Reply Retweet Favorite More, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 16:33, Reply)

I was thinking about 'furries' and how strange they are

and, just for a few seconds, I did see the attraction of having sex with a teddy bear.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 16:32, Reply)

Blimey, yeah, Anneka Rice
I remember watching Treasure Hunt as a kid. The image of her panting, sweating, gasping that she was 'nearly there' illicited a similar response from me.
( Spunk Murphy Tchaikovsky is a synonym for fanny, apparently, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 16:31, Reply)

my friends say that all my crushes are inappropriate

because I'm a 'chubby chaser'.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 16:30, Reply)

Hairdresser
My mums mate used to cut me and my brothers hair from the age of about 13. She was well flirty and very fit. She stopped a few years later and I heard she split up with her husband (they had two kids). Fast forward a few more years and I end up at a party after a night out. Turns out its her daughters eighteenth. Chatted her mum up all night and ended up in bed with her. What a result! Meant i could have a proper image of her in the wank-bank. Havent told me mum yet.
( DumbMonkey The penis mightier than the sword, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 16:26, Reply)

Anneka Rice
I don't know why but something about those early 90's, tight fitting body suits drove me wild. I admitted to my Dad that "I wanted to marry her" and was subsiquently forced to watch Challenge Anneka every Saturday night just so my Mam and Dad could take the piss.

Funnily enough, they divorced around the time that Challenge Anneka ended. The constant cajoling I got off them for fancying the pants of Miss. Rice was the only thing that kept them together.
(Peter Sutcliffe's Right Bollock, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 16:25, Reply)

at my friend's wedding

I met a woman who I found most attractive, and got on well with. Sadly, she was the best man's fiance.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 16:20, Reply)

Pass me the mind bleach dear
Simon Groom from Blue Peter.
Was it the height?
Goldie the cute dog he always had glued to his side?
His manly daredevil antics on his farm?
No idea, but I would have died for this man whan I was (ahem) younger.
(datcat Millions of cats, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 16:17, Reply)

oh yes
and when I was fifteen, was taken to London on a Very Important Family Occasion. Met a cousin who I had no idea existed. He turned out to be a pompous twunt, but his considerably younger wife was an Eastern European hardbody. I had to babysit for the night and rifled through her pants drawer for the best part of 20 minutes groaning. Kept a pair for years. Still makes me twitch thinkin about her.
(kaptinkurtz, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 16:16, Reply)

Belly nuzzlin'
Miss Bedford - my Junior Kindergarten teacher. I had the, apparently, mandatory crush on her. But what made it a little pervy were my clairvoyant fantasies. I could see into the future. Y'see I was five years old, knew nothing about sex and my nuts still resided somwhere behind my lungs. But all I wanted to do to Miss Bedford was get naked and rub my belly against hers and I was a little worried that my willy would get in the way and get pinched.
I have since found out that ladies have a convenient receptacle in which to put your willy if you wish to do a bit of belly rubbing
(ring-finger is also a verb, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 16:15, Reply)

always work
i also have a bit of a thing for one of the agents I use for work. She melts me every time I speak to her on the phone. At the Xmas party I had to avoid her like the plague, cos I was with my GF and would have made a twat of meself. Im now single (again - woohoo!) but can't bring myself to approach her. Those big brown doe eyes, the phenomenal rack, the kick boxers physique. I need to lie down.
(kaptinkurtz, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 16:13, Reply)

THE Sorceress
I make no bones about it, i've always been in love with, and always will be in love with, The Sorceress from He-Man.

It's not just that she's a very handsome lady who wears cock-bothering, whorish, sorcer-chic outfits. Wait...yes it is.

Sweet Jeebus! look at the fucking pins on it. Mmmmmm.


( mookay immune to icons since, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 16:11, Reply)

When I was about 14, I used to have a huge crush on a certain geography teacher
but to be fair, so did every red-blooded lad in my year. It was probably her who instilled a penchant for older and/or dark-eyed women in me... and on the debit side, made my ambitions utterly unrealistic and doomed my efforts in this area to complete failure.
Still, she had a nice arse - that was the important thing!

Mind you, I was too much of a lily-livered wuss at the time to have any seriously perverted fantasies involving her.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 16:07, Reply)

Labyrinth
I first watched The Labyrinth when I was about 8. I can still remember being besotted with Sarah in her baggy white blouse and tight jeans.

Near the beginning of her journey, she's walking down the walled corridor (where she meets the worm, and just before she meets Hoggle). And then some upbeat music starts and as if she were an angel, she starts to run.

Her dark hair flowing behind her, her little brown plimsoles. The breasticulars!!. Oh, the breasticulars under her loose white shirt were clearly not supported by anything as inhibiting as a brassiere. I used to imagine them under there, jigging up and down, occasionally the nipples being stroked by her flowing blouse, and her getting turned on by it a little bit. I was in love.

Shortly after this display of shear wonderfulness, she meets Hoggle. The ugly dwarf thing, and he's fumigating what could only be described by his mannerisms and general mood, as a garden pest.

But oh no. I was in heaven. Sarah, with her delicate hands, picks up one of the pests.

It's a fairy. A fucking hot fairy. It's now sitting in Sarah's hand. My first encounter of lesbian action! The fairy had sparkly cute wings with a little, lace, low-cut mini dress and bare feet.

I've watched The Labyrinth over and over again during my 23 years of life and I can still manage to deplete a box of Kleenex on the strength of it.


No apologies for length.

I'm off. To watch The Labyrinth

Share my Labyrinth love:

Sarah

Fairy
( Fork Has lost his bash virginity!, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 16:01, Reply)

I've thought of more!
Further to the Pat Sharp crush, I have more embarrassing ones to share with you all.

Ben Nicholas, also known as Stingray from Neighbours. I don't know WHY, I just do. Also, Rupert Grint. Three reasons this is horrendous:

1. The smug grin
2. GINGER, ferchrissakes!
3. I imagined him and Tom Felton (Draco Malfoy for those who only know Potter stuff) and I didn't sleep for a week. That was just to add Tom Felton to the list.

I'm only two years older than them, so it's allowed.
(Mikhail Gorbachev If only Chupa-Chups made dildos..., Thu 28 Sep 2006, 15:59, Reply)

Hmmm....
Blossom used to do it for me. Friday nights were great !
Having Google'd, she still does !



*POP* there's goes my 1st.
(SqueakyRat, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 15:53, Reply)

The Caramel Bunny
So I had a crush on an animated anthropomorhic rabbit as a child, it was a natural, normal phase to go through and has no bearing on myself as an adult.

I would love to debate this further but I have to go and wank furiously over Jolly Jacks Sequential Art; YIFF!!!
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 15:49, Reply)

Hmmm
Maths teacher in primary school
Blue chick from Farscape
Blue chick from X-Men Movies
The blonde newsreader on BBC 1
The brunnette newsreader on BBC 1

.....hmm I seem to watch BBC 1 a little too much come to think of it, but that polish 6ft blonde secretary next door with awesome legs is quite fine.../ramble off
(I don't lie I change the truth o.O, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 15:43, Reply)

Mine
When I was five (1981), it was Smurfette. Until I moved on to Cindy Brady, that is.
At 20ish, Melissa Joan Hart, Katie Holmes, and Natalie Portman.
(chase, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 15:42, Reply)

Never mind Sabrina...
...what about her earlier "Clarissa explains it all" program? It was on Sky around the time I was 14. After some initial guilty feelings about her straying into my mind during those furious early teenage hand shandy sessions I subsequently read she was actually 17 at the time which made it all ok.

I can see her in that ballet outfit in the opening credits now...

Reading through many of these posts, it seems most members of the male species go through a phase in their teens (as I did) where they could crank one out to wallpaper drying, let alone their large breasted and slightly over friendly German teacher...

Great days, great days...
( dan j the filthy bastard, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 15:40, Reply)

Elizabeth Montgomery aka Samantha from Bewitched
Regardless of the fact she had magical powers, when she twitched her nose...ohhhhhh

and Anthea Turner on Blue Peter

*runs*

In other inappropriate crush news:

Sharon Watts, Eastenders
Suzanne Ross, Grange Hill
Harmonys sister, Queens Nose
Jenny Powell, Wheel of Fortune
Ailsa, Home and Away (?)
The superfine blonde girl that was found on the beach in Summer Bay but was really 13 in real life
Brigid, Byker Grove
Mums friend Jane
Most of my younger sisters friends

I'd better stop there

EDIT: but I would rather sleep with Charles Manson AND Sonya from Eastenders than have a crush on Natasha Kaplinsky

EDIT: A totally fucking APPROPRIATE crush is Elliot from Scrubs

I love you Elliott
( prem1um is full of life, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 15:39, Reply)

somebody mention starfleet?
www.sfxb.co.uk/chargfx/lamia.jpg

hmm.. yes...

and my mates girlfriends younger sisters (twins)I did actually very nearly go out with one of them, but was stopped by a very nasty conversation with the mate. who is now an ex-mate.
Mind you, he got what he deserved, he married a power mad dominating cow, and she is the one that wears the trousers in that house.
And the sisters? well... one of them married a wanker and has since divorced, and is now in the states somewhere, and the other is a born again christian, off on some mission to a far flung country with no TV. *looks up phone numbers*
( TBL I posted this on, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 15:35, Reply)

Natasha...
I always quite fancied Natasha Kaplinsky from the breakfast show on the BBC – I can’t tell you how broken up I was when she got married. Bitch. Still I suppose having crushes on celebrities isn’t ever going to end well.
( theniwokeup has been awake since, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 15:32, Reply)

Sabrina the Teenage Witch
I don't think I need to say any more. I enjoy all the episodes and all I do is drool over her - I'm a 30 year old man for God's sake! My other half hates the show and is vaguely embarassed about my compulsion....

She (the actress obviously) is only a day older than me too and I keep thinking that if I ever bump into her that'd be the first moronic thing that falls out of my mouth....

I had this idiotic dream where she gave me her number and I was this close to trying to call it the next morning.

Sad? Totally.

Length? I'm black, you work it out ;-)
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 15:30, Reply)

Pippa from Stay Lucky
God knows why, she had a face like a slapped arse and a voice that'd curdle concrete, bless her. Used fancy her something awful in my youth - just thinking of her now make me shiver like a shitting dog in disgust.
( Spunk Murphy Tchaikovsky is a synonym for fanny, apparently, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 15:29, Reply)

Something for the weekend ?
A whole squad of us at school used to get our hair cut at a local barbers due solely to the fact that a drop dead gorgeous, and let's not beat around the bush ; particularly buxom young lady worked there.

We sat in line waiting to be called over and once the nudge-nudge / embarrassment thing was out of the way we just sat in stunned silence as she cut away and if memory serves, straddled the chair to cut your fringe (at least that's what I remember officer).

It all went tits-up one afternoon when one of us was called up and dressed in one of those stupid nylon hair-cape thingies, proceeded to get his hair cut by our hairdresser girl.

After snipping away for a few minutes, she suddenly noticed some rythmic fumbling from under the nylon sheet thing and promptly whacked our pal on the back of the head with a hair brush whilst screaming all manner of insults regarding his perversion.

Best bit was, he was cleaning his glasses under the sheet.

Laughed ? I nearly farted.
(Compulsive1 Hello is that the Police ?, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 15:24, Reply)

Harmony from the kids TV show "The Queen's Nose" back in the mid nineties
i just looked her up on imdb and she's only a year younger than me.

*imagines how she must have blossomed since the show*
( monstrinho do biscoito teeeshurts = www.nogunarmy.com, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 15:21, Reply)