Just to say
at this moment in time I am trembling with hate (very rare for me) thanks to having been fucked over by somebody, so this QoTW of pure vitriol is perfect.

Makes a mockery of my "we should all learn to get along" statements I've made in the past on QoTW. That's probably why we need celebrities - people we don't know, but know just enough of, to feel emotions for.

Question - what did we do before celebrities existed ?
( I_Was_Mordred, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 13:20, 1 reply)

Gregg Wallace from Masterchef.
The fat shirter.

Next time you see the show, see how he squirms when he has to comment first. This is because hasn't got a fucking CLUE. His qualification as a cooking expert is that he sells cabbages to restaurants. That's IT. Oh and he's eaten loads of food. Wow. Most of it PIES.

He's fine if John Torode speaks first because he can and does simply agree with him. But when he's up first he just gibbers on about 'flavours'. For fuck's sake, it's FOOD - of course you can 'really taste the flavours coming through' - unless it's unseasoned gruel, the food you're eating will indeed have 'flavours coming through'. They maybe fucking disgusting 'flavours', but they will be 'flavours' nevertheless.

I am reliably informed he has lifelong connections with that legendary outpost of gastronomy, West Ham football hooliganism, and has tattoos to advertise this fact. Fine if you're a greengrocer - less so as a so-called leading arbiter of culinary perfection.

Who he bummed to get this job is anyone's guess. So I'm going to guess 'Alan Yentob'.

He's now opened his own restaurant, I believe, and I greatly look forward to reading terrible reviews and of its premature closing within the next year.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 13:20, 1 reply)

Any male celeb that gets more sex than I do
Well it does go for non-celebs as well tho.
(NuffMuff fucks shrubbery, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 13:17, 1 reply)

Nicholas Cage...
I'm trembling with rage even as I type this. I hate everything about him. I hate his face, his hair, his voice, his lungs, the soles of his feet, his aura, his armpit hair. I don't know if he has any but I also hate all his pets and armchairs.

If I see a poster for one of his films I have to hold my hand up to obscure my view of him.

I can't remember the exact reasons behind my utter contempt for him but I'd like to hog tie him, suspend him from a tree and spend an afternoon whacking him in the face with a dead hare.


.....and relax.
(Elmintrude has lumps of it round the back, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 13:16, 10 replies)

Danny Dyer
Oh how I wish he would just fuck off.

Mockney hard man and one trick pony actor, seen one of his films you have seen them all. Even hearing his "raah tough guy" voice overs are enough to make me curse the invention of the television.

He might be a nice guy in real life, he might not, but he will forever be a cunt in my eyes
(Halfy By light alone, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 13:14, 2 replies)

Eamonn Fucking Holmes
That's right. Eamonn Holmes.

His very presence dillutes the atmosphere of any programme, like watered-down beer.

Daytime TV has always been a pet-hate of mine. It's just so dull, dreary, unimaginative, and soul drestroying. So much so that whenever I'm off work ill I always end up going back before I'm well enough, just to get away from shite like This Morning, or whatever other shite he's on these days.

Eamonn Holmes is easily the epitomy of boring Daytime TV shite. The smug knob-rash is the televisual equivalent of eating cardboard.

I wouldn't mind but he's getting harder and harder to escape from. He's fucking everywhere.

Someone must have told Sky News they needed to make their morning broadcasts less interesting, so they trundled out the fat cunt just so he can mention Manchester United at every fucking opportunity.

I could go on for hours but instead I'll leave it up to Tom Baker, who had this to say about the lardy fucker.

"Eamonn Holmes with his terrible 'I'm eating shit' grin and that acid blonde: bottle blonde, black bush - Fi-ona, I think he calls her. I couldn't possibly go on, I would be sick in his lap".
(Barry Subchimp, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 13:13, 4 replies)

Lorne Spicer
Not only does she have a name that sounds like a sausage seasoning, she is also the most insencere person ive ever witnessed presenting daytime telly. She's just horrible, her droll and plastic smile and fashion sense combined makes me squirm every time i see her pretending to be intersted/like people/hide her superiority on those shitty programs.

if she ever comes near my house i will happily throw eggs at her.
( Barry the Time Sprout one of your 5-a-day, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 13:13, 3 replies)

I neither condone nor encourage murder
however, here's a mind game I sometimes play with a set of pals...

You have a rifle and three bullets and some sort of get out of jail free card. In this imaginary scenario, who do you go out and kill?

In the past my 'hit-list' has featured Jamie Oliver very regularly, Paul Shaffer - he's the utter dick who does the music on the Letterman Show, Bruce Forsyth, Linda Barker (changing rooms), Ben Elton and many others.

But the one currently in my sights, the one who I would never get sick of hurting, is that Jason Bradbury: the speccy slaphead off The Gadget Show. I just can't watch it without the Red Mist descending.
( MisterPunch did it that way on, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 13:09, Reply)

Where do I start?
Anthea Fucking Turner
Trinny and Susannah
Gary Rhodes
Jeremy Kyle

That's all for now......

EDIT - and the fella from Masterchef, the bespectacled market trader.
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 13:07, Reply)

Didier Fucking Drogba
You useless bastard.

The man is one of the strongest players on the ball, has the ability to hold off several players at once. Yet if any of them dare to actually touch him, he'll take a dive that would make Jacques Cousteau proud.

Play with even a smidgen of decency, and you'd probably become quite popular.

You cunt.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 13:06, 5 replies)

I hate pretty much everyone ever invented
But you can send me into a towering ball of industrial grade rage with the mention of simply one name.


Richard Madeley.


There's something about the slicked hair, the laminated self regard, the total disdain for the opinions or feelings of others that, even now as I'm typing, has me quivering with poory disguised anger.

And don't get me started on that Ali G impression.

The man is a fur-lined, ocean going cunt and if I never see him on my television again for the rest of my sorry existence it will still be too soon.

No wonder Judy "shakes" so much.
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 13:05, 8 replies)

I'm not so insecure or full of impotent rage that I feel any need to hate anyone famous.
My stepmother, however ...
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 13:05, 1 reply)

Online, on digital....
I like Radio 2. I do. I was sad to lose Terry, but everyone has to retire, and actually Evans (who I would have fairly much put as the demigod of this QOTW a few years back) has turned his act around and does a decent job of the brekkie show. However, Radio 2 has two crowning piles of donkey smegma in their lineup.

First off the bat, Sarah Kennedy. This woman clearly has drinking problems, but these are not a patch on the fact that she has the humour and broadcasting abilities of a damp flannel, as well as the kind of casual right-wing biogtry that makes the BNP do a happy dance. The one saving grace about her is that she is on at stuipd-o-clock when very few people have to listen to her bilge.

However, I would happily listen to her 24 hours a day, 7 days a week compared to my next candidate.

Steve Fucking Wright

Never in the history of broadcasting has someone been on radio who is more fucking pleased with himself. There should be a health warning prior to his broadcasts that you may have the urge to rip off your own ears due to the inanely high levels of smug. And his cunting sidekicks? About as funny and as interesting as a colostomy. And I swear to God himself, if I ever meet either the Old Woman or Barry from Watford, I will kill them. To death, and beyond.
( Undercovercarrot got done for gross misconduct on..., Thu 4 Feb 2010, 13:05, 18 replies)

A new low: a repost from just last week
..but fuck it, there'll be plenty more from me this week so this is merely an opening gambit.

DAVID BOWIE.

Here are just a very few reasons why:

1. He was a bandwaggoner who never 'meant it'.
Mid 60's r'n'b is 'in' - great, I'll give that a go no problem. Now I'm a solo pop artist. Oops, that isn't selling, now I'm a wacky mime artist. Now I'm a fucking junglist'...for fuck's sake. No integrity whatsoever.

Look at AC/DC or Motorhead - they didn't ditch their style when it fell out of favour, it's a fucking pathetic thing to do. Look at the history of popular music and name a couple of others famous for 'reinventing themselves' - how about Kylie Minogue and Madonna? It's what you do when the style you have doesn't have enough quality to sustain an entire career. The Ramones didn't 'reinvent themselves' because they didn't need to. You can develop your style (like The Who did), but that's wholly different from ditching your previous work because it didn't sell - that's shallow and reveals you to be a fashion-chasing charlatan. The Who still were still opening with their first ever single a decade and more after it was released.

2. The music isn't groundbreaking or original - the only original thing he did was to introduce 'dressing up like a fucking twat so no-one notices how mediocre the music is'. Brilliant. He deliberately courted controversy and headlines by bendering around with Mick Ronson - that's rather sad, isn't it? The sort of thing you'd resort to if your middle of the road pop-rock wasn't selling on its own merits.

3. His shit mix fucked up 'Raw Power' by The Stooges. Now THERE was a band that meant it - they didn't trot out 'The Laughing fucking Gnome' to cash in on Barrett style psychedelia. He also produced 'Transformer' by Lou Reed which is shit, and Lou Reed is a cunt.

4. He called his son 'Zowie'. What a helmet.

5. 'Plastic Soul?' Spastic fucking soul. By naming your limpid, tinny attempt at one of the most emotionally-charged musical forms of the 20th Century a 'plastic' version of it, you are effectively admitting you are trotting out a pale imitation of the real thing. You can at least admire his honesty.

6. 'Dancing in the Streets' with Mick Jagger. Christ on a fucking bike how dreadful.

7. I've heard a (reasonably cogent) argument that by inventing the practice of selling shares in his future earnings in the 70s he effectively invented futures trading. DAVID BOWIE CAUSED THE RECESSION. And the Haiti disaster as well, I'll be bound. AND he killed those Chinese cocklers.

I really don't have the time to go on, but I could at length and in great detail as to why that weedy knob-end does not deserve the simpering adulation that he has garnered over the years, heaped upon him by idiots and people who should know better.

I saw a documentary on 'Bowie at 50' or some shit the other day and his endless fake laughing made me want to drive nails into my eyes.


Hi Che! x
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 13:04, 41 replies)

Mrs Thatcher

I could go on a rant of, "How much do I hate thee? Let me count the ways.." but I've done that in the past on QOTW and, to be honest, that gets a bit tedious and it's had me kicked out of the local Conservative Club too many times to be funny anymore.

So I make a solemn vow.

I don't care if I'm arrested, charged and do time for it but it WILL happen.

When she dies, and wherever they bury the bitch, I'm going to breach the security and dance on her fucking grave. To The Birdie Song.

"With a little bit of this and a little bit of that and shake your arse" - A fitting send off......



Oh! And Gordan - you wall-eyed porridge-wog? Given the chance I'd douse you in petrol and set you on fire. Then I wouldn't piss on you.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 13:01, 45 replies)

So this week...
... the image challenge and the QOTW are going to have pretty much the same results?

Are we trying to get a massive number of hits for Simon Cowell?

(I don't like those guys on Masterchef. The way they put food into their mouths makes me retch.)
(Sivvus trolley collision in the fruit aisle led to a jam, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 12:59, Reply)

Jonny Wilkinson
What a cunt. What a complete and utter cunt.

How can anyone get injured that often, and still be that good?

While I'm at it, why can't the bastard at least be ugly, that'd make me feel better, but no, he's got to be a good looking bastard too. Argh!

Yes, I am jealous. Actually I quite like him, seems like a nice lad. Just wanted to vent
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 12:58, 1 reply)

Edmonds, Chegwin & Philbin
You bought your cunty swap shop shit stop to my town when I was 6. I swapped a millenium falcon for a big fuck of gun that sparked and lit up when you pulled the trigger.

HOW THE FUCK CAN THAT BE LEGAL????

My 6 year old body cried tears of pain for weeks when I realised I had been violently raped of one of the coolest toys, for a shitty heap of cunting plastic with no value beyond pretending to gun my parents to death on the car journey home.

I threw the pile of shit in the fishpond and 2 golden orfes died within a week.
(Growbag Pointless, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 12:57, 4 replies)

Clarkson
What can one say ? He's like an embodiment of Daily Mail / Sun readers in one awful body. Being able to drive cars for a living - OK, fair play, that's a gig most of us would want. But coming out with "man on the Clapham Omnibus" statements along the lines of "you couldn't make it up" about the French, Germans, Health and Safety, the Green movement...

...yes, you might have a point in some ways, but parroting back a digest of the opinions of others does not make you some sort of sage.

And frankly, the need to surround yourself with a sycophantic audience and colleagues to produce your show just makes you look like an even bigger cock.
( I_Was_Mordred, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 12:56, 7 replies)

Robson Greene
Smug self obsessed swimming and fishing cunt.

Sharon Osbourne - nasty hypocritical Randy Rhoads shagging cunt.

Geri Halliwell - talentless no-mark hippy cunt.

Max Cunting Clifford.

Ian Flat Cap Wearing Cunt Wright. (OK Pete?)

That'll do for now.

Immediate Edit - Davina Shouty Cunt McCall - thanks rachelswipe.
( Ping_Pang_Piddley_Dee couldn't give a big shiny fuck., Thu 4 Feb 2010, 12:56, 3 replies)

Ohh and of course
MADONNA the veiny skinny freaky black baby hoarding slut. She does my nut in with her constant string of bullshit music coupled with her desire to look 12 years old.
(NuffMuff fucks shrubbery, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 12:55, Reply)

Oh and Jenny McCarthy while I remember
Didn't mind her at all, until she came out as the 'celebrity' face of the yank anti-child-vaccination movement.

So I hate her for pretty much directly causing the deaths of many, many children.

Cheers ya stupid bint.
(ShiftyBastard won the World Cup on World Soccer Champs 2010!, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 12:53, 1 reply)

Piers Morgan
Personally I don't mind him, however Jeremy Clarkson once punched him - which makes Clarkson go up in my estimation and Stephen Fry once coined the fabulous phrase -

Countryside : the definition of killing Piers Morgan
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 12:52, 10 replies)

Jordan on 'I'm a celeb'
you know, i briefly felt sorry for her, having to do all those nasty things, being picked on everyday by the viewers. Look at the poor girl, leave her alone.

Then I came to my senses. The term attenion seeking whore was invented for her. Surely there can only be 1 answer? COME OFF IT?!?! SHE'S VILE!

AND the other gap-toothed peg-legged geordie slag currently "arseing around on ice" AArrRRRrggGGHhhHHH! STOP SMILING ON MY SCREEN ! have you had a stroke too?
(TheManofScience, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 12:51, 1 reply)

Noel Edmonds
First off, people seem to forget that Noel was RESPONSIBLE FOR A MAN'S DEATH (google Michael Lush). As if that wasn't enough reason to hate the guy, he unleashed Mr Blobby on the world and may or may not have shot all the elephants at his theme park when it went bankrupt.

In his later career he's become a member of a thinly veiled cult which is what he attributes getting the Deal or No Deal gig to. Speaking of D or No D, is it just me or is this show about 2 years away from evolving into the Running Man? Just look at the contestants... Terrifying. Still, you've got to feel a bit sorry for them when Noel starts impersonating the mentally disabled on national television (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PPAhmxOui48).

Having lived about 2 miles from Noel's mansion for much of my life I could easily post more of his heinous activities but not having any evidence I might get sued for libel. So I'll just leave you with one more concrete fact to prove Noel's pure evilness:

He's best mates with Gary Bushell. Nuff said.
( Damien's Hearse, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 12:51, 8 replies)

All of them.
Cunts.
(Tugnut I got them all..., Thu 4 Feb 2010, 12:50, 1 reply)

Melanie Phillips
From the Daily Mail. Has an opinion on everything, usually that it's led to the moral decay of our day and age, etc.

Same goes for Peter Hitchens, and basically anyone else who thinks what this country needs is an injection of Old Testament law.

Of course, I actually despise people like Osama bin Laden a lot more, but we don't tend to give him any credibility as a spokesman on moral affairs. We allow Phillips and Hitchens space on our television programmes and newspapers (well, the Daily Mail, not sure if it counts), so they're fair game in my opinion.
( Pretender, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 12:47, 2 replies)

Nick Griffin
assuming that politicians (oh the ones that call themselves so) are a valid entry. Not just because of his views, but in general, not original, uninteresting, arrogant, waste of space... and badly dressed, nor is he even a good public speaker (at least some other people of his line of thinking were, arguably, good at the rhetoric)

closely followed by our Gordon and George Osborne - oh, what the hell, pretty much the entire Cabinet and A-list of current sitting politicians, probably goes without saying...
( VDeviant better die on your feet than live on your knees!, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 12:47, Reply)

Just writing about these people is making me angry.............
CHRISTOPHER BIGGINS

Big slobbering nob jockey that he is - actually used to despise him and his constant playing of the dames in panto, but his appearance on Celebrity Come Dine With Me almost changed my perception of him - he seemed generous, funny and fairly down to earth. Until he uttered the following line

"I was at George Burns's 97th birthday party and I was sitting on the top table with Frank Sinatra, Sidney Poitier, Carol Channing, Shakira Caine, our hostess Barbara Davis and, of course, George.

The actor Dan Aykroyd, with whom I chatted just before we took our places, could clearly read my mind.

'Pinch yourself, Biggins. You don't often get evenings like this,' he whispered with a wink."

I refuse to live in a world where Frank Sinatra would tolerate such a monumental bell end!

JOHN BARROWMAN

We get it. You sing and like being the 2nd loudest man on earth behind Brian Blessed. Born in Scotland, brought up in Glasgow, and can still speak with a perfect Scottish accent. However, he decides to camp it up with an American accent. Grade A tosser

CAROL MCGIFFIN

Words cannot describe how much I hate this deluded, prattling bitch. She is not only wrong, but wrong at the top of her voice. How she's supposedly got a toy-boy lover is beyond me.
(calikeo, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 12:46, 1 reply)