Off TopicAre you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Entertain me while I wait for the bus you crippling autistsWednesday today, hump day, from lunchtime onwards we are rattling towards the weekend and thank god, payday.
Alt: are there any questions left?
Altar: ever been speed dating?
Altx3: what words and phrases are specific to your family?
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 8:22,
155 replies,
latest was 12 years ago)
Yo Nakers. It's fucking quiet on here this morning. I just got back from France so am struggling to get motivated.
Altar: a bloke I work with got married to a woman he met speed dating. She turned out to be a lunatic and they are no longer together. It wasn't a massive surprise to anyone except him. Sadtimes.
(, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 8:28, Reply)
I'm off to France on Saturday and I am similarly struggling for motivationI think with out massive posting Monty this place is a little dead
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 8:30,
Reply)
No, fuck off you bent spastic.Today is the last day of the week for me, so ner.
Alt: Nope, we've been retreading the same tired old nonsense for longer than I've been here.
Altar(?): I used to take a lot of speed when I was dating your mum. It made my winkie shrink :(
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 8:30,
Reply)
That's ok I'm on the bus nowOh, she thought you just had an outty belly button
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 8:33,
Reply)
I'd say entertain yourself, but knowing you, you'll probably get yourself arrested for masturbating while at the bus stop in front of a little old lady with white hair and a terrier.I'm sure there are always questions left, it's just whether or not you ask the right one.
No. I have no ever been speed dating.
(, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 8:32, Reply)
Hey Battered, don't make it bad.
Take a shit thread and make it better.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 8:34,
Reply)
Remember to delete your accountThen you can sta-art to make it better
(by killing yourself)
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 8:44,
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Its this kind of attitude that doesn't helpI hope your thumb comes off whilst its stuck up your dads arse
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 8:35,
Reply)
His dad does have a habit of gripping quite tightly with his sphincter muscle, doesn't he?You'd think his wrinkled old rectum would be quite slack by now, after the number of times it has been penetrated.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 8:42,
Reply)
Ha! Autocorrect, bagles are what we call shits'what's that smell?'
'mini ape has done a massive bagle'
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 8:48,
Reply)
pronounced bagglein fact I should probably spell it thusly
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:08,
Reply)
This thread says 4 replies, but there is totally more than 4 replies. Broken B3ta.
Not being a 9 to 5 sort, my days off are changeable. I had Monday off, and then i Have friday off, making today Thursday, and thursday becomes Friday, Friday becomes saturday,but also Sunday, and then Saturday is Monday, but then next week I have sunday off, so Sunday becomes Saturday as well, and sunday, and Monday will be Monday, but then with wednesday off next week as well, Tuesday is also Friday.
So yeah, that.
Alt: No further questions your honour.
Altar: nope, we had one in a pub i was working in, it was almot exclusively weirdos and fatties
Altx3: "cat? that was a lion wasn't it?"
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 22 Aug 2012, 8:59,
Reply)
Tuesday is Wednesday's Friday/ac
Hullo Windus Crispy Pancake. Alright love?
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Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:06,
Reply)
Not too bad, My Dad has been diagnosed with a pulmonary embolism, so the poor fucker has to take pills forever. He also has pneumonia. It ain't going to kill him, but he's not terribly happy either.
I'm ace, got a fucking long shift today mind, 10am till midnight.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:12,
Reply)
Oh manWell fingers crossed for him dude. At least he has the treatment, that's a good start.
Long shift? LONG SHIFT? When I was a boy, etc...
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Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:15,
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he ain't going to die, well, he will, but not because of that.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:20,
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NEVERTHELESS I WISH HIM WELL(
Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:21,
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what's your game? why you being so nice about my dad, what's going on, what have you done?
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:26,
Reply)
I got no beef with your Dadfor now
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Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:28,
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Christ, someone just said that I look as if I've lost weightCAN'T THEY JUST LET ME BE MISERABLE IN PEACE. PRICKS, THE FUCKING LOT OF THEM.
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Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:30,
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YeahGood AIDS mind, but AIDS nonetheless
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Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:32,
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if it helps, my dad said you were a fat bald prick and your new living room looks like it was painted by a blind monkey wiping paint on to the walls with its penis
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:32,
Reply)
He has a pointWhat's his opinion of my dining room?
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Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:32,
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he cried.like a child that has just seen it's favourite toy ripped apart by a dog.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:35,
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Hmm, that's oddWe were going for post modern eclectia
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Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:36,
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We're all someones daughter, we're all somone's son(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:29,
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Well SOMEONE got The Best of John Farnham for his birthday(
Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:32,
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It's a great albummainly because it only has one song on it
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Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:36,
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try and understand it(
The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:45,
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*makes clear noise*(
Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:49,
Reply)
Today I am off to the pub for lunchtime drinkingI am also off on Friday
Alt:
Probably. The "what are you doing at the weekend" one works every week though
AltAlt:
No. Only been setup on a date twice.
Altx3:
Spong, meaning idiot. See also: thicket and mnnnnnnnnnnnng
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:01,
Reply)
Sorry I'm late, I stopped off to tell apeloverage his book was shit.Alt: You realise this isn't an alt, right, because your opening wasn't a question? And was that a new question I asked? And that?
Altar: Where people get sacrificed. Much like speed dating.
Alt: 'Dad, I think I need to teach you how to delete your browsing history'. Actually, I doubt that's unique to my family and it's a conversation I'm dreading having when I see them at the weekend...
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:03,
Reply)
so you already know that you've been busted watching goat porn?(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:07,
Reply)
Ha...no, no, no.I went round to help them fix their internet connection last night and...well...I'm just glad what I found wasn't illegal at least.
I assume it was my Dad. He pretends he doesn't know how to use the internet, but if it was my Mum then she's been living deep in the closet.
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:10,
Reply)
meh...it's not bad disgusting porn, just...well...it's a bit more than the 'Club Intenationals' I found under his bed when I was 13.Porn has changed.
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:15,
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You consume too much too quickly and then feel sick and guilty afterwards?(
scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:23,
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exactly, also you can end up with it all over your chin(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:23,
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Was it porn?Or ultraporn?
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Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:08,
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'a horse having sex with someone who looks like my wife'(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:10,
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I'd click "I like this" but I don't want to give the wrong impression(
The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:46,
Reply)
There's no way I'm entertaining anyone without some cash up front, I'm sorryAlt: Yes, many in fact. For instance, where have all the flowers gone?
Altar: Ha...fuck no.
Altx3: How would I know? Something that I've only ever heard a family member say might have been picked up elsewhere.
Hope this helps. Love you, bye x
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Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:05,
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what flowers?There are flowers in my garden, would you like me to bring you some?
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:13,
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on my way lover.(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:20,
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AcesI fucking love flowers, me
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Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:21,
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Nah manI'm fucking all about the Snapdragons man. I'm all OVER that shit.
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Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:24,
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You know a forum is dead when Naked Ape is it's saviour(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:08,
Reply)
If I bow, my face will be level with an inappropriate place.therefore I will not bow.
(, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:11, Reply)
While you're down there, luv(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:14,
Reply)
However will we all cope when you're on holiday(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:11,
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You'll just have to increase your self fisting sessions(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:14,
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i'll e-mail your mom for tips !!!!!(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:20,
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They dont call her the double dragon for nothing!!!!(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:21,
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i don't know what this means!!!!!!(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:23,
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I swear some times I really don't get America. They're fucking crazy. 5 years ! www.washingtonpost.com/national/former-texas-high-school-teacher-sentenced-to-5-years-in-prison-for-sleeping-with-5-students/2012/08/17/0dc4035e-e8c9-11e1-9739-eef99c5fb285_story.html
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:17,
Reply)
The 20-year-old also said when school officials called him into the office to question him in May 2011,he denied the trysts at first because “I was trying to save her.”
Me and my mates were having too much fun DP'ing our teacher.
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Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:23,
Reply)
Ladies and gentlemen....Quince!*riverboat song*
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Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:31,
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No, I already have one of those(
Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:33,
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hello Q, you look nice today.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:31,
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thanks, i do my best, it's good to have you here Q, you're a hero of our times.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:36,
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Do you reckon I could host a chat show WP?I think I'd enjoy that
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Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:33,
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i don't understand this, but i'm gonna say good morning to monty boyce anywaygood morning monty boyce
(, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:38, Reply)
Good morning to you, Kew Diggedy(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:39,
Reply)
Dom's just come in, i reckon she's pissed, all glassy eyed and staggeryi reckon you are too, you LUNATIC
(, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:40, Reply)
apologies, i mistook you for a lesbian cos of the broad shoulders and upper lip hair(, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:09, Reply)
Oh manWhen I used to work for S*uthern El*ctric a guy came in pissed once. Threw up under his desk and everything. He was sent home, but amamzingly he wasn't fired.
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Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:42,
Reply)
yeah we had a guy do that here years back, he didn't last longbut dom can do what the fuck she like, i love her lovely botoxed face
(, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:44, Reply)
Aw, bless herHow old is she Q?
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Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:45,
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+ in the boot of her car(
Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:49,
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+ in the boot of her car(
Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:51,
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STRIKETHROUGH that END STRIKETHROUGH one!!!!!!!!!!!(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:51,
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Ho ho ho...get this guy!(
Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:52,
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forty odd i think, but a smoker so it took its toll on her faceshe didn't need the botox but she does look a bit smoother
(, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:49, Reply)
Girls injecting poisons, eh?Whatever next? Some kind of...electrical...man...thing?
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Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:51,
Reply)
They are that QuinceBut until they stop looking, feeling and smelling the way they do, I'm staying on this team. As disappointing to the gay community as that must be.
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Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:54,
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Women or the gay community?(
The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:03,
Reply)
the gays, imagine being shunned just cos you don't smell like what two hats likes(, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:06, Reply)
Mind you, a quick squirt of 'Exclamation' and I don't know up from down(
Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:11,
Reply)
Two hats, living in just one mind
Beating together till the end of time
You know you're two hats living in just one mind
Together forever till the end of time
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:18,
Reply)
See? This guy gets it(
Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:31,
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I'm what's known as a 'Power Top'(
Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:03,
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Not today I'm not.I'm looking on 'the internet' for fun and free activities in London. There are none*
*there are loads but I've either done them before or they are shit, like 'ukelele Wednesdays, London's free uke jam night' I mean fuck off.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:46,
Reply)
Ukelele Wednesdays?Jesus Christ
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Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:48,
Reply)
It appears a lot nearer though.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:50,
Reply)
I know! I mean, why wait til Wednesdays!(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:49,
Reply)
In Two Hats' Britain, EVERY night is Ukelele night!*V signs*
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Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:50,
Reply)
FREE UKELELE'S FOR THE UNDER FIVES!(
Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:52,
Reply)
ALL SCHOOLCHILDREN TO BE TAUGHT THE CORRECT SPELLING OF UKULELE!!!(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:53,
Reply)
THEY WON'T HAVE TIME FOR SCHOOLTOO MUCH UKELELELELE PRACTISE!!
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Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:54,
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CEREMONIAL BANJOLELE BURNINGS!!!(
The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:04,
Reply)
I'd better fuck off now.If my missus comes back from the gym and all I've come up with is 'ukelele wednesdays' I'm going to be in a lot of trouble.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:53,
Reply)
Panic over:'The Nazi Games: Politics, the Media and the Body' exhibition it is. I'm so romantic.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:57,
Reply)
My missus would love thatCould you take her too please? I'm utterly sick of the sight of her.
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Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:59,
Reply)
YES!I'll post her later on this morning
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Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:04,
Reply)
i reckon you could, can i stand in the corner behind a piano, and insert amusing musical asides to your jokes?
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:37,
Reply)
I insistYou'll need some wacky glasses though.
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Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:42,
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HIYA KIDS!yeah fuck off right?
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:37,
Reply)
I miss that london and you and your missus.I saw the most LOVELY photo of you and miniboyce on the weekend.
(, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:40, Reply)
But she's such a terrible bully these daysShe's probably nipple cripple you, then nuggy you and then wedgie you :(
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:52,
Reply)
How are you, young master Naklington?(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:53,
Reply)
tired, bored and waiting to go on holiday. You?(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:56,
Reply)
Back to work on Friday, not looking forward to it.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:58,
Reply)
I can imagine, must run, got atedious meeting to go to(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:01,
Reply)
I'm off too. BYE EVERYONE IT'S BEEN LOVELY.SEE YOU SOON, TOODLEOO!!!!!
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:03,
Reply)
No, it'd be the other way around.Also, I'd steal your nose and not give it back.
(, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:01, Reply)
This is excellent. My next project:www.shedblog.co.uk/2008/07/09/shed-week-how-to-power-your-shed-or-garden-office/
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:05,
Reply)
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