Help for Women who don't want children
Being of the female-persuasion, and having reached a certain age without having any children, I get asked more than once a week how many children I want, when I want them and so on.

I loathe children, I don't really see the point of them, and there's far too many people in the world as it is. So, long story short, I'm not going to have any.

For those of you who are in the same position as me, here are the answers for those comments from smug parents to which you normally give an embarrassed smile to:

SMUG PARENT: You were a child yourself you know
ME: Nope, came out this size

SMUG PARENT: You'll change your mind one day
ME: And by that time, age will have brought the senility required to do it

SMUG PARENT: It's different when they're yours
ANSWER 1: Yeah, you get less time for killing your own
ANSWER 2: My kids would be to other people what your kids are to me

SMUG PARENT: Who'll look after you when you're old?
ANSWER 1: You look after your mum and dad now do you?
ANSWER 2: Your kids taxes
ANSWER 3: I'm flattered you think I'll live that long.

I have fielded these questions for most of my life, it never ceases to amaze me that people think you've never heard these arguments before.

Nice thing being, of course, they've usually never heard the answers before.

As I write this I do have to question what is worse, parents or kids?

EDIT: I got awfully philosophical after writing this answer whilst waiting for the train. I realised that after a while, you get bored of both stock answers to these questions and b3ta answers as demonstrated above (not dismissing them though, they're massively affective at killing the "smug").

I realised, if I was honest with myself, I mostly say "I'm too selfish to have children." Thinking on, I realised that the amount of thought I have put into to matter means that actually I am not selfish.

I'm actually just thoughtful. I want to have a life that doesn't revolve around a person you're forced to love, I want to like a person I like because I ACTUALLY like them for who they are, not just because of a genetic need to love. And finally, the world needs more people like it needs a nuclear war, why contribute to the destruction of world when you can just enjoy it for all the wonderfulness it has to offer?

Your kids are going to go through puberty, get drunk, they're going to try drugs, they're going to have sex with inappropriate people, just like you did. None of the fun, all of the worry

Having children? The answer to a boring relationship? The demands of society? The need to be loved or to love?

Looking at it logically, I can't understand why anyone bothers, I really can't
(Jugular, Thu 17 Apr 2008, 16:58, 14 replies)

Yes,
I'm in the same position as you.

Which are worse? It's hard to tell. Probably parents, in the end. I don't think I'd hate children quite so much if they were well-behaved and polite - and their upbringing is the parents responsibility.

So, if I'm getting pissed off by noisy brats running around kicking old ladies, setting fire to dogs, and spitting on people on the bus, then I blame the parents for not disciplining their kids.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 17 Apr 2008, 17:17, closed)

so no point asking either of you to babysit?
just joking. I'm that rare breed of parent - I absolutely respect those smart enough to realise parenthood's not for them and strong enough to resist society and family pressures to breed.

I also never, ever ask when someone's going to have kids if they don't already - 'cos that's none of my damn business.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Thu 17 Apr 2008, 17:31, closed)

Hooray!
Some good responses there – I’ll have to remember those.

When me and the ex split up, about the first thing that one of her aunts said to me was “Well, now you can have all those kids you wanted”.

Er, no, thanks, happy as I am. Wasn’t just you niece that didn’t want them you know – it takes two to not tango.

And my ‘stepmum’, bless her, after my brother’s waste-of-space-other-half-at-the-time had just fired my youngest niece from her loins: “You next”? Again, er, no – in case you hadn’t noticed, my wife’s left me, I’m going through a divorce and am currently single… And, just – no. Not everevereverevereverever.

I’m a step parent now, which is different, and probably even harder than not actually having your own – except I didn’t have to endure the sleepless nights and dirty nappies.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 17 Apr 2008, 17:40, closed)

Tying nicely in with last weeks qotw.
I sometimes fear that one day I'll wake up with an overwhelming desire to have a baby.

Not happened yet but you never know what awful tricks your hormones will play on you.
( girlinthehole, Thu 17 Apr 2008, 17:58, closed)

A sane woman
Here Here! No kids either. 31 and counting. My mum is gutted as she wants a grandson - ARGHHHH!!!!

my only real thought with regards to children (anyones) is AVOID! I don't hate children, I just don't want em near me. They have sticky hands...brrrr

I'm gonna be using some of those answers for sure.

Cats xxx
( catswhiskers the cats mother, Thu 17 Apr 2008, 18:17, closed)

Medical issues
My inner witch would be tempted to say "I've tried so hard, but it turns out I'm infertile/have no womb/was born without ovaries",just to see the look on the rude person's face.
(ToysForBigBoys would spread her legs for Nick Clegg., Thu 17 Apr 2008, 18:55, closed)

ToysforBigBoys
I tried it once, but look of sympathy made me sick, only the admission that I lied highlighting that person's obvious ignorance of world/social issues made it worth it.

It was kind of like lying about having cancer but without the nefarious motives.

I swear, one of these days, I'm going to start a social movement of accepting "Women who don't want Children" i just need an appropriate acronym I think
(Jugular, Thu 17 Apr 2008, 20:50, closed)

Well said
Yup, most of my mates have kids. I don't. Not that I'm exactly in a position to have any at the moment, what with being single and all, but I have never wanted to anyway. My sister and her husband are also childless by choice.

But like catswhisker, my mum would love to be a gran. I think she's slowly accepting the fact that it's never going to happen, but it's not easy for her when her friends are all grandmothers.

But that's not a good enough reason to have kids. Sorry, mum!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 17 Apr 2008, 21:13, closed)

i'm lucky
i've never wanted children, which anybody who knows me will be aware of.
i was told at the age of 16 that i would never be able to have children. i will never forget the look on the doctor's face when i let out a very loud "woo hoo!"
it drives me potty when stupid do-gooders assume that i've decided i don't want kids merely as a way to shield myself from the emotional pain of being unable to conceive.
yeah, right.
i'm also lucky in that i have a brother who can't seem to keep it in his pants, an older sister with 1 daughter and a younger sister with 1 son and 2 more on the way. i will never be harassed to provide grandchildren.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 18 Apr 2008, 2:10, closed)

Hurrah!
I agree - not having children is not selfish!

I was lucky enough to be sterilised last year and the relief was tremendous - no more nasty fattening injections, or remembering to take tablets every day, especially as the current Mr Beklet is somewhat fertile and has 4 children of his own (he doesn't want any more)

People don't tend to ask me about it really - maybe they take one look and think I'm not the sort of person they'd want having kids anyway....
(Beklet is inexplicably angry, Fri 18 Apr 2008, 10:35, closed)

I agree
I have had the heat taken off by my brother as I have two nephews. I've got nothing against kids in general (as long as they are well behaved) I have just never had a desire to have any of my own.
People do seem to think that you will be desperate to have kids once you are in your 30s (including prospective employers which is very annoying)and feel free to ask you about something so personal.
I also don't get the whole cute baby thing and run and hide when people bring their new offspring into work so I don't have to coo over the crying thing.
(My annoying office colleague is excessively broody to the point of obsessive, when my boss dropped in with her pre school son in tow earlier he was scared of her!)
(cmouse is pondering about life in other jobs, Fri 18 Apr 2008, 13:15, closed)

Hormones are a funny thing...
I've got a number of female friends that are my ageish (early 30s) that have NEVER wanted children, and now that the prospect of actually NEVER being able to have their own is becoming real, they're on a mission to settle down and reproduce.

A bit awkward really...
(not here, Sat 19 Apr 2008, 16:43, closed)

but it's different when you have your own kids!!!111!
haha, couldn't resist sorry.
I don't get why people almost seem to expect other to have children. Some people want them, some people don't, simple as that. Some of the people that don't want them, end up having some anyway and love them, some hate it.
I fall into the category of 'I don't want any kids, ever'
Three sons later (only one of which wasn't planned..can you guess which one?? :P), I couldn't be happier, but not everyone would feel the same, and some people are definitely not suitable as parents (especially if some of the kids in our road are anything to go by..little shits!)
Your answers are great, I hate people that insist that we should all conform to the way they feel everyone should be.

See..not all us parents assume everyone should have kids :p
(Asharin Stabby stab stab, Tue 22 Apr 2008, 0:37, closed)

nuclear war
but surely the world does need a nuclear war to wipe out enough people that the rest of them having kids will not matter anymore, or words to that effect but probably making more sense, im at work im tired and i need gin!
(pogo_it, Wed 23 Apr 2008, 15:56, closed)